Your Brain on Love

The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships

By: Stan Tatkin PsyD

Narrated by: Stan Tatkin PsyD

Length: 5 hrs and 50 mins

Publisher's Summary

"Understand your brain, improve your relationships." That's what Stan Tatkin has learned from his leading-edge work as a researcher and couples therapist. In this complete audio learning program, he merges current insights from neurobiology and attachment theory to help us shift out of conflict and into deeper and more loving connections. Listeners first learn to identify attachment styles - the patterns of intimacy that begin in our earliest years - both in ourselves and in those around us. Then Tatkin guides us through his proven principles and pratices for biliding enduring security and commitment between couples, family members, and othes that we love.

©2013 Stan Tatkin (P)2013 Stan Tatkin

Relationship Essential

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

This book is essential reading for anyone in a relationship whether it's going well or not or how new the relationship is. In fact, I believe everyone would benefit from reading this book.

What did you learn from Your Brain on Love that you would use in your daily life?

I thought I was good at relationships but this book and the attachment theory model has broken down all of my old beliefs and I'm now installing new ones. I've had a paradigm shift and my priorities (values, if you will) have been re-organised. I now see that the relationship is paramount, not the individual. Two people together in a secure functioning relationship can achieve much more with their lives than if they were to operate independently. I will apply what I have learned here and with further study I will become a better man and help my partner feel understood and secure in my love.

Lacking the female/feminine perspective

Sure, there are some good points about attachment and things to look for when dealing with anxious and avoidant types, however there are a lot of troubling assertions that you should put up with what can be described as abusive and emotional laborious behavior in the name of your partner. Particularly the disparagement of so-called "Islands". The author goes out of his way in the beginning to say "None of these types are 'wrong'", but then spends the rest of the book telling Islands that they are wrong to want to establish boundaries and take time for themselves. According to the author you need to be available 24/7 for your partner, and provide all of your partners needs no matter how damaging it is to your own psyche. If you are in an argument, trying to establish healthy boundaries and take care of your needs, and your partner calls 20 times and leaves long, troubling voicemails in the name of "seeing if the relationship is ok", this is NOT acceptable behavior!

I feel like what this book lacks is the perspective of a woman who has had to deal with being the sole system of support for her male partner. She might seem like an Island because she's fighting for identity and autonomy against a man-child who sucks everything from the atmosphere. The author states that we need to "parent" our partners, but every woman can tell you that it often doesn't go both ways, and she ends up "parenting" just about everyone in her household.

The author does nothing to discuss the need for friends and a social circle outside of the relationship. He says that "Anchors" acknowledge the need for it, but doesn't go into how it should operate. If you're with a "Wave" no amount of time away from them seems reasonable, and according to the author the "Island" should accommodate that. THIS IS DANGEROUS TO WOMEN.

Interesting concepts but it gets a little silly

This book had some interesting science behind it. The first half focuses on some pretty silly and overly simplified terminology. Are you an island or a submarine or an airplane or a wave?? Dr. Tatkin explains that few people fit into just one category. Even as heuristic devices, they don't really hold water. The second half of the book is worth the wait though. It gives some real insight into ways that the average person can create and maintain a "couple bubble".

Fantastic

Any additional comments?

Stan Tatkin's presentation style grew on me as I listened. He presents information on relationships from several scientific sources in a compelling, engaging and personable way. I listened twice back to back. This is a great resourse for any couple.

I loved it

It's more psychology than it is neurology but the character types he describes and the interactions between them were very accurate and useful for me

Life Changing Book

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

For some of us, a stable long-term relationship eludes us and we often wonder why. As a 30 something year old who never had a LTR, I had to come to terms with my "Island" or "Avoidant" attachment style. This book provides you with a slap in the face and you realize, relationships are messy, people are annoying but they can also be rewarding. In this book more than any other book, you learn the acceptance of your partner and realize you are responsible their happiness and well being as much as he or she is responsible for yours. For someone like me who is very guarded and often expect others to rely on themselves this was truly a paradigm shift in the way I looked at human relationships, not just romantic relationships.

