Showing results by author "The Onion"

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    • The Onion Book of Known Knowledge

    • A Definitive Encyclopaedia of Existing Information
    • By: The Onion
    • Narrated by: Avery Sanford, June Bunt
    • Length: 3 hrs and 46 mins
    • Unabridged
    • Overall
      4 out of 5 stars 51
    • Performance
      4 out of 5 stars 48
    • Story
      3.5 out of 5 stars 48

    Are you a witless cretin with no reason to live? Would you like to know more about every piece of knowledge ever? Do you have cash? Then congratulations, because just in time for the death of the publishing industry as we know it comes the final book ever published, and the only one you will ever need: The Onion's compendium of all things known. Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, figures, statistics, threats, blood, and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information.

    • 3 out of 5 stars
    • Not at all unabridged

    • By Joe on 11-15-12

    Regular price: $22.80

    • Widdershins

    • By: Oliver Onions
    • Narrated by: Dianne Burroughs
    • Length: 6 hrs and 33 mins
    • Unabridged
    • Overall
      3 out of 5 stars 9
    • Performance
      2.5 out of 5 stars 5
    • Story
      3.5 out of 5 stars 5

    Oliver Onions (a pseudonym of George Oliver's) was a significant English novelist. He wrote this collection of ghost stories under the title Widdershins. The first story, "The Beckoning Fair One", is widely regarded as one of the best in the genre of horror fiction, especially psychological horror. The story can be read as narrating the gradual possession of the protagonist by a mysterious and possessive feminine spirit, or as a psychotic outbreak culminating in catatonia and murder.

    • 3 out of 5 stars
    • Preferred reading it

    • By Dix on 04-20-16

    Regular price: $16.80

    • The President of Vice

    • The Autobiography of Joe Biden
    • By: The Onion
    • Narrated by: Joe Barrett
    • Length: 2 hrs and 17 mins
    • Unabridged
    • Overall
      3.5 out of 5 stars 60
    • Performance
      4 out of 5 stars 55
    • Story
      3.5 out of 5 stars 55

    The Onion is proud to present The President of Vice: The Autobiography of Joe Biden. In this scandalous memoir, America's favorite politician discusses his early years, before he became ultimate wingman to the leader of the free world. For the first time ever “Diamond” Joe discusses the formative experiences of his life, including his childhood selling hooch in Scranton, his years cruising college campuses picking up co-eds in a Del Rio, the grade-A tang he plowed in the summer of '87, and his "sweet ass gig" as Senator of Delaware.

    • 4 out of 5 stars
    • Funny, funny

    • By Leonard Smith on 01-16-17

    Regular price: $2.99

    • Our Dumb World

    • The Onion's Atlas of the Planet Earth, 73rd Edition
    • By: The Onion
    • Length: 3 hrs and 38 mins
    • Abridged
    • Overall
      4 out of 5 stars 107
    • Performance
      4 out of 5 stars 37
    • Story
      4 out of 5 stars 38

    To understand the news, the context of world geography and history is essential. That is why The Onion is publishing an audio world atlas: to help us. News that now makes no sense will now make sense; thus a new age of enlightenment. Our Dumb World contains news and historic facts from other nations, and the earth broken down and described (from its molten core to the outermost sphere), as well as demographic, economic, and other data about each country's people, industries, and habits.

    • 3 out of 5 stars
    • Nuggets of humor

    • By Fletch on 12-25-07
    • The Onion's Atlas of the Planet Earth, 73rd Edition
    • By: The Onion
    • Length: 3 hrs and 38 mins
    • Release date: 10-17-07
    • 4 out of 5 stars 107 ratings

    Regular price: $22.80

    • Don't Bring Lulu

    • Her Family's Tale of Trial and Triumph
    • By: Ron Onions, Doris Onions, Sarah Onions
    • Narrated by: Christopher Terry, Amanda Bolton, Sarah Onions, and others
    • Length: 9 hrs and 55 mins
    • Unabridged
    • Overall
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Performance
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Story
      0 out of 5 stars 0

    British TV reporter Ron Onions was based in New York at a momentous period of US history, covering the moon landings and the assassination of Martin Luther King. Yet at the same time as his high-flying career was taking this transatlantic turn, he was facing tough choices at home: his younger daughter, four-year-old Lulu had been born without a thyroid gland, and her resulting severely disruptive symptoms posed a huge challenge for her caring family.

    Regular price: $19.95

    • A Local Man Pours All His Culinary Talents Into Inserting and Removing a Pizza From His Oven

    • By: The Onion
    • Narrated by: Marichelle Kawachi
    • Length: Not Yet Known
    • Original Recording
    • Overall
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Performance
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Story
      0 out of 5 stars 0

    This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.

    Regular price: $0.99

    • An Area Woman's Baseless Hatred of Anne Hathaway Is Reciprocated

    • By: The Onion
    • Narrated by: Marichelle Kawachi
    • Length: Not Yet Known
    • Original Recording
    • Overall
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Performance
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Story
      0 out of 5 stars 0

    This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.

    Regular price: $0.99

    • A Bewildered Local Woman Reports That She Somehow Wasn't Harassed Today

    • By: The Onion
    • Narrated by: Marichelle Kawachi
    • Length: Not Yet Known
    • Original Recording
    • Overall
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Performance
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Story
      0 out of 5 stars 0

    This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.

    Regular price: $0.99

    • A Local Man Experimented With Sex Back in College

    • By: The Onion
    • Narrated by: Marichelle Kawachi
    • Length: Not Yet Known
    • Original Recording
    • Overall
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Performance
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Story
      0 out of 5 stars 0

    This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.

    Regular price: $0.99

    • The World Is at a Loss over Who to Admire after Tom Hanks Murders 5 Californians

    • By: The Onion
    • Narrated by: Doyle Redland
    • Length: 1 min
    • Original Recording
    • Overall
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Performance
      0 out of 5 stars 0
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      0 out of 5 stars 0

    This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.

    Regular price: $1.95

    • FedEx Confirms That More Than 600,000 People Try to Mail Themselves Each Year

    • By: The Onion
    • Narrated by: Doyle Redland
    • Length: Not Yet Known
    • Original Recording
    • Overall
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Performance
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Story
      0 out of 5 stars 0

    FedEx officials say the allure of being delivered in 3-5 business days is just too much to pass up.

    Regular price: $1.95

    • The Accident

    • By: Oliver Onions
    • Narrated by: Dianne Burroughs
    • Length: 36 mins
    • Unabridged
    • Overall
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Performance
      0 out of 5 stars 0
    • Story
      0 out of 5 stars 0

    This creepy tale from Widdershins follows the same pattern as the others in the book: the supernatural element in it can be otherwise explained - that is, the strange happenings can be understood as being supernatural or merely mental aberrations of the protagonist. In either case, the story is meticulously written and quite chilling.

    Regular price: $4.95