75: Q is For Queer: Understanding Queer Identity

We’re back with another episode of our T&A Alphabet Series! Many earlier episodes were originally delivered as live trainings inside our Let’s Talk Polyamory Podcast private Facebook community.

In this episode, recorded in 2021, we dive into the letter Q — Queer — exploring identity, fluidity, heteronormativity, mononormativity, intersectionality, visibility, mental health, and the intersection of queerness and consensual non-monogamy.

We talk about definitions of queer, how marginalization can impact mental health, and common misconceptions about being queer and polyamorous. We also share some statistics—though at the time of recording, specific data on people identifying as “queer” was limited.

We share our personal experiences with queerness: what it was like growing up, coming to queer identity later in life, and how our relationship has opened us to limitless sexual and emotional expression. Tara shares her journey coming out to family as queer and dating a woman before embracing polyamory, and André shares his experiences with family and how the reactions varied.

We also invite your reflections in the comments:

• Is queer a term you identify with?
• What does being queer mean to you?
• Why is it important to identify as queer?
• If you identify as queer or another non-heterosexual or non-monogamous identity, are you out and open about it?

Note: We did our best with the video and audio quality, but it isn’t perfect. As we felt the content is worth sharing, we're sharing it anyway!

Chapters

00:00 - Introduction

00:35 - Exploring the Term 'Queer'

02:37 - Personal Identities and Experiences with Queerness

07:10 - Definitions and Understanding of Queerness

10:48 - Navigating Heteronormativity and Mononormativity

15:04 - Reflections on Coming Out and Self-Identification

19:21 - Redefining Queerness: Beyond Labels

26:42 - Intersectionality and Mental Health in the LGBTQ+ Community

30:08 - Navigating Polyamory and Queerness

31:00 - Coming Out Stories: Personal Experiences and Family Dynamics

Resources:

• Looking for therapy? Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠

• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠
• Book: Bi Notes for a Bisexual Revolution by Shiri Eisner - https://www.amazon.ca/Bi-Bisexual-Revolution-Shiri-Eisner/dp/1580054749
• Coming out as polyamorous video - our initial talk in preparing for the conversation - How to talk to parents about being polyamorous or in an open relationship - https://youtu.be/UxYecGOZ3WY?si=OaNmNcBea2bA27sH
• Let's Talk Polyamory Facebook Community - https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly

• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer