One minute you feel strong, clear-headed, and relieved… and the next you’re sobbing in your car wondering if you just destroyed your life. If you feel emotionally unrecognizable during divorce, you are not alone—and you’re not “doing it wrong.”

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian/marketing guru Andrea Rappaport break down the emotional rollercoaster of divorce—why it happens, why it’s normal, and how letting emotions drive decisions can create legal and financial consequences you can’t unwind.

You’ll learn how to adopt emotional neutrality (without becoming emotionless), why realistic expectations protect your sanity, and the exact do’s and don’ts that help you stay grounded—especially when kids and co-parenting are involved.

1. Why divorce triggers “emotional whiplash” (relief, guilt, rage, panic, regret—sometimes all at once)
2. The difference between feelings vs. facts in divorce decision-making
3. Why emotional highs aren’t the problem—expectations are
4. Why emotional lows don’t mean you’re making the wrong choice
5. What “emotional neutrality” actually means (and why it’s self-preservation)
6. How to ask your attorney for realistic expectations and a Plan B
7. The biggest mistakes people make when they’re activated (and how to avoid them)
8. Practical ways to regulate your nervous system and get off the rollercoaster

If you’re in the early stages of divorce—or you’re already activated—here’s what Andrea and Morgan want you to do:

✅ 1) Adopt emotional neutrality

1. “That meeting went well. Okay.”
2. “That meeting didn’t go well. Okay.”
3. Neutrality is not numbness. It means your feelings are not in charge.

✅ 2) Ask for realistic expectations (every time)

When something goes well, ask your attorney:

1. “What’s a realistic expectation from here?”
2. “What if this strategy doesn’t work—what’s our Plan B?”

✅ 3) Don’t make permanent decisions in temporary emotional states

Morgan’s legal rule: if you’re activated, you pause—not react.

✅ 4) Stabilize with routine

Predictable routines regulate your nervous system when your life feels unpredictable.

✅ 5) Write it down—don’t react

Journal the emotion, then bring it to your therapist (not your attorney). Your attorney is your legal guide—not your emotional support system.

✅ 6) Choose ONE safe person

Avoid oversharing with people who escalate you (you know who you are, “Tina from the bar” 😅).

✅ 7) Use tools that reduce conflict

Consider structured communication support

If you haven’t filed for divorce yet but you’re spiraling, crying, rage-texting, and panic Googling how to leave your spouse...this episode is your pre-divorce game plan.

Andrea walks you through the “invisible work” that protects you before you file: creating a private email, organizing finances, understanding monthly expenses, regulating emotions, interviewing attorneys strategically, protecting kids from adult stress, and avoiding common mistakes that can cost you money (and peace).

This is not about being sneaky—it’s about being smart.

1. What to do before you file for divorce
2. How to create a private email and start organizing information safely
3. The pre-divorce financial lists you need (accounts, debts, passwords, credit score)
4. Why tracking monthly expenses now saves you later (hello, financial affidavits)
5. How to stay emotionally neutral and avoid the “high-high / low-low” spiral
6. How to interview attorneys and choose the right “business partner”
7. What NOT to do before filing (spending changes, threats, escalating conflict)
8. How to protect your kids (routines, boundaries, therapy support)
9. Bonus: writing down your “why” and what you want on the other side

Do these before you file:

1. Create a new private email address (separate from anything your spouse can access).
2. Start a Google Doc/Sheet to track:
3. All known accounts (banking, retirement, investments, credit cards, loans)
4. Unknowns you need to identify (accounts you suspect exist, balances you don’t know)
5. Passwords/access issues
6. Pull your credit score and document it.
7. List all monthly expenses (mortgage/rent, utilities, insurance, subscriptions, kids’ expenses, activities, childcare).
8. Interview at least 3 attorneys before hiring—choose strategy, not vibes.
9. Keep household routines stable (especially if you have kids).
10. Don’t threaten, don’t escalate, and don’t make sudden spending changes.
11. Get a hobby/outlet (something healthy + consistent).
12. Consider lining up a therapist for your kids if you expect the process to hit them hard.

