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The Five Trials
- Narrated by: Leo Barnabas
- Length: 16 hrs and 34 mins
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Publisher's summary
My name's Noah Kilmartin. I'm from Ruddock, Ohio, and I'm absolutely, 100 percent unqualified to save the universe from the slavering demonic hordes of the super evil bitch queen Lilith. Too bad nobody asked my opinion.
All I've got to do is pass five lethal trials that'll prove I'm the universe's last chance at salvation. To do so, I'll have to lean hard on those three years of Okinawan jiu-jutsu classes I took in high school, learn to wield my new magic sword, and, oh yeah - select five women to flesh out my team, bonding with each one for arcane purposes and desperately trying to stay alive in the process.
Piece of cake. Right?
Warning and minor spoilers: The Five Trials is a book intended for mature listeners age 18 years and older. It contains graphic sex, medieval violence, and nudity. People curse, piss their pants, hack off heads, get a little dizzy and tortured, seduce each other, try to seduce each other, and get scared witless by horrors from the darkest dimensions. Most importantly, you'll meet gorgeous, powerful women, some capable for hurling lightning, others of swinging battle-axes, and one that's Noah's unrequited crush from high school. All of them are willing to enter unconventional, polyamorous harem relationships if it means saving the universe, and luckily for Noah, this time it actually does.
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Story
Piper Griffiths wants one thing in life: To become a Consul, a keeper of the peace between humans and daemons. There are precisely three obstacles in her way. The first is Lyre. Incubus. Hotter than hell and with a wicked streak to match. His greatest mission in life is to get Piper into bed and otherwise annoy the crap out of her.
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The narrator needs help!
- By Amazon Customer on 11-27-15
By: Annette Marie
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The Empire of the Dead
- By: Phil Tucker
- Narrated by: Paul Guyet
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
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Overall
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Story
Acharsis has always loved long shots. But even with a perfect scheme and a handpicked squad of godsblooded grifters and fighters, breaking into the undead lord's Akkodaisis' ziggurat is suicidally impossible. Good thing Archarsis is a fallen demigod with more than one trick up his sleeve....
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Incredibly imaginative
- By RyRy on 09-08-17
By: Phil Tucker
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Forbidden
- Arotas Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Amy Miles
- Narrated by: Jessica Almasy
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Story
Roseline Enescue didn't ask to become an immortal, to have all of the guests at her wedding slaughtered, or to be forced into marriage with a man whose lust for blood would one day ignite the vampire legend. Willing to risk everything for a chance at a normal life, Roseline escapes to America. But her transition into the human world isn't easy. Mortal men flock after her while cutthroat girls plot her demise. Yet she remains relatively unfazed until she meets Gabriel Marston.
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Not recommended
- By Sarah on 11-08-15
By: Amy Miles
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The Deepest Well
- Dominion, Book 1
- By: Juliette Cross
- Narrated by: Allie Rose
- Length: 10 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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The same night Lady Katherine Blakely discovers just what a monster her husband is, she meets a charming stranger, a gentleman from top to toe, not a wolf in gallant evening dress as so many of them are. But even he is not all that he seems. Lord George Draconis Thornton has returned from abroad as Earl of Melbourne. As the commander of the Dominus Daemonum, demon hunters set on earth to purge the world of creatures corrupting mankind, his mission is to expel the demon prince, Damas, back to the underworld before he corrupts his last remaining descendant.
By: Juliette Cross
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At the Sign of the Crow and Moon
- A Sorcery Ascendant Prequel Novella
- By: Mitchell Hogan
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 3 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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In the bustling capital city of the Mahruse Empire, Felicienne Shyrise spends her days as a talented investigator, taking on stolen goods and missing person cases and the occasional murder the city guard are too incompetent - or too lazy - to resolve. During the nights she hones her skills playing Dominion, a board game almost as complicated as life itself. She dreams of making a name for herself and becoming the richest woman in the Empire.
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Worth It
- By Gaia on 09-23-19
By: Mitchell Hogan
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Marked
- Eternal Guardians, Book 1
- By: Elisabeth Naughton
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Wiley
- Length: 11 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Theron - Dark haired, duty bound and deceptively deadly. He's the leader of the Argonauts, an elite group of guardians that defends the immortal realm from threats of the Underworld. From the moment he walked into the club, Casey knew this guy was different. Men like that just didn't exist in real life - silky shoulder-length hair, chest impossibly broad, and a predatory manner that just screamed dark and dangerous. He was looking for something. Her. She was the one. She had the mark. Casey had to die so his kind could live, and it was Theron's duty to bring her in. But even as a 200-year-old descendent of Hercules, he wasn't strong enough to resist....
