In this deeply reflective episode, Kelley introduces a life-changing mantra: “I will no longer break my own heart.” She explores how self-abandonment, internalized beliefs about suffering, and delayed joy have shaped her past—and how choosing softness and intentional joy became her path to healing. Through personal stories, including her time living in Europe and the creation of her “joy jar,” Kelley offers listeners a grounded, practical way to stop equating pain with worth and start building a life rooted in ease and self-respect.

• You were likely taught that suffering makes you worthy—but that belief is a lie you can release.
• Joy is not something you earn later; it’s the practice that improves your life right now.
• You don’t need permission or a special occasion to choose yourself—you already are the occasion.

• 00:00 — The mantra: “I will no longer break my own heart” and what it really means
• 02:00 — The UTI story: how self-neglect became a belief system about worth
• 07:00 — Living in Europe: learning to hold joy and pain at the same time
• 12:30 — The Joy Jar: a simple, tangible way to practice choosing joy

This week, choose one small way to stop breaking your own heart.

It doesn’t have to be dramatic. It might look like resting when you’re tired, buying something that brings you comfort, or creating your own version of a joy jar.

Let it be simple. Let it be yours.

Because the shift isn’t perfection—it’s direction.

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In this deeply honest and unexpectedly joyful conversation, Kelley sits down with author and television writer Angela Nissel to explore the layered reality of grief, caregiving, and rebuilding a life after loss. Together, they unpack the quiet, everyday griefs that linger long after the funeral, the guilt and self-blame many Black women carry, and the emotional toll of being “the strong one.”

Angela shares how losing her mother forced her to reimagine her relationship with work, success, and joy—leading her to choose freedom, presence, and connection over burnout and external validation. This episode is both a permission slip and a gentle guide for anyone navigating grief while trying to stay human in a world that asks them not to.

• Grief isn’t just about loss—it’s also about the stories we tell ourselves, including guilt and responsibility that were never ours to carry.
• Caregiving teaches presence in a way productivity never can—and those quiet moments often become the most meaningful memories.
• Loss can create clarity, helping you reevaluate relationships, work, and what truly matters.

• 00:03:30 – The Unexpected Weight of Grief: Angela shares how self-blame and guilt showed up after her mother’s passing—and why so many Black women internalize responsibility for loss.
• 00:10:30 – When Grief Forces You to Feel: A powerful reflection on how grief disrupts emotional avoidance and reveals what no longer aligns in your life.
• 00:14:00 – Redefining Work, Success, and Freedom: Angela opens up about leaving behind hustle culture and choosing a life centered on time, relationships, and joy.
• 00:31:00 – Caregiving, Presence, and What Actually Matters: A moving conversation on caregiving, being present, and why small moments of connection become the memories that last.

If you’re holding grief right now—big or small—try this: Take five minutes today to pause instead of pushing through. Reach out to someone you love, not to perform strength, but to be real. Or ask someone in your life a question about their story—something you’ve never asked before.Let yourself choose presence, even in small ways. That’s where the healing begins.

• Website: Angela Nissel
• Instagram: @angelanissel
• Pre-order the book: Good Grief, Pass the Bread, My Mom Is Dead, (available wherever books are sold)

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In this episode, Kelley explores the idea that joy is not something we wait for, but something we actively practice, especially in difficult times. Drawing from personal reflection, cultural history, and evidence-informed healing, she unpacks how constant exposure to outrage and hardship can disconnect us from our humanity.

She reframes joy as both a survival tool and a form of resistance, rooted deeply in Black cultural traditions and ancestral wisdom. Through storytelling and practical insight, she invites listeners to build intentional “structures of joy” that are accessible, sustainable, and grounding.

This conversation is a reminder that staying human in a harsh world requires choice, practice, and softness without losing awareness.

• Joy is not something you earn after things get better. It is something you practice to survive what is happening now.
• Constant outrage may feel productive, but it often disconnects you from your ability to rest, create, and love.
• Building simple, repeatable practices of joy makes it easier to access when you need it most.

