De-Escalate

How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less
Narrated by: Aleya Dao
Length: 7 hrs and 9 mins
4 out of 5 stars (44 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Discover how to successfully and efficiently calm an angry person or diffuse a volatile situation in 90 seconds or less with this proven and accessible peacekeeping method by self-described "lawyer turned peacemaker" Douglas E. Noll.

We live in an increasingly divided world, and most of us have encountered our fair share of aggressive people and difficult confrontations. Fortunately, we now have the tools to become peacemakers and transform emotionally volatile situations and hurt feelings to calm, nonaggressive ones.

Tested on prison inmates, De-Escalate offers a new set of social listening and communication skills based on the latest findings in neuroscience and meditation. Along with practical exercises and scenario-based examples, each chapter focuses on specific themes, such as dealing with emotionally charged teenagers and frustrated coworkers. Additionally, Noll shares practical tips on how to be civil in an uncivil society.

With De-Escalate, we can bring peace to all facets of life, cultivate healthier relationships, and participate in creating a more caring and compassionate future for us all.

©2017 Douglas E. Noll (P)2017 Atria Books/Beyond Words

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

If everyone could read this book, the world would be different!

This book is so much more and beyond than calming angry person. The matrix of the emotional Invalidation we all go through is relentless and abusive. I feel if our parents knew this, if we knew this for our children life would have been so much easier and happier. The only thing I am sad is that I didn’t know about this techniques and had understanding of this concept earlier! Gratitude Gratitude! Please read/listen to this book and keep sharing it!

3 people found this helpful

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Difficult if not painful to listen to

Having read a number of books that address similar content, this was a disappointment. I found the example dialogues entirely unfathomable (so stilted and unnatural in style and language that there’s no way one could apply the advice in this way). And to make matters worse the narration sounded almost computerized, it felt like I was listening to an unengaging book narrated by Siri. I held on for over 2 hours hoping the content might improve but it just didn’t and I couldn’t force myself to last through 5 more hours. So it’s possible there are some gems after the first 2 hours that I missed out on, but this one is going back.

3 people found this helpful

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Promotes Abuse, Slow Narration


The narration is ludicrously slow. It doesn't sound like a normal speech pattern until you get it up to about 1.40x. I suppose they've probably done it to make to book look longer and more worth the money.

Also, this book advises people, especially women, to sooth and empathize with emotionally abusive male partners, and encourages them to treat guys who need therapy as projects they can "fix".

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Very Useful Info, Terrible Narrator

The author clearly has a lot of experience in mediation and provides a clear framework for dealing with others' and one's own charged emotions. Unfortunately the narrator is, for me, almost unlistenable. I'm sure she is a lovely person, but I will forever be baffled as to why someone with great information to share would choose a bad narrator. Her inflection is off, her reading is wooden and mechanical, and she has this distracting habit of making a nasal sound before "th" words, so that they come out like ,"nngthis," and "nngthe." But this audible oddity is not limited to "th" words alone, so I spent a great deal of the book in cringing anticipation of the next time it would happen. If the writing had been poor or the topic less interesting I would have stopped listening based upon her performance alone.

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Forr anyone who has ever had a confrontation!

very easy read with practical advice. will take practice but can already see it working

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Tricky but solid

Its tricky to use, but even the concept if you grasp is worthwhile your time

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Amazing new skills

A whole new level of listening, responding, and understanding (self and others) through de-escalation. Recommended!

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  • TH
  • 10-23-18

Really is magic!

I had not idea how well these tools would work . I presently use them in a school setting. I have less than 5 minutes to handle any squabble or issue between students and each time I use these tools , the angry and upset student is de escalated to a calm place where solutions can then be found . And it is so simple to learn and use. I highly recommend this book and the tools .

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Practical Training for Promoting Peace

Research-based practices presented in an accessible format, the tools in De-Escalate have many possible applications. I recommend this book to therapists, parents, teachers, workers...anyone who would benefit from being able to listen deeply and diffuse difficult or even violent situations.

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Useful and practical

Great book thank you for all the resources. The book has changed my relationship with my 5 year old in a great way.

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  • John
  • 09-29-18

Good content, poor reader

Monotone and emotionless. I know it’s supposed to be about controlling emotions and remaining calm but the reader over eggs this. Some of the content is repetitive but the overall information is useful.
Not really sure of a real world comparison. I don’t regularly get someone angry reply ‘yeah’ after just 1 or 2 ‘insightful’ comments.