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Publisher's Summary

In her most affirming and life-changing book yet, Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches us how to restore love and connection with the people who matter the most. In The Dance of Connection we learn what to say (and not say) when:

  • We need an apology, and the person who has harmed us won't apologize or be accountable
  • We don't know how to take a conversation to the next level when we feel desperate
  • We feel worn down by the other person's criticism, negativity, or irresponsible behavior
  • We have been rejected or cut off, and the other person won't show up for the conversation
  • We are struggling with staying or leaving, and we don't know our "bottom line"
  • We are convinced that we've tried everything, and nothing changes

Filled with compelling personal stories and case examples, Lerner outlines bold new "voice lessons" that show us how to speak with honor and personal integrity, even when the other person behaves badly.

Whether we're dealing with a partner, parent, sister, or best friend, The Dance of Connection teaches us how to navigate our most important relationships with clarity, courage, and joyous conviction.

©1999 Harriet Lerner (P)2001 HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

Overall

  • 4.3 out of 5.0
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Listen at 1.5x speed

I loved Dance of Anger and Brene Brown mentioned this book in one of her talks so I figured it would be a sure win.
The narration is definitely the worst thing about this recording. Even at 1.25 speed its too slow.
The content is good, although it's necessary to sift through the stories for the jewels of wisdom.
Overall, there is some great learning to be had but not the best audiobook I have experienced.

12 of 12 people found this review helpful

  • Overall

Good and Bad

The content of the book is helpful and informative, but it should not have been read by the author. Her voice is just not suitable for a book of this length. It comes across as dreary and monotonous. I can't put my finger on it exactly.

Perhaps if the author did the reading along with someone else it would help. Unfortunately I fell asleep a few times, which is a pity, because the subject matter is excellent, and I'm sure it reads well in print.

13 of 14 people found this review helpful

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Really good, helpful book

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

This is a very good book to help you say what you need to say when you need to say it most... It also helps you realize that saying "nothing" is ok, especially when you need to get anger under control or process what has happened first. Also, just b/c you might want to discuss something doesn't mean the other party is willing to, now or ever, and sometimes we have to deal with that.

What did you like best about this story?

Coping strategies.

What didn’t you like about Harriet Lerner’s performance?

She sounded like she was trying too hard to enunciate each word perfectly and spontaneity and rhythm and emphasis were left out b/c of it. It did not sound natural. Nonetheless, I became accustomed to her style of speaking and gained useful info from the book.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

No. I think it would be hard to listen to all at once b/c some topics need time to be thought over and digested. It's a self-help book, not a thriller.

Any additional comments?

Overall, I would recommend it. Be patient with the narration. There's good stuff in there.

5 of 5 people found this review helpful

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  • Syndee
  • Lucerne Valley, CA, United States
  • 10-10-15

Great book

This was very informative. I learned a lot of techniques for communicating with family and others. Definitely worth the time. I did however have to run it on 1.5x as the narrator read extremely slow! Even with it at this speed there were times it was slow!!

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

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Excellent Content! Listen to it 1.25x faster.

What made the experience of listening to The Dance of Connection the most enjoyable?

The book is practical and insightful, with a lot of excellent examples.

What other book might you compare The Dance of Connection to and why?

The dance of anger

Which character – as performed by Harriet Lerner – was your favorite?

All of them. As she mentioned, do not skip any examples. Even you don't have kids, don't skip the example of mother and her child. The same communication principle will help you in other circumstances.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

Let other people worry about their things.

Any additional comments?

I found this book after reading the dance of anger. I was having a lot of relationship issues - with my husband, my in-laws, and my co-workers. This book has provided quite a few excellent examples. I listened to it again and again and have started to apply the same principles in different cases. I have found that letting people deal with their own issues instead of trying to solving the problems for them makes me so much happier and less stressed about my own life.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

  • Overall

The Dance of Connection

I have the book "The Dance of Anger" and wanted to get the Audio version so I could listen to it in my car. But somehow as I was browsing around I ended up downloading the Dance of Connection instead of the book I wanted... What a disappointment. At the time I bought this audio book the information on it was not informative enough that one could make a clear decision and really know what they were getting...

It seams her audience for this book is for older people struggling to cope and stay connected to loved ones as their health is failing and how spouses should deal with the failing health of the other in a loving supportive way... Not a bad idea for a book and I am sure if this is the kind of book you're looking for that you might be happy with your purchace... But being that I am in my early 30's I had no idea this was the point of the book... Also the author herself is reading the book and after 2 hours of listening to her voice it's about enough to drive someone nuts... She has a very mellow soft voice and speaks very slowly and I found it hard to not get bored... But then again if this is for an older audience it might be perfect. So just be wear of that.. I gave it 1 star because the review at the time I got this audio book wasn't clear enough for me to make a better decision. If I would have known what I was looking at I wouldn't have bought it. Also my low rating is because I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone... I really have a hard time appreciating this book... It seams the author just rambles on and on and there really is no clear direction where she is taking the listener... I hope my review will help someone and save them from buying a book they can't even stand to finish listening to as I have... Thank you..

3 of 5 people found this review helpful

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  • Gigi
  • Woodinville, WA, United States
  • 01-12-18

Connection Dance

This book was very informative and helpful. I like the stories. It contains practical help. Thank you Harriett Lerner. Your books have helped me greatly learn to dance without stepping on toes or choosing to sit one out.

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Worth the lessons

I found the performance stilted and punctuated by awkward pauses. But I am glad that I listened to this whole thing. Powerful lessons here.

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Many Gold Nuggets!

You may be looking for the answers to a relationship question you've wanted to ask someone for many years or never got to ask because you've been shut out or have asked and still don't understand the reason you don't have clarity. Harriet brings so much understanding to many of these tricky, complicated and often messy situations that happen in life. Whether you're a young person starting to date or a person going into their 20th year of marriage or you have a dysfunctional family(who doesn't!?!) you will find so many gold nuggets in relationship tools in this book! Read on for enlightenment!

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Bad Narration

How did the narrator detract from the book?

The drawn out slow narration takes away the content. Sometimes worse than others, but it reminds me of the Sloth on the new Disney move, Zootopia

Any additional comments?

Annoying slow narration made the book a bad buy for me.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 02-09-18

Excellent Book

My psychologist recommended I read this book and I’m so glad she did. So much great practical advice and insight- loved it!