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De-Escalate
- How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less
- Narrated by: Aleya Dao
- Length: 7 hrs and 9 mins
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Publisher's Summary
Discover how to successfully and efficiently calm an angry person or diffuse a volatile situation in 90 seconds or less with this proven and accessible peacekeeping method by self-described "lawyer turned peacemaker" Douglas E. Noll.
We live in an increasingly divided world, and most of us have encountered our fair share of aggressive people and difficult confrontations. Fortunately, we now have the tools to become peacemakers and transform emotionally volatile situations and hurt feelings to calm, nonaggressive ones.
Tested on prison inmates, De-Escalate offers a new set of social listening and communication skills based on the latest findings in neuroscience and meditation. Along with practical exercises and scenario-based examples, each chapter focuses on specific themes, such as dealing with emotionally charged teenagers and frustrated coworkers. Additionally, Noll shares practical tips on how to be civil in an uncivil society.
With De-Escalate, we can bring peace to all facets of life, cultivate healthier relationships, and participate in creating a more caring and compassionate future for us all.
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What listeners say about De-Escalate
Average Customer RatingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Mom of 3
- 01-08-18
Difficult if not painful to listen to
Having read a number of books that address similar content, this was a disappointment. I found the example dialogues entirely unfathomable (so stilted and unnatural in style and language that there’s no way one could apply the advice in this way). And to make matters worse the narration sounded almost computerized, it felt like I was listening to an unengaging book narrated by Siri. I held on for over 2 hours hoping the content might improve but it just didn’t and I couldn’t force myself to last through 5 more hours. So it’s possible there are some gems after the first 2 hours that I missed out on, but this one is going back.
6 people found this helpful
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- Evelina
- 04-02-18
If everyone could read this book, the world would be different!
This book is so much more and beyond than calming angry person. The matrix of the emotional Invalidation we all go through is relentless and abusive. I feel if our parents knew this, if we knew this for our children life would have been so much easier and happier. The only thing I am sad is that I didn’t know about this techniques and had understanding of this concept earlier! Gratitude Gratitude! Please read/listen to this book and keep sharing it!
4 people found this helpful
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- April Hoy
- 07-23-20
Promotes Abuse, Slow Narration
The narration is ludicrously slow. It doesn't sound like a normal speech pattern until you get it up to about 1.40x. I suppose they've probably done it to make to book look longer and more worth the money.
Also, this book advises people, especially women, to sooth and empathize with emotionally abusive male partners, and encourages them to treat guys who need therapy as projects they can "fix".
1 person found this helpful
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- katattack
- 04-01-20
Very Useful Info, Terrible Narrator
The author clearly has a lot of experience in mediation and provides a clear framework for dealing with others' and one's own charged emotions. Unfortunately the narrator is, for me, almost unlistenable. I'm sure she is a lovely person, but I will forever be baffled as to why someone with great information to share would choose a bad narrator. Her inflection is off, her reading is wooden and mechanical, and she has this distracting habit of making a nasal sound before "th" words, so that they come out like ,"nngthis," and "nngthe." But this audible oddity is not limited to "th" words alone, so I spent a great deal of the book in cringing anticipation of the next time it would happen. If the writing had been poor or the topic less interesting I would have stopped listening based upon her performance alone.
1 person found this helpful
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- Deborah Hale
- 01-24-19
Amazing new skills
A whole new level of listening, responding, and understanding (self and others) through de-escalation. Recommended!
1 person found this helpful
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- djhalcon
- 01-28-18
Practical Training for Promoting Peace
Research-based practices presented in an accessible format, the tools in De-Escalate have many possible applications. I recommend this book to therapists, parents, teachers, workers...anyone who would benefit from being able to listen deeply and diffuse difficult or even violent situations.
