If you want the real truth about divorce, buckle up. In this episode, Andrea and Morgan deliver the unfiltered, uncomfortable, absolutely-necessary truths your lawyer wishes you understood…but might be too afraid to say directly.

From how the legal system really works to why your expectations are sabotaging your sanity, this episode is the wake-up call you need if you’re navigating divorce, co-parenting, or even just preparing for that dreaded Thanksgiving dinner with your very opinionated family.

This one is honest, hilarious, a little unhinged (hi Andrea), and packed with strategic guidance that will help you avoid major mistakes.

The legal system doesn’t care about fairness. It’s designed for equitable distribution, not emotional justice.

Morgan breaks down why the courts aren’t built to punish your ex — even when you deeply (and correctly) feel they deserve it.

Why your expectations are often unrealistic, what “the range” actually means in divorce outcomes, and how lowering your expectations protects your mental health and your wallet.

Andrea reminds listeners that different states = different standards. Don’t guess. Don’t Google. Ask your lawyer to explain what’s realistic where YOU live.

Your ex won’t suddenly transform into a better human mid-divorce. (Brenda does not become Glinda.) Focus on your responses, your regulation, and your strategy.

How to shut down intrusive family commentary (“That’s not fair!”) and exactly what to say at the holiday table when everyone wants details about your divorce.

Andrea shares her own emotional story about her first Thanksgiving without her kids, and how focusing on what she could control changed everything.

Use a communication app like OurFamilyWizard to protect yourself legally and emotionally — especially with the ToneMeter feature that stops you from sending something you’ll regret.

• The legal system is not designed to make you feel better.
• Your ex won’t change just because you’d like them to.
• Your attorney isn’t your therapist.
• Fairness is not a legal standard. Equitable is.
• Focusing on your ex keeps you stuck.
• You are responsible for asking your lawyer the right questions.
• Your expectations need to be realistic, not emotional.

00:00 — Hard truth: nothing about divorce is “fair”

00:05 — Why the legal system will NOT give you justice or revenge

00:21 — Show intro

01:12 — Morgan’s chaotic morning + the freight elevator monkey situation

02:38 — Why a small client gift boosted the entire legal team

03:26 — Andrea’s shocking weekend text to Morgan

04:30 — Kim Kardashian’s “All’s Fair”: Andrea’s surprising review

05:36 — HARD TRUTH #1: Lower your expectations

08:43 — How to “bet on yourself” when everything feels...

If you’re in the middle of a divorce and constantly asking yourself “WHY is this happening?”, this episode is about to save you money, misery, and a whole lot of emotional tailspinning.

This week, Andrea and Morgan dive deep into the question that can either move your divorce forward—or completely derail you: WHY.

When is asking why strategic?

And when is it a waste of attorney fees (or your sanity)?

To help break it all down, we’re joined by Cary J. Mogerman, one of the most respected divorce attorneys in Missouri. Cary brings decades of experience, a wise-professor vibe, and a no-nonsense approach to helping clients understand the process clearly, calmly, and strategically.

Cary J. Mogerman is one of the most highly regarded divorce lawyers in Missouri and wellknown to other top family law attorneys throughout the United States. He is a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and in 2022, served as President of the national organization. He is a Diplomate of the American College of Family Trial Lawyers, an invitation-only assemblage limited to 100 members throughout the United States; Cary is a member of its executive committee. He is a Fellow of the International Academy of Family Lawyers.

https://carmodymacdonald.com/people/cary-j-mogerman/

In this conversation, you’ll learn:

• Why “Why is this happening to me?” is a therapist question—not a lawyer question
• How to ask WHY in a way that strengthens your strategy, saves money, and reveals leverage
• Why understanding your spouse’s emotional triggers can completely shift mediation
• The one communication mistake clients make that drives lawyers insane
• When your lawyer should break things down in plain language
• Why slowing down your responses (yes, YOU) will prevent disaster
• How to stop burning money on the wrong kind of questions
• Why the legal process feels slow, confusing, and unfair—and what to do with that
• How to advocate for yourself without apologizing

PLUS: Andrea reveals a HUGE co-parenting milestone (Shabbat dinner with the ex… yes, seriously), and Morgan talks through why listeners were so triggered by last week’s episode—and what that means for your own healing.

This is the episode you NEED if you’re negotiating, mediating, litigating, co-parenting, or just trying to get through the day without rage-texting your ex or panic-emailing your lawyer.

“Why is this happening?”

“Why is he acting like this?”

“Why is she being crazy?”

These are human questions—but not legal ones.

They belong in therapy, not in your billable hours.

Why are we filing this motion?

Why is this our mediation plan?

Why is my ex reacting this strongly to ONE issue?

These help your attorney build a smarter, more effective case.