Support and survival tools for one of the hardest days of divorce.

“When the house is quiet, the feelings are loud.” If you’re facing Christmas (or any holiday) without your kids, this episode is your survival guide.

Andrea Rappaport and Morgan Stogsdill talk about one of the most painful parts of divorce: the first (or early) holidays when your children are with the other parent. The anxiety can start days in advance, and the empty-house silence can feel unbearable — but Morgan reminds listeners that this is usually a moment in time, not a sign that you made the wrong decision about divorce.

You’ll hear real, practical tools for getting through the day hour-by-hour (doggy paddling counts), what not to do when you’re spiraling, and why “effective support” matters. You’ll also get tips for keeping conversations with your kids positive, avoiding emotional landmines, and making a plan that helps you survive the holiday — without shame, stalking your ex, or numbing yourself into oblivion.

1. Why holidays without your kids after divorce can feel like a crisis moment
2. How to tell the difference between grief and a “divorce decision”
3. Why “two truths can coexist” (you can be doing the right thing and it can hurt)
4. The best coping strategies for surviving Christmas without your children
5. What not to do: social media spirals, isolating, stalking your ex, emotional decisions
6. Why moving your body helps your mind calm down (“an exhausted body is a calm mind”)
7. How to use community support (even anonymously) when you feel alone
8. How to talk to your kids without making them feel responsible for your emotions
9. Co-parenting communication tools (and why OurFamilyWizard helps when rules aren’t followed)
10. Morgan’s “Chad” story: how making a plan helped a parent survive the first Christmas alone
11. Why leaving the house is the #1 non-negotiable tool (even a drive-through counts)

Andrea says it best: no amount of self-care candles fixes the fact that your kids aren’t here. Missing your children doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re hurting.

Morgan sees clients question everything during the holidays — but she rarely sees people truly halt divorce because of it. These feelings are real, but they’re usually temporary.

You don’t have to “thrive” today. You just have to get through it. Hour-by-hour is allowed.

Here’s your breakdown, straight from Morgan + Andrea:

1. Walk outside if you can
2. If it’s cold: use a short YouTube workout video
3. If...

Why the holidays amplify doubts. What to do instead of panicking.

If you're overwhelmed, exhausted, pretending you’re fine, or Googling “How to pretend I'm not miserable in my marriage and ruin Christmas?” this conversation is exactly what you need.

December hits differently when your marriage feels heavy. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan and Andrea break down why the holidays can push you into emotional overdrive and why that does not automatically mean you need to file for divorce today. From understanding the difference between a crisis moment vs. a clarity moment, to learning the now-iconic Pantry Party Plan, this episode gives you practical strategies to stay grounded, calm, and emotionally safe during one of the most triggering months of the year.

Andrea and Morgan open the episode with a message so many listeners need to hear:

You’re going to be okay.

Holiday stress isn’t proof that your marriage suddenly collapsed — it’s proof that December is a pressure cooker.

Friends. Traditions. Money. Kids. Expectations. Fake joy.

Your nervous system is maxed out, and that’s normal.

A crisis moment feels like:

1. wanting to flee your house
2. hiding in the pantry
3. crying out of nowhere
4. fantasizing about driving away and not coming back
5. panic bubbling in your chest

These moments do NOT require divorce decisions.

A clarity moment feels like:

1. “Yep… this marriage still doesn’t feel right.”
2. annoyance, sadness, or distance
3. noticing repeating patterns
4. calm recognition of misalignment

Clarity = information

Crisis = not the time to act

This distinction alone saves listeners from major mistakes.

December will give you a moment where you need to step away — mentally or physically.

Andrea introduces the Pantry Party Plan, a simple, strategic grounding tool to stop panic from running the show.

Step 1: Set a timer.

1. 3 minutes → small wobble
2. 5–7 minutes → medium crisis
3. 10 minutes → major meltdown prevention

Step 2: Exhale first.

Panic makes it nearly impossible to breathe in.

So start by pushing out all your air, then allow the inhale.

Step 3: Add your mantra.

Pick something that makes you laugh, relax, or feel powerful.