1 person found this helpful
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- John
- 07-29-22
this book helped me a lot
This book has given me a lot of insight of how can i function in other sense. I see my self as a person which can develop my self in the area of Emotional inteligence. It also teached me how to not take things personal. When someone is angry at me i need to not listen to the words but instead to the emotions.
Overall i think this is a book which gives life lessons.
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- Orems
- 03-02-22
Learn 'presuasive' skills to conflict resolution
As a newly married, middle-aged man, I feel fortunate to have found this book at this time. Once I started reading the print version, I immediately also bought the audio version. This book's valuable insights into deep listening and emotional intelligence are already paying huge dividends in my relationship. I’m a firm believer that couples (new and old) will save themselves a lifetime of heartache if they understood and mastered the skills taught by Doug.
Anger short-circuits the listening process and it is nigh impossible to change someone's mind while they're still angry whether their anger is justified or not. Listening to an angry person can also be difficult especially when you're the subject of their imprecations and vituperations. Getting into a shouting match or physical altercation rarely resolves issues. Passive aggressive tactics are subtle and adversarial. Coercion and manipulation may provide short-term compliance but with a win-lose outcome. This book, however, teaches you how to listen past the outbursts to respond to the heart of the issue in order to de-escalate the situation in preparation for moving the conversation towards a solution or resolution. It's a set of 'pre-solution' strategies.
One thing to know though, De-Escalate doesn't teach you a lot of tactics for resolving conflicts after you've calmed the angry party down. That's not the primary focus of this book. For that, you'll need other resources. So, will the solutions presented in this book always work? No! The author acknowledges this also. But would they move you closer to resolution, consensus and peace? I have no doubt. I have yet to find a better strategy than presented here.
I have read comments about the narrator being boring or stilted. I probably didn't notice because I often listen to audiobooks at least 1.5x. I had also read the book about halfway before I started listening to the audio version which may be a reason why I wasn't bothered with how it sounded. I had already 'heard' the author's voice in my head before I heard the narrator's. If the narration bother's you, get the print version instead. Don't let a bad narration stop you from acquiring life-transforming skills.
Although it doesn’t state this in the title, this book is a masterclass in leadership because great listening skills help others to feel seen. And people who feel seen, in a world that generally ignores and/or invalidates them, are generally more compliant, conciliatory and complementary rather than contradictory or confrontational in their words and actions. What better qualities can a leader inspire in those they lead.
One of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is “Seek First to Understand, Then Be Understood”. Doug helps you understand how to do this better by doing a deeper, practical, contemporary dive into how to deal with the acrimony that is fast becoming the norm in day-to-day interactions; socially, at work, in your family and on social media. Through the lessons in this book, we can become thermostats that regulate our interactions towards peace rather than thermometers that reflect to others the behaviors they show to us, no matter how vile.
Doug, through De-Escalate, provides a vision for peacemaking and the clearest roadmap I’ve ever come across to getting there for anyone who wants to, age or academic achievement irrespective. This is a workbook and textbook rolled into one. Sure, you may find that the conversation examples don't reflect your reality. I doubt the author was trying to give a verbatim example for any context, something I think would be very difficult because of the differing socio-cultural contexts and understandings from reader to reader. But if you can layer on your own experiences onto the framework he has provided, you may find your lens of understanding widened. In this way, the author is inviting us into a more active reading of this book. It would prove more useful digested than just regurgitated. I intend to read and practice this book's strategies over till they become second nature. I sincerely hope more people read this book with understanding and learn its scientifically proven strategies for listening. Our world would be less tense, less dangerous and more enjoyable to live in.
There are thousands of self-help books out there and I’ve read more than a few. Not many are worth the paper they’re written on but De-Escalate, I would carve in stone and hang on a mantle in the home of everyone I care about. Peace to all.
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- Dog Wrangler
- 12-11-21
Mind numbingly boring.
Narration is god awful. Like listening to a sedated boring robot Material is presented in such a mind numbing manner I couldn’t stand the thought of completing the entire book.