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I tried
- By Leesa on 10-06-13
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Kissed by a Dark Prince
- Eternal Mates Paranormal Romance Series, Book 1
- By: Felicity Heaton
- Narrated by: Charlotte Wright
- Length: 10 hrs and 17 mins
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Olivia thinks it's her lucky night when a dangerously handsome, unconscious fae ends up on her inspection table. He's her chance to redeem herself with her employer, the demon-hunting organization Archangel. But when the tall, dark, and deadly immortal warrior awakes, she gets much more than she bargained for.... Attacked by his enemy in the elf kingdom, the last thing Prince Loren expects when he comes around is a beautiful angel watching over him and medical technology of the mortal realm.
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OMG! What horrible narration..
- By Trish R. on 05-03-16
By: Felicity Heaton
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Heroes Die
- The First of the Acts of Caine
- By: Matthew Stover
- Narrated by: Stefan Rudnicki
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Renowned throughout the land of Ankhana as the Blade of Tyshalle, Caine has killed his share of monarchs and commoners, villains and heroes. He is relentless, unstoppable, simply the best there is at what he does. At home on Earth, Caine is Hari Michaelson, a superstar whose adventures in Ankhana command an audience of billions.
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Don't Let the Cover Turn You Off
- By Paul on 08-13-12
By: Matthew Stover
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Starling
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- By: Lesley Livingston
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Mason Starling is a champion fencer on the Gosforth Academy team, but she's never had to fight for her life. Not until the night a ferocious, otherworldly storm rips through Manhattan, trapping Mason and her teammates inside the school. Mason is besieged by nightmarish creatures more terrifying than the thunder and lightning as the raging tempest also brings a dangerous stranger into her life: a young man who remembers nothing but his name - the Fennrys Wolf. His arrival tears Mason's world apart, even as she feels an undeniable connection to him.
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Disappointed
- By Bill on 09-18-12
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Eon
- Dragoneye Reborn
- By: Alison Goodman
- Narrated by: Nancy Wu
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Overall
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Story
Twelve-year-old Eon has been training for years. His intensive study of Dragon Magic, based on Oriental astrology, involves two kinds of skills: sword-work and magical aptitude. He and his master hope that he will be chosen as a Dragoneye - an apprentice to one of the 12 energy dragons of good fortune.
But Eon has a dangerous secret. He is actually Eona, a 16-year-old girl who has been masquerading as a 12-year-old boy for the chance to become a Dragoneye.
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I was hooked
- By The Mankers on 04-22-12
By: Alison Goodman
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Forbidden Forest
- By: Tenaya Jayne
- Narrated by: Khristine Hvam
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Born in shame. Cast from society. Shape-shifter/elf hybrid Forest must fight for any respect she can get. Targeted in her youth by a vampire noble who placed an illegal slave mark on her, she is forced to obey him no matter what. Slipping the grip of her master and abandoning the prejudice of Regia, her native world, Forest takes a job on Earth, guarding the portal, using her skills as a warrior to enforce Regia's laws. Now, called home for a black ops mission, Forest must put aside her own prejudice to transport the vampire prince, Syrus, through enemy territory in a time of war.
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Eye roll-inducing YA fluff
- By M. Williams on 09-05-17
By: Tenaya Jayne
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Hollen the Soulless
- Dokiri Brides, Book 1
- By: Denali Day
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Always the dutiful daughter, Lady Joselyn is weeks away from marrying a rival lord in order to save her house. However, she suddenly finds herself in the clutches of an ancient beast she’s only ever heard of in legends. More terrifying than that is the beast’s master, a wild man who insists Joselyn is his bride by right, and plans to seal his claim in blood. Dragon-rider Hollen has finally captured the woman of his dreams, though he quickly learns waiting for her was less than half the battle.
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Love It!
- By Lily U. on 05-20-21
By: Denali Day
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What listeners say about The Five Trials
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- Erik
- 12-10-18
Cringe
if I could post a "nice guy" meme I would. The MC totally rubbed me the wrong way. He is a spineless nobody that pines after his childhood crush even after she rejects him to his face and then builds a harem but still pines after her all while the universe is ending. That's pretty much the story with the addition of a few obligatory action scenes. It's like clockwork. MC finds hot chick, They fight through a trial, Sex scene, MC finds hot chick, they fight through a trial, sex scene, and so on. I called it quites after the second trial BC I realized that the "5 trials" mentioned in the title is most likely the whole book and I was wasting my time if what I'm looking for is any character development or plot building. Narration was great! He totally nailed the whining
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- Michael
- 02-06-20
I was warned
First I need to give a mea culpa. I was warned. I read other reviews that told me how bad this was. But (as has happened before) I read the synopsis and thought, "okay surely it won't be that bad".