What other book might you compare Your Brain on Love to and why?

I listen to "Attached: Thew New Science of Adult Attachment And How It Can Help you Find- And Keep Love" by Rachel Heller and Amir Levine. That was a good book and if you have sometime, I would recommend listening or reading that book first to get a good understanding of Adult Attachment Style. However "Your Brian on Love" really for me knocks it out of the park by giving you a solid framework and tool to make any relationship where both parties are interested in making it work the instructions to have a secure stable relationship.

What does Stan Tatkin bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

The author Stan Tatkin read the book. At first his voice can come off as irritating because of his accent but I quickly warmed up to it. His voice has a certain warmth that envelopes you. The way he read he book made me feel like we were friends and he was giving some sage wisdom on a nice summer evening on the porch.

Promotes victimism

This book basically states that we are all screwed up from our childhood in one way or another. We are victims of poor parenting and therefore it becomes our spouse's responsibility to take care of us in our broken state. I fundamentally disagree. We are not victims. Rather we can count the blessing we have, become whole people on our own, and then we can be a healthy partner.

Perfect for me! And so many of us...

This book is all I needed it to be. It puts into words many thoughts and feelings and experiences I had and have. Based on sound neuroscience and biology I can relate to, it explained to me attachment styles in a thorough but yet simple way and wrapped everything together which was very enlightening to me. The author / narrator as a very pleasant voice and reading style. Thank you so very much for this gift of a book ! Highly recommend it to anyone interested in learning about him or herself as an individual as well as partner.

Definitely Worth a Read!

What did you like about this audiobook?

I liked how it was so simple and easy to follow, and also based on studies of logic and neurobiology rather than all the emotional stuff only.

How has the book increased your interest in the subject matter?

Definitely, I'm willing to read more about relationships from a more practical side, and to look into how people think in general.

Does the author present information in a way that is interesting and insightful, and if so, how does he achieve this?

Yes, it's easy, and very simple, so it keeps one interested the whole time.

What did you find wrong about the narrator's performance?

Nothing bothered me.

Awesome!

What made the experience of listening to Your Brain on Love the most enjoyable?

This book helped me understand so much more about my life, love, and what I can and cant' do. It was fun to listen to and easy to follow.

What about Stan Tatkin’s performance did you like?

Perfect cadence, very clear, super easy to understand. I listened to most parts twice.

Indispensable reference

I greatly enjoyed this audio book. Dr Tatkin is very clear and engaging and explains the neuroscience basis of love and attachment in a deeply enjoyable way. I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking a lasting, solid relationship.

Amazing man, amazing audiobook, real insight.

An amazing individual with real, evidence based insight into human relationships and neuroscience. 11/10 would recommend to anyone.

Incredible Book

I learnt so much. I'm so grateful for the wisdom shared. Highly recommend this book to everyone.

Excellent

Easy to understand and relatable view on attachment theory. A must read for anyone - single or in a relationship.

It all makes sense now!!

What an eye opener! It has articulated very well what relationships are like with different types of people and how best you can relate. This is definitely a book I would recommend!

Truly worth the read, just mind blowing

I really enjoyed this book, the narrating, the material and the knowledge that comes from is was fantastic. If you would like to understand your relationships overall, and your love relationships in depth you need to get this book!
It was just what I needed at the right time. Thank you for such a fantastic book, and advice.
I would highly recommend getting this book!

A must listen for everyone

Thoroughly enjoyed it. Good narrator and very entertaining. Lots of practical information to understand one’s attachment preference and that of loved ones. Illuminating.

Eye opening read

At times it felt like this book was written about my ex wife and I, after finishing it I realised that that's because it actually was. It was written about and for every single one of us and it has helped me immensely.

A must read. A great wedding gift

This book is a must read. Very accessible for both men and women. This book literally saved my marriage. It has transformed my perceptions of my marriage, my partner and our problems, and given us strategies for how to resolve our problems. The strategies are clear, useable and delivered in a non-threatening way. The authors voice and tone is really pleasant to listen to. I would gift this book to every couple on their wedding day. I wish had read this 20 years ago.