Never Enough

When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—and What We Can Do About It

By: Jennifer Breheny Wallace

Narrated by: Jennifer Breheny Wallace

Length: 8 hrs and 21 mins

Publisher's summary

AN INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

The definitive book on the rise of “toxic achievement culture” overtaking our kids' and parents' lives, and a new framework for fighting back

In the ever more competitive race to secure the best possible future, today’s students face unprecedented pressure to succeed. They jam-pack their schedules with AP classes, fill every waking hour with resume-padding activities, and even sabotage relationships with friends to “get ahead.” Family incomes and schedules are stretched to the breaking point by tutoring fees and athletic schedules. Yet this drive to optimize performance has only resulted in skyrocketing rates of anxiety, depression, and even self-harm in America’s highest achieving schools. Parents, educators, and community leaders are facing the same quandary: how can we teach our kids to strive towards excellence without crushing them?

In Never Enough, award-winning reporter Jennifer Breheny Wallace investigates the deep roots of toxic achievement culture, and finds out what we must do to fight back. Drawing on interviews with families, educators, and an original survey of nearly 6,000 parents, she exposes how the pressure to perform is not a matter of parental choice but baked in to our larger society and spurred by increasing income inequality and dwindling opportunities. As a result, children are increasingly absorbing the message that they have no value outside of their accomplishments, a message that is reinforced by the media and greater culture at large.

Through deep research and interviews with today’s leading child psychologists, Wallace shows what kids need from the adults in the room is not more pressure, but to feel like they matter, and have intrinsic self-worth not contingent upon external achievements. Parents and educators who adopt the language and values of mattering help children see themselves as a valuable contributor to a larger community. And in an ironic twist, kids who receive consistent feedback that they matter no matter what are more likely to have the resilience, self-confidence, and psychological security to thrive.

Packed with memorable stories and offering a powerful toolkit for positive change, Never Enough offers an urgent, humane view of the crisis plaguing today’s teens and a practical framework for how to help.

©2023 Jennifer Breheny Wallace (P)2023 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

“This deeply reported book is a wake up call for all of us. Skyrocketing expectations and the unrelenting grind to achieve are doing immeasurable damage to an entire generation -- but as Jennifer Wallace persuasively argues, it doesn't have to be this way.” –Katie Couric

“Recently a sixteen-year old high school student asked me, “Is achievement the same as success?” I wish I could have handed her this book. Because if achievement is all you’re chasing, it will never be enough—but if you matter to your friends, family, and community, you’ll always feel like a success. Jennifer Breheny Wallace offers a much-needed perspective on why mattering matters most.” –Angela Duckworth, New York Times bestselling author of Grit

“In Never Enough Jennifer Wallace takes up one of the toughest questions in all of parenting - How do we give kids every opportunity without asking too much of them? - and delivers clear, compassionate, actionable answers. Never Enough is more than a wise and practical parenting book - it’s a pathbreaking introduction to one of the most powerful ways to protect our children’s mental health: mattering.” –Lisa Damour, New York Times bestselling author of Untangled and Under Pressure

Great fresh topic to learn about for me

Very interesting and heartbreaking to think about but glad I came across this as my son is still in 9th grade. Really appreciated the piece on mattering and its importance and how to practice it.

A book every worried parent needs to read

Can’t say enough about how much this book puts into words - in a wonderful conversational style filled with real people’s stories, expert advice, and research findings - so many of the stressors, worries, and difficulties so many teens and parents are going through right now. From subtle nuances, like when espousing the “growth mindset” can be harmful, to artful reframing and reminders, I enjoyed every single chapter and also thought the author did a wonderful job reading the book, like a helpful and generous friend passing on what she has learned over time. Love the message, love the focus on mattering. Thank you for writing this book.

Convicting!

Thoughtful convicting research about the pressures our society and we as parents put on our children. A mental health crisis is growing, especially in high school age kids, with all the pressure they feel with social media, grades, club sports, college, etc. Jennifer offers advice on how to make our children know they matter without adding more pressure.

Must Read

It’s a must read for parents, young adults and communities. Tell the people you love that you love them.

A must read for parents, teachers, coaches, faculty and educators at elementary schools, high schools and colleges

Jennifer Breheny Wallace sends the message we all need to hear and be reminded of on regular basis. Her brilliantly conceived Mattering Movement is articulated throughout with relevant and poignant examples. This book is a tool on parenting, educating, and friendships. It is about adding value.

Sigh of relief, hope.

Felt like she was talking directly to me with things I was going through as a brand new KG mom, or as that young adult in college.
Great book, All parents should read or listen this book. Glad my SIL recommended it.

Outstanding!

Grateful for the thoughtful advice, shared in such an easily consumable way within this book. I’ve taken away so many concepts and ideas that I am excited to implement in my own family. Mattering matters, and it was so nice to hear that portrayed in such thoughtful and inspiring ways!

Very helpful

Interesting information about a real issue. Author provides useful suggestions to implement in our day to day lives

Great ideas on schooling

This book is about the over-achievement culture, with very healthy advice for parents and schools. This is well written and engaging, and very important. This is a must-read for parents and educators!

Stunning depiction of the prevalent toxic culture

I couldn't put this book aside! I'm going to read it again and take notes! Packed with valuable insights on raising psychologically wholesome and strong kids who also excel in their fields. Thank you, Ann Klotz, Head Laurel School, for mentioning this amazing book in the weekly newsletter. Thank you, Ms. Wallace, for writing this stunning book!