It is that bad. The reader isn't too bad I mean he's got the words to read. But the book. The main character is so far beyond annoying that that had this been a physical print book I'd have hurled it out the nearest window. I'd have taken the advice attributed to either Dorothy Parker or Sid Ziff, "This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."
The main character is the saddest dweebyist excuse for a protagonist it has ever been my displeasure to "meet". Not only that but he never changes or grows, he never even learns to fake it. He is in short pathetic, and I don't mean good or sympathetic pathetic. I mean "Oh good grief how dense can you be I can't take it any more" pathetic.
The book has a lot of gratuitous sex. I don't look for that, but it's not a deal breaker. At worst I can FF through it if it gets to all consuming. Here it's possibly the only reason anyone might stay with the book. This idiot is very aware no girl would ever want him, but he's in love with the girl he's known all his life. Still this doesn't keep him from lusting over every female in the book. ALSO EVERY female we meet here is incomparably beautiful...
Look, my recommendation? Save the credit and use it on something worth listening to.
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48 people found this helpful
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- Cthaeh
- 11-30-18
horrible whiny MC
The MC is awful. This book is 16 hours of a whining crying 12 year old beta male running from conflict. He has no redeeming characteristics he pisses himself constantly both literally and figuratively. When he isnt hiding under the bed from scary vaginas throwing themselves at him he is pining for the one girl who doesnt want him. He has zero agency no agenda no plan hes not a char he is furniture that hates itself.
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37 people found this helpful
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- Chris Sheridan
- 12-04-18
Troubling
I don’t know why this is but the last few books of this nature that I’ve read as well as this one. The MC seems to be mentally unable to cope with the things going on and to him/her that the story suffers to the point of me not wanting to finish or caring how the book ends. It’s frustrating. They don’t have to be superheroes right off the bat but to continually piss yourself or doubt yourself from start to finish makes for a horrible MC.
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- GABRIEL PEREZ
- 12-29-18
Worst MC ever..
I’m sorry but this mc was painful to listen to.. constantly whining, crying, and just plain pathetic.. he has a few moments where he steps up but for every 1 minute of him stepping up you have to put up with several hours of whining and just anxiety causing insecurities.
I wanted to give this a chance despite the other reviews.. but they were right. Too much whining.
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- Decon Rev22
- 08-09-19
a bit over-sexualized for me but I great action
I'm a recent newcomer to books like this. this light RPG hair masks style. I didn't think I'd enjoy this book but it was recommended by a friend and also recommended by Amazon. I tried my best not to judge a book by it's cover I thought it was just going to be one of those sex harem style novels. but I enjoyed the story so much that I went ahead and ordered book 2 and book 3. The voice actor did an awesome job of conveying the emotions of each of the characters. I think this is well worth the price I paid for. The book was 6 bucks in the audiobook was $2. I think it was a great price for that. I hope you guys enjoy too. definitely very sexualized. so if you're a type of individual who enjoys the nerdy geeky guy becoming a hero and making love to beautiful women then this is a book for you. reader beware some of the sexual offense get a bit intense. it's not just romantic love it's a full-on hardcore p*** fest at times. 😅if they were to give this book a rating in a movie it definitely be on HBO again to a game of thrones except without so much incest LOL
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- David
- 12-21-18
Not my cup of tea.
This is a sex fantasy novel no doubt about it. However the emphasis on the sex over the creativity of the rest of the story is off puting. This story is so generic and bland I can't bring myself to finish it. On top of that the sexual encounters are not romantic at all but just dirty and casual. If that is your thing then enjoy.
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8 people found this helpful
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- Jared Brockway
- 01-06-19
It was alright
I liked the story, it’s interesting, and it’s very engaging. The narrator kind of killed it for me though, I’m not sure if it’s the way he talks or what but for me it took a lot from the book.
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5 people found this helpful
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- josiah hoffman
- 12-29-18
loved it
the story was great narrator very good kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time!
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- Amazon Customer
- 12-19-18
Great story but frustrating MC
The story of the book was good, narrator was great but its annoying and frustrating that the MC always sounds meek after finally acting more forward and didnt really see how the martial arts applies if he doesnt use it...
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5 people found this helpful