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Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships | [Christopher Ryan, Cacilda Jetha]

Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships

Since Darwin's day, we've been told that sexual monogamy comes naturally to our species. Mainstream science - as well as religious and cultural institutions - has maintained that men and women evolved in families in which a man's possessions and protection were exchanged for a woman's fertility and fidelity. But this narrative is collapsing....
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Audible Editor Reviews

In Sex at Dawn, husband and wife team Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá have written a book that questions both modern-day standards of human sexual behavior and the scientific history of our early ancestors. The book first explains and defines what it refers to as “the standard narrative”, the story of how humans evolved from our prehistoric ancestors to be monogamous beings with conflicting biological imperatives for males and females. Then, it goes on to refute this narrative, providing evidence from noted modern scholars like Steven Pinker, Malcolm Gladwell, and Frans De Waal, as well as renowned scientists and philosophers like Charles Darwin, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, and Thomas Hobbes.

Ryan and Jethá write, “Science all too often grovels at the feet of the dominant cultural paradigm.” Indeed, one of the most powerful ideas that Sex at Dawn puts forth is that culture has a way of coloring scientific and historical “fact”. Some of the examples given are quite disturbing, especially when large institutions are clearly engaged in cover ups of our true nature. The authors assert that many sexual myths (for example, that masturbation is some kind of medical affliction) have been repeated and disseminated over the years by religious, health, and state organizations. They take a controversial stance that this “cover up” tactic has also been applied to the non-monogamy of our closest primate relatives and early man. They believe that even if non-monogamy is not the dominant mode of being for contemporary humans, at the very least it should be viewed as a historic basis for our desires and behaviors.

The narration, which alternates between Allyson Johnson and Jonathan Davis, is clear and straightforward, particularly well-suited to this kind of book. Johnson especially makes the information, which can sometimes be dense, easily digestible and relatable. One of the authors, Christopher Ryan, reads the preface, which gives a hint of how he came to be interested in exploring the given subject matter. Through this section, we also get a way to connect directly to the authors and thus, the human (as opposed to the scientific) aspect of the issues discussed.

To claim that this work is exclusively or even mostly about sexual behavior would be a stretch. The book is very holistic, tackling bigger-picture issues of science, culture, history, and philosophy. That said, these large ideas are needed as building blocks for the claims the authors make about sex. Another triumph of Sex at Dawn is the attention the authors have given to presenting material on sex as it applies to men and women equally. Along those lines, another high point of the narration is that it echoes this sentiment through the interchanging male and female voices, reminding us that these ideas apply to both sexes in different ways.

What the book posits exactly is somewhat unclear. The authors themselves admit that they're not exactly sure what to do with all the information they have unearthed. That said, the great strength of Sex at Dawn is that it opens the discourse about human sexual behavior sans many of the taboos that traditionally accompany the topic. —Gina Pensiero

Publisher's Summary

Since Darwin's day, we've been told that sexual monogamy comes naturally to our species. Mainstream science - as well as religious and cultural institutions - has maintained that men and women evolved in families in which a man's possessions and protection were exchanged for a woman's fertility and fidelity. But this narrative is collapsing. Fewer and fewer couples are getting married, and divorce rates keep climbing as adultery and flagging libido drag down even seemingly solid marriages.

How can reality be reconciled with the accepted narrative? It can't be, according to renegade thinkers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. While debunking almost everything we "know" about sex, they offer a bold alternative explanation in this provocative and brilliant book.

Ryan and Jetha's central contention is that human beings evolved in egalitarian groups that shared food, child care, and, often, sexual partners. Weaving together convergent, frequently overlooked evidence from anthropology, archaeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality, the authors show how far from human nature monogamy really is. Human beings everywhere and in every era have confronted the same familiar, intimate situations in surprisingly different ways. The authors expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation, and generosity.

BONUS AUDIO: Includes a Preface written and read by author Christopher Ryan.

©2010 Christopher Ryan, Cacilda Jetha (P)2010 Audible, Inc

What the Critics Say

“Funny, witty, and light ... Sex at Dawn is a scandal in the best sense, one that will have you reading the best parts aloud and reassessing your ideas about humanity’s basic urges well after the book is done.” (Newsweek)

Sex at Dawn is the single most important book about human sexuality since Alfred Kinsey unleashed Sexual Behavior in the Human Male on the American public in 1948.” (Dan Savage)

"My favorite book of 2010...it's the only book I read this year that proved that I was badly mistaken about something." (Peter Sagal, host of NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

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  •  
    Marcus Plano, TX, United States 10-09-12
    Marcus Plano, TX, United States 10-09-12
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Challenging and Articulate"
    What made the experience of listening to Sex at Dawn the most enjoyable?

    Sound quality was clear and there were no technical issues.

    Content was intellectually challenging and I have enjoyed exposure to the ideas. Going head to head with the accepted scientific backing for "how we relate" is daring and I am glad to have been enlightened to another intellectual approach.

    Bravo.


    1 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Viviane Dunedin, New Zealand 04-28-12
    Viviane Dunedin, New Zealand 04-28-12 Member Since 2010
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    "Must read, period."

    One of the most enlightening reads ever. Any (wo)man who has ever wondered where the human race got it so wrong with pair-bonded relationships will find this inspiring, presented in a palatable format. Willingness to get your cob-webbed beliefs thrown out is a prerequisite to make this a most enjoyable audiobook. Have given the printed book to many of my friends. Recommended.

    1 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    ,Louis-Philippe NOTRE-DAME-DU-PORTAGE, QC, Canada 04-09-12
    ,Louis-Philippe NOTRE-DAME-DU-PORTAGE, QC, Canada 04-09-12 Member Since 2014
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Opens-up your Mind!"
    What did you love best about Sex at Dawn?

