Ever feel like the lifestyle has its own language? Well… you’re not wrong.

In this bonus T&A Alphabet Series episode, we’re breaking down some of the most common and less common terms used in swinging and the lifestyle, including:

• What “the lifestyle” actually means—and the different names people use (like libertine)
• Common roles and dynamics (hotwife, stag/vixen, unicorn, bull, OPP)
• Types of play and what they involve (soft swap, hard swap, same room play)
• Events, parties, and how people connect
• Consent, communication, and safety language (hard & soft limits, full consent culture, aftercare)
• Sexual and other terms (voyeur, DP, bukkake, “take one for the team”)

All of this is designed to help you feel more confident and informed as you explore—whether you’re brand new or already have some experience.

And as we’ve said throughout this series, it’s always important to ask people what their definitions are—because these terms can mean different things to different people.

Show Resources:

• Contribute to our T&A Sex Clubs, Lifestyle Destinations & Communities Around the World List - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1t8DzYsOJSQ0g1cboAuBl_ibFYQGwpHoiEO-JdriKUjA/edit?usp=sharing
• Looking for therapy? Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠⁠
• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠⁠

• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer - ⁠https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer⁠
• The Little Book of Poly Love 💖 Join the waitlist to be the first to know when it’s published and pops into the world: ⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠⁠
• Episode 69: Consent is Sexy: Why Enthusiastic Consent is so Important - https://open.spotify.com/episode/2RzCDuhK9yMM3GgkU5ebPg?si=ObHEGONiTCyFgCF6Q-oo7g

• Episode 64: K is for KINK, Kitchen Table Polyamory & Kissing - https://open.spotify.com/episode/7FOrTjvfhxOB2Il9BLoNwc?si=GdwcjFa1Sn-qWcg2Ikspgw
• Unicorns & Unicorn Hunting: Can it be Ethical? https://open.spotify.com/episode/5TI3NNE3H5JxlwzopWqM1Z?si=hRQsZ47bQASGDRf3KDCnFg

We are back with another instalment of our T&A Alphabet Series and this one is all about the letter S!

We give you: S is For Everything You Wanted to Know About Sexual Issues But Were Afraid to Ask!

Sexual issues are something so many people experience—but few people actually talk about.

In this episode, we open up the conversation around sex, desire, identity, and connection—sharing both insights and our own real-life experiences along the way.

We cover:

✨ What sexual apathy actually is—and why low desire isn’t always a problem ✨ The many emotional, physical, and relational factors that can impact sex drive ✨ Desire discrepancies in relationships and how to navigate them collaboratively ✨ The spectrum of sexual identity, orientation, and expression ✨ Why sexual health matters ✨ Common causes of sexual anxiety and how communication can shift everything

Sexuality isn’t one-size-fits-all—it exists on a spectrum, and what feels right will look different for everyone.

As always, we come back to one of the most powerful tools in any relationship:

💬 Talk about it.

Open, honest communication—with your partners and with professionals—can change everything.

If something in this episode resonates with you and you want support navigating it, you’re always welcome to reach out. We’re here to help you take your next step. Links below to connect.

Show Resources:

• Looking for therapy? Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠⁠
• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠⁠
• The Cervix Wand - for vaginal de-armoring and anal massage, cervical and g-spot stimulation. ⁠https://waands.com/products/cervix-wand?ref=taraandandre⁠ - use code TARALYNNEFRANCO to get 10% off or use this link for any item in the store - ⁠https://waands.com/discount/TARALYNNEFRANCO?ref=taraandandre⁠
• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer - ⁠https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer⁠
• The Little Book of Poly Love 💖 Join the waitlist to be the first to know when it’s published and pops into the world: ⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠

Salt-N-Pepa had it right in 1990…
“Let’s talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be…”

It’s also important to talk about sex when we’re not having it — or not having enough of it.

This episode explores the complexities of mismatched sex drives in relationships, and why the difference itself is often less of a problem than the meaning couples attach to it. From our own experiences and the work we’ve done with clients, we share three things we know to be true:

• People have different sex drives and desires for intimacy

• The difference itself usually isn’t the problem — it’s how couples interpret it

• Talking about it gives the relationship a much better chance

When partners want different amounts of sex, it can quickly lead to resentment, pressure, and painful assumptions about attraction, love, and unmet needs.

In this conversation, we explore how these dynamics develop and why communication, understanding, and creative solutions are essential for maintaining intimacy and connection.

We also get personal, sharing how differences in desire show up in our own relationship — including how menopause and pain have impacted Tara’s desire and what she’s been exploring to navigate that.

Along the way, we discuss concepts like responsive desire and how understanding different desire styles can shift the conversation.

