Real Self-Care

A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included)

By: Pooja Lakshmin MD

Narrated by: Pooja Lakshmin MD

Length: 6 hrs and 15 mins

Publisher's summary

National Bestseller featured by Good Morning America, NPR's Code Switch, The New York Times, and The Guardian

NPR's "Books We Love for 2023"

Forbes' "Greatest Self-Help Books of All Time"

"Realistic and trustworthy"—InStyle

"This isn’t just another self-help book. It gives us a clear-eyed look at the way social systems drain our energy, and a concrete set of principles to rely on as we declare independence from these systems."—Martha Beck, New York Times bestselling author of The Way of Integrity

"This book is for anyone who’s ever removed a 'relaxing' sheet mask only to realize it hasn’t transformed you so much as your trash can.”—Jessica DeFino, The Unpublishable

From women’s mental health specialist and New York Times contributor Pooja Lakshmin, MD, comes a long-overdue reckoning with the contradictions of the wellness industry and a paradigm-shifting program for practicing real self-care that will empower, uplift, and maybe even start a revolution.

You may have noticed that it’s nearly impossible to go even a couple days without coming across the term self-care. A word that encompasses any number of lifestyle choices and products—from juice cleanses to yoga workshops to luxury bamboo sheets—self-care has exploded in our collective consciousness as a panacea for practically all of women’s problems.

Board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Pooja Lakshmin finds this cultural embrace of self-care incomplete at best and manipulative at worst. Fixing your troubles isn’t simple as buying a new day planner or signing up for a meditation class. These faux self-care practices keep us looking outward—comparing ourselves with others or striving for a certain type of perfection. Even worse, they exonerate an oppressive social system that has betrayed women and minorities.

Real self-care, in contrast, is an internal, self-reflective process that involves making difficult decisions in line with our values, and when we practice it, we shift our relationships, our workplaces, and even our broken systems.

In Real Self-Care, Lakshmin helps listeners understand what a real practice of caring for yourself could—and does—look like. Using case studies from her practice, clinical research, and the down-to-earth style that she's become known for, Lakshmin provides a step-by-step program for real and sustainable change and solace. Packed with actionable strategies to deal with common problems, Real Self-Care is a complete roadmap for women to set boundaries and move past guilt, treat themselves with compassion, get closer to themselves, and assert their power. The result—having ownership over one’s own life—is nothing less than a personal and social revolution.

* This audiobook includes a donwloadable PDF with The Real Self-Care Compass and Resources For Seeking Professional Help.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2023 Pooja Lakshmin (P)2023 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

"Instead of pushing us to strive–or suggesting a cleanse–Lakshmin provides tools for boundary setting and treating yourself with compassion."—NPR’s Books We Love for 2023

"In her practical guide to self-care, psychiatrist Pooja Lakshmin points out that so many elements of life are out of our control—which makes her arguments so much more realistic and trustworthy. Regular massages and manicures are incredible, but if you’re wondering why you still feel so stressed and rushed despite indulging in soothing activities, Lakshmin has the answer."—InStyle

"Lakshmin’s Real Self-Care is a self-help book that aims to offer self-care tips that go beyond telling individual people to buy more expensive face creams, and instead help readers both live within the systemic outrages of capitalism and find ways of changing the system."—Vox

Helpful information for REAL and impactful self-care

After chasing wellness via many forms of “faux self-care”, this book served as a catalyst for getting to the root of what true and lasting self-care looks like. Thank you, Dr. Lakshmin!

Great book!

I really enjoyed this book and found the information very helpful. I also really enjoyed the author’s narration.

Awesome

This book was much appreciated and needed. It will change your life and your family.

Helpful and Insightful

This book is very helpful in answering why when I seemingly do self care things am I still feeling burned out and exhausted. This book resonated with me deeply and also helped me plan and exercise agency and implement true self care going forward. I cannot recommend this book more.

Important topic but flawed insofar as it claims to want to reach a general audience

As a man, the majority of the books I read on psychology, mental health, “self care,” etc are written by women, and nearly all of them misrepresent the fundamental male experience in some way. Despite that, I gain a lot from those books and I respect their authors a great deal. But this book really triples down on that misrepresentation in a uniquely egregious fashion.

I do not dispute the fundamental claims made by this author — women are targeted by “self care” to uphold systems wherein their needs, value, and worth are denied. No arguments from me, whatsoever.

It’s the relative, usually unspoken assumptions about men that irk me, here. Men are breaking at the seams and while it doesn’t always present itself in the ways that women are breaking, they’re broken, nonetheless.

This isn’t a negative review but a “calling in” of the author to do a deep dive on the other side of the gender aisle. I think, like Brené Brown has recently expressed, you’ll be shocked at how much men are truly suffering and how much they, too, have to bear under these oppressive systems.

Lastly, to stave off some inevitable criticism of this review, I’m totally fine with this book being by women, for women. That, however, does not excuse the fundamental misrepresentation that occurs in these pages. Men appear in this book primarily as the “flip-side” of an unequal statistic. “Women are X times likely to report depression/anxiety” etc. And yet the author shows little interest in uncovering the social markers and presentation of male suffering, which might be found in increases in su*cide, drug overdose, social alienation, etc.

I know this will be triggering for so many of you and I invite you to do some self-work to reflect on why that might be the case, but men need and deserve books about their suffering, too. And even when we don’t get that book, we deserve our for our pain to be represented accurately and not constantly placed in competition with women. We all lose when we place gendered suffering in competition.

Thank you for normalizing our need for real self-care!

Appreciate the validation and strategies shared to better cultivate real self-care. The stories were inspiring and helped me to feel less alone in my experiences as a working mother. Thank you Pooja!

Highly recommend! We all need this book!

Thank you Dr. Lakshmin for this book! I couldn’t believe as I was listening how accurately it describes the struggles we face as women in society today as a result of broken systems and the “faux self care” industry. I could not stop listening, honestly, and I feel so seen. I will be implementing the strategies in this book, buying a physical copy to reference/re-read, and recommending to all of my friends because frankly, we need it!

This book is a must read!!!

I learned so much from her story and expertise and feel empowered to hold boundaries and create a life I am proud of

A True Game Changer

This book is the real deal. It’s a beautiful guide with many real life examples on setting boundaries, being aligned with one’s values, and finding a personal way toward real self care. As a huge proponent of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), I was pleasantly surprised at the way Pooja utilizes those techniques in her teachings. If you are looking for a way forward in creating positive change in your life, listen to or read this book.

Amazing for Indian women!

TY Pooja - I’ve been seeing an amazing therapist but listening and reading your book has also given me answers to help with my own life experiences - especially being in the medical field as well - we have many parallels - and yet this book has also given me the faith and beliefs of being my own self care and being open to gratitude is something taught - so thank you