Cary breaks down why attorneys NEED to simplify their communication—and why you should never feel embarrassed asking:

“Can you explain that in normal-person English?”

You know your spouse better than anyone.

Your insights help your attorney negotiate smarter and faster.

You’re not being chased by a bear.

Slow down. Breathe. Don’t respond immediately.

You can literally save thousands of

If the idea of “healthy co-parenting” makes you want to throw your phone, this episode is for you. Comedian Andrea Rappaport and powerhouse family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill sit down with co-parenting expert and bestselling author Jon Bassford, JD, MBA, CAE, whose real-life story of turning a hostile divorce into a functional, daily-communication co-parenting dynamic will shock you—in the best way.

Jon's new book, The Co-Parenting Secret: It's Not About You, doesn't sugarcoat the difficulty or pretend everyone can be friends. Instead, it offers a revolutionary reframe: stop thinking about "my time" or "their time" and start thinking about your child's life. It challenges the toxic win/lose mindset and offers a new model: collaborative parenting focused on emotional safety, communication, and showing up for your kid every time.

His message resonates with divorced, separated, dating-but-split, or any parents navigating two-home situations, because it's not about having a friendly ex or following a perfect plan. It's about making intentional choices that prioritize your kids above your own convenience, preferences, or pride.

Jon is also a TEDx speaker, CEO of Lateral Solutions, and brings 20+ years of executive leadership to his work but this book isn't about applying business frameworks to family life. It's about the messy, honest journey of getting co-parenting right after getting it wrong.

Jon didn’t start with unicorns and rainbows. There was resentment, trash-talking, incompatible living… the whole messy thing. But he learned the intentional steps that transform co-parenting from a battleground into actual teamwork. In this episode, we dig into what co-parenting looks like when it’s real, what to do when your ex refuses to cooperate, and why saying “Of course” instead of “Fine” could change literally everything.

Whether you’re co-parenting with a narcissist, parallel-parenting with someone who refuses to meet you halfway, or just trying to not lose your mind over a simple schedule swap, you’ll walk away with mindset shifts, scripts, action steps, and legal strategy you can use TODAY.

Jon and his ex did not get along at first. There was hostility, miscommunication, and resentment — just like what most people experience. Progress happens in baby steps, not giant leaps.

Your instinct is to say “no.” That’s human. But dropping your guard and choosing calm over chaos immediately changes your internal state. Less spiraling, less anger, less anxiety.

Morgan breaks down how tools like Our Family Wizard create evidence showing you are the reasonable parent. If a judge ever needs to get involved, this matters A LOT.

Jon explains how resentment destroys your peace more than it punishes your ex. Letting go isn’t excusing behavior — it’s freeing yourself.

Co-parenting gets easier when you know why you’re doing it: stability for your child, emotional peace for yourself, and a healthier long-term dynamic.

00:00 — Why “our natural reaction is to say no”

00:17 — Morgan explains the legal strategy behind saying “yes”

00:31 — What saying “of course” does for you

00:57 — Andrea on isolation during divorce

01:12 — Why connecting with community matters

01:27 — Truly Engaging partnership + holiday card...

This week, Morgan and Andrea flip the script and want you to SUCK at divorce. Yep, you read that right. Learn how to Set aside your feelings, Utilize experts, Calm your nervous system, and Know the facts: a game-changing framework that’ll help you make better decisions (and fewer expensive mistakes) during your divorce.

From cortisol spikes to co-parenting apps, nervous-system hacks, and even Amazon finds that actually don’t suck, the girls cover it all ...with the perfect blend of legal insight, emotional honesty, and wine-soaked humor you’ve come to expect.

• Why your emotions are the worst business partners during divorce — and how to manage them
• How to think like a CEO (even when you feel like a hot mess)
• When and how to actually use your divorce experts
• Simple science-based tricks to calm your body in moments of panic
• How to separate facts from feelings to protect your sanity (and your wallet)

S – Set aside your feelings

U – Utilize experts

C – Calm your nervous system

K – Know the facts (and stick to them)

Timestamps:

05:01 – The Hulu Show That Made Us Cringe

Andrea reviews All’s Fair — the all-female divorce firm drama starring Kim Kardashian — and the verdict? “It sucks.” (Which turns out to be the perfect segue…)

07:46 – Introducing the SUCK Acronym

Morgan and Andrea unveil a new framework that will actually help you survive your divorce with your dignity intact:

S – Set aside your feelings

U – Utilize experts

C – Calm your nervous system

K – Know the facts (and stick to them)

09:02 – Step 1: Set Aside Your Feelings

Morgan explains the science behind emotional flooding (hello, cortisol!) and how to think like a businessperson instead of a brokenhearted one.

10:34 – Andrea’s Advice for the Highly Emotional

If you can’t be calm — pretend to be someone who can. Channel your inner TV badass (minus the tire-slashing).

