She Comes First

The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman
Narrated by: Ian Kerner
Length: 4 hrs and 35 mins
4.0 out of 5 stars (3,252 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

As women everywhere will attest, when it comes to understanding female sexuality, most guys know more about what's under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. And while it seems that men have struggled valiantly since the dawn of time to find ways to reliably elicit the female orgasm, rare is the guy who has the modesty to ask: "What do I do?" Ironically, the answer has always been right there on the tip of his tongue.

Welcome to the world of She Comes First, where the mystery of female satisfaction is solved and the tongue is proven mightier than the sword. According to Ian Kerner, clinical sexologist and evangelist of the female orgasm, oral sex has long been deemed an optional aspect of foreplay, but, in fact, it's coreplay: simply the best way for leading a woman through the entire process of sexual response.

Fun, informative, and easy to read, She Comes First is a virtual encyclopedia of female pleasure, detailing dozens of tried-and-true techniques for consistently satisfying a woman and step-by-step instructions to ensure success. These simple methods represent a new era in sexual intimacy, one in which the exchange of pleasure occurs on a level playing field and fulfillment is mutual.

She Comes First exuberantly offers a fresh new sexual philosophy that inspires every man to make a mantra of Rhett Butler's infamous line to Scarlett O'Hara, "You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how."

For Adults Only: You must be 18 years or older to purchase.

Find out what else is on Ian Kerner's mind in this interview with the author.

©2004 Ian Kerner (P)2005 HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Critic Reviews

"An entire book written strictly for the pleasure of women by a man. Hallelujah!" (Playgirl)

What listeners say about She Comes First

Average Customer Ratings
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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars

Women are hot for this book

I wondered what my friends would think if I told them I read this book. There are pretty much two answers: First- The men usually tell me they already know ALL about this sort of thing. On the other hand, women are absolutely impressed and want to know more. It's weird because their reactions are WAY more positive than I could have imagined. Not only are they curious about what I now know, they want a copy of the book for themselves. The men; they still don't get it (but I do!).

Once the listener of She Comes First gets past the author's nonchalant tone of speaking about such a difficult subject, there is so much to learn. I think everything is in this book- somewhere, which brings me to my only problem. I've listened to parts of this book 5 times, and I still can't find a great point in the book in which I can quickly review what I've learned (like on my way to my girlfriend's house). It seems that much of the information is spread throughout the book, so it takes time to pick up the finer points.

The information is in depth; from talking about discussions about transmissible diseases, to the female scent, whether cunalingus is okay while she is menstruating, to how sexual tension plays into the bedroom starting before being undressed and etc. I considered myself to be somewhat advanced and I more than quadrupled what I know about a woman; in fact, I would bet I now know more about a woman than she typically knows about herself!

This book is a must buy for any true man. The women in your life will thank you in ways that make you feel as though you were the last man on earth!

If you get this audio book, if you want to skip to the good part, start the book at the 3-hr 2-min mark and get a taste. Then go back from the start and enjoy.

115 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Wow-A Must Read for Women & Men

She Comes First should be used as a mandatory sex education class for Freshmen college students. Parents should listen/read this book so they better know how to talk to their children regarding family sex education. This book clearly and calmly walks the reader through old-miss information to what science has confirmed regarding human sexuality. As a woman I now have a "definition of terms" creating a scientifically based frame work to understand my own sexual experiences. I can't thank the author enough for this gift of knowledge. As a woman, I have been embarrassed for how long it takes me to orgasm. Now I understand that myself and my lovers simply lacked a proper understanding of the stages of arousal, climax, and return to a pre-arousal state that most women experience. And understanding the brain chemistry as to why men sleep after sex is liberating for both men & women. Whether or not you enjoy oral sex, reading this book makes you feel more comfortable about your own unique journey to experience bliss through sex. Woman are in the process of reclaiming our unique feminine energy and this book goes a long way to giving women confidence to relax and enjoy themselves and gives men what they have always wanted - terms & explanations to understand What Woman Want (Need). Thank you.