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- Leslie C. Lien
- 09-25-21
Some good ideas. Quite redundant.
This book has some good strategies I found it very redundant. It was hard to listen to.
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- John
- 09-29-18
Good content, poor reader
Monotone and emotionless. I know it’s supposed to be about controlling emotions and remaining calm but the reader over eggs this. Some of the content is repetitive but the overall information is useful.
Not really sure of a real world comparison. I don’t regularly get someone angry reply ‘yeah’ after just 1 or 2 ‘insightful’ comments.
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- vthunda
- 02-03-23
Pause and consider
Good to listen and hear techniques to help de-escalate potentially conflicting, heated situations. Will try some of these tips in the next interactions I have with disagreeable people.
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-
Story
When you react, the event controls you. When you respond, you’re in control. Verbal Judo is the classic guide to the martial art of the mind and mouth that can help you defuse confrontations and generate cooperation, whether you're talking to a boss, a spouse, or even a teenager. For more than a generation, Dr. George J. Thompson's essential handbook has taught people how to communicate more confidently and persuasively in any situation.
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-
Kept thinking it was already started
- By Kim Dushinski on 05-24-17
By: George J. Thompson PhD, and others
-
Mental Health & De-Escalation
- A Guide for Law Enforcement Professionals (Real Cops Training, Book 1)
- By: Ernest Stevens, Nicholas Ruggiero
- Narrated by: Gary Middleton
- Length: 1 hr and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The law enforcement profession is dynamically changing with the times. Our training must do the same. Mental health interactions are one of the biggest law enforcement struggles. Our training is very limited to the police academy and sometimes field training. Ernest Stevens from the award-winning HBO documentary Ernie & Joe: Crisis Cops and best-selling author Nicholas Ruggiero take you through some great training and resources to learn the skill of de-escalation during mental health calls for service.
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Excellent
- By RC on 04-25-22
By: Ernest Stevens, and others
-
Talking to Crazy
- How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life
- By: Mark Goulston MD
- Narrated by: L. J. Ganser
- Length: 7 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Let's face it: We all know people who are irrational. No matter how hard you try to reason with them, it never works. So what's the solution? How do you talk to someone who's out of control? What can you do with a boss who bullies, a spouse who yells, or a friend who frequently bursts into tears? In his book Just Listen, Mark Goulston shared his best-selling formula for getting through to the resistant people in your life. Now he brings his communication magic to the most difficult group of all - the downright irrational.
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Dissapointed
- By Aaron Olson on 11-04-15
By: Mark Goulston MD
-
How to De-Escalate Conflicts Using Behavioral Science
- By: Jennifer Hancock
- Narrated by: Jennifer Hancock
- Length: 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
This book will help you learn a science-based approach to conflict resolution and help you understand how compassion can help resolve workplace behavior issues. Being able to reinforce organizational core values by modeling respectful conflict resolution behavior in difficult situations is an added bonus.
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info is good for beginners
- By Katherine on 05-27-21
By: Jennifer Hancock
-
Becoming Bulletproof
- Protect Yourself, Read People, Influence Situations, and Live Fearlessly
- By: Evy Poumpouras
- Narrated by: Evy Poumpouras
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Becoming Bulletproof means transforming yourself into a stronger, more confident, and more powerful person. Evy Poumpouras - former Secret Service agent to three presidents and one of only five women to receive the Medal of Valor - demonstrates how we can overcome our everyday fears, have difficult conversations, know who to trust and who might not have our best interests at heart, influence situations, and prepare for the unexpected. When you have become bulletproof, you are your best, most courageous, and most powerful version of you.
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Not what I had Anticipated, Much Much Better
- By Terry Goodlad on 05-02-20
By: Evy Poumpouras
-
Don’t Take the Bait to Escalate
- Conflict Is Inevitable. Being a Jerk Is Optional.
