The Four Tendencies

The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People's Lives Better, Too)

By: Gretchen Rubin

Narrated by: Gretchen Rubin

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Are you an Upholder, a Questioner, an Obliger, or a Rebel? From the author of Better Than Before and The Happiness Project comes a groundbreaking analysis of personality type that “will immediately improve every area of your life” (Melissa Urban, co-founder of the Whole30).

During her multibook investigation into human nature, Gretchen Rubin realized that by asking the seemingly dry question “How do I respond to expectations?” we gain explosive self-knowledge. She discovered that based on their answer, people fit into Four Tendencies:

• Upholders meet outer and inner expectations readily. “Discipline is my freedom.”
• Questioners meet inner expectations, but meet outer expectations only if they make sense. “If you convince me why, I’ll comply.”
• Obligers (the largest Tendency) meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet inner expectations—therefore, they need outer accountability to meet inner expectations. “You can count on me, and I’m counting on you to count on me.”
• Rebels (the smallest group) resist all expectations, outer and inner alike. They do what they choose to do, when they choose to do it, and typically they don’t tell themselves what to do. “You can’t make me, and neither can I.”

Our Tendency shapes every aspect of our behavior, so using this framework allows us to make better decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress, and engage more effectively. It’s far easier to succeed when you know what works for you.

With sharp insight, compelling research, and hilarious examples, The Four Tendencies will help you get happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative.

Obliged to give 5 stars.

Thank you, Gretchen for helping me better understand myself as an obliger. I now have a better understanding of my upholder husband- who I think leans a little toward rebel. I really appreciate being able to understand him better and how to respond knowing my own tendency as an obliger. I feel like if everyone read this book we are one step closer to world peace and I will be sure to recommend. Thanks again :) - Maria Rhodes

Had to do this review. I'm an obliger.

Thank you for sharing your tendencies framework with the world, Gretchen. Very insightful. Also appreciated to you did the audio recording.

This book is in my top five for self-help!

When you understand where in the four tendencies are you, thats when your life starts to change and improve.
This book helps you understand yourself and all people around you and all the self-savatage that hurts us most.

Interesting Personality Framework

This book is a well-organized version of the Four Tendencies that the author talks about on her blog. It was interesting to read about these four default personality tendencies and how to use that to improve your relationships at home, at work, and with friends. Overall, a quick and interesting read.

Insight into what drives others to do what they do

If you like, value and use personality tests to help understanding human drives and motivation, you will find the 4 tendencies very useful.