It's OK That You're Not OK

Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand
Narrated by: Megan Devine
Length: 7 hrs and 19 mins
4.7 out of 5 stars (774 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

A New Resource for Those Experiencing Loss

With It's OK That You're Not OK, Megan Devine offers a profound new approach to both the experience of grief and the way we help others who have endured tragedy. Having experienced grief from both sides - as both a therapist and as a woman who witnessed the accidental drowning of her beloved partner - Megan writes with deep insight about the unspoken truths of loss, love, and healing. She debunks the culturally prescribed goal of returning to a normal, "happy" life, replacing it with a far healthier middle path, one that invites us to build a life alongside grief rather than seeking to overcome it.

On this unabridged audio recording read by the author, Megan offers stories, research, life tips, and creative and mindfulness-based practices to guide us through an experience we all must face. With Megan's gentle but direct guidance, you'll learn:

  • Why well-meaning advice, therapy, and spiritual wisdom so often end up making it harder for people in grief
  • How challenging the myths of grief - doing away with stages, timetables, and unrealistic ideals about how grief should unfold - allows us to accept it as a mystery to be honored instead of a problem to solve
  • Practical guidance for managing stress, improving sleep, and decreasing anxiety without trying to "fix" your pain

Many people who have suffered a loss feel judged, dismissed, and misunderstood by a culture that wants to "solve" grief. Megan writes, "Grief no more needs a solution than love needs a solution." It's OK That You're Not OK is a book for grieving people, those who love them, and all those seeking to love themselves - and each other - better.

©2017 Megan Devine (P)2017 Sounds True

What listeners say about It's OK That You're Not OK

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someone understands

this book is a beautifully understanding and gentle reminder that grief is not something you just get over. it has brought me comfort and helped me with some ways I can move forward with my grief.

19 people found this helpful

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Transfigurative treatise on grief

This audio book is articulated with poignant authenticity. It is a seminal work on living with tragic loss. It has personal reflection, research, powerful quotes, and useful activities. I highly recommend this book. I plan to listen to it often. Thank-you!

17 people found this helpful

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By far the best "grief" book

I lost my triplets 5 months into my pregnancy about 4 1/2 years ago. I've read many of books, listened to podcasts, gone to group and private counseling, but this book said it all. I grasped every word and related to every feeling. Grief cannot be healed, it will always exist. Reducing the suffering is the only thing we can control and even that takes times. Allowing one's self to be okay with not being okay is very freeing.

15 people found this helpful

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THANK YOU

The is by far the best book I have read on profound loss. Finally, a place to find validation and some measure of peace in my truth, without being told how to "fix" my pain, but instead showing me how to live within it, through it. A million thanks to the author for giving all of us this rare and precious place, this refuge from the well-meaning but clueless masses. Thank you.

10 people found this helpful

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Just what I needed to hear

I recently lost my husband in a horrific motorcycle accident in which I was severely injured. Not only was I dealing with my physical healing but now I needed to figure out how to grieve and continue with everyday life and bills and such. I never imagined that I would be a widow at 40, a week before my husband retired and we were getting ready for the rest of our lives. This book was suggested to me by a friend. The best gift I could receive at this horrible time. The validation that everything that I was hearing from people that I hated hearing, and every way that I was feeling, was OK. I need to give myself permission to feel these ways. I also love that there’s a chapter for the family and friends with things to say/not say, how to comfort etc. I HATE that I needed a book like this but so grateful that it’s available. I am so sorry that the author had to experience what she has in order to write it. Thank you Megan.

9 people found this helpful

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From a broken heart

This book has helped me with the loss of my daughter. It is a suggested must read for those that grieve

8 people found this helpful

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Thank you!

She really got it. All the sad and ugly truth of losing someone. I’m really glad I found this book.

7 people found this helpful

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It's Okay that I'm Not Okay

Helped me realize that I will not "get over" my loss. I will carry my loss through my lifetime and that's normal. It is not weird to grieve for a lifetime. There, I said it. Please, don't tell anyone they need to just get over it (no matter what the loss).

5 people found this helpful

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Essential work on grieving and surviving

I recommend this book for those who grieve as well as their loved ones. It deals with the realities of grieving rather than denying the pain of loss. By empowering those who grieve to go through the process the author also empowers healing. The content benefits greatly by being read by the author. Again, this is an excellent work which I have found most helpful in dealing with the recent loss of a loved one.

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real grief for real people

Megan lends invaluable insight into the world of grief and why it can make us feel so crazy. This book will revolutionize your experience and understanding of our cultural model of grief, how simple tending and pure acceptance is often withheld. You are ok, however you are not ok - feel that, take it in, know you are not alone in tending your loss and new life with Megan, this wonderful book and the brave community of the grief revolution as companions.

