Never Lose Hope with Tennille Heitkamp

Tennille Heitkamp joins Pondoff’s Anonymous to share the long, painful, and hopeful story of walking through addiction with her son, Jacob. What starts as a conversation about Underground and finding the right support community turns into a brutally honest look at what addiction does to an entire family.

Tennille talks about Jacob’s childhood, ADHD, early struggles to fit in, his exposure to pills and fentanyl, emergency room visits, detox, sober living, relapse, and the emotional chaos that came with trying to keep him alive. She also opens up about the toll it took on her, her marriage, her other son, and her own mental health as she tried to hold everything together.

But this episode is not just about the darkness. It is also about not giving up. Tennille shares how Jacob eventually found real help, how Florida became a turning point, how he is now six months sober, and how hope slowly started to return. The conversation also highlights Tennille’s work with Addiction is Real, where she now helps other families recognize warning signs, find resources, and feel less alone.

This episode is for parents, loved ones, and anyone who has ever felt exhausted by addiction and wondered if things can still get better.

Sponsored by:

McKelvey Insurance Group — https://www.mckelveyins.com

LightSource Psychotherapy — https://findyourlightsource.com

00:00 Sponsor message: McKelvey Insurance Group + LightSource

00:56 Theme song

01:30 Welcome and meeting Tennille

06:48 How Tennille found Underground

09:16 Trying different support spaces until something fits

12:12 Creating a safe place for scared newcomers

15:27 Underground becomes bigger than anyone expected

17:42 Why Chris wanted Tennille to tell this story

18:43 Jacob, Jayden, and the beginning of the family story

24:02 Jacob’s childhood, diagnoses, surgeries, and early struggles

30:38 High school football, wanting to fit in, and pills

32:16 First exposure to fentanyl

33:34 Moving out, chasing belonging, and things unraveling

40:12 The first major fentanyl scare and ER trip

42:09 Detox, sober living, and the insurance nightmare

58:30 Family disease, shame, and trying to fix everything

1:01:33 Learning boundaries and finding family support

1:21:08 Another sober living setback

1:25:39 Airport chaos and getting Jacob back to treatment

1:30:54 New Jersey, sober living, and another return home

1:33:21 A good stretch, then relapse again

1:37:05 Hospital scare and the move to Florida

1:38:05 Florida treatment and meeting Emily

1:40:21 Six months sober and a different future

1:42:48 Tennille’s work with Addiction is Real

1:50:39 How Jacob is doing now

1:53:55 Credits

1:54:26 Light in the Dark coffee outro

Content Note: This episode contains discussion of suicide, addiction, and mental health.

Julie Wiseman with her friend (also) Julie

Thanks to our sponsors:

McKelvey Insurance Group

http://mckelveyins.com

LightSource

http://FindYourLightSource.com

In this episode of Pondoff’s Anonymous, Chris and Zoë sit down with Julie Wiseman, joined by her friend Dee, for a deeply honest conversation about grief, learning differences, addiction, and the long shadow of shame. Julie shares the story of her son Nick, from early struggles with dyslexia and anxiety to the deeper mental health and substance use battles that followed, and the devastating reality of losing him to suicide.

Along the way, the conversation opens up into something even bigger… parenting fear, the pressure kids carry, the gaps in support for teens and families, and the kind of community that can help people feel less alone. Julie talks about creating Nick’s Beautiful Angels, Zoë reflects on her own experience with dyslexia and ADHD, and the group keeps coming back to a simple truth… isolation makes everything worse, and honest connection matters.

Chapters:

00:00 Navigating Personal Challenges

02:51 Understanding Learning Differences

12:15 The Impact of ADHD and Dyslexia

20:51 Social Connections and Communication

32:06 The Role of Support Systems

40:19 Exploring Addiction and Recovery

49:48 The Importance of Open Conversations

59:48 Coping with Isolation and Pressure

01:09:49 Finding Joy in Everyday Life

01:19:33 The Journey of Self-Discovery

01:29:00 Fear, Setbacks, and Turning Points

01:39:00 Living With Panic and Uncertainty

01:47:11 The Weight of the Last Text

01:57:00 Grief in Daily Life

02:05:00 Courage, Community, and Keep Going

02:13:20 Landing the Plane

In this episode of Pondoff’s Anonymous, Chris sits down with Lyndsey Jacob, Kyle Jacob, and Zoë for an honest conversation about addiction, recovery, trauma, ADHD, marriage, family, sobriety, and healing.

