You Wanna Be on Top?

A Memoir of Makeovers, Manipulation, and Not Becoming America's Next Top Model

By: Sarah Hartshorne

Narrated by: Sarah Hartshorne

In this revealing memoir, a fan favorite America’s Next Top Model contestant pulls back the curtain on the iconic but deeply flawed reality competition show, exposing the manipulation and chaos behind the scenes.

"A delicious, hilariously relatable behind-the-scenes memoir. A page-turning lark turns into an internal (rather than external) makeover." —Maria Bamford, New York Times bestselling author of Sure, I'll Join Your Cult

Tyra Banks’s America’s Next Top Model was a cultural phenomenon with more than six million weekly viewers at its peak. Over its fifteen-year run, the show captured the glitz of the early aughts as well as its most toxic attitudes—from the glamorous but often questionable photo shoots to the cutting feedback from its highly respected if out-of-touch judges. But as its fans have grown up and as the next generation discovers ANTM, they’ve also begun to reckon with the enduring ways that the show has affected their body image and self-esteem.

Sarah Hartshorne would have never guessed that her first foray into modeling would start with being blindfolded alongside three dozen other girls on a charter bus winding through Puerto Rico. In You Wanna Be On Top?, Cycle 9’s only plus-size contestant takes us into the heart of the unforgiving auditions; the labyrinthian cruise ship the girls weren’t allowed to enjoy; and, of course, the L.A. “model house” teeming with hidden cameras and elaborately constructed tensions. As the season unfolds and the producers’ interview questions about her weight and her opinions of the other girls become increasingly pointed, Hartshorne uncovers the destabilizing methods employed to film “reality.”

Drawing on her experience as well as interviews with other contestants and production crew, Hartshorne answers the questions you always wanted to ask: Why didn’t the house have a microwave or a dishwasher? Why did girls regularly faint during eliminations? Which judge was the meanest off camera? Why is it that the girls had their most meaningful conversations in closets? (Answer: It was the one place camera crews couldn’t fit.)

With tender honesty and sharp wit, Hartshorne dissects the iconic show with an unflinching gaze that refuses to smize.

Critic reviews

“A delicious, hilariously relatable behind-the-scenes memoir. A page-turning lark turns into an internal (rather than external) makeover.”—Maria Bamford, New York Times bestselling author of Sure, I'll Join Your Cult

“Juicy, nostalgic, entertaining, and disturbing, You Wanna Be on Top? is the America’s Next Top Model exposé I didn’t know I needed. For any adolescent of the mid-aughts, this book is required reading.”—Amanda Montell, New York Times bestselling author of The Age of Magical Overthinking, Cultish, and Wordslut

“You Wanna Be On Top is a wild ride. Sarah Hartshorne’s journey from ‘plus-size model to plus-size person’ will make you laugh, move you to tears, and fill you with rage. This is an unflinching and fearless account of what it takes to make ‘good TV’ and find yourself again in the aftermath.”—Aubrey Gordon, New York Times bestselling author of You Just Need to Lose Weight

“You Wanna Be on Top? takes a frank and philosophical look at the chaos undergirding the production of America’s Next Top Model. Hartshorne is refreshingly candid about the poisonous dysfunction of the reality show world, but she never takes the easy way out by making her fellow competitors into caricatures or the crew members into villains. In her funny, thoughtful telling, the show comes alive in a whole new way.”—Rax King, author of Tacky

“Reading You Wanna Be on Top? is like listening to your most talented and humorous friend reveal an extraordinary secret about their lives. Hartshorne’s memoir is funny yet stealthily powerful and imparts a deep compassion for those who have to exist in a world that feels like it was not built for them.”—Youngmi Mayer, author of I’m Laughing Because I’m Crying

“Fans of America’s Next Top Model will appreciate this unvarnished peek behind the curtain. It’s equal parts upsetting and entertaining.”—Publishers Weekly

“You Wanna Be on Top? is wry and gossipy and fun, and Hartshorne is a great narrator.”—Lit Hub

What Effect Does Reality TV Have On Participants?

More than giving us dirt on ANTM, this book attempts to explore - at a distance - the author’s experience as part of the show. Frankly, it sounded manipulative and awful (her experience, not the book), even though the story is told in an upbeat fashion, with vibrant, descriptive writing. I enjoyed it very much. The author is self-aware, and provides a perspective on this transformative experience that may be different than you think.

We're all human

As a huge ANTM fan that rewatches all the seasons with my favorite YouTuber Luxeria as she comments on each episode & points out things they couldn't do now. So glad I decided to do the audible version to capture Sarah's vibrant personality & humor! It really is crazy how much of the they don't show & how fans' concept of time for show are so off. I also enjoyed that she still has respect for Tyra and most of all, she didn't let all backlash stop her from her dreams. Highly recommend

Good insight on the dangers of reality television

This book is worth listening to and the narration made it easy to get through difficult moments.

We All Needed This

As someone who was greatly influenced by watching ANTM as a preteen and teen, this book was deeply cathartic to read. Looking back, there was so much wrong with the show, but hearing about what happened behind the camera was truly chilling. Sarah Hartshorne’s tell all is funny, honest, and very well written. I couldn’t put it down. Thank you for shining light on a show that negatively impacted millions of young people around the world.

Detailed, Nuanced, Full of Heart

What a fantastic, well written book. Getting to know the author in a deeper level was such a treat, in addition to all of the behind the scenes ANTM detail.