• 00:00 – The mantra: “I’m not waiting for the world to be good to feel good”
• 03:00 – The weight of current realities and how it impacts joy
• 09:30 – Why outrage is not the same as action and how it changes you
• 15:00 – Joy as resistance and how to begin building a practice of it

What would it look like to stop postponing your joy?

This week, choose one small, repeatable practice that brings you back to yourself. It could be music, movement, rest, or laughter. Let it be simple, accessible, and yours.

You are not waiting for the world to soften before you do. You are practicing staying human, right here, right now.

Like, follow, and subscribe across all platforms. Find us @blackgirlburnout.

Subscribe to our newsletter at blackgirlburnout.com. Watch on YouTube. Drop a review — your words make a real difference, and they warm Kelley's whole heart every single time.

Join our Substack family for weekly reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes notes from Kelley.

Become a paid subscriber ($8/month) for exclusive resources and monthly workshops.

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Marissa Renee Lee has been through it. Harvard. Wall Street. The White House. And also: her mother's MS diagnosis at 13, stage four breast cancer, a pregnancy loss, and now two years of long COVID. What she's learned isn't that grief has a silver lining. It's that grief has a through line, and if you're honest enough to follow it, it leads somewhere real.

In this episode, Kelley sits down with Marissa, bestselling author of Grief Is Love and her newest book Waiting for Dawn, for a conversation that gets honest about what it actually costs to be the strong one. They talk about what happens to your identity when the thing you've always counted on, your strength, your body, your plan, disappears without asking permission. And what you reach for when it does.

What you'll hear:

• Why grief isn't a detour from your life story, it is your life story, and what high-achieving Black women lose when they don't name it
• The "Flake Permission Structure" — and why saying "I want to but I can't commit" is one of the most honest and loving things you can do
• What Marissa calls "good love" and why saying no to someone you love is sometimes the most caring thing you can offer
• The two tools she swears by when the uncertainty isn't going anywhere: radical honesty about where you are, and practical hope for where you're going

Episode Highlights & Timestamps

00:04:22 — Achievement as armor: Marissa traces how her drive for success started as a survival strategy at 13, when her mom got sick and she decided the only thing she could control was how hard she worked

00:22:11 — "Not everything can be fixed. Some things must be endured." Kelley and Marissa get honest about what it means to hold yourself together when the world isn't cooperating, and why shrinking your to-do list down to just two things is actually enough

00:28:09 — The Flake Permission Structure: why saying "I want to but I can't commit" upfront is kinder, more honest, and way less anxiety-inducing than the last-minute text we've all sent

00:34:00 — Good love and the hardest no: Marissa reframes saying no to someone you love not as a failure of care but as the fullest expression of it, and why learning to feed yourself first is how you actually show up for others

Gentle Invitation

Somewhere in your life right now, there's something you can't fix. You can only endure it.

What would it look like to be honest about that, not performatively, just to yourself? And what's the smallest, most stubborn piece of hope you can hold alongside it?

Start there. Build from there.

Connect with Marissa

Grab a copy of Waiting for Dawn wherever you buy your books — Marissa especially recommends your local indie bookstore.

Find her on Substack at Holding Both and everywhere else on the internet as @MarissaRenee.

Support the Show

Like, follow, and subscribe across all platforms. Find us @blackgirlburnout.

Subscribe to our newsletter at blackgirlburnout.com. Watch on YouTube. Drop a review — your words make a real difference, and they warm Kelley's whole heart every single time.

Stay in Touch

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There are moments when you realize you’ve drifted—away from your needs, your pace, your sense of self. In this episode, Kelley explores what it means to come back to yourself after seasons of burnout, overextension, or disconnection. She gently unpacks how easy it is to lose touch with your inner voice when you’ve been prioritizing expectations, survival, or the needs of others.

This conversation offers a grounded path back to yourself—one rooted in small choices, honest reflection, and the willingness to move at a pace that honors your capacity. Coming back to yourself isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to what has always been there.

• Disconnection can happen quietly. Burnout and overextension often pull you away from your needs without you realizing it.
• Reconnection starts with awareness. Noticing what feels off is the first step toward returning to yourself with honesty and care.
• Small, consistent choices rebuild trust. You don’t need a full reset—tiny, intentional shifts help you come back to yourself over time.