    The facts and how they are presented with humour.


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    The lady reader, Allyson Johnson,who has the major part and has subtle voice inflexions that I found profundly meaningfull and funny!


    What does the narrators bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

    Well, apart from the fact that I could listen to it while driving or walking, the voices are warm and add a bright & intelligent tone to the words of the book.


    If you were to make a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?

    Futile attempts of imposing monogamy


    Any additional comments?

    I would have liked the author to elaborate more on the scientific aspects of STDs

    1 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jenna Langley, BC, Canada 01-26-12
    Jenna Langley, BC, Canada 01-26-12 Member Since 2011
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    "Life Changing"

    This book had me captivated from start to finish. The authors are brilliant, they blast huge holes through societies' monogamist rules and they have done the research to back it up. This book has completely changed my way of thinking and has allowed me to understand why I and others around me act in certain ways. I have seen some negative reveiws stating that this book was not worth it as it doesn't give any answers. That's the point! There are no answers, this book simply provides you with the facts so that you may make your own decisions... its a text book not a self-help book. I hope you enjoy and learn as much as I did!!

    1 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jim "The Impatient" Springfield, MO, United States 12-30-11
    Jim "The Impatient" Springfield, MO, United States 12-30-11 Member Since 2015

    I will listen to NO boring book. Old Fav's,Card, King , Hobb. New Fav's, Hill, Scalzi, Sawyer, Interested in Lansdale, Crouch, Konrath

    HELPFUL VOTES
    2070
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    709
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    "Takes an Open Mind"

    I am a christian male who has been happily married for over 33 years. My wife still turns men's heads at 53. Throughout our marriage I have wondered why I have been attracted to other females, when I am so happy at home. Why do so many men married to super star women cheat on their wives (Brad Pitt, Tiger Woods, etc.)

    This puts out the argument that we were not meant to be monogamous. Monogamy is unhealthy.

    They also show evidence that moving from hunter gathers to an agricultural society is the cause of many of our ill's today. We were not kick out of The Garden of Eden, we were kicked into it.

    I am not a bible scholar, but think about this: God wanted us to trust him fully. Perhaps the tree of knowledge was the knowledge on how to grow apples. We started growing crops and not depending upon God. To be healthy we need to eat a variety of foods. Cultivation has lead us to stay in one place and eat the same foods. This leads to vitamin deficiency. A book offered by this club that I have not read yet is called Wheat Belly, which is supposed to be about how wheat makes us fat. Was Cain's sacrifice to God not appreciated because it was grain? Cain and the apple tree are not mentioned in the book, they are what I thought of because this book makes you think, but you have to be open minded.

    The book is very entertaining and reminded me several times of Jean Auel's series. She has taken grief sometimes because of her randy cave men. This shows that she may not have showed them as randy enough.

    The book is very one sided and it has not convinced me to cheat on my wife or join a commune, but it is a different way to think about our society past and present and I always enjoy writings that challenge the norm. If you can not be open minded about your religion our belief system then you will hate this book. If you like to challenge your beliefs then this is food for thought.

    1 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    dominic Lomita, CA, United States 12-28-11
    dominic Lomita, CA, United States 12-28-11
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    "Excellent comparison of post + pre pastoral life"
    What about the narrators’s performance did you like?

    Allyson Johnson is easy on the ear and seems to genuinely understand and agree with the content


    1 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    KatyBrad 11-11-11
    KatyBrad 11-11-11 Member Since 2009
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Reconsider what you think you know about love..."

    I thought this book was fascinating and seems like it should be required reading for everyone that wants to have an adult relationship.

    1 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Michael Chattanooga, TN. USA 11-03-11
    Michael Chattanooga, TN. USA 11-03-11 Member Since 2014
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Listen to this wonderful 'story' - it is yours!"

    Anybody at all interested in the Human Condition should listen to this erudite, interesting, entertaining and, at time humorous, look at the development of human sexuality. As an ardent reader, and listener, of and to popular science tracts I can honestly say that this is one of the most rewarding. The authors deal with the fundamental issue of modern sex, i.e. monogamy. They provide evidence that shows how difficult this particular way of life has been and is for us humans - despite having tried it for several thousand years. Providing a close look at our primate relatives throws a whole new perspective on where we are today. They discuss the beginning of agriculture and it's effect on the hunter/gatherer lifestyle which constituted the earliest being of our ancestors [evidence is provided]. It provides a different way of looking at the role of men and women, their relationships, and their problems in the modern world. Thought provoking in the extreme, this work will undoubtedly have an effect on the reader.
    The narration, by Honor Harrington [sorry Allyson Johnson!], is, not to put to fine a point on it, SUPERB. She has just the right sense of humor, irony, and emphasis to increase the enjoyment of what is already a very good work indeed.

    2 of 6 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Rissa HOUSTON, TX, United States 11-01-11
    Rissa HOUSTON, TX, United States 11-01-11
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Meh."

    Interesting topic and discussions. The book as a whole felt scattered and not well put together. Some of the examples of research or findings were used in misleading ways.

    2 of 6 people found this review helpful
  •  
    andrew Singapore, Singapore 05-02-11
    andrew Singapore, Singapore 05-02-11 Member Since 2008
    HELPFUL VOTES
    17
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    "for open-minded free thinkers"

    fantastic stuff; if you liked the Black Swan, this is another of must-read books for free thinking people.
    Most of it you know, but never admit :-)

    2 of 6 people found this review helpful

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