If your ex is still controlling you and you keep reacting, explaining, or trying to keep the peace… you might be actively hurting your legal case without even realizing it.

Because here’s the thing: divorce doesn’t cure controlling behavior—it often exposes it. And control doesn’t always look loud. Sometimes it looks “polite.” Sometimes it looks like silence. Sometimes it looks like a thousand tiny moments that make your stomach drop.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian Andrea Rappaport break down what control looks like after separation, why it escalates, and the legal + emotional action steps to shut it down.

And yes—there’s also a story involving a tambourine, a fire-lit “happiness class,” and a man casually threatening everyone with a tombstone. (Welcome to the show.)

Morgan explains that control can look like:

1. Financial control: “I’ll pay when I feel like it,” monitoring spending, moving goalposts
2. Micromanaging parenting and second-guessing everything you do
3. Weaponized silence / delayed responses to make you spiral
4. Making you feel like you need permission for decisions you don’t need permission for
5. “Polite” manipulation disguised as “concern for the kids”

Andrea explains the psychology: when someone loses access and power, they often pull harder—because control is how they regulate their discomfort.

Morgan explains how controlling behavior can drive a wedge between you and your attorney—making you doubt your lawyer, hold back details, or get pulled into the ex’s narrative.

That’s not just stressful. It can derail your strategy and cost you serious money.

If your nervous system is hijacked every time they text you, you’ll default to the old pattern:

1. Reacting
2. Over-explaining
3. Trying to smooth things over
4. Trying to get them to “understand”

Which gives them exactly what they want: access.

Morgan explains why vague agreements don’t work with controlling people.

Example of vague: “reasonable communication.”

Problem: “reasonable” becomes a playground for manipulation.

Because (say it with us): control fades when access fades.

That may mean:

1. limiting communication
2. using a parenting app
3. not responding to bait
4. pushing...

Rushing a divorce can cost you money, leverage, and peace—especially if you’re dating, listening to family “advice,” or skipping the right experts. In this episode, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport break down the most common divorce regrets and the smart, strategic moves to avoid them.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan and Andrea unpack the most common divorce regrets they see over and over again: the ones that quietly cost you money, complicate custody, drag out the process, and make you look back thinking… why did I do that?

Get real divorce advice your lawyer may be too polite to share. We break down unpopular divorce opinions and practical divorce tips that can save you thousands of dollars in legal fees, reduce stress, and help you avoid costly mistakes. How Not to Suck at Divorce is the divorce podcast for people who want clarity, strategy, and support

From rushing because you’ve moved on romantically, to letting your dad become your “legal strategist,” to skipping experts like OurFamilyWizard because you’re trying to save money—this is your highlight reel of what not to do (and what to do instead).

And yes… Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie make an appearance. Because apparently six marriages is one way to earn a PhD in divorce.

1. The #1 regret: rushing your divorce and leaving money on the table
2. Why “I want to be divorced by March” can backfire fast
3. How outdated financials and an old balance sheet can cost you thousands
4. Why your new partner should not be part of the divorce “mischigas”
5. The danger of letting family and friends influence legal decisions
6. How well-meaning parents can accidentally run up your legal bill
7. When outside experts (forensic accountants, co-parenting tools, therapists) actually save you money
8. Why trying to “cheap out” can lead to a future court nightmare
9. The difference between fighting for what matters vs. fighting over balsamic vinegar
10. How to decide what’s worth it (and what’s just ego, fear, or control)

When you’re desperate to be done, you cut corners. That’s how people sign agreements with missing details, outdated account values, or unclear parenting language—then regret it later.

Do this instead: Ask your attorney if your timeline is realistic, and if it is—map the steps from A to Z.

Your new person may mean well, but they are not your lawyer—and emotionally, it can start poisoning the relationship fast.

Do this instead: Process the divorce with your therapist, your support system, and your attorney—not your new partner.

Even smart, loving parents can unintentionally derail the strategy—especially when they aren’t in the day-to-day “trenches” of your case.