• 01:57 – How You Know You’ve Drifted From Yourself
• Kelley names the subtle signs of disconnection, including exhaustion, irritability, and feeling out of alignment with your own life.
• 05:21 – The Cost of Constant Overextension
• A reflection on how prioritizing others, productivity, or expectations can slowly erode your connection to your own needs.
• 09:18 – Relearning Your Own Voice
• Kelley explores the practice of tuning back into your preferences, boundaries, and internal cues after periods of disconnection.
• 13:46 – Returning to Yourself in Small Ways
• A gentle reminder that coming back to yourself happens through small, sustainable choices—not pressure or perfection.

If this episode resonated, choose one small way to come back to yourself this week. It might be resting when you’re tired, saying no without overexplaining, or simply pausing to ask, What do I need right now?

Listen to the full episode, share it with someone who may be feeling disconnected, and leave a review if this conversation supported you. Each step you take toward yourself creates more space for ease, clarity, and a life that feels like your own.

Like, share, and subscribe on all platforms, and find us on social media

@blackgirlburnout

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It’s easy to believe you know what you want—more success, more money, more recognition, more stability. But sometimes those goals are inherited from pressure, expectation, or survival patterns rather than your true desires. In this episode, Kelley explores the practice of reverse engineering what you actually want by slowing down and examining the life you’re building.

This conversation invites you to move beyond autopilot ambition and reconnect with what genuinely brings you ease, alignment, and fulfillment. When you take the time to question the “why” behind your goals, you create space to pursue a life that reflects your values instead of external expectations.

• Not every goal is truly yours. Some ambitions are shaped by family expectations, cultural pressure, or survival patterns rather than your authentic desires.
• Clarity comes from reflection. When you pause and examine what your goals are meant to give you—peace, freedom, rest—you can make more aligned decisions.
• Reverse engineering creates intentional living. Starting with the feeling or life you want can help you design goals that actually support your wellbeing.

• 02:11 – Questioning the Goals You’ve Been Chasing
• Kelley introduces the idea that many of the goals we pursue are inherited from societal expectations rather than personal alignment.
• 05:48 – The Real Reason Behind Most Ambitions
• A deeper look at how many goals are actually attempts to access deeper needs like safety, peace, or freedom.
• 09:36 – Reverse Engineering the Life You Want
• Kelley walks through the practice of starting with the feeling you want to experience and working backward to design your choices.
• 14:22 – Giving Yourself Permission to Choose Differently
• A closing reflection on releasing pressure and allowing your goals to evolve as your values and capacity change.

If this episode resonated, take a few quiet minutes this week to reflect on one goal you’re currently pursuing. Ask yourself: What do I believe this goal will give me? Then consider whether there may be a simpler or more sustainable path to that feeling.

Listen to the full episode, share it with someone who may be navigating the same pressure, and leave a review if this conversation supported you. Each share helps grow a community where choosing ease, clarity, and sustainable ambition becomes possible.

Like, share, and subscribe on all platforms, and find us on social media

@blackgirlburnout

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Watch the episode on YouTube

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Join our Substack family for weekly reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes notes from Kelley.

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Sometimes the things you want most—success, love, recognition, stability—can start to feel urgent. Not just important, but necessary for your survival. In this episode, Kelley explores how wanting more can quietly shift into something deeper: a trauma response shaped by pressure, scarcity, and the belief that you must constantly strive to be safe, valued, or enough.

This conversation gently invites you to slow down and examine the difference between healthy desire and survival-driven striving. When you understand the roots of urgency, you can begin to choose a pace that honors your nervous system, your boundaries, and your capacity for joy.

• Wanting can become a survival strategy. When your nervous system believes safety depends on achievement or validation, desire can shift into urgency and pressure.
• Scarcity thinking fuels burnout. The belief that you must constantly chase the next opportunity, relationship, or milestone keeps your body in a state of striving.
• Slowing down creates clarity. When you give yourself space to pause, you can begin to separate genuine desires from patterns rooted in fear or past wounds.