- By: Jay Payleitner
- Narrated by: Jay Payleitner
- Length: 6 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The Bible tells us that as far as it depends on us, we’re to be at peace with all people. But what happens when conflict is unavoidable? Here’s some good news: There are sociologically sound ways to deescalate conflict and win negotiations without acting like a jerk. Even better, you can actually emerge from conflicts with a stronger relationship with the person who was your adversary - whether it’s on the job, with your neighbor, in your marriage, or in a dark parking lot. When it comes to your current (or next) conflict, remember that resolution starts with de-escalation.
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-
great book, should have higher ratings
- By Troy E. on 09-30-22
By: Jay Payleitner
-
Verbal Judo, Updated Edition
- The Gentle Art of Persuasion
- By: George J. Thompson PhD, Jerry B. Jenkins, Lee Fjelstad - foreword, and others
- Narrated by: Keith Szarabajka
- Length: 6 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When you react, the event controls you. When you respond, you’re in control. Verbal Judo is the classic guide to the martial art of the mind and mouth that can help you defuse confrontations and generate cooperation, whether you're talking to a boss, a spouse, or even a teenager. For more than a generation, Dr. George J. Thompson's essential handbook has taught people how to communicate more confidently and persuasively in any situation.
-
-
Kept thinking it was already started
- By Kim Dushinski on 05-24-17
By: George J. Thompson PhD, and others
-
Mental Health & De-Escalation
- A Guide for Law Enforcement Professionals (Real Cops Training, Book 1)
- By: Ernest Stevens, Nicholas Ruggiero
- Narrated by: Gary Middleton
- Length: 1 hr and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The law enforcement profession is dynamically changing with the times. Our training must do the same. Mental health interactions are one of the biggest law enforcement struggles. Our training is very limited to the police academy and sometimes field training. Ernest Stevens from the award-winning HBO documentary Ernie & Joe: Crisis Cops and best-selling author Nicholas Ruggiero take you through some great training and resources to learn the skill of de-escalation during mental health calls for service.
-
-
Excellent
- By RC on 04-25-22
By: Ernest Stevens, and others
-
Talking to Crazy
- How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life
- By: Mark Goulston MD
- Narrated by: L. J. Ganser
- Length: 7 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Let's face it: We all know people who are irrational. No matter how hard you try to reason with them, it never works. So what's the solution? How do you talk to someone who's out of control? What can you do with a boss who bullies, a spouse who yells, or a friend who frequently bursts into tears? In his book Just Listen, Mark Goulston shared his best-selling formula for getting through to the resistant people in your life. Now he brings his communication magic to the most difficult group of all - the downright irrational.
-
-
Dissapointed
- By Aaron Olson on 11-04-15
By: Mark Goulston MD
-
How to De-Escalate Conflicts Using Behavioral Science
- By: Jennifer Hancock
- Narrated by: Jennifer Hancock
- Length: 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
This book will help you learn a science-based approach to conflict resolution and help you understand how compassion can help resolve workplace behavior issues. Being able to reinforce organizational core values by modeling respectful conflict resolution behavior in difficult situations is an added bonus.
-
-
info is good for beginners
- By Katherine on 05-27-21
By: Jennifer Hancock
-
Becoming Bulletproof
- Protect Yourself, Read People, Influence Situations, and Live Fearlessly
- By: Evy Poumpouras
- Narrated by: Evy Poumpouras
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Becoming Bulletproof means transforming yourself into a stronger, more confident, and more powerful person. Evy Poumpouras - former Secret Service agent to three presidents and one of only five women to receive the Medal of Valor - demonstrates how we can overcome our everyday fears, have difficult conversations, know who to trust and who might not have our best interests at heart, influence situations, and prepare for the unexpected. When you have become bulletproof, you are your best, most courageous, and most powerful version of you.
-
-
Not what I had Anticipated, Much Much Better
- By Terry Goodlad on 05-02-20
By: Evy Poumpouras
-
Don’t Take the Bait to Escalate
- Conflict Is Inevitable. Being a Jerk Is Optional.