11:35 – Step 2: Utilize Experts

Morgan reminds listeners: you hired your experts for a reason. Don’t go rogue.

12:55 – Why Ignoring Your Attorney’s Advice Backfires

Andrea walks through what happens when clients do the opposite of what their lawyer says — and how to avoid a legal disaster.

15:59 – Step 3: Calm Your Nervous System

Andrea and Morgan dig into the physical side of stress. What happens in your body when your ex drops a bombshell — and how to get your calm back.

17:54 – Morgan’s “20-Minute Rule” for Freakouts

She shares a practical strategy: take 20–30 minutes before responding to any major divorce news. No driving, no emailing, no rage-texting.

19:44 – Andrea’s Panic-Proof Toolkit

The “panic attack queen of Chicago” shares her science-backed tricks: movement, cold exposure, vagus-nerve activation, and a hilarious deck of cards that actually help.

22:29 – Step 4: Know the Facts and Stick to Them

Morgan explains why emotional storytelling wastes time and money — and how bullet-pointed facts will save your case.

23:50 – Feelings Aren’t Facts

Andrea breaks down why your opinions about “Brenda being a nut job”...

You’re almost done… which is exactly when smart people make expensive mistakes. In this punchy, practical episode, Andrea and Morgan tackle “divorce senioritis”, that end-of-process urge to rush, stop reading, or pick last-minute fights, and lay out the three biggest mistakes people make in the final stretch of divorce (plus how to avoid them without losing your mind or your money).

1.Don’t glaze over “small” document edits

• Tiny word shifts like “may / shall / will” can flip legal meaning.
• Action: Print the latest draft, run a Word Compare, read line-by-line for one quiet hour, and send your written questions to your attorney.
• Ask explicitly: “Do these changes affect any earlier documents (e.g., parenting or financial agreements)?”

2.Stop the 11th-hour nickel-and-diming

• Adding minor demands late (or “saving money” by not calling your lawyer) can drag negotiations and raise fees.
• Action: Bullet the 5–8 items bugging you; ask your lawyer:
• “Which of these have a realistic chance of success and are worth pushing to get us across the finish line?”
• Big picture > petty wins.

3.Prepare for the mixed emotions after finalization

• Relief, sadness, anticlimax—it’s normal to feel the opposite of what you expected.
• Action: Don’t over-schedule a celebration that day. Give yourself space to process, rest, and recalibrate.

• 00:00 Senioritis is real: why the finish line is risky
• 05:24 The urge to “just sign it” (and how that backfires)
• 10:14 Compare feature, “may/shall/will,” and cross-document impacts
• 16:40 Nickel-and-diming at the 11th hour (and how to reframe control)
• 23:39 Read like a businessperson, not a broken heart
• 25:39 The post-divorce emotional curve (why it’s anticlimactic)
• 28:38 Don’t plan a blowout the day it finalizes—plan space
• 33:12 Mini-game: Marry or Divorce? (PG-13 edition)

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We are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.com

Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners and save 20% off your first year of the essentials package

The first 30 days of divorce can feel like a tornado: unpredictable, emotional, and expensive if you’re not careful. In this episode, hosts Andrea Rappaport (comedian + marketing guru) and Morgan L. Stogsdill (family law powerhouse) share the top three mistakes people make in the early days of divorce, and how to avoid them.

From texting your ex when you’re angry, to oversharing on social media, to thinking you can “speed through” the legal process. This episode breaks down the emotional, financial, and legal landmines that derail people again and again. You’ll laugh, cringe, and probably see yourself in a few of these moments (we’ve all been there).

If you’re newly separated or about to file, this episode is your permission slip to pause, breathe, and get smart.

1️⃣ Mistake #1: Expecting it to get easier right away

• Why things actually feel worse before they get better
• How to ask your attorney for a 30-day roadmap
• The importance of managing adrenaline and expectations

2️⃣ Mistake #2: Venting online (and via text)

• Why your DMs, TikToks, and “inspirational quotes” can backfire legally
• The true cost of an emotional text (yes, every angry email = more billable hours)
• How to protect your privacy and your kids’ peace during divorce

3️⃣ Mistake #3: Rushing through paperwork to “get it over with”

• Why going too fast leads to expensive mistakes
• How to give yourself grace — and time — in the process
• Why “slow and steady” really does win this race

The early days of divorce are all about emotional control, clarity, and smart strategy. Expect the chaos, plan for it, and don’t react from pain. Whether you’re tempted to overshare online, over-email your lawyer, or overthink your ex ... stop, take a breath, and remember: you’ve got this. And we’ve got you.

• 💌 Join Our Private Community: For support, laughter, and real talk
• ✉️ Truly Engaging Cards: Connect with your people this holiday season ([link + promo code in show notes])

We are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.com

Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck

Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can....