5 people found this helpful

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  • Mamalina
  • 03-13-19

Great, depending on who is reading

I’m in two minds about this book, so bear with me. My parent died a few years ago, so I have first hand experience of early stages if grief. I also am a trained bereavement supporter for a nationwide charity. I feel like this book might be useful for a newly bereaved. They will find thar they are not alone in that experience, the author normalises feelings surrounding the grief through sharing her story. I probably would have liked to reas it when my parent died. However, she mostly focuses on ‘out of order’ death (I understand that as death that wasn’t meant to happen naturally), such like death of a child, death of partner or sibling while still young. There is no mention at all of death of an older parent, for example. It perhaps is ‘in order’ (?), but it still can be incredibly painful to live through. Would I have felt like I should not be grieving so deeply because my bereavement was ‘in order’? I don’t know, but it’s something to gear in mind. If you are going to read this book as somebody who wants support a loved one through the grief, it might be useful, but I also feel like it also might put you off helping. There is lots of advice on what to do, but even more on what not to do, and it creates this picture that you need to thread on eggshells whilst blindfolded around the bereaved. I felt like there was a fair bit of contradicting advice and author come across somewhat bitter in places. The underlying message is that you just need to bear witness to their pain and don’t try to fix it. As a bereavement supporter I feel like have learned more from other books.

7 people found this helpful

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  • Donnocha
  • 10-30-17

Wise & compassionate

A wise and compassionate book. Well read. Useful for anyone who has been bereaved, and for those who support them.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Wilma
  • 03-13-20

Best book I've read on living with great loss

I have read several books since the unexpected and tragic loss of my beloved son... Non has resonated nor validated as this one. So grateful to have found it...

2 people found this helpful

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  • Peaches
  • 04-13-20

Thanks Megan 😊

Recommended, i need 14 more words to do a review which i don't have, this Audio has helped me, Megan has an amazing way with words and is a complete expert.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anna
  • 12-17-19

This book was exactly what I needed

Narrated beautifully, this really spoke to me. Mind you, it might not be everyone's view, but if you find that you don't fit into any "grief scenarios" imposed by society, give this a go. It voiced many thoughts I had after the loss. I think I might buy a paper copy now to give to people close to me, once I'm brave enough.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 10-12-19

honest and comforting

gives you hope when you're utterly lost and completely hopeless, comforting to know that getting over your loss isn't the only option.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Mrspatriciacherry
  • 07-21-19

A comforting listen.

Having very recently lost my husband suddenly, I found this audio book a very soothing listen. With its practical tips on how to deal with your mind and body disturbances, it is reassuring to know that my experiences with grieving are as individual as I am, yet the intense feelings and emotions are "normal" (for want of a better word) I would fully recommend listening rather than reading as it hits the spot. And the soothing voice certainly calms me down and sends me into a calm sleep. I will recommend this to anyone who is grieving, even months or years down the line. It is helping me to realise that grieving is not something to get through, but something to live with in an evolving way.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 05-12-19

what I needed so much

loved this book so much ,so I sent hard copies to others I know greiving, who are simply expected to get over their loss in some public health measured time period . No other book on grief came close in giving me such comfort and I have read so many searching for the reason I haven't gone back to normal

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  • Khaled Kassem
  • 07-15-20

Excellent is an understatement

I can't explain how much I enjoyed reading this book. It is the only book that touched my feelings and explained what I'm going thru better that i would after losing my wife.

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  • M. Whiston
  • 11-21-18

Survival Guide

A how to navigate, and what may work as a compass and useful backpack. Healing hopes for all who need the use of this book.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 08-29-20

Totally resonated with me

Having lost our beautiful 17 year old son in a car accident just six weeks ago I wasn’t sure if I was ready for a book about loss. I found Megan’s book on Audible and was struck by the summary - it just felt right. Within three days I had listened to the full 7.5 hours of audio book and the entire thing spoke to me. So much so that I have asked all my friends and family to also read it or listen to it. I am just about to listen to the whole book again as I know that I will have missed things in my brain fog of grief. Thank you, thank you Megan x

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  • Jos74
  • 05-24-20

I needed this

This book has carried on my daily walks literally & metaphorically. I'm OK with not being OK

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  • Michael H
  • 02-16-20

One of the best books on grief

This is a must read book for anyone supporting someone who is grieving. So often our well intentioned advice is unhelpful, this book teaches people to genuinely support those they know who are grieving. Deeply insightful and brutally honest.

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  • Kerry
  • 02-12-20

Not the one for me

Only managed to get about an hour into this one. After recently losing my mother to cancer I've been having a rough time. I know the intention behind this book and hope that it helps others. For me I got a bit sick of being told what the book was going to be about, never seeming to actually get there. Plus the authors remarks about those around her when she went through her own trauma made me feel like she was the centre of the universe and everyone needed to just shut up. I dare say it was not the intention of the book, but it actually made me feel worse and that my journey was somehow less than the authors because my loved one didn't pass suddenly and in the prime of their life..

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 03-10-19

Finally - a book that helps

Megan Devine has written a superb book based on her on personal loss & her experience as a psychotherapist. It’s relatable if you are grieving. It helps. It doesn’t take the pain away, but there are tools used to help. Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting the past.

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  • Kris
  • 01-20-19

Wish I'd heard this years ago.

After losing 6 family members in 6 years it's a relief to hear that what I'm feeling and thinking is normal.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 02-04-18

Very Thankful for this book

The Author’s goal is to give companionship in such tragic times, and she does that with flying colors. A realist and doesn’t give false hope, but really Strategies in knowing it’s ok not to be ok.

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  • Claire Martenson
  • 11-23-17

Excellent!

I bought Megan's book on audible because I had family members experience grief and loss and I wanted to be able to help them the best I could. I found Megan's book just beautiful. She has such a compassionate and empathetic voice and on several occasions I was brought to tears. I have learned so much from her book and have already notice positive changes for my new management of grief. Thank you, Meghan! Your friend.