Do

When your divorce is dragging because the other side won’t respond, it can feel like psychological warfare—especially when kids and money are on the line. In this episode, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport break down what’s actually happening when a divorce case stalls, how to tell the difference between normal delays and strategic stalling, and what to do next.

You’ll learn the practical legal steps attorneys use to create structure—like mediation deadlines, motions to compel, subpoenas, depositions, and discovery strategies—plus the mindset shifts that keep you from spiraling and spending thousands of dollars reacting emotionally. Bottom line: when the time is right, get aggressive—because talk is cheap.

Stalling is one of the most common (and most infuriating) divorce experiences, and it happens for a few big reasons:

1. They don’t have their shit together (missing documents, incomplete financials, no affidavit, disorganized life)
2. They think you’ll panic and settle cheap just to end the pain
3. It’s a power play (silence = control, especially with high-conflict people)
4. Their attorney is overwhelmed, under-resourced, or occasionally strategic (timing money events like bonuses, etc.)

The good news: stalling isn’t a dead end. It’s a problem that can be solved with structure, strategy, and sometimes court pressure.

Before you go scorched earth, ask this exact question:

“Is this delay normal… or is this strategic stalling?”

Morgan explains that a good attorney can often tell you:

1. whether the other lawyer is just chronically slow/unorganized, or
2. whether the other side is intentionally dragging things out to wear you down.

These two scenarios require totally different responses.

Stalled cases usually move when there’s something real on the calendar:

1. court dates
2. motion hearings
3. trial dates
4. mediations with firm deadlines

Morgan’s most practical advice:

If nothing is moving, push for a trial date. Even if the first date doesn’t “stick,” a real end date creates pressure—and pressure creates movement.

Tell your attorney you’re frustrated and ask:

1. Is this normal?
2. What’s the standard timeline in this jurisdiction?
3. What steps do we take in order if they don’t comply?
4. At what point do we file something?

This helps you avoid spending money “going aggressive” too early… only for the judge to give them another two...

If you’ve spent more than five minutes on TikTok, Reddit, or Instagram, you’ve seen it everywhere: “My co-parent is a narcissist.” And we get why that label feels validating. It gives your pain a name.

But here’s the problem: labels don’t carry weight in court — behavior does. And when you lead with a diagnosis you can’t prove, you risk looking reactive, emotional, or unreliable in the one place where credibility matters most.

In this episode, we’re joined by two powerhouse custody attorneys — Kristen Holstrom and Samantha McBride (the Custody Queens) — to explain what actually helps you win: specific facts, consistent documentation, strong boundaries, and a strategy that keeps you from getting pulled into emotional warfare.

1. Why calling your ex a narcissist can backfire legally and emotionally
2. The difference between traits vs. a true clinical diagnosis (and why it rarely shows up in court)
3. What judges care about most in custody cases: co-parenting and facilitating the other parent’s relationship
4. How to build a case using patterns, timelines, and evidence
5. Why social media is forever (even if you delete it)
6. How co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard can protect you and create documentation
7. “Chess, not checkers”: how to stop reacting and start controlling your side of the street
8. Why custody evaluations can go sideways when you show up with labels instead of facts

Courts don’t decide custody based on “he’s a narcissist.” They decide based on what happened, how often, and how it impacts the children.

If you sound like you’re diagnosing your ex, you may unintentionally look like the unstable one — especially in high-stakes settings like custody evaluations.

Posting, reposting, liking, or commenting on “narcissist” content can be used against you. Even deleted posts can come back via screenshots.

Tools like OurFamilyWizard don’t mean you failed. They mean you’re building guardrails and a paper trail.

When you’re organized, strategic, and documenting the right things, you get your power back.

1. Drop the label. Keep the facts.
2. Replace “He’s a narcissist” with: “He missed 7 pickups in 30 days.”
3. Build a timeline.
4. Dates, times, missed exchanges, late pickups, medical info withheld, school info excluded.

One minute you feel strong, clear-headed, and relieved… and the next you’re sobbing in your car wondering if you just destroyed your life. If you feel emotionally unrecognizable during divorce, you are not alone—and you’re not “doing it wrong.”

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian/marketing guru Andrea Rappaport break down the emotional rollercoaster of divorce—why it happens, why it’s normal, and how letting emotions drive decisions can create legal and financial consequences you can’t unwind.

You’ll learn how to adopt emotional neutrality (without becoming emotionless), why realistic expectations protect your sanity, and the exact do’s and don’ts that help you stay grounded—especially when kids and co-parenting are involved.

1. Why divorce triggers “emotional whiplash” (relief, guilt, rage, panic, regret—sometimes all at once)
2. The difference between feelings vs. facts in divorce decision-making
3. Why emotional highs aren’t the problem—expectations are
4. Why emotional lows don’t mean you’re making the wrong choice
5. What “emotional neutrality” actually means (and why it’s self-preservation)
6. How to ask your attorney for realistic expectations and a Plan B
7. The biggest mistakes people make when they’re activated (and how to avoid them)
8. Practical ways to regulate your nervous system and get off the rollercoaster

If you’re in the early stages of divorce—or you’re already activated—here’s what Andrea and Morgan want you to do:

✅ 1) Adopt emotional neutrality

1. “That meeting went well. Okay.”
2. “That meeting didn’t go well. Okay.”
3. Neutrality is not numbness. It means your feelings are not in charge.

✅ 2) Ask for realistic expectations (every time)

When something goes well, ask your attorney:

1. “What’s a realistic expectation from here?”
2. “What if this strategy doesn’t work—what’s our Plan B?”

✅ 3) Don’t make permanent decisions in temporary emotional states

Morgan’s legal rule: if you’re activated, you pause—not react.

✅ 4) Stabilize with routine

Predictable routines regulate your nervous system when your life feels unpredictable.

✅ 5) Write it down—don’t react

Journal the emotion, then bring it to your therapist (not your attorney). Your attorney is your legal guide—not your emotional support system.

✅ 6) Choose ONE safe person

Avoid oversharing with people who escalate you (you know who you are, “Tina from the bar” 😅).

✅ 7) Use tools that reduce conflict

Consider structured communication support

If you haven’t filed for divorce yet but you’re spiraling, crying, rage-texting, and panic Googling how to leave your spouse...this episode is your pre-divorce game plan.

Andrea walks you through the “invisible work” that protects you before you file: creating a private email, organizing finances, understanding monthly expenses, regulating emotions, interviewing attorneys strategically, protecting kids from adult stress, and avoiding common mistakes that can cost you money (and peace).

This is not about being sneaky—it’s about being smart.

1. What to do before you file for divorce
2. How to create a private email and start organizing information safely
3. The pre-divorce financial lists you need (accounts, debts, passwords, credit score)
4. Why tracking monthly expenses now saves you later (hello, financial affidavits)
5. How to stay emotionally neutral and avoid the “high-high / low-low” spiral
6. How to interview attorneys and choose the right “business partner”
7. What NOT to do before filing (spending changes, threats, escalating conflict)
8. How to protect your kids (routines, boundaries, therapy support)
9. Bonus: writing down your “why” and what you want on the other side

Do these before you file:

1. Create a new private email address (separate from anything your spouse can access).
2. Start a Google Doc/Sheet to track:
3. All known accounts (banking, retirement, investments, credit cards, loans)
4. Unknowns you need to identify (accounts you suspect exist, balances you don’t know)
5. Passwords/access issues
6. Pull your credit score and document it.
7. List all monthly expenses (mortgage/rent, utilities, insurance, subscriptions, kids’ expenses, activities, childcare).
8. Interview at least 3 attorneys before hiring—choose strategy, not vibes.
9. Keep household routines stable (especially if you have kids).
10. Don’t threaten, don’t escalate, and don’t make sudden spending changes.
11. Get a hobby/outlet (something healthy + consistent).
12. Consider lining up a therapist for your kids if you expect the process to hit them hard.

Support and survival tools for one of the hardest days of divorce.

“When the house is quiet, the feelings are loud.” If you’re facing Christmas (or any holiday) without your kids, this episode is your survival guide.

Andrea Rappaport and Morgan Stogsdill talk about one of the most painful parts of divorce: the first (or early) holidays when your children are with the other parent. The anxiety can start days in advance, and the empty-house silence can feel unbearable — but Morgan reminds listeners that this is usually a moment in time, not a sign that you made the wrong decision about divorce.

You’ll hear real, practical tools for getting through the day hour-by-hour (doggy paddling counts), what not to do when you’re spiraling, and why “effective support” matters. You’ll also get tips for keeping conversations with your kids positive, avoiding emotional landmines, and making a plan that helps you survive the holiday — without shame, stalking your ex, or numbing yourself into oblivion.

1. Why holidays without your kids after divorce can feel like a crisis moment
2. How to tell the difference between grief and a “divorce decision”
3. Why “two truths can coexist” (you can be doing the right thing and it can hurt)
4. The best coping strategies for surviving Christmas without your children
5. What not to do: social media spirals, isolating, stalking your ex, emotional decisions
6. Why moving your body helps your mind calm down (“an exhausted body is a calm mind”)
7. How to use community support (even anonymously) when you feel alone
8. How to talk to your kids without making them feel responsible for your emotions
9. Co-parenting communication tools (and why OurFamilyWizard helps when rules aren’t followed)
10. Morgan’s “Chad” story: how making a plan helped a parent survive the first Christmas alone
11. Why leaving the house is the #1 non-negotiable tool (even a drive-through counts)

Andrea says it best: no amount of self-care candles fixes the fact that your kids aren’t here. Missing your children doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re hurting.

Morgan sees clients question everything during the holidays — but she rarely sees people truly halt divorce because of it. These feelings are real, but they’re usually temporary.

You don’t have to “thrive” today. You just have to get through it. Hour-by-hour is allowed.

Here’s your breakdown, straight from Morgan + Andrea:

1. Walk outside if you can
2. If it’s cold: use a short YouTube workout video
3. If...

Why the holidays amplify doubts. What to do instead of panicking.

If you're overwhelmed, exhausted, pretending you’re fine, or Googling “How to pretend I'm not miserable in my marriage and ruin Christmas?” this conversation is exactly what you need.

December hits differently when your marriage feels heavy. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan and Andrea break down why the holidays can push you into emotional overdrive and why that does not automatically mean you need to file for divorce today. From understanding the difference between a crisis moment vs. a clarity moment, to learning the now-iconic Pantry Party Plan, this episode gives you practical strategies to stay grounded, calm, and emotionally safe during one of the most triggering months of the year.

Andrea and Morgan open the episode with a message so many listeners need to hear:

You’re going to be okay.

Holiday stress isn’t proof that your marriage suddenly collapsed — it’s proof that December is a pressure cooker.

Friends. Traditions. Money. Kids. Expectations. Fake joy.

Your nervous system is maxed out, and that’s normal.

A crisis moment feels like:

1. wanting to flee your house
2. hiding in the pantry
3. crying out of nowhere
4. fantasizing about driving away and not coming back
5. panic bubbling in your chest

These moments do NOT require divorce decisions.

A clarity moment feels like:

1. “Yep… this marriage still doesn’t feel right.”
2. annoyance, sadness, or distance
3. noticing repeating patterns
4. calm recognition of misalignment

Clarity = information

Crisis = not the time to act

This distinction alone saves listeners from major mistakes.

December will give you a moment where you need to step away — mentally or physically.

Andrea introduces the Pantry Party Plan, a simple, strategic grounding tool to stop panic from running the show.

Step 1: Set a timer.

1. 3 minutes → small wobble
2. 5–7 minutes → medium crisis
3. 10 minutes → major meltdown prevention

Step 2: Exhale first.

Panic makes it nearly impossible to breathe in.

So start by pushing out all your air, then allow the inhale.

Step 3: Add your mantra.

Pick something that makes you laugh, relax, or feel powerful.

Andrea’s?

“Bitches ain’t shit.”

Find one that works for YOU.

Morgan breaks down the legal + emotional side:

1. holiday traditions when you're unhappy
2. forced family time