Ever feel like the lifestyle has its own language? Well… you’re not wrong.

In this bonus T&A Alphabet Series episode, we’re breaking down some of the most common and less common terms used in swinging and the lifestyle, including:

• What “the lifestyle” actually means—and the different names people use (like libertine)
• Common roles and dynamics (hotwife, stag/vixen, unicorn, bull, OPP)
• Types of play and what they involve (soft swap, hard swap, same room play)
• Events, parties, and how people connect
• Consent, communication, and safety language (hard & soft limits, full consent culture, aftercare)
• Sexual and other terms (voyeur, DP, bukkake, “take one for the team”)

All of this is designed to help you feel more confident and informed as you explore—whether you’re brand new or already have some experience.

And as we’ve said throughout this series, it’s always important to ask people what their definitions are—because these terms can mean different things to different people.

Show Resources:

• Contribute to our T&A Sex Clubs, Lifestyle Destinations & Communities Around the World List - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1t8DzYsOJSQ0g1cboAuBl_ibFYQGwpHoiEO-JdriKUjA/edit?usp=sharing
• Looking for therapy? Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠⁠
• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠⁠

• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer - ⁠https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer⁠
• The Little Book of Poly Love 💖 Join the waitlist to be the first to know when it’s published and pops into the world: ⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠⁠
• Episode 69: Consent is Sexy: Why Enthusiastic Consent is so Important - https://open.spotify.com/episode/2RzCDuhK9yMM3GgkU5ebPg?si=ObHEGONiTCyFgCF6Q-oo7g

• Episode 64: K is for KINK, Kitchen Table Polyamory & Kissing - https://open.spotify.com/episode/7FOrTjvfhxOB2Il9BLoNwc?si=GdwcjFa1Sn-qWcg2Ikspgw
• Unicorns & Unicorn Hunting: Can it be Ethical? https://open.spotify.com/episode/5TI3NNE3H5JxlwzopWqM1Z?si=hRQsZ47bQASGDRf3KDCnFg

We are back with another instalment of our T&A Alphabet Series and this one is all about the letter S!

We give you: S is For Everything You Wanted to Know About Sexual Issues But Were Afraid to Ask!

Sexual issues are something so many people experience—but few people actually talk about.

In this episode, we open up the conversation around sex, desire, identity, and connection—sharing both insights and our own real-life experiences along the way.

We cover:

✨ What sexual apathy actually is—and why low desire isn’t always a problem ✨ The many emotional, physical, and relational factors that can impact sex drive ✨ Desire discrepancies in relationships and how to navigate them collaboratively ✨ The spectrum of sexual identity, orientation, and expression ✨ Why sexual health matters ✨ Common causes of sexual anxiety and how communication can shift everything

Sexuality isn’t one-size-fits-all—it exists on a spectrum, and what feels right will look different for everyone.

As always, we come back to one of the most powerful tools in any relationship:

💬 Talk about it.

Open, honest communication—with your partners and with professionals—can change everything.

If something in this episode resonates with you and you want support navigating it, you’re always welcome to reach out. We’re here to help you take your next step. Links below to connect.

Show Resources:

• Looking for therapy? Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠⁠
• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠⁠
• The Cervix Wand - for vaginal de-armoring and anal massage, cervical and g-spot stimulation. ⁠https://waands.com/products/cervix-wand?ref=taraandandre⁠ - use code TARALYNNEFRANCO to get 10% off or use this link for any item in the store - ⁠https://waands.com/discount/TARALYNNEFRANCO?ref=taraandandre⁠
• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer - ⁠https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer⁠
• The Little Book of Poly Love 💖 Join the waitlist to be the first to know when it’s published and pops into the world: ⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠

Salt-N-Pepa had it right in 1990…
“Let’s talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be…”

It’s also important to talk about sex when we’re not having it — or not having enough of it.

This episode explores the complexities of mismatched sex drives in relationships, and why the difference itself is often less of a problem than the meaning couples attach to it. From our own experiences and the work we’ve done with clients, we share three things we know to be true:

• People have different sex drives and desires for intimacy

• The difference itself usually isn’t the problem — it’s how couples interpret it

• Talking about it gives the relationship a much better chance

When partners want different amounts of sex, it can quickly lead to resentment, pressure, and painful assumptions about attraction, love, and unmet needs.

In this conversation, we explore how these dynamics develop and why communication, understanding, and creative solutions are essential for maintaining intimacy and connection.

We also get personal, sharing how differences in desire show up in our own relationship — including how menopause and pain have impacted Tara’s desire and what she’s been exploring to navigate that.

Along the way, we discuss concepts like responsive desire and how understanding different desire styles can shift the conversation.

We also share practical tools and conversation approaches couples can use to move away from the blame game and toward solutions that honour both partners’ needs — whether they’re in monogamous or non-monogamous relationships.

Chapters:

00:00 - Understanding Different Sex Drives

02:42 - Navigating Relationship Dynamics

05:29 - The Importance of Communication

08:22 - Resentment and Its Roots

11:12 - The Role of Internal Narratives

13:59 - Breaking the Silence on Sex

16:44 - Building Trust Through Open Dialogue

22:52 - Exploring Non-Monogamy as a Solution

25:14 - The Importance of Communication in Relationships

26:18 - Redefining Intimacy Beyond Sex

28:04 - Tools for Reestablishing Intimacy

30:35 - Understanding Desire Styles

34:29 - Finding Solutions Together

38:47 - Final Thoughts on Navigating Desire Differences

Show Resources:

• Episode: Can an Open Relationship Save My Marriage - https://open.spotify.com/episode/7o3meUcbbNdcfb4S1I7vbq?si=vT-9MhXkSDGgS-0mnbgFQw
• The Cervix Wand - for vaginal de-armoring and anal massage, cervical and g-spot stimulation. https://waands.com/products/cervix-wand?ref=taraandandre - use code TARALYNNEFRANCO to get 10% off or use this link for any item in the store - https://waands.com/discount/TARALYNNEFRANCO?ref=taraandandre
• Looking for therapy? Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠

• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠

• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer