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James Acaster's Classic Scrapes
- Narrated by: James Acaster
- Length: 6 hrs and 8 mins
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James Acaster's Classic Scrapes
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Publisher's summary
The Sunday Times Best Seller
James Acaster has been nominated for the Edinburgh Comedy Award five times and has appeared on prime-time TV shows like Mock the Week, Live at the Apollo and Russell Howard's Stand Up Central.
But behind the fame and critical acclaim is a man perpetually getting into trouble. Whether it's disappointing a skydiving instructor mid-flight, hiding from thugs in a bush wearing a bright red dress, or annoying the Kettering Board Games club, a didgeridoo-playing conspiracy theorist and some bemused Christians, James is always finding new ways to embarrass himself.
Appearing on Josh Widdicombe's radio show to recount these stories, the feature was christened 'James Acaster's classic scrapes'. Here, in his first book, James recounts these tales (including never-before-heard stories) in all their glorious stupidity.
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An Anglican giant among pygmies
- By John on 06-20-12
By: Alan Partridge
-
Made in Scotland
- My Grand Adventures in a Wee Country
- By: Billy Connolly
- Narrated by: Gordon Kennedy
- Length: 6 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 212
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 194
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 193
Billy Connolly may be a citizen of the world, but in his heart he's never been far from his homeland. Made in Scotland is Billy's unique and intimate portrait of his native Scotland, a love letter to the places and people that made him. It's an adventure inspired by a single incident: the moment Billy received his Knighthood and was asked, 'How does it feel to have achieved all this when you came from nothing?' His response was, 'But I did come from something!'
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1 out of 5 stars
-
I can't believe I wasted a credit on this blather.
- By J. M. Popa on 01-23-20
By: Billy Connolly
-
No Cunning Plan
- By: Sir Tony Robinson
- Narrated by: Tony Robinson
- Length: 14 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 91
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 78
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 77
Sir Tony Robinson is a much-loved actor, presenter and author with a stellar career lasting over 50 years. Now, in his long-awaited autobiography, he reveals how the boy from South Woodford went from child stardom in the first stage production of Oliver!, a pint-size pickpocket desperately bleaching his incipient moustache, to comedy icon Baldrick, the loyal servant and turnip aficionado in Blackadder.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Great audible book as read by Sir Tony Robinson
- By Michael Thomas Fortson on 04-15-21
-
They Made a Monkee Out of Me
- The Only Authorized Story
- By: Davy Jones
- Narrated by: Davy Jones
- Length: 2 hrs and 55 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 104
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 88
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 88
Davy Jones was a young aspiring actor when he was cast in a new television series called The Monkees. In this upbeat, entertaining autobiography, he recounts his career from its beginnings through the 1980s Monkees reunion and revival.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
the depths of his heart
- By Judith McKenzie on 05-07-12
By: Davy Jones
-
Size Matters Not
- The Extraordinary Life and Career of Warwick Davis
- By: Warwick Davis
- Narrated by: Gideon Emery
- Length: 8 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 443
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 410
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 409
You may not recognize my name-or my face for that matter-but it's very likely you've seen me at work. I've managed to cram quite a bit into my thirty-year acting career. In fact I've helped put more bums on cinema seats than Will Smith or Tom Hanks. Who else can say that they've helped destroy a Death Star? Defeated an evil sorceress? Taught magic to Harry Potter? Become a Jedi Master? Reluctantly hitchhiked across the galaxy in search of the answer to the Ultimate Question?
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Sincere and heart-warming
- By Alice on 10-04-15
By: Warwick Davis
-
Dear Fatty
- By: Dawn French
- Narrated by: Liza Tarbuck
- Length: 6 hrs and 36 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 368
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 286
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 286
With a sharp eye for comic detail and a wicked ear for the absurdities of life, Dawn French shows just how an RAF girl from the west country with dreams of becoming a ballerina/bridesmaid/thief rose to become one of the best-loved comedy actresses of our time.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
If you like Dawn French - You will love this book!
- By Pamela on 01-22-09
By: Dawn French
-
My Bass and Other Animals
- By: Guy Pratt
- Narrated by: Guy Pratt
- Length: 8 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 47
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 43
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 42
Guy Pratt came of age just as bass playing became sexy. Having dallied with punk legend Sylvain Sylvain, Pratt suddenly found himself on Top of the Pops and supporting David Bowie with smooth Australian outfit Icehouse. He became bass player to the stars, crawling from studio to bar and hotel to stadium Portakabin with the likes of Pink Floyd, Robert Palmer, Womack &Womack and Bryan Ferry. Guy has recorded with everyone from Madonna and Michael Jackson to McFly.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Best book on Audible by a bass player!
- By Fjolnir on 03-12-12
By: Guy Pratt
-
Unknown Pleasures
- Inside Joy Division
- By: Peter Hook
- Narrated by: Peter Hook
- Length: 7 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 409
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 361
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 356
Joy Division changed the face of music. Godfathers of alternative rock, they reinvented music in the post-punk era, creating a new sound - dark, hypnotic, and intense - that would influence U2, Morrissey, R.E.M., Radiohead, and numerous others. The story is now legendary: In 1980, on the heels of their groundbreaking debut, Unknown Pleasures, and on the eve of their first U.S. tour, the band was rent asunder by the tragic death of their enigmatic lead singer, Ian Curtis.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
Like sitting next to Hooky in a bar...
- By Andrew on 03-26-13
By: Peter Hook
-
How to Be Famous
- A Novel
- By: Caitlin Moran
- Narrated by: Louise Brealey
- Length: 8 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 149
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 134
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 134
A hilarious, heartfelt sequel to How to Build a Girl, the breakout novel from feminist sensation Caitlin Moran who the New York Times called, "rowdy and fearless... sloppy, big-hearted and alive in all the right ways." You can’t have your best friend be famous if you’re not famous. It doesn’t work. You’re emotional pen-friends. You can send each other letters - but you’re not doing anything together. You live in different countries.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
AMAZING , but not for the faint of heart
- By Knitme23 on 07-23-18
By: Caitlin Moran
-
Watermelon
- By: Marian Keyes
- Narrated by: Gerri Halligan
- Length: 13 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 62
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 55
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 55
At 29, Claire is full of the joys of life - that is, until her husband leaves her on the day she gives birth to her baby. With a broken heart, a beautiful newly born and an expanding mirror image, she decides to visit her eccentric family in Dublin. There she starts to feel better. So much better, in fact, that James is in for a surprise when he decides to slither back into her life....
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
A fun read, every time
- By Audrey Smith on 01-06-23
By: Marian Keyes
-
What's So Funny?
- My Hilarious Life
- By: Tim Conway, Jane Scovell, Carol Burnett - foreword
- Narrated by: Tim Conway, Carol Burnett, Dick Hill, and others
- Length: 8 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 2,142
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,924
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 1,915
Six-time Emmy Award-winning funnyman Tim Conway, best known for his characters on The Carol Burnett Show, offers a straight-shooting and hilarious memoir about his life on stage and off as an actor and comedian. In television history, few entertainers have captured as many hearts and made as many people laugh as Tim Conway. There's nothing in the world that Tim Conway would rather do than entertain - and in his first-ever memoir, What's So Funny?, that's exactly what he does.
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3 out of 5 stars
-
Not narrated by Tim
- By Bob Murdock on 05-05-14
By: Tim Conway, and others
-
Reveal: Robbie Williams
- By: Chris Heath
- Narrated by: Joe Jameson
- Length: 17 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 47
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 45
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 45
An intimate, funny and frank account of the moments behind the music, of the truth behind the headlines and of the fascinatingly complicated man behind the imperious entertainer, Reveal is Robbie Williams as you've never seen him before. Best-selling author Chris Heath has been working closely with Robbie for many years to create a personal and raw account of fame, fortune, family and music - a vivid and detailed story of the real highs and lows as Robbie has found his way forward, that is unprecedented in its intimacy and honesty.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Absolutely Briliant!
- By L. Elder on 10-01-17
By: Chris Heath
-
No Is a Four-Letter Word
- How I Failed Spelling but Succeeded in Life
- By: Chris Jericho
- Narrated by: Chris Jericho
- Length: 5 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 775
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 705
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 702
Three-time New York Times best-selling author and six-time WWE champion Chris Jericho shares 20 of his most valuable lessons for achieving your goals and living the life you want, jam-packed with fantastic stories and the classic off-the-wall, laugh-out-loud Jericho references he's famous for.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
GOAT is also a Four Letter Word
- By VC on 01-01-18
By: Chris Jericho
-
David Mitchell: Back Story
- By: David Mitchell
- Narrated by: David Mitchell
- Length: 9 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,465
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,330
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,313
David Mitchell, who you may know for his inappropriate anger on every TV panel show except Never Mind the Buzzcocks, his look of permanent discomfort on C4 sex comedy Peep Show, his online commenter-baiting in The Observer or just for wearing a stick-on moustache in That Mitchell and Webb Look, has written a book about his life.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
One of the Funniest, Clever Brits around
- By Delia on 08-30-13
By: David Mitchell
-
There's Nothing in This Book That I Meant to Say
- By: Paula Poundstone
- Narrated by: Paula Poundstone
- Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 574
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 359
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 354
What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
More!
- By Evelyn on 02-11-07
By: Paula Poundstone
-
Lie in Wait
- By: G. J. Minett
- Narrated by: Joe Jameson
- Length: 11 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 32
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 27
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 26
Owen Hall drives into a petrol station to let his passenger use the facilities. She never comes back - and what's more, it seems she never even made it inside. When Owen raises a fuss, the police are called - and soon identify Owen himself as a possible culprit, not least because they already have him in the frame for another more sinister crime. Owen's always been a little different, and before long others in the community are baying for his blood. But this is a case where nothing is as it seems - least of all Owen Hall....
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
LIE IN WAIT..
- By ZacharyKindle Customer on 08-06-17
By: G. J. Minett
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This is a self help-book like no other. Because you are not helping yourself, James Acaster is helping you. When James quit all forms of social media in 2019 he felt like he'd been born anew, but he was worried he'd suffer withdrawal and get lured back online to compete in a never ending popularity contest with only one possible winner (f--king Zuckerberg). He knew that in order to stay clean he'd have to replace everything social media used to give him with three-dimensional real-life activities.
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Bob Mortimer’s life was trundling along happily until suddenly in 2015 he was diagnosed with a heart condition that required immediate surgery and forced him to cancel an upcoming tour. The episode unnerved him but forced him to reflect on his life so far. This is the framework for his hilarious and moving memoir, And Away....
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4 out of 5 stars
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Why censor an autobiography? Please don’t do that.
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At last, the definitive audiobook about perhaps the best cabin crew dramedy ever filmed: View from the Top starring Gwyneth Paltrow. In Ayoade on Top, Richard Ayoade, perhaps one of the most 'insubstantial' people of our age, takes us on a journey from Peckham to Paris by way of Nevada and other places we don't care about. It's a journey deep within, in a way that's respectful and non-invasive; a journey for which we will all pay a heavy price, even if you've waited for the smaller paperback edition. Ayoade argues for the canonisation of this brutal masterpiece.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Listened for an hour and a half, didn't laugh once
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One of the Funniest, Clever Brits around
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David Mitchell’s 2014 best seller Thinking About It Only Makes It Worse must really have made people think - because everything’s got worse. We’ve gone from UKIP surge to Brexit shambles, from horsemeat in lasagne to Donald Trump in the White House, from Woolworths going under to all the other shops going under. It’s probably socially irresponsible even to try to cheer up.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Meant for UK listeners
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This is a self help-book like no other. Because you are not helping yourself, James Acaster is helping you. When James quit all forms of social media in 2019 he felt like he'd been born anew, but he was worried he'd suffer withdrawal and get lured back online to compete in a never ending popularity contest with only one possible winner (f--king Zuckerberg). He knew that in order to stay clean he'd have to replace everything social media used to give him with three-dimensional real-life activities.
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From a young age, Ed Gamble's immaculate bibs and extremely dirty nappies hinted at his capacious appetite. Before he could walk, Ed already knew that he preferred poached salmon to puree, that celery was a calorie-sapping waste of time, and that mashed potatoes should be made with lashings of butter. Whilst he might ordinarily have been upset by the calls of 'precocious little s--t' coming from his family, he was too busy stuffing his gob and staging rebellions against the patronising list of misery that is a children's menu.
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I couldn’t stop laughing
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James Acaster’s Findings
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You may know him from his Netflix series Repertoire, his podcast Off Menu or James Acaster's Perfect Sounds, but before all of that James Acaster was one of the top researchers working in the UK today.... In these five shows, he probes deeply into a variety of subjects - and shares his eye-opening conclusions. Accompanied by agreeable assistant Nathaniel Metcalfe (Fresh from the Fringe) and Donna from the Complaints Department (Call the Midwife's Bryony Hannah) he tackles the big questions on the topics of bread, wood, fruit, wheels and paint.
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Thinking About It Only Makes It Worse
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Why is every film or tv programme a sequel or a remake? Why are people so f***ing hung up about swearing? Why do the asterisks in that sentence make it okay? Why do so many people want to stop other people doing things, and how can they be stopped from stopping them? These and many other questions trouble David Mitchell. Join him on a tour of the absurdities of modern life - from Ryanair to Richard III, Downton Abbey to phone etiquette, UKIP to hot dogs made of cats.
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Gary Thorn goes for a pint with a work acquaintance called Brendan. When Brendan leaves early, Gary meets a girl in the pub. He doesn’t catch her name, but falls for her anyway. When she suddenly disappears without saying goodbye, all Gary has to remember her by is the book she was reading: The Satsuma Complex. But when Brendan goes missing, Gary needs to track down the girl he now calls Satsuma to get some answers. And so begins Gary’s quest, through the estates and pie shops of South London, to finally bring some love and excitement into his unremarkable life.
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Entertaining interplay
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That Mitchell and Webb Sound: The Complete Series 1-5
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 11
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Welcome to the inside-out world of Mitchell and Webb, a strange and surreal place populated by misfits, eccentrics, talking animals and a few stray Radio 4 arts programme presenters. Included here are all five series of their fantastically skewed comedy show, packed with offbeat sketches and peculiar characters. Meet seedy snooker commentators Ted and Peter; poorly matched crime-fighting duo Angel Summoner and BMX Bandit; a cop who doesn't get results but, by God, he does things by the book; and some nervous Nazis who've just noticed their caps have skulls on them.
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Classic comedy from an underrated duo
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The Grip of Film
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Gordy LaSure's passionate about film. He eats film, he drinks film, and sometimes he'll even watch a film. But most of all, he loves talking about film, and how they'd be a shit-ton better if only people would pull their asses out of their ears and listen to Gordy LaSure. Why are some films bad and some films terrible? How come just a handful of films (Titanic, Porky's, Dirty Harry) are any good at all? Gordy'll tell you How and Why, and he'll give you a shot of Wherefore on the side. And he doesn't shoot from the hip; he shoots from the gut.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Ayoade at his most Ayoade!
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By: Richard Ayoade
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Mack the Life
- By: Lee Mack
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 41
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 41
Where do comedians come from? Why is it that one person is a funny bloke down the pub while another actually makes a living by standing up in front of an audience telling jokes? And where does all that material come from? Well, young Lee McKillop used to wonder that too. Growing up in his parents’ pub, small and wiry in a world of bigger and chunkier specimens, Lee quickly learned that cracking jokes was a way to get attention.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Lee Mack is a British institution
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The Book That No One Wanted to Read
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- Narrated by: Richard Ayoade, Jarvis Cocker, Lydia Fox
- Length: 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 7
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 6
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Story5 out of 5 stars 6
Hello! I'm a book! I can say with all modesty that The Book That No One Wanted To Read might be the most important book of all time. Why? Because it’s the first book to have been written by a book.
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5 out of 5 stars
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I wanted to read the book, best decision yet
- By Zeona Smith on 04-10-23
By: Richard Ayoade
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Strong Female Character
- By: Fern Brady
- Narrated by: Fern Brady
- Length: 6 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 205
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 195
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Story5 out of 5 stars 195
Scottish comedian Fern Brady was told she couldn't be autistic because she'd had loads of boyfriends and is good at eye contact. In this frank and surreal memoir, she delivers a sharp and often hilarious portrait of neurodivergence and living unmasked.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Buy. This.
- By Matt Morton on 06-10-23
By: Fern Brady
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Life: An Idiot’s Guide: The Complete Series 1-3
- BBC Radio 4 Stand Up Comedy
- By: Stephen K Amos
- Narrated by: Richard Herring, Sara Pascoe, Stephen K. Amos, and others
- Length: 7 hrs and 51 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 1
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Story5 out of 5 stars 1
Award-winning jokesmith and self-confessed idiot Stephen K. Amos teams up with some of the world's sharpest comic minds to compile a dummies' guide to being a modern human. From raising children and having a mid-life crisis, to first impressions and facing your fears, who better than a bunch of comedians to lead us through life's existential maze?
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4 out of 5 stars
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Waited a long time for Robin Ince
- By josh townsend on 10-08-23
By: Stephen K Amos
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Parsnips, Buttered
- Bamboozle and Boycott Modern Life, One Email at a Time
- By: Joe Lycett
- Narrated by: Joe Lycett
- Length: 3 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 271
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 240
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 236
In this book I have attempted to solve each and every one of life's problems. And I have succeeded. Dear Listener, Using letters, emails, tweets and telegrams I will show you how the things in your life that make you sad, low or anxious can soon appear trivial, insignificant and like a fish. In short, I will butter your parsnips.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Love Joe Lycett
- By Sarah Jane Walton on 07-15-21
By: Joe Lycett
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The Clementine Complex
- By: Bob Mortimer
- Narrated by: Bob Mortimer, Sally Phillips
- Length: 6 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall3.5 out of 5 stars 5
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 5
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Story3 out of 5 stars 5
Unremarkable legal assistant Gary Thorn goes for a pint with his coworker Brendan, unaware his life is about to change. There, Gary meets a beautiful woman, but she leaves before he catches her name. All he has to remember her by is the title of the book she was reading: The Clementine Complex. And when Brendan goes missing, too, Gary needs to track down the girl he now calls Clementine to get some answers. And so begins Gary’s quest, through the estates and pie shops of South London, to find some answers and hopefully, some love and excitement.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great characters!
- By Natalie Stevens on 02-19-24
By: Bob Mortimer
What listeners say about James Acaster's Classic Scrapes
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Holly
- 05-07-21
You'll think he's making it up, until you don't
The incidents James talks about are so absurd that you initially think there's no way a rational person would do this. But then James clearly illustrates his rationale and it suddenly doesn't seem so absurd. And he does this with his wonderfully self-deprecating and surprisingly insightful story telling genius.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Bethany
- 01-12-21
James Acaster is the best
I am so glad James was the one to read this audio book. I love him so much. He is hilarious
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Kindle Customer
- 10-27-17
The Scrape Master
James Acaster is one of the funniest comedians working in the UK today. I highly recommend this book, chronicling the many scrapes he's gotten into over the course of his life, to anyone who is a fan of Acaster, as well as to anyone who likes a good laugh.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 01-28-19
Scrapes
I’m not one to wish others misfortune, yet here we are at the end of the book I wished James had so many more scrapes so the book would have lasted another two hours! I could not have been more pleased with this book. Unless it were longer.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story3 out of 5 stars
- Snorre Fjellvang
- 05-27-23
Fun, childish, weird delight the J.Acaster might
He sets the line early, saying what you payed up to listen too. Not the best stories , but great performance in general that make the most tidious things a great story.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- UncleMark
- 07-03-23
Surprisingly painful and delightful
James explains his life choices during “scrapes,” events of unexpected strangeness. In the array of choices possible, James seems to select his choice based on the preposterousness of said choice. Frankly, makes me slightly envious that I may have been simply too rationale through my whole life. Shame on me. Thanks for making me question my joie de vivre, James.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Kelley
- 07-13-23
Very Funny
A fun listen and it’s always a treat to hear James tell his own stories. If you are a fan of his live performances definitely give this a listen.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- A.R.
- 08-31-18
Amazing Voice, Entertaining Storytelling
A reviewer of the print book mentioned that they watched his TV appearances before reading the book so that they could imagine his voice reading it. The audiobook is the solution!
Completely charming.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 09-18-19
brilliant.
was a big fan of these stories when James first told them on radio and enjoyed hearing them again in this format. recommended
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 02-05-19
People Stared
I laughed so heartily while at at work that people began to stare, but I was having an excellent listen so I didn't care.
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