Lyndsey shares what it was like to live in denial while knowing things could not keep going the way they were. She talks about cocaine use, alcohol, secrecy, survival mode, shame, and the fear of facing life without substances. This episode explores the turning points that led her toward honesty, treatment, and recovery.

Chris, Lyndsey, Kyle, and Zoë also talk about the impact addiction has on marriage, trust, family, finances, motherhood, and identity. They unpack how childhood experiences, trauma, and ADHD can shape adult behavior and self-perception, and how deeper issues can stay hidden underneath addiction for years.

This conversation also gets into support systems, accountability, stigma, and the role of community in recovery. Kyle shares what it was like to walk through this as a husband, and the episode offers a real look at what healing can require from everyone involved. It is messy, personal, honest, and hopeful.

If you are interested in addiction recovery, sobriety, trauma healing, mental health, ADHD, relationships, or real stories of change, this episode is for you.

Timestamps

00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships
01:11 Personal Reflections on Life and Challenges
02:34 The Importance of Connection and Community
06:00 Navigating Personal Struggles and Support Systems
09:29 The Journey of Recovery and Realizations
12:43 Understanding Addiction and Its Complexities
16:14 The Role of Family and Relationships in Recovery
19:10 Childhood Experiences and Their Impact on Adulthood
25:46 Unpacking Trauma and ADHD
27:11 The Turning Point: Coming Clean to Family
28:19 The Importance of Support in Recovery
32:01 Facing the Reality of Addiction
36:00 Unpacking Trauma and Honesty
48:59 The Journey of Self-Discovery
52:03 Understanding Different Addictive Behaviors
58:12 Navigating Substance Use and Social Norms
59:58 The Journey of a Single Mother
01:02:55 Love, Loss, and New Beginnings
01:05:58 The Highs and Lows of Addiction
01:09:52 The Cost of Addiction on Finances and Relationships
01:24:31 The Impact of Addiction on Family Dynamics
01:27:12 Breaking the Stigma of Addiction
01:30:49 Accountability and Personal Growth in Recovery
01:32:01 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Healing
01:39:07 Understanding the Nature of Addiction
01:41:01 The Role of Community in Recovery
01:52:00 Finding Purpose in Recovery
01:56:08 Embracing Authenticity and Connection

Sponsors

McKelvey Insurance Group
https://mckelveyins.com

LightSource Psychotherapy
https://findyourlightsource.com

Fentanyl Killed My Son at a Sleepover | A Mother's Fight for Justice

Tiffany Foster's son Zack was 13 when he died from fentanyl poisoning at a friend's sleepover. He wasn't an addict. It was his first time. Eight days after his birthday, he was gone.

Tiffany shares Zack's story -- his childhood, the night of August 28th, four years of legal battles, and the advocacy work she does now. If you're a parent, someone in recovery, or anyone who loves a young person, this one is for you.

Fentanyl doesn't discriminate. Two milligrams -- the tip of a pencil -- is lethal. Zack had 44.

TIMESTAMPS

00:00 -- Introduction to the Journey
03:36 -- The Impact of Loss and Grief
12:29 -- Understanding Zack's Childhood and Development
24:32 -- Navigating Adolescence and Early Experimentation
36:00 -- The Tragic Night and Its Consequences
38:48 -- Navigating Parental Concerns
42:05 -- The Night of the Incident
44:28 -- The Shocking News
51:50 -- Understanding the Overdose
54:24 -- The Aftermath and Legal Proceedings
01:01:32 -- The Trials and Sentencing
01:19:12 -- Judicial System Insights and Parole Eligibility
01:22:28 -- Navigating Grief and the Impact of Trials
01:26:05 -- The Verdict: A Moment of Relief
01:30:21 -- Joining the Fight Against Addiction
01:33:08 -- Early Prevention and Education on Substance Use
01:41:43 -- Hidden in Plain View: Raising Awareness
01:48:11 -- Knowledge is Power: Engaging Parents in Prevention
01:50:15 -- Creating Awareness Through Personal Stories
01:52:53 -- The Importance of Authenticity in Communication
01:56:05 -- Navigating Grief and Addiction
02:01:40 -- The Journey of Recovery and Support
02:05:51 -- The Role of Community in Healing
02:10:37 -- Continuing the Conversation on Addiction

ABOUT ZACK

Born August 21, 2008. Outgoing, loving, never met a stranger. He loved horror movies, video games, soccer, and Halloween, and had a personality big enough to fill any room. He was eight days past his 13th birthday when he died. His toxicology came back with 44 milligrams of fentanyl -- a lethal dose is 2 to 5 milligrams, an amount that fits on the tip of a pencil.