We also share practical tools and conversation approaches couples can use to move away from the blame game and toward solutions that honour both partners’ needs — whether they’re in monogamous or non-monogamous relationships.

Chapters:

00:00 - Understanding Different Sex Drives

02:42 - Navigating Relationship Dynamics

05:29 - The Importance of Communication

08:22 - Resentment and Its Roots

11:12 - The Role of Internal Narratives

13:59 - Breaking the Silence on Sex

16:44 - Building Trust Through Open Dialogue

22:52 - Exploring Non-Monogamy as a Solution

25:14 - The Importance of Communication in Relationships

26:18 - Redefining Intimacy Beyond Sex

28:04 - Tools for Reestablishing Intimacy

30:35 - Understanding Desire Styles

34:29 - Finding Solutions Together

38:47 - Final Thoughts on Navigating Desire Differences

Show Resources:

• Episode: Can an Open Relationship Save My Marriage - https://open.spotify.com/episode/7o3meUcbbNdcfb4S1I7vbq?si=vT-9MhXkSDGgS-0mnbgFQw
• The Cervix Wand - for vaginal de-armoring and anal massage, cervical and g-spot stimulation. https://waands.com/products/cervix-wand?ref=taraandandre - use code TARALYNNEFRANCO to get 10% off or use this link for any item in the store - https://waands.com/discount/TARALYNNEFRANCO?ref=taraandandre
• Looking for therapy? Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠

• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠

• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer

We’re back with another episode of our T&A Alphabet Series!

This is an all-new episode on the letter R — and you’re REALLY going to REVEL in this jam-packed conversation.

We’re covering a range of relationship, sex and polyamory/non-monogamy terms grouped into three themes:

1. Relationships & relationship structures
2. Sexual and erotic terms
3. Emotional and psychological terms

It’s a truly robust episode filled with really helpful R words like:

• Relationship Anarchy (RA)
• Relationship Escalator
• Reciprocity
• Rimming
• Radical Honesty
• Reassurance
• Repair
• Resentment

We cover over 20 different words — with deeper dives into topics like relationship agreements and relationship reviews using the RAADAR method, rope play (Shibari), and responsive desire.

Get ready for a rich, reflective, and maybe even a little risqué ride through the Rs.

Many of the words we explore here (and throughout our T&A Alphabet Series) are also part of our upcoming project, The Little Book of Poly Love 💖 Join the waitlist to be the first to know when it’s published and pops into the world: ⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠

Show Resources:

• Rich Relationships: Building Your Million Dollar Network. Book by Selena Soo -

• Looking for therapy? Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠

• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠

• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer

We’re back with another episode of our T&A Alphabet Series! Many earlier episodes were originally delivered as live trainings inside our Let’s Talk Polyamory Podcast private Facebook community.

In this episode, recorded in 2021, we dive into the letter Q — Queer — exploring identity, fluidity, heteronormativity, mononormativity, intersectionality, visibility, mental health, and the intersection of queerness and consensual non-monogamy.

We talk about definitions of queer, how marginalization can impact mental health, and common misconceptions about being queer and polyamorous. We also share some statistics—though at the time of recording, specific data on people identifying as “queer” was limited.

We share our personal experiences with queerness: what it was like growing up, coming to queer identity later in life, and how our relationship has opened us to limitless sexual and emotional expression. Tara shares her journey coming out to family as queer and dating a woman before embracing polyamory, and André shares his experiences with family and how the reactions varied.

We also invite your reflections in the comments:

• Is queer a term you identify with?
• What does being queer mean to you?
• Why is it important to identify as queer?
• If you identify as queer or another non-heterosexual or non-monogamous identity, are you out and open about it?

Note: We did our best with the video and audio quality, but it isn’t perfect. As we felt the content is worth sharing, we're sharing it anyway!

Chapters

00:00 - Introduction

00:35 - Exploring the Term 'Queer'

02:37 - Personal Identities and Experiences with Queerness

07:10 - Definitions and Understanding of Queerness

10:48 - Navigating Heteronormativity and Mononormativity

15:04 - Reflections on Coming Out and Self-Identification

19:21 - Redefining Queerness: Beyond Labels

26:42 - Intersectionality and Mental Health in the LGBTQ+ Community

30:08 - Navigating Polyamory and Queerness

31:00 - Coming Out Stories: Personal Experiences and Family Dynamics

Resources:

• Looking for therapy? Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠

• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠
• Book: Bi Notes for a Bisexual Revolution by Shiri Eisner - https://www.amazon.ca/Bi-Bisexual-Revolution-Shiri-Eisner/dp/1580054749
• Coming out as polyamorous video - our initial talk in preparing for the conversation - How to talk to parents about being polyamorous or in an open relationship - https://youtu.be/UxYecGOZ3WY?si=OaNmNcBea2bA27sH
• Let's Talk Polyamory Facebook Community - https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly

• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer

We’re back with another playful, passionate, and slightly provocative instalment of our much-loved T&A Alphabet Series!

