The Woods Are Dark

Narrated by: Bob Dunsworth
Length: 5 hrs and 6 mins
3.5 out of 5 stars (104 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

A group of deformed, cannibalistic, humanoid creatures live in the woods…as some unlucky travelers are about to find out.

©1981 Richard Laymon (P)2011 Audio Realms, all rights reserved.
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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Backwoods cannibal fun

When an unkempt legless man drags himself out in front of your convertible on an isolated mountain road and throws a severed hand at you, you should:

A) Stop and see if he needs a hand (sorry, couldn’t help myself)
B) Show him your boobs, Laymon nipples and all
C) Go get some chicken fried steak and eggs at the next available diner
D) Take a few minutes out for some steamy lesbian sex
E) All of the above.

The crazy thing is that in this one, all of these are very real possibilities. There are no wrong answers in this one. It has a bit of everything. Crazy as hell from the get go and only gets crazier as it gets rolling.

If you know what you are getting into ahead of time, I have a feeling that you will enjoy the ride. It is filled with gory, absurd, blood-soaked sexy times, cannibal feasting and lovefest with your usual suspects of inbred crazies and no shortage of the infamous rock hard Laymon nipples.

Good time granny hammer fun, backwoods cannibal lesbian love, a dried dozen-dork necklace, riding the Cordelia train, Krull heads on a stick, Sheri is bi for Neala pie and the best vacation Lander has ever had.

Yep. That about sums it up. I liked it. But, it should be noted that I’m a weirdo and was laughing out loud in all the inappropriate places.

If you have delicate sensibilities then I would probably stay far, far away from this one. As a matter of fact, you probably shouldn’t have even read my review. And what the hell are you looking up this book for in the first place Mr/Mrs prudey-pants?

4.5 Audible Stars rounded up to 5 based on the non-stop-bloody-inappropriate-crazy-fun factor. That and because, I say so.

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Savage

don't read if you're squeamish but if you like a good, solid, intense, scary book then you're gonna love this.

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

Great idea for a story but went<br />nowhere

This story had so much potential but it fell flat. Inbred, cannibal hillbillies could have been so scary but instead it was ridiculous. The narration was awful. I almost stopped listening because of the narrators flat, halting way of reading. I expected much more from this author who has given me real nightmares before.

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

CRACKLING GRISTLE

ROBERT REDFORD AND CORDUROY
Here is the plot, Scary, captured, porn, chase, porn, chase, chase, porn, gory, porn, disgusted, chase, fight, twist, history, the end. I give this four stars and normally I say only buy five star books, but for less than five dollars? Parts of this are actually brilliant and entertaining, but lots of it is stupid. The attempt at romance gave me more of a gaging reaction than the cutting off of heads and genitals. I have to share one scene: this father who is supposedly one of the good guys, is watching two girls making love, while he believes his wife is either getting raped or being chopped to pieces. His thinks, instead of finding and helping his wife, he should rape the good looking girl, who happens to look a lot like his 18 year old daughter. He figures he should rape her, since his wife is probably getting raped, it would even things out. This has more porn in it than most porn books. Redford and corduroys take place cause the book is written in 1981.

16 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Underwhelming story - confusing edit

The story overall just wasn't for me, which is fine, but the editing of this audiobook is basically unforgiveable. Chapters don't necessarily line up to the audiotrack chapters, so there are chapters that start in the previous audiotrack and go for 2-3 minutes, and then restart at the beginning of the chapter when the new audiotrack begins. It's hard to follow what's going on because parts repeat or cut out in the middle of the sentence. This was an incredibly unpleasant listening experience.

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars

Nuttier than all get-out

from the first paragraph on, its like aliens wrote this. no one acts like a human being would. you could scuba dive through the plot holes in this

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Takes Off With A Bang

The story is incredibly intense from beginning to end and not for the faint of heart. If you are squeamish or a prude I would not recommend it!

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

I don't get the ending. very confused

itc ws a very confusing story. and I'm still not sure what happened. it kept me interested, but only because I ws trying to figure it out

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars

Creepy but a little hard to follow

I had to restart the book a handful of chapters in because I wasnt payimg enough attention and I was lost

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

horrible narrator

I think I would like this book, but couldn't get past the horrible, stilted performance of the narrator. Looks like I will have to buy a hard copy.