Andrea’s?

“Bitches ain’t shit.”

Find one that works for YOU.

Morgan breaks down the legal + emotional side:

1. holiday traditions when you're unhappy
2. forced family time

How to prepare, protect yourself, and move forward without rushing

This episode is especially helpful if you’re searching for:

1. How to prepare for divorce without filing
2. Emotional separation before divorce
3. How to survive the holidays before divorce
4. What is a silent divorce?
5. How to tell your spouse you want a divorce (but not yet)
6. Divorce timing strategy
7. How to protect kids during separation

If you’re quietly planning your next chapter, this one is for you.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport dive deep into the concept of the silent divorce: the unofficial, emotional separation that happens when one or both partners know the marriage is ending, but they're not ready to officially file yet.

If you're feeling emotionally checked out, unsure of timing, scared of disrupting the holidays, or stuck in a “limbo marriage,” this episode helps you understand what a silent divorce is, the signs you're in one, and most importantly : what to DO about it.

Andrea and Morgan break down two scenarios:

1️⃣ When both spouses know divorce is coming but are waiting.

2️⃣ When only one spouse knows, and the other has no idea.

You’ll hear practical guidance, emotional support, and legal strategy to help you prepare without panicking, protect your kids, and avoid major divorce mistakes.

Plus, you’ll hear hysterical QuickBooks chaos, psychic readings on Oak Street, and a glamorous side quest to the Waldorf Astoria. Classic HNTSAD energy.

How emotional withdrawal and parallel living become the early stage of divorce long before filing papers.

– Minimal communication

– Loss of intimacy

– Roommate vibes

– Emotional loneliness

– Avoidance of conflict

– No partnership energy

Do this:

1. 
   
2. 
   
3. Keep things predictable
4. 
   
5. 
   
6. 
   
7. Set temporary boundaries (separate bedrooms, shared spaces, routines)
8. 
   
9. 
   
10. 
    
11. Treat this time as preparation, not limbo

Why strategy, not emotion, wins negotiations.

Emotions don’t win in divorce court — facts and strategy do. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, divorce attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian-turned-divorce-advocate Andrea Rappaport walk you through how to negotiate your divorce like a pro using their THINK framework:

1. T – Take the emotion out of it
2. H – Have realistic non-negotiables
3. I – Identify their pain points
4. N – Negotiate from facts, not feelings
5. K – Keep your BATNA in mind (your best backup plan)

If the idea of mediation, settlement conferences, or sitting across from your ex makes you want to hide in a hole, this episode is your game plan. You’ll learn how to work with your lawyer instead of against them, what’s actually realistic to ask for, how to use what you know about your ex as legal leverage, and why clinging to your emotions can cost you big money, time, and sanity.

Whether you’re just starting your divorce, heading into mediation, or trying to wrap up a long, exhausting case, this episode will help you stay out of court if possible, save money, and make smarter decisions for you and your kids.

1. Why “facts win” in divorce
2. How emotions spiral, stories get twisted, and why judges and mediators care about documents, numbers, and timelines — not drama.
3. T = Take the emotion out of it
4. Andrea’s “Ziploc bag and freeze your feelings like a 2018 pot roast” strategy
5. How to notice when you’re triggered in mediation (hello, Brenda and Chad)
6. What to say to your lawyer when you’re about to lose it — and when to zip it and let them speak for you
7. H = Have realistic non-negotiables
8. The difference between must-haves and nice-to-haves
9. Why “I want 100% custody” usually isn’t realistic
10. How to decide which holidays, financial terms, or parenting provisions are truly non-negotiable
11. Morgan’s example of a client who refused to accept any end date on maintenance — and why that was realistic in her case
12. I = Identify their pain points
13. How to “play detective” and figure out what your ex really cares about (ego, money, reputation, time with kids, a specific property, etc.)

Hard truths that can save you time, money, and sanity.

If you want the real truth about divorce, buckle up. In this episode, Andrea and Morgan deliver the unfiltered, uncomfortable, absolutely-necessary truths your lawyer wishes you understood…but might be too afraid to say directly.