THE LEGAL OUTCOME

Three adults were charged. Andrew Amalong: convicted, 40 years concurrent. Thomas Noonan -- whose biological daughter had died from fentanyl three weeks before Zack -- convicted, 45 years consecutive with a repeat offender enhancement. Jury deliberations: 90 minutes and 30 minutes respectively. Final sentencing: August 2025.

WHAT EVERY PARENT NEEDS TO HEAR

• Fentanyl is in marijuana, counterfeit pills, and things no one expects. Two milligrams is lethal.
• Zack was not an addict. This was his first time. One try can be fatal now.
• Talk to your kids early -- the fear that the conversation invites experimentation is wrong.
• Know where your kids sleep. Vet the household, not just whether a parent is home.
• Fentanyl poisoning does not care about grades, zip codes, or family stability.

ADDICTION IS REAL

Tiffany is a board member of Addiction Is Real, a St. Louis nonprofit focused on early substance use prevention and education. Their Hidden in Plain View program is a bedroom display with 70+ warning signs and stash items parents wouldn't recognize. They're building permanent mobile trailer displays -- needed by April 2026. Free parent toolkit at addictionisreal.org.

SPONSORS

Light Source Psychotherapy
McKelvey Insurance Group | 618-623-0080

CONNECT

pondoffsanonymous.com

Pondoff's Anonymous | Chris Pandoff, Zoe Mendenall, Jeff Allen | Illinois Recovery Center | Music: McCall -- "Anti-Hero"

Ryan Canaday and Karie McMullen from FREE Recovery Community in Denver join us for a raw, thoughtful conversation about addiction, faith, grief, and the power of community.

This episode explores what happens when recovery shifts from isolation to connection. We talk about shame, anger at God, burnout in ministry spaces, losing people to addiction, and the kind of spiritual community that makes room for doubt instead of punishing it.

At the center of this episode is one simple but powerful idea: “we” is stronger than “me.”

FREE Recovery Community (Denver, CO)
https://www.freerecoverycommunity.com

A spiritually grounded recovery community focused on connection, belonging, and breaking shame through honest conversation.

• 00:00 – Introduction to the journey
• 03:12 – Transformative moments in recovery
• 08:55 – Faith, community, and what actually helps people heal
• 12:54 – Doubt, anger at God, and staying spiritually honest
• 17:47 – Addiction and family systems
• 22:48 – Desperation, surrender, and what finally shifts
• 30:32 – “We” is stronger than “me”
• 35:03 – The illusion of anonymity and the power of shame
• 59:53 – How FREE Recovery Community started
• 01:05:56 – Grief, funerals, and the urgency of the work
• 01:30:31 – Representation and belonging in spiritual spaces
• 02:00:56 – Baptism and redemption

https://www.pondoffsanonymous.com

McKelvey Insurance Group
https://www.mckelveyins.com

LightSource Psychotherapy (Belleville, IL)
https://www.findyourlightsource.com

🔥 Pondoff’s Anonymous – Show Notes

🎙️ Episode Title: Grief, Phish, Fentanyl & Truth

🎧 Guest: Theresa Solsten

Who this episode is for:

- Those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol

- Families grieving someone lost to overdose — or what we’re calling it now: poisoning

- Anyone carrying shame in silence

- Men who’ve never been told they’re allowed to feel

- Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life

- Phish fans and the Phish-curious

---

Theresa is back. And this one goes deep.

Eight years ago, her sister Michelle died from fentanyl poisoning.

Not a moral failure.

Not a statistic.

A poisoning.

We talk about why language matters. Why “overdose” carries stigma. Why “poisoning” tells the truth. Most people who die from fentanyl never intended to die. They thought they were buying something else. They were wrong — and it cost them everything.

Theresa shares:

- Discovering her sister was using

- Taking her to her first meeting

- Clean time that ended quietly

- The secrecy addicts build out of fear

- The isolation of grieving someone society still judges

“People choose isolation because they’re trying to feel safe.”

That line hits.

Addiction isn’t just self-destruction. It’s fear. Shame. Survival wiring that stopped working.

We also talk about:

- Therapy as preventative maintenance

- Why support systems matter before crisis hits

- Why men need emotional safe spaces

- The “doorknob confession” phenomenon

- How to challenge the thoughts that keep you stuck

And yes — we talk about Phish.

Because grief and joy coexist.

You can carry loss and still debate your favorite live jam.

You can mourn your sister and still show up to the show.

Somewhere between cutting hair and holding space for clients unloading their lives, Theresa feels a pull toward something bigger in the recovery space. Behavioral health was her first love. Grief made it personal.

Michelle’s story didn’t end when she died.

It lives on every time it’s told.

If you’ve ever:

- Loved an addict

- Been the addict

- Lost someone and struggled to say it out loud

- Sat in your car before work trying to steady yourself

This episode is for you.

Full transcript here: :contentReference[oaicite:0]{index=0}

Sponsored by McKelvey Insurance (https://www.mckelveyins.com/) and LightSource Psychotherapy (https://findyourlightsource.com/).

Pondoff’s Anonymous is on a one week break, but we didn’t want to leave you hanging…

So today we’re sharing an episode of our newer show, *Needed to Hear That*.

This one is a do not miss.

If you’ve ever connected with what we try to do here, honest conversations, recovery, mental health, and the stuff people usually don’t say out loud, this podcast is absolutely for you.

Subscribe to *Needed to Hear That* so you don’t miss the next one.

Who this episode is for:
Those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol who still think they’re in control
People living double lives and calling it “functional”
Anyone carrying childhood trauma they’ve never dealt with
Families trying to love someone who keeps self-destructing
Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life and told themselves it was ambition

This episode is not clean.
It’s not polished.
And it sure as hell isn’t motivational fluff.

This is a full, unfiltered autopsy of addiction.

Chris Pondoff and Zoe Mendenall sit down with Triple X — addict in recovery, speaker, author, and recovery advocate — and let him tell the whole story. Not the safe version. Not the highlight reel. The real one.

From growing up poor with emotional abuse and abandonment…
to chasing validation, power, money, and belonging…
to cocaine, meth, large-scale dealing, paranoia, prison, relapse, and finally rebuilding a life with structure and purpose.

This conversation tears apart the myth of the “functional addict” and exposes how addiction often starts as a solution — until it becomes the cage you can’t escape.

Triple X walks through it all:
When cocaine felt like confidence.
When money felt like control.
When the pager never stopped buzzing.
When the helicopter light hit the apartment.
When fun turned into fear.
When meth changed everything.
When prison became inevitable.
When recovery finally demanded structure, discipline, and boundaries.

There’s no glamor here.
Just ego, trauma, chaos, consequences — and the long road back.

You’ll hear about:
Childhood emotional abuse and abandonment
Trauma as the root, not the excuse
Why structure is non-negotiable in recovery
Cocaine, meth, and the escalation trap
The business side of addiction and how it grows
Living two lives and being exhausted by both
Arrest, plea deals, prison, and consequences
Relapse, shame, and getting back up
Building a new life through discipline and purpose

This episode doesn’t ask for sympathy.
It demands honesty.

If you’re listening and thinking, “I’m not that bad,”
you should probably keep listening.

GUEST:
Triple X — addict in recovery, speaker, author, and recovery advocate

BOOK:
Becoming the Change by Triple X

SOCIAL MEDIA:
TikTok: @be_the_change_recovery

BUSINESS:
Muther Mushroom
Website: https://muthermushroom.com/
(Launching in the coming weeks)

EPISODE TIMELINE:
00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships
05:54 Personal Stories and Connections
12:03 Childhood Trauma and Its Impact
22:03 Radical Inclusion in Recovery
28:57 The Illusion of Control: Functional Addiction
35:40 The Highs and Lows of Cocaine Use
43:15 The Business of Addiction: From Small to Large Scale
52:47 The Turning Point: From Fun to Fear
58:35 The Introduction to Methamphetamine
01:04:32 Family Dynamics and Addiction
01:22:30 Turning Point: From Struggle to Success
01:30:01 The Exhaustion of Dual Lives
01:39:59 The Inevitable Fall: Facing Consequences
01:50:00 The Arrest: A Life Unraveled
02:01:10 Plea Bargaining and Sentencing
02:12:23 Post-Prison Life and Business Ventures
02:19:23 Relapse and Recovery Journey
02:30:04 The Struggle with Addiction
02:35:44 The Turning Point: A Wake-Up Call
02:42:18 The Power of Positive Reinforcement
02:48:32 Building a New Life: Recovery and Business

Nothing about recovery is pretty.
But it’s real.
And it’s possible.

Sponsored by McKelvey Insurance (https://www.mckelveyins.com/) and LightSource Psychotherapy (https://findyourlightsource.com/).