105 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

The greatest aduio book I have ever listened to

All superlatives aside and not to put too fine a point on it, but the theory and practice learned in She Comes First revitalized sex for my wife and I in such a dramatic way that I still have a hard time believing it. Once a month, routine and hardly satisfactory sex changed entirely overnight into all day exchanges of filthy text messages, difficulty keeping our hands off one another and nights of intense, deeply passionate sex and it's all thanks to this amazing and exceptionally specific manual to master the female orgasm. Other books focused on sexuality make vague suggestions that you could come to on your own. She Comes First lays it all out there and is a path to better sex and a deeper level of intimacy.

58 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars

Informative and effective

I was not sure what to expect, but found the book easy to listen to, easy to understand...and, most important, helpful ;-) when it counted. I would have preferred a different narrator as the author does not have the best reading voice...and at moments seems to go a little over the top in trying to make the topic "sexy" (as if it needed any help on that point).

44 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Not viewed as a

I was a 42 year old "virgin" to oral sex. I listened to this book and even told my girlfriend about it. She dismissed it as hooy. Then I actually mustered the courage to try it out on her and she called me a liar. She said there is no way I could have learned what I did to her from a book. We are now listening to it together and having a very enjoyable time. Thanks, Ian, for wrighting such a helpful book.

13 people found this helpful

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  • AV
  • 03-17-17

Don't leave your sex life to chance

Super educational and informative, even for a woman. Can't wait to test this out with my husband...

5 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

AWESOME/WORTH THE TIME

I've been married 24 years to an RN and have a Biology degree but still learned ALOT. Not just techniques (although Kathy enjoyed them!) but enlightened me on just how marvelous the female body truly is. A MUST "read" for ANY man ready to take responsility for serving his lover FIRST.

20 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars

Needs a total rewrite to be an audiobook

It's not surprising that the author could not find a reader for this book, and so had read it himself. It's a text that would tax the talents of any reader, no matter how skilled.

The many footnotes are out of place in an audio book. They hold up the flow.

Much of the text is about anatomy. For that you need illustrations. Audio books have to do without.

So, to be suitable for audio format, the book needs to be totally recast. As it stands the footnotes hobble the exposition, and the lack of illustrations turns the anatomical discussion into a parade of technical terms that baffle more than they explain.

There's not much wrong with the advice in the book. I consider myself a skilled and experienced lover, but there were still a few useful bits of advice in it that I didn't know.

But it is overlong and repetitive. The author knows what he considers good writing to be. He sets himself "The Elements of Style" by Strunk and White as a model. In printed form, the book may very well come up to that worthy standard.

In the book, E. B. White says "Work from a suitable design." And there lies the problem. The design of the text just isn't suitable for audio format.

55 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars

Informative w/o pretense

Although this author is long winded and quotes from a lack of his own sense of literary style, he attempts an honest and effective address of a subject he appears confident and competent about. Obviously has an appreciation and respect for the subject matter. This work is a rarity because it lacks pretensive boasting and slong measuring making it a treasure for the library and a important work for us less informed folk.

22 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars

Not quite what I expected....

I purchased this audio after learning about the author in the byline of an article he had written in the past that I really got some benefit out of. This book is great if and only if you are looking to learn ONE thing, and that's how to be pretty darned good at pleasing your spouse (or any other willing woman I guess) with your tongue and fingers, etc.

It seems that the author has something against vaginal intercourse, and this comes through in his writing. My take away is that he considers intercourse as secondary to cunnilingus, and this book focuses entirely on the latter, and almost seems to downplay the enjoyment a woman is able to get from intercourse. My wife, although not someone who generally enjoys oral over actual intercourse, requires penetration to orgasm even when she gets "revved up" by oral sex.

Ladies, if you like receiving great oral, buy this audiobook for your man. Guys, if you like giving it and your lady does too, get the book. It has a wealth of information, probably more than most textbooks on female anatomy. It's pretty clear the author has done his homework in that department.

Actual "case studies" I'm not so sure about. There is definitely a slant, and the author seems intent on making cunnilingus the norm as the primary source of sexual pleasure for a woman. He may correct in that most women can get off easier using these techniques than via penetration, it just doesn't apply too much to my particular relationship.

He's passionate about the subject though. I've gotta give him that!

3 people found this helpful

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Bob L
  • 12-16-08

Brownie Points

My wife says this is the best book I've ever read.

19 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Anonymous User
  • 11-26-17

great remainder to take your time....