These episodes originally began as live trainings inside our Let’s Talk Polyamory private Facebook community, and this one has been freshly updated and pleasantly packed just for you.

In this episode, we dive playfully into the letter P — and as the title suggests, it’s not just about polyamory.

Oh no. It’s a plentiful, punchy, and sometimes polarizing collection of P words that show up in conversations about relationships, sex, and non-monogamy.

Here’s a taste of what we cover:

• Polyamory
• Polysaturated
• Polygamy & Polyandry
• Power dynamics
• Primary partner
• Pansexual
• Paraphilia

And if you patiently persevere to the end… the sexiest P words make an appearance too 🔥

Think PIV, promiscuity, period sex, and more.

Preparing for this episode was pure pleasure given the practically limitless P words we could have covered. Not all of them made it into the podcast — so yes, this episode is “just the tip.” 😏

Many of the words we explore here (and throughout our T&A Alphabet Series) are also part of our upcoming project, The Little Book of Poly Love 💖 Join the waitlist to be the first to know when it’s published and pops into the world:
https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist

📖 Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Polyamory and P Words

01:30 Understanding Polyamory and Its Types

03:18 Exploring Polyfidelity and Polycules

06:02 Defining Poly Intimates and Polysaturation

08:06 Polyamory Under Duress

09:52 Primary Partners and Power Dynamics

13:50 Pansexuality and Paraphilia Explained

15:54 Passive Aggressive and Direct

16:46 Sexual Terms: PIV, PIA, and PIM

17:41 Promiscuity: Gender Perspectives and Cultural Views

20:14 Play and Period Sex: Breaking Taboos

23:36 The P-Spot and Male Pleasure

Show Resources:

• Poly Newbies Digital Course – Listener OfferA practical, supportive place for the poly-curious, poly-new, and poly-questioning
  https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer
• Looking for therapy?Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André:
  https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation
• Want personalized coaching support?Book a complimentary coaching consultation with Tara:
  https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue
  

Welcome to Season 3! We’re so excited to be back with a brand new season filled with all the conversations you love — and more.

This season, we’ll be continuing our T&A Alphabet Series with episodes dropping throughout the year, and we’ll also be welcoming new guests to the podcast. If you’d like to be a guest, or know someone who would be a great fit, we’d love to hear from you.

The idea for this episode emerged while we were in Mexico over the holidays, where we found ourselves revisiting a question we return to often: Can someone still be polyamorous — an identity we both hold — even when they’re not actively “practicing” it?

In this episode, we explore the evolving nature of polyamory as both an identity and a practice. We reflect on our recent experiences with dating and not dating, what has shifted in our personal and professional lives, and how our priorities continue to change over time.

André also shares about a recent connection with someone who does not identify as non-monogamous, including what it was like to navigate that experience (spoiler alert: it's been very positive), how it felt to share it with Tara, and the real-time conversations that followed. Tara reflects on her own experience of learning that André was feeling new relationship energy (NRE), and what that brought up for her.

Along the way, we dive into the importance of communication when navigating new connections, explore NRE in long-term relationships, and discuss the values that underpin polyamory / non-monogamy as a relational identity.

We also share listener reflections around identity, values, and how these ideas show up in different seasons of life.

This conversation emphasizes that identifying as polyamorous can remain true even during phases of less active dating, and invites listeners to reflect on their own relational identities, values, and intentions for the future.

Chapters

00:00: Welcome to Season Three

01:31: Reflections on Identity and Polyamory

04:47: Exploring Relational Identity

07:24: Navigating New Relationships

10:08: The Dynamics of Non-Monogamy

12:53: Understanding New Relationship Energy

15:32: Balancing Relationships and Personal Growth

18:07: Navigating Non-Monogamy: Embracing Other Connections

21:38: Defining Polyamory: Identity vs. Practice

25:15:The Emotional Landscape of Polyamory

28:08: Polyamory as an Evolving Identity

31:51: Listener suggested reflections

Show Resources:

• Contact Us via the form on our website - https://www.taraandandre.com/#section-udHUURtgCy
• Night Thoughts - Reflections of a Sex Therapist, by Dr. Avodah Offit - https://www.indigo.ca/en-ca/night-thoughts-reflections-of-a-sex-therapist/9781568214580.html

• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer
• Looking for therapy? Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠
• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