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Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent  By  cover art

Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent

By: Margalis Fjelstad,Jean McBride
Narrated by: Senn Annis
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Publisher's Summary

Being partnered with a narcissist or borderline personality can be hard enough, but learning how to shield children from the fallout is paramount. Here, the authors tell listeners how to manage parenting when a narcissistic or borderline partner is part of the equation.

Life in a narcissistic family system is at best challenging, and too often filled with chaos, isolation, emotional outbursts, and rigid controlling behaviors. It is too often devoid of peace and emotional safety. In the worst outcomes, children in these families grow up with low self-worth, issues with trust and belonging, and a lack of self-compassion. They are at significant risk of carrying the cycle forward and having poor adult relationships. This book offers a way to intervene and disrupt the cycle of negative outcomes for children. 

Authored two family therapists who bring a combined total of 60 years of clinical practice with individuals and families, the book pulls no punches, giving clear-headed advice, easy-to-follow actions to help children, and an abundance of teaching examples. Instead of the doom and gloom scenarios often presented about life with a narcissist or borderline, this book provides a much more positive outlook, and most importantly, it offers hope and a path to an entirely different outcome for the family members. 

Supported by current research in neuroscience and mindfulness, and parenting information, the book focuses on teaching resilience and self-compassion to raise emotionally healthy children, even in a narcissistic family system. It starts by helping parents get a clear understanding of what they face with a narcissistic or borderline partner. There is no room here for denial, but there are also many options to explore. It explains how and why the narcissistic family system functions so poorly for raising healthy children, and pinpoints the deficits while providing information on how to intervene more effectively for the benefit of the children. 

Using their years of experience, the authors present ideas for staying together as well as knowing when to leave the relationship and how best to do that. Emphasis throughout the book is on supporting and strengthening the listener with encouragement, concrete ideas, skills, and compassionate understanding.

©2020 Margalis Fjelstad and Jean McBride (P)2020 Rowman & Littlefield

What listeners say about Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent

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Hope Found

Incredibly empowering! I now have a how-to guide in this previously thought, hopeless impossible situation. My children will be ok. Thank you

5 people found this helpful

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Wish I had when my kids were younger

Dr. Fjelstad and colleagues write so clearly and helpfully it amazes me. All of her books have been so helpful, brave, and honest. So many healthcare practitioners want to hide behind clinical jargon and keep you on a hamster wheel that catering to the borderlines and narcissists in your life. Finally someone who has the bravery to tell the truth.

4 people found this helpful

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A Must Read for Those Raising a Child with an NPD or BPD Parent

The writers of this book have a very thorough and clear understanding of the challenges presented when trying to raise children with an NP or BP parent. This book is well-organized and written in such a way that I felt encouraged, validated and supported. It offers both realistic and compassionate solutions while addressing the anger and frustration felt in these households. The volume and value of information presented in this book is equivalent to an entire course on the subject. It was an easy listen, aside from the tolerable, but slightly robotic narration. This book is essentially a “how to” guide to getting your sanity back and learning how to navigate parenting under such difficult circumstances.

3 people found this helpful

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Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent

This book has been extremely helpful. It affirmed some of the things I’m doing as well as gave me many new insights into steps to take. It gave me more hope and is a book I’ll listen to over again. I never read books twice unless I know I can get more out of it with each read.

2 people found this helpful

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great book!

This is a great book for those of us dealing with a narcissist ex

2 people found this helpful

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Accurate Description and Context

I unfortunately find myself in the position described in the book. I have read a lot about the topic and keep hoping for a solution, but ultimately it seems there isn’t a clear cut approach. The book does a great job explaining, giving context, and validating but really only presents mitigative approaches. Still worth the read though.

1 person found this helpful

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Spot on!

I have recently cut off the NP parent. This book is giving me the weapons I need to keep myself and our child safe from their emotional instability. This is a book I will listen to several times taking notes along the way!

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Helpful and frank

I found this book to be a practical guide to parenting, when the other parent has narcissistic personality disorder. This book provides real-life examples and tips that also do not minimize or sugarcoat the circumstances of such a volatile and stressful environment.

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I’m only on chapter 2

So far I’ve listen to three books on narcissism and parents and coparenting with narcissist and this one is spot on and I’m only on chapter 2. When she said car keys and how they would freak out and blame everybody I was just like OK, they know what they’re talking about

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Extremely helpful!

This is an extremely helpful book for someone caught in a lifelong relationship with someone who has a personality disorder. It helps put into words what they deal with everyday and is very encouraging. The children caught in the middle are the most important factor, it gives you hope for them and for you as a parent in a situation where one could otherwise feel hopeless.

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  • Simone Lincoln
  • 06-25-21

Patronising and over simplified

I was expecting so much more from this book, given the experience and professional qualifications of the authors

1 person found this helpful

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  • Miss P.
  • 03-26-22

This audio book has given me direction

My husband was diagnosed with BPD only 4 months ago. My husband and I always knew there was something slightly different with him but could never quite work out exactly what. After doctors assessments, multiple suicide attempts from my husband, years of protecting the children from the BPD outbursts, getting the diagnosis has given us an answer and way forward as a family.
I could not stop listening to this audiobook. It has confirmed feelings which I already felt as a co parent but also let me know that’s it ok to tell the children that daddy is having a bad day today or day isn’t himself. I will certainly be referring back to this audiobook in the future to help keep me grounded and my focus on the right direction. Thank you so much

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  • Anonymous User
  • 03-26-21

Survival guide for parent partner to narcissist.

Informative guide to raising kids in a disfunctional family. Easy to understand and put into practice. Great reference book for raising kids full stop.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 05-29-22

Full of stigma and outdated ideas

This book is offensive. It generalises everyone with BPD or NPD as the same and portrays them as the other or the villain. This isn’t helpful for children or the family unit at all. I was looking for advice on how to be a good parent but instead I got prejudice.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 10-16-21

The best book if you are juggling a partner with BPD or NPD

Sometimes it’s so easy to feel like you’re drowning in this dynamic in the house. I love my partner so very much, but managing the awful outbursts of rage makes life pretty stressful. It’s not something many friends or family know or understand. This book was so reassuring, and gave practical advice to deal with what’s going on. Highly recommend it to any other parents in the same position.