- By: Jay Payleitner
- Narrated by: Jay Payleitner
- Length: 6 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The Bible tells us that as far as it depends on us, we’re to be at peace with all people. But what happens when conflict is unavoidable? Here’s some good news: There are sociologically sound ways to deescalate conflict and win negotiations without acting like a jerk. Even better, you can actually emerge from conflicts with a stronger relationship with the person who was your adversary - whether it’s on the job, with your neighbor, in your marriage, or in a dark parking lot. When it comes to your current (or next) conflict, remember that resolution starts with de-escalation.
-
-
great book, should have higher ratings
- By Troy E. on 09-30-22
By: Jay Payleitner
-
7 Winning Conflict Resolution Techniques
- Master Nonviolent and Effective Communication Skills to Resolve Everyday Conflicts in the Workplace, Relationships, Marriage, and Crucial Conversations
- By: Gerard Shaw
- Narrated by: John-Michael Jalonen
- Length: 3 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
It might sound weird, but conflicts are a normal, common occurrence. Even if you are not a type of person that often engages in conflict, you simply can’t avoid it. This audiobook will help you understand different types of conflict and how to emerge as a winner without disrupting your internal peace. This guide will help you control your emotions, put a leash on your impulsive reactions and teach you how to resolve conflict in a calm, peaceful way, whether in the workplace, in your marriage, or with family and friends.
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Not helpful for me
- By texase on 03-30-21
By: Gerard Shaw
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Dark Psychology Judo
- How to Spot Red Flags and Defend Against Covert Manipulation, Emotional Exploitation, Deception, Hypnosis, Brainwashing and Mind Games from Toxic People - Incl. DIY-Exercises
- By: Patrick Lightman
- Narrated by: Peter Prova
- Length: 2 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Instantly uncover emotional manipulation, cut through dark persuasion attempts, put an end to wicked mind games, and kiss deception goodbye. Author Patrick Lightman reveals in his new book Dark Psychology Judo a full blown self-defense primer covering how to spot the red flags and effectively defend yourself against attacks and wicked mind games from toxic people.
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Bad
- By Gambit on 08-22-19
By: Patrick Lightman
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Angry All the Time
- An Emergency Guide to Anger Control
- By: Ronald T. Potter-Efron MSW PhD
- Narrated by: Bob Dio
- Length: 4 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
This book contains a powerful and straightforward system for taking control of your anger and your life. This program is not easy, and it might even be painful at times - but it works. The book will teach you how your anger escalates and what you can do to change your angry thoughts and behaviors. Then it's your turn. When you make and keep that promise to yourself to stay calm no matter what, the happier, safer life you want will become a possibility.
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Make the choice!
- By Cearra. G on 07-25-20
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Anger
- Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way
- By: Gary Chapman
- Narrated by: Gary Chapman
- Length: 5 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Anger is a universal human experience. For many of us, it is the single greatest challenge in every area of our lives. We have been taught that anger itself is a sin and should be avoided at all costs. However, anger is also understood to be 'nature's way' of preparing man to respond in times of danger. How then do we go about bringing this volatile emotion under the Lordship of Jesus Christ? Gary Chapman gives us the perfect tool to answer this and many other questions in The Other Side of Love.
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A Tool Sent from Heaven to Overcome Anger!!
- By Victoria on 01-20-10
By: Gary Chapman
-
The Dictionary of Body Language
- A Field Guide to Human Behavior
- By: Joe Navarro
- Narrated by: Dave Clark
- Length: 3 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Listeners will turn to The Dictionary Body Language again and again - a body-language bible for anyone looking to understand what their boss really means, interpret whether a potential romantic partner is interested or not, and learn how to put themselves forward in the most favorable light.
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Huge miss, save your money.
- By Jim Heathington on 11-05-19
By