• 01:48 – When Wanting Stops Feeling Like a Choice
• Kelley explores how desire can move from a healthy aspiration into something that feels urgent and survival-driven.
• 05:32 – The Scarcity Mindset Behind Constant Striving
• A deeper look at how past experiences and cultural pressures can create the belief that opportunities, love, or success are always about to disappear.
• 09:47 – How Trauma Shapes the Way You Chase Goals
• Kelley discusses how unresolved wounds can influence ambition, relationships, and the pace at which you push yourself.
• 14:21 – Choosing Desire From a Place of Safety
• A reflection on how slowing down and honoring your nervous system can help you pursue what you want without exhaustion or pressure.

If this episode resonated, take a quiet moment this week to notice where urgency might be guiding your decisions. Ask yourself: Is this something I truly want, or something I feel I must chase to feel safe?

Listen to the full episode, share it with someone who may be navigating the same pressure, and leave a review if this conversation supported you. Each share helps grow a community where choosing ease, clarity, and sustainable ambition becomes possible.

Like, share, and subscribe on all platforms, and find us on social media

@blackgirlburnout

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Watch the episode on YouTube

Drop a review—help us spread the word that rest is not weakness.

Join our Substack family for weekly reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes notes from Kelley.

Become a paid Substack subscriber ($5/month—the cost of a latte!) for exclusive resources to support your burnout-free life.

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Savvy Ladies: https://www.savvyladies.org/

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Safety isn’t a number. It’s a nervous system state.

In this episode, Kelley explores why so many of us feel an urgent need to optimize — our bodies, our bank accounts, our productivity — and what’s really underneath that impulse. In a world that feels economically, politically, and emotionally unstable, it’s easy to believe that if we just earn more, look better, or stay busy enough, we’ll finally feel secure. But what if those behaviors aren’t ambition… they’re armor?

This conversation reframes the current obsession with leveling up, luxury, glow-ups, and side hustles as a nervous system response to instability. Kelley gently challenges the idea that safety can be bought, earned, or displayed — and offers a softer, more sustainable path: creating safety from the inside out.

• Safety is not a financial number, aesthetic achievement, or productivity milestone — it’s a nervous system state.
• There’s a difference between aspiration and avoidance. Aspiration asks “why?” Armor just keeps you moving.
• If what you’re chasing gives proof to others but not peace to you, it may be a defense mechanism — not a desire.

00:00 – The Real Question Beneath the Hustle

Kelley opens with a powerful reframe: the question “How do I secure my life?” isn’t a planning question — it’s a safety question. This sets the foundation for the entire episode.

08:30 – The Rise of Symbolic Safety

From luxury TikTok to aesthetic optimization to side hustles, Kelley explores how we chase visible markers of success when structural safety feels unstable — and why those symbols can’t regulate our bodies.

16:00 – Aspiration vs. Armor

A defining moment in the episode: the difference between expansive desire and avoidance. Aspiration is curious and grounded. Armor is urgent and never satisfied.

27:00 – What Does Enough Feel Like?

Near the close, Kelley invites listeners to imagine what “enough” would feel like in their bodies — not in numbers, titles, or weight, but in breath, shoulders, and nervous system calm.

This week, pause before you chase the next thing — the new routine, the side hustle, the aesthetic upgrade, the financial goal — and ask:

• What do I think this will give me that I don’t have right now?
• Is this giving me peace… or proof?
• Will this create relief, ease, time, choice, or rest?

You don’t have to fix anything.

You don’t need another plan.

Just notice.

Because staying human is the work — and your nervous system deserves safety that doesn’t require performance.

Like, share, and subscribe on all platforms, and find us on social media

@blackgirlburnout

Subscribe to our newsletter: blackgirlburnout.com

Watch the episode on YouTube

Drop a review—help us spread the word that rest is not weakness.

Join our Substack family for weekly reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes notes from Kelley.

Become a paid Substack subscriber ($5/month—the cost of a latte!) for exclusive resources to support your burnout-free life.

Check out PharmaNutra and use my code BGB for a great deal: https://pharmanutra-us.com

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Savvy Ladies: https://www.savvyladies.org/

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