Does this sound like someone you know?
If any of the above traits sounds familiar, help is on the way! In Controlling People, best-selling author Patricia Evans tackles the "controlling personality" and reveals how and why these people try to run other people's lives. She also explains the compulsion that makes them continue this behavior - even as they alienate others and often lose those they love.
Controlling People helps you unravel the senseless behavior that plagues both the controller and the victim. Can the pattern, or spell, be broken? Yes! says the author. By understanding the compelling force involved, you can be a catalyst for change and actually become a spell-breaker. Once the spell is broken and the controller sees others as they really are, a genuine connection can be forged and healing can occur.
Should you ever find yourself in the thrall of someone close to you, Controlling People is here to give you the wisdom, power, and comfort you need to be a stronger, happier, and more independent person.
©2003 Patricia Evans (P)2012 Tantor
"A timely book that not only helps readers free themselves from controlling types but also seeks to explain the occurrence of verbal abuse, battering, stalking, harassment, hate crimes, gang violence, tyranny, terrorism, and territorial invasion." (Library Journal)
I plan to listen to this book three times in a row. I started out reading it and then discovered it was available here on audible. This book is a life saver! As I read and listened it made complete sense of my life. Absolutely everyone could benefit from listening to this book. We could begin to heal our lives, our families, our society, our world one person at a time!
Great narration. Nice voice. Excellent writing. Pitched right at you--no fast pitches, slow balls nor curve balls.
Not only did this book help me recognize my wife's control tactics, but I began to see how I used some of the same tactics on her and others I love. Not only did I learn how to 'break the spell' with my wife, I also stopped behaving this way myself and my family is healthier for it. I can honestly say that this book has changed my life for the better.
The narrator is one of the best I've heard yet.
What a bargain.
The Internet has made contact with other people who now can talk about this issue with each other much easier, this book has been like a book club -- community and a good read.
Gradually in a relationship one person can stop being somebody and become something -- a comforting constant. When this happens -- well, teddy bears don't have needs of their own, they are tools for solving problems, transitional objects, beloved parts of the people that love them.
Xe Sands had the perfect voice for this book.
It's easier to not become a comfort object to another person in the first place, but it's not that hard to stop the dynamics from continuing to progress, and the simple understanding of the dynamics stopped a lot of pain for me right away, and the changed stayed with me.
This is a great book to listen to either playing into the room so that everyone can hear, or, for a controlling person to read.
I am going to listen to this book again. It was very eye opening and helped me to grow in understanding of people that control others.
The book offers me information that I need so as to be able to make hard decisions of divorce.
I listened to "verbal abusers, can he change" and I gave my spouse "The Agreement" 3 days ago. I appreciate the strength that comes with the lessons learned in listening to Patricia Evan's audiobooks.
Thank you so very much. I have listened twice for the emotional support to thrive and educate myself through the toxic aftermath of my confusion. you're audio has been a hero through my struggles for hope. Best money I spent.
I now see the world through a different lens, the lens described in Controlling People that allows one to see nonsensical controlling behavior in myself and others. With Patricia Evans' guidance in this book, I believe I will be able to break the spell of controlling behavior of those who are unconsciously abusing me. I highly recommend this audio book, as it may just change your life.
A must read if you are dealing with control issues. Ms. Evans knows her stuff abd explains the most confusing situations with clarity and hope.
I was confused about my ext husband's behavior. I tried multiple different approaches. After a recent escalation I was drawn to this book. I understand now. It is a real relief to have some answers. I wish there was more I could do to break the spell but since I am the ex-wife my input is dismissed and ignored. I can at least stay away and understand from a distance what is going on. Thank you.
The author uses the concept of the controller implanting a "false partner... or idealized partner" into a real partner. She calls this "idealized partner" "Teddy" as in Teddy Bear, as it is an early attachment need/wound. After a while I would say using the word "Teddy" gets redundant, but she does make a hard concept easy to grasp. Generally speaking I am delighted to have her framework to really understand why controlling people do what they do. That said, there are some chapters where she drifts from psychology and immediate relationships to sociology and comments on gangs and group control mentality. I think that should be another book. Either way, it was a helpful read.
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