From how the legal system really works to why your expectations are sabotaging your sanity, this episode is the wake-up call you need if you’re navigating divorce, co-parenting, or even just preparing for that dreaded Thanksgiving dinner with your very opinionated family.

This one is honest, hilarious, a little unhinged (hi Andrea), and packed with strategic guidance that will help you avoid major mistakes.

The legal system doesn’t care about fairness. It’s designed for equitable distribution, not emotional justice.

Morgan breaks down why the courts aren’t built to punish your ex — even when you deeply (and correctly) feel they deserve it.

Why your expectations are often unrealistic, what “the range” actually means in divorce outcomes, and how lowering your expectations protects your mental health and your wallet.

Andrea reminds listeners that different states = different standards. Don’t guess. Don’t Google. Ask your lawyer to explain what’s realistic where YOU live.

Your ex won’t suddenly transform into a better human mid-divorce. (Brenda does not become Glinda.) Focus on your responses, your regulation, and your strategy.

How to shut down intrusive family commentary (“That’s not fair!”) and exactly what to say at the holiday table when everyone wants details about your divorce.

Andrea shares her own emotional story about her first Thanksgiving without her kids, and how focusing on what she could control changed everything.

Use a communication app like OurFamilyWizard to protect yourself legally and emotionally — especially with the ToneMeter feature that stops you from sending something you’ll regret.

1. The legal system is not designed to make you feel better.
2. Your ex won’t change just because you’d like them to.
3. Your attorney isn’t your therapist.
4. Fairness is not a legal standard. Equitable is.
5. Focusing on your ex keeps you stuck.
6. You are responsible for asking your lawyer the right questions.
7. Your expectations need to be realistic, not emotional.

00:00 — Hard truth:...

Making better decisions by understanding what really matters.

If you’re in the middle of a divorce and constantly asking yourself “WHY is this happening?”, this episode is about to save you money, misery, and a whole lot of emotional tailspinning.

This week, Andrea and Morgan dive deep into the question that can either move your divorce forward—or completely derail you: WHY.

When is asking why strategic?

And when is it a waste of attorney fees (or your sanity)?

To help break it all down, we’re joined by Cary J. Mogerman, one of the most respected divorce attorneys in Missouri. Cary brings decades of experience, a wise-professor vibe, and a no-nonsense approach to helping clients understand the process clearly, calmly, and strategically.

Cary J. Mogerman is one of the most highly regarded divorce lawyers in Missouri and wellknown to other top family law attorneys throughout the United States. He is a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and in 2022, served as President of the national organization. He is a Diplomate of the American College of Family Trial Lawyers, an invitation-only assemblage limited to 100 members throughout the United States; Cary is a member of its executive committee. He is a Fellow of the International Academy of Family Lawyers.

https://carmodymacdonald.com/people/cary-j-mogerman/

In this conversation, you’ll learn:

1. Why “Why is this happening to me?” is a therapist question—not a lawyer question
2. How to ask WHY in a way that strengthens your strategy, saves money, and reveals leverage
3. Why understanding your spouse’s emotional triggers can completely shift mediation
4. The one communication mistake clients make that drives lawyers insane
5. When your lawyer should break things down in plain language
6. Why slowing down your responses (yes, YOU) will prevent disaster
7. How to stop burning money on the wrong kind of questions
8. Why the legal process feels slow, confusing, and unfair—and what to do with that
9. How to advocate for yourself without apologizing

PLUS: Andrea reveals a HUGE co-parenting milestone (Shabbat dinner with the ex… yes, seriously), and Morgan talks through why listeners were so triggered by last week’s episode—and what that means for your own healing.

This is the episode you NEED if you’re negotiating, mediating, litigating, co-parenting, or just trying to get through the day without rage-texting your ex or panic-emailing your lawyer.

“Why is this happening?”

“Why is he acting like this?”

“Why is she being crazy?”

These are human questions—but not legal ones.

They belong in therapy, not in your billable hours.

Why are we filing this motion?

Why is this our mediation plan?

Why is my ex reacting this strongly to ONE issue?

These help your attorney build a smarter, more effective...