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Publisher's Summary

A group of deformed, cannibalistic, humanoid creatures live in the woods…as some unlucky travelers are about to find out.

©1981 Richard Laymon (P)2011 Audio Realms, all rights reserved.

What listeners say about The Woods Are Dark

Average Customer Ratings
Overall
  • 3.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    28
  • 4 Stars
    33
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    32
  • 2 Stars
    21
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    15
Performance
  • 3.5 out of 5 stars
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    27
  • 4 Stars
    33
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    34
  • 2 Stars
    11
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    14
Story
  • 3 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    23
  • 4 Stars
    31
  • 3 Stars
    32
  • 2 Stars
    17
  • 1 Stars
    16

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Backwoods cannibal fun

When an unkempt legless man drags himself out in front of your convertible on an isolated mountain road and throws a severed hand at you, you should:

A) Stop and see if he needs a hand (sorry, couldn’t help myself)
B) Show him your boobs, Laymon nipples and all
C) Go get some chicken fried steak and eggs at the next available diner
D) Take a few minutes out for some steamy lesbian sex
E) All of the above.

The crazy thing is that in this one, all of these are very real possibilities. There are no wrong answers in this one. It has a bit of everything. Crazy as hell from the get go and only gets crazier as it gets rolling.

If you know what you are getting into ahead of time, I have a feeling that you will enjoy the ride. It is filled with gory, absurd, blood-soaked sexy times, cannibal feasting and lovefest with your usual suspects of inbred crazies and no shortage of the infamous rock hard Laymon nipples.

Good time granny hammer fun, backwoods cannibal lesbian love, a dried dozen-dork necklace, riding the Cordelia train, Krull heads on a stick, Sheri is bi for Neala pie and the best vacation Lander has ever had.

Yep. That about sums it up. I liked it. But, it should be noted that I’m a weirdo and was laughing out loud in all the inappropriate places.

If you have delicate sensibilities then I would probably stay far, far away from this one. As a matter of fact, you probably shouldn’t have even read my review. And what the hell are you looking up this book for in the first place Mr/Mrs prudey-pants?

4.5 Audible Stars rounded up to 5 based on the non-stop-bloody-inappropriate-crazy-fun factor. That and because, I say so.

6 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars

Nuttier than all get-out

from the first paragraph on, its like aliens wrote this. no one acts like a human being would. you could scuba dive through the plot holes in this

3 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Savage

don't read if you're squeamish but if you like a good, solid, intense, scary book then you're gonna love this.

2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

Great idea for a story but went<br />nowhere

This story had so much potential but it fell flat. Inbred, cannibal hillbillies could have been so scary but instead it was ridiculous. The narration was awful. I almost stopped listening because of the narrators flat, halting way of reading. I expected much more from this author who has given me real nightmares before.

2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

CRACKLING GRISTLE

ROBERT REDFORD AND CORDUROY
Here is the plot, Scary, captured, porn, chase, porn, chase, chase, porn, gory, porn, disgusted, chase, fight, twist, history, the end. I give this four stars and normally I say only buy five star books, but for less than five dollars? Parts of this are actually brilliant and entertaining, but lots of it is stupid. The attempt at romance gave me more of a gaging reaction than the cutting off of heads and genitals. I have to share one scene: this father who is supposedly one of the good guys, is watching two girls making love, while he believes his wife is either getting raped or being chopped to pieces. His thinks, instead of finding and helping his wife, he should rape the good looking girl, who happens to look a lot like his 18 year old daughter. He figures he should rape her, since his wife is probably getting raped, it would even things out. This has more porn in it than most porn books. Redford and corduroys take place cause the book is written in 1981.

16 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Horribly Written

I was looking for some extreme horror, so I decided to give this one a try based on a website recommendation. I had to stop around 2 hours in because this is just a bad book. The prose is so utterly bland that all the horrific subject matter just falls flat. Each paragraph goes like this: "John heard a noise behind him, so he turned around. There was a man there with a knife. John picked up his own knife. He swung it, but missed. So he swung again." The author just flatly narrates every single sequence in such a boring matter of fact way. This is the worst audiobook I've ever purchased.

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Worst Narrator I Have Ever Heard!

WTF was that!? Was that a man narrating? A robot? I have listened to at least 50 audiobooks the last 2 years and jeez that was AWFUL! Top 5 worst narration. I can't even comment on Mr. Laymon's (R.I.P.) short story because I could not get passed the 1st chapter with this narrator. This is a horror story that made me laugh and cringe. Definitely sample this 1st. Maybe it's me, but no thank you.

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

hated it.

vulgar and scattered. I didn't even finish it. such unnecessary sexuality (& I'm not a prude) and the story line is non-existent. terrible.

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Reads Like a Sick Porno

Got this thinking it might be a creature feature horror. This is nothing more than a porno, laced with grotesque violence. Rape, murder, pointless sex, and a complete lack of logical character emotion in favor of gratuitous sex. Snuff piece, nothing more.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

dark and spooky

Multiple story lines within the whole as we listen to the fates of two groups of people throw into their own Twilight Zone. Dark and spooky, so glad Iistened in broad daylight with people around!