Thank you buddy! this book helped me to understand women's mechanism. ...and remained me to take my time !!!! I'm once again I'm one of the happiest man on earth.... she said "please stop I can't any more" will recommend this book to any one!!

7 people found this helpful

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    2 out of 5 stars
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  • gmiester
  • 09-08-18

Get another narrater

There are some good tips and tricks on this book. However, Ian Kerner needs to find someone else to read it. The subject matter is about something intimate and wonderful but it's delivered with all the romantic subtlety of a jack hammer. The prose are as purple as can be and it takes five hours to say what could probably be said in two, due to the unbelievable amount of repetition. There are many better books than this so give it a wide birth

5 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Jon
  • 03-26-16

Crucial to a guy's (or lesbian's) education

It my my second time going through this book. The school education skips many key learning points. Some i fill with documentaries on Netflix about how to take care of the planet and body. This is a key learning point for how to take care of my lover's body and orgasms. It has many for a more confident self in everything I do not just sex.

3 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Des0
  • 07-15-17

Bold approach

Loved it from stary to finish but found it a little odd where he was coming out with silly statements but still maintaining seriousness

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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  • DENIS
  • 04-13-13

good book, but the first few capters could be skip

a good book, but with audio books, no pictures or diagrams fail to add value to the instructions. Then again we do have the internet and there's a detailed picture \ diagram for everything. Not a bad book overall. worth a purchase. If it helps keep the spark a live, isn't it worth a purchase

1 person found this helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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  • AKC
  • 04-15-17

Information is good. Narrator not so much.

The information in the book is interesting and potentially helpful. However, the narrator of the audiobook has quite an annoying voice, and we can hear him swallowing, fidgeting, and even his stomach rumbling! He speaks in quite a monotone and doesn't actually sound particularly enthusiastic about what he is saying. I would recommend the written version over the audiobook.

2 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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  • Hannah
  • 06-18-20

Loved this!!

Empowering, thought provoking, so detailed. All in all , sooooooooo good to read this as a woman. My boyfriend is reading it now. delighted!! thank you!

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Connor Evans
  • 05-24-20

Very enlightening

21 year old male here, single. I'm someone who really enjoys informational books. Lots of others said this book had a lot of talking between techniques. I think that's really important though, this book is a really good way of understanding the whys, the facts, some poetry and lots of practical techniques. It will definitely help anyone wanting to connect more and be a better lover, a lot of pride of being a man comes from knowing exactly how to please a woman, this book is rife with knowledge and tips.

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    1 out of 5 stars
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  • Anonymous User
  • 05-05-20

So disappointing

Picked this up thinking, "Ah we could all do with a few tips". Wow, the tone alone this guy is talking with. Alot of generalising men's intentions with sex and our general attitude towards it. It is completely focusing on oral sex which is great but you have to put up with his babble for the first part of the book to get to anything actually useful. There's so many more ways to get this information faster and more efficiently than through this. Do not waste your time.

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  • Christopher
  • 09-02-16

great book recommended

this is a good book i always make my partner cum while going down on her but there's some great tips here i love to keep learning, and its good to learn the anatomy of her body.

6 people found this helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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  • Amazon Customer
  • 10-03-19

In case you didn’t know, this is book solely about cunnilingus.

I’m not sure how, but I purchased this book not even realising it was about mastering cunnilingus. Literally thought Its was broadly about women’s sexuality. Lol.. that’s not the authors fault. But I was super disappointed about 30 seconds in.. mostly because my partner of 5 years won’t let me go down on her. And I’ve given up, I absolutely love it and in every other relationship it’s been a dynamic part of the sex life. I’ve tried every single approach and short of driving her to a sex therapist I don’t know what else to do. She just doesn’t want me down there.. and while this might be rare, it’s not that rare from what I’ve read.. I would have preferred at least one page or two on what to do if she won’t let go down. I basically spent the whole book seething is resentment because I’ll never actually get to use these techniques again. Any way, worst review ever. You’re welcome.

2 people found this helpful

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    1 out of 5 stars
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  • Anthony Foley
  • 05-24-19

Slow and hard going

This book is slow and hard going. Only useful for those with no knowledge.... do not waste your time.

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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  • Anonymous User
  • 02-20-19

damn good

great read, he has some really in depth knowledge that I learned alot from. the last chapter is constant repetition though. really enjoyed! cheers