When divorce gets messy, who gets the details, your best friend or your lawyer? Comedian Andrea Rappaport and family-law powerhouse Morgan L. Stogsdill break down exactly what belongs in your attorney’s inbox (strategy, facts, timelines, negotiations) and what belongs at brunch (feelings, venting, support). You’ll learn how to communicate efficiently to save money, protect leverage, and avoid sabotaging your case, plus how to choose the right friends to lean on without getting “keyed up and liquored up” and firing off expensive emails. Practical scripts, pattern-tracking tips, and a reminder that attorney-client conversations are confidential.

• Negotiating without lawyers? Tell your attorney first.
• What to report: “We’ve been negotiating directly,” plus the round-by-round back-and-forth (Offer → Counter → Counter). This preserves leverage and prevents your lawyer from being blindsided by opposing counsel’s “but the parties already agreed…” (≈ 11:00–12:31).
• Use cost-effective communications.
• Prefer a short bullet-point email or a 15-minute call to recap facts; end with a clear question (“Is this relevant / do you need more?”) so your lawyer can triage quickly (≈ 12:06–12:41, 16:45–17:45).
• Medical issues can change your financial outcome.
• Tell your lawyer the bottom line (e.g., “Follow-up testing showed I had a stroke; next steps include X”). This can impact maintenance/alimony, health-insurance planning, and future medical costs—don’t hold back due to privacy; it’s confidential (≈ 6:01–8:54).
• Kids & custody: document patterns, not one-offs.
• Track behaviors over time (timeline with dates) and escalate only when a pattern emerges. Use a co-parenting app (e.g., OurFamilyWizard) so records are centralized and tamper-resistant (≈ 18:59–20:29, 36:13–36:49).
• Do not crowd-source legal strategy or finances to friends.
• Don’t pass around your financial affidavit/balance sheet or share strategy; non-experts amp anxiety and can trigger costly re-work by your legal team (≈ 24:07–26:45).
• Avoid “keyed up + liquored up” emails.
• Late-night venting to your lawyer = billable time and often requires follow-up to unwind, costing hundreds for nothing actionable (≈ 24:49–25:48).
• Attorney-client privilege & scope.
• Your lawyer needs high-level facts and actionable timelines; save feelings for friends/therapist unless they reveal patterns relevant to the case (≈ 4:47–5:37, 18:59–19:46).

• 00:00 Why lawyers need the facts; negotiating w/o attorneys
• 03:38 Attorney vs. friend: who gets what
• 06:01 Medical issues that change financial outcomes
• 09:35 Private negotiations: how to report rounds + counters
• 12:06 Bullets vs. calls; add a question to every email
• 16:45 Kids’ issues: patterns, timelines, apps
• 21:16 Choosing the right friend (avoid “Sally Big Mouth” & hidden agendas)
• 24:07 Don’t show friends your balance sheet; cost traps
• 32:56 Community + handwritten cards (sponsor segment)
• 41:19 Marathon mindset + resources/community

• “Your attorney protects your case; your friend protects your heart—don’t confuse the two.”
• “If you’re negotiating directly, tell us—and give...

Money talk can make anyone want to hide under a blanket (or a naked sweater 👀), but dividing assets during divorce doesn’t have to send you into a panic spiral. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, comedian Andrea Rappaport and powerhouse attorney Morgan Stogsdill break down the financial side of divorce into three simple letters: A, B, and C

You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, and you’ll definitely take notes as Andrea and Morgan make sense of the mess — from Target runs and Amazon receipts to Botox budgets and business-minded thinking.

Here’s what you’ll learn:

• A — Ask for Help: How to stop avoiding financial paperwork, and who you should lean on (yes, paralegals and lawyers are your new BFFs).
• B — Think Like a Business Person: Why emotions can tank smart decisions — and how to negotiate like you’re closing a deal, not fighting a war.
• C — Calculate, Don’t Catastrophize: The mindset shift that keeps you out of the panic zone and focused on strategy, not drama.
• Morgan’s expert tips on financial affidavits, balance sheets, and why honesty about your spending (yes, even the Botox) pays off in the long run.
• Andrea’s real-life story about getting zero in her settlement — and how she turned it into a comeback.
• Wild (and hilarious) real-world examples of divorce gone petty — from stolen cabinet knobs to donation revenge schemes

💡 Whether you’re splitting assets worth millions or dividing a Target cart, this episode gives you the knowledge, humor, and empowerment to handle your money like a pro — without losing your sanity.

Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

If you have a concern about alcohol use during coparenting time, you need Soberlink. Head to www.soberlink.com/notsuck to see how Soberlink can be used in your case and claim your $100 Visa gift card.

Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck

Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.

Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorce

Follow Andrea: @theandrearappaport

Follow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago