Admittedly, I’ve always had a bit of a morbid streak. Death, this inevitable yet unknowable concept, fascinated me as much as it frightened me. I was drawn to anything I could find on the realities of life's end, a frustratingly incomprehensible event from which no human being had reliably returned from. Ever the honor roll student, I viewed death through the same abstract, academic eye that I had any other study.
But seven years ago, when my father died unexpectedly, the concept was no longer theoretical. So began the odd rituals and furnishings of death—there would be caskets to peruse, a wake and funeral to plan, an urn to engrave. And as I reckoned with the loss of my dad, I also lost the comfort of detachment from the reality that everything living, including myself, would one day follow suit.
What surprised me, over time, is that confronting death did not necessitate a spiral into despondency. Instead came a realization that, in acknowledging and accepting this fate, we paradoxically lead fuller and more emotionally present lives. I'm far from alone in this assessment—a growing contingent of writers, activists, laypeople, and death professionals support death acceptance, a process that incorporates preparation for life's end, in both spiritual and practical means. It's an undertaking (no pun intended) that begins with open, honest communication on death and dying. And it's not just about our own wishes for dying well. Death acceptance also eases the burden on those we leave behind by minimizing uncertainty around complex end-of-life preferences and decisions.
I’m not suggesting that every dinner party be dominated by talk of the afterlife or the stages of decomposition—though I have found that these listens about death can spark the liveliest conversations. In this list, scholars, physicians, journalists, philosophers, and death professionals share their stories, perspectives, and advice, offering a glimpse into how we can prepare for the end with grace, heart, and humor. After all, it’s only by accepting the inevitability of dying that we can truly focus on the wonder of living.
Caitlin Doughty is a mortician, activist, and founder of The Order of the Good Death, an organization at the forefront of the Death Positive movement. Known for her illuminating YouTube channel Ask a Mortician, where she covers everything from historical funeral rites to postmortem cosmetics, Doughty is a welcome disruptor in the silence surrounding death, imparting humor and compassion that makes the unknowable easier to address. She’s also the author of several volumes on the subject of death, including From Here to Eternity, Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?, and Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, an account of her early experiences working at a crematorium that lays bare the realities of a cadaver's final journey.
Though all humans share a curiosity about the mystery of death, individual cultures vary widely in their approach and attitude to dying and what might come next. This Great Courses collection led by Professor Mark Berkson considers these international beliefs against learnings from fields spanning theology to biology, all in contemplation of mortality and the afterlife. Berkson navigates difficult questions about life and death (Is it justified to take a life during wartime? How do different religious groups approach death? What do near-death experiences reveal?), citing experts including Elizabeth Kübler Ross and influential cultural voices such as Albert Camus and Dylan Thomas.
As modern medicine continues to advance, it's difficult to parse well-being from the notion that healthcare must always aim to extend life in quantitative terms. In Being Mortal, the bestselling author, surgeon, and public health researcher Dr. Atul Gawande postulates that this narrow focus on merely keeping patients alive counterintuitively extends the suffering of ailing and elderly folks nearing the end of their lives. Emphasizing the importance of quality of life and human dignity through dialogues on topics including hospice care and physician-assisted suicide, Gawande sketches a portrait of healthcare focused on well-being up until our last breath.
Part of the growing conversation on dying well centers on postmortem rites and rituals, from wakes to burials. Yet common methods of final disposition are far from ideal—burials are expensive and space-prohibitive; cremations emit thousands of tons in carbon dioxide emissions every year—leaving many to seek after-death options that are sustainable and affordable yet still appropriately ceremonial and meaningful for loved ones. Funeral director Lucinda Herring offers learnings on such alternatives in Reimagining Death, an essential guide for any listener considering a more conscious approach to dying. From green burials and human composting to home funeral vigils, Herring offers paradigm-shifting advice on how to look beyond the traditional funeral industry for options that signify a return to the Earth.
Journalist Hayley Campbell lays bare the industry of death in this listen, which made our list of 2022's best nonfiction audiobooks. In her review, my fellow morbidly minded editor Haley wrote, "My interest in mortality comes to life in my Audible library. In practice, however, I respond to death poorly, which often makes me wonder: Do fellow fans of macabre listens feel as ironically squeamish about corpses as I do? Featuring interviews with executioners, embalmers, grave diggers, and more, Hayley Campbell’s latest release takes a hands-on approach to dissecting the colliding traditions that make death both a cultural obsession and taboo."
Dr. Kathryn Mannix is a practitioner of palliative care, an approach to caregiving focused on the comfort, well-being, and quality of life of patients living with illnesses that are, in many cases, terminal. As such, she is uniquely qualified to guide listeners through a perspective on end-of-life care that is gentle and dignified. With the End in Mind muses on how best to prepare for death, understanding the end of life as something beautiful and natural in lieu of something to be feared or fought. Whether you're seeking more information on hospice and palliative care or you simply want a delicate, heartfelt look at the lived experience of our final days, Dr. Mannix offers clarity and context on something too often shrouded in taboo and trepidation.
Once a director of palliative care at Toronto's Mount Sinai Hospital, Stephen Jenkinson is now a grief literacy advocate, spearheading teaching engagements, talks, and writings in an attempt to dispel what he calls "death phobia" in favor of deep contemplation and open expression. One such book is Die Wise, a philosophical work that encourages introspection and meditation on what it means to live and die well. Jenkinson suggests that our collective approach to how we die and care for the dying, as well as how we choose to commemorate and carry our dead, is indicative of the quality of our social fabric. This thoughtful assessment is made all the more compelling in the author's own voice, as his passion and knowledge light up each word.
What does it mean to "die well," and how can we assure we meet such a fate while we are still healthy and of sound mind? Katy Butler, writer of Knocking on Heaven's Door, answers those queries and many more you'd never think to ask in her practical guide to assessing and navigating the road toward death. In doing so, she taps into a popular death manual from the mid-1400s, Ars Moriendi, which encourages its readers to repent, accept, and let go when life comes to its inevitable end. Like other experts in the field, Butler posits that our attachment to life, now bolstered by medical advances meant to extend our existence, is getting in the way of the right to a good death—a right as sacred as it is straightforward.
Mary Roach is known for her science writing, which balances stark fact with a humorous edge. Stiff, her work on human cadavers, offers a welcome irreverence that might otherwise skew macabre. As such, listeners looking for lighter fare on the realities of the postmortem experience will want to start here. With a sense of levity that still never fails in underscoring and acknowledging the significance of cadavers to scientific discovery and medical advancement, Roach ushers listeners through history, from French guillotine tests to a plastic surgery's practice lab, to look at all the ways in which human remains have proved practical long after their last breath. It's an accessible, bizarrely entertaining foray into a subject that we mortals are most (albeit grimly) curious about.
So, you've come to terms with your mortality, and you're ready to get started on preparing advanced care and end-of-life directives. Where does one even begin? Sans spiritual philosophy or meditative musings, this practical, cheekily-named guide gives listeners a step-by-step checklist of preparing for your own death and the deaths of those you love. Comforting and educational, author Sallie Tisdale addresses and helps us confront those lingering fears surrounding death and grief with tips on tackling our discomfort in talking about death. Advice for Future Corpses offers listeners actionable exercises designed to shed our preconceived notions and gain a new perspective on our last days.
Paul Kalanithi spent nearly a decade training to become a neurosurgeon, but just as he was wrapping up his training, he received the devastating news that he'd been diagnosed with terminal cancer. For the first time in his life, he was unable to look toward the future; instead, he was simply left with the now. As he shares in this moving memoir, Kalanithi was forced to grapple with what it meant to live a meaningful life without a future to work towards. Though he died in March 2015 while still completing this book, his memory and these life-affirming words extend a sense of peace to any listener seeking to understand the meaning of life, accept the reality of death, and balance the existence of both.
For a psychotherapeutic take on transitioning from death anxiety to death acceptance, listen in to Irvin D. Yalom's celebrated Staring at the Sun. Yalom, a professor of psychiatry at Stanford University, applies the principles of his practice in existential psychology to topics of mortality and meaning, examining how we can lead more fulfilling lives after awakening to the reality of death's inescapability. For anyone seeking an alternative to overtly spiritual or faith-based approaches, whether you're an end-of-life care practitioner or grappling to come to terms with your own transience, this grounded audiobook is ideal.
What defines a good death is entirely subjective, reliant on factors including culture, religion, and personal belief. In this listen, journalist and hospice volunteer Ann Neumann examines the nuances of death from all perspectives, be it doctor or patient, bioethicist or bishop, or even her own, recounting the death of her father, for whom she was a full-time caregiver. In the United States specifically, the pursuit of a good death is further complicated by a labyrinthine landscape of legal, medical, and theological intricacies and a societal blind spot when it comes to the actual reality of death and dying. In listening to the stories of those coming to the end of their lives, however, Neumann begins to uncover a well-rounded understanding of the good death in all its complexities.
Many of us have already faced the loss of a loved one, an experience that tries you in a myriad of ways. One of the most unsung anguishes of settling affairs post-death is the process of sorting through the decedent's belongings and cleaning out their home. So, as we approach death from a more pragmatic angle, it only makes sense to lessen this burden by routinely paring down the stuff we've accumulated, minimizing the clutter of what we leave behind. Margareta Magnusson walks listeners through a Scandinavian method of decluttering called "döstädning," quite literally translating to "death cleaning," a process of clearing out unnecessary belongings and getting comfortable with the notion of letting go.
Hospice nurse Hadley Vlahos has racked up 1.4 million followers and counting on her TikTok, where, along with reflections on her home life and motherhood, she shares her experiences caring for patients at the end of their lives, practical advice on issues like nursing homes, insurance, and saying goodbye, and, for those who have recently lost a loved one, thoughts on grieving. In this forthcoming listen, Vlahos shares meaningful moments from her work in palliative care with tremendous humility, care, and respect for those who have passed on. The examination of those final moments and what they may hold, be it visions of dead relatives or the promise of an afterlife, offers an uplifting glimpse at what awaits us all.
