I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck

An Everyman’s Guide to a Meaningful Life
By: John Kim
Narrated by: John Kim
Length: 5 hrs and 5 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (610 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

The Angry Therapist who has helped thousands of men find more happiness in their relationships and more purpose in their lives now shares his insights with everyone in this powerful guide - self-help in a shot glass - covering essential topics, from vulnerability and posturing to workouts and women.

Deep in post-divorce soul-searching, John Kim came to an astonishing realization: He was a miserable f--k who might just be to blame for the problems in his life. Armed with this new insight, he began The Angry Therapist blog - an admission that, while he was a licensed therapist and life coach, he was no better than the people who sought his advice. In his first post, “My F--king Feelings”, he wrote about the struggles and shortcomings that had led him to this point. As his work caught on, catapulting him into the role of unlikely and unconventional guide for thousands of people all over the world, Kim evolved from behaving like a boy to living like a man - and showed his clients how to do so as well.

In I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck, Kim delivers the dos and don’ts for stepping up and into manhood, which he defines by transparency and strength of character, not six-pack abs or a corner office. With his signature no-nonsense approach that will make you laugh and think, Kim takes you on a rugged, rough-and-tumble road trip of self-exploration and discovery, sharing his wisdom and insights, such as why:

  • Being nice is for boys and being kind is for men
  • Scheduling man dates could make you a better friend, lover, and human being
  • Peeing in the shower is a sign of a larger problem
  • Arguing, judging, and answering “I dunno” are keeping you from a healthy relationship, a great career, and a happy life

We are not born men. We are born boys. The transition from misery to meaning is an internal process that requires work: reflection, pain, courage, and sometimes, a rebirth. Kim knows because he’s been there. The truth is, men weren’t meant to just pay bills and die. With this audiobook as your guide, you will love hard, walk tall, and find a life filled with purpose and passion.

©2019 John Kim (P)2019 HarperCollins Publishers

Editor's Pick

Bromotional intelligence
"I don’t think I’d describe myself as ever having been a miserable f*ck, but I was a teenager until around the age of 26. I also used to work in a really bad high school, and I’ve witnessed (and displayed) firsthand the epidemic deficit of emotional intelligence on the male end of the spectrum. I didn’t really come to terms with it either before listening to Brené Brown’s The Power of Vulnerability a few years ago, and that’s why I’m excited about I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck. It shows that the issue is gaining momentum, with the attention and mentorship it deserves. John Kim’s approach to the topic is definitely "dude-lier" than Brené Brown’s—his narration is gruff and serious, but he knows how to crack a joke—and I think that will appeal to some of the people who would benefit from this book the most."
Michael D., Audible Editor

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Some wisdom, some common knowledge.

I like the author, and his narrating style.
However, there are too many “fucks”, common know facts and over generalizations in the book;
In addition to that, book leans to the “pick up artist” area; and in my opinion there is no better pick up author than David DeAngelo.

Overall, I do not think the book will do good to any man older than 30~

7 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Raw, honest, necessary

The phase "Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?" addressed in spades. The author takes a deep look into manhood and examines what can be found lacking today in families and men. He provides several life experiences many of which are painful with grace and humor. Recommended if you want to learn and grow as a person, everyone can take something of value from this book.

6 people found this helpful

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Not just for men.

John Kim, this book should have a broader title because the majority of the guide is how to be a good person, not just man. I will apply a lot of this to my own life, and will no longer settle for some of the boys I have dated in the past. If anyone is unsure of what women are looking for, they can learn everything in about five hours, listening to this book.
Thank you for sharing your story and creating a guide that is so user friendly. I will likely be buying a paper copy as well, to read, reference, share, and write all over!

4 people found this helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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Kind of dumb the assumptions he make about men are often true for both men and women.

Not useful at all to me seems kinda whiny and derivative. Assuming men are always the problem is not a fair assumption

3 people found this helpful

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man bible every parent should give to their son

the audio aspect took a bit of getting used to since the reader sounds a little like "the dark knight". however, once past the voice, John is 100% spot on with every bit of his man instruction. John earned his wisdom the hard way and has delivered a transformative and often funny guide to being a legit man. this should be required reading for every male turning 20. keep in mind the colorful language is exactly as if one man is jerking a knot in a young man's tail around a camp fire. John I'm so proud of you for making the uncommon trek you made. fantastic job mapping it out and putting it into such wonderful words. brilliant!

2 people found this helpful

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recovering miserable fuck

I am sad that it's over. I am better for having listened. So much of the work I've done is validated by this writing. So much more to do but now I know how to proceed. I have a blue print.

This is not just for men. I know now that I am a miserable fuck in recovery.

1 person found this helpful

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All the f*** books...

I have to admit that I originally purchased this book because having the word f*** on the cover seems to be "the thing" today, and who doesn't want to be in the "Cool Kids" club. I started following John Kim on Instagram so that I could get a feel for him before I dug into the book so that I could toss a little context in with some complete stranger telling me how to be a man.

I didn't really connect with him at first and after waiting for a month with this book in my audio cue I finally gave it a shot. Boy did I misjudge this book by its cover... literally.

John is a breath of fresh air and provides hope for all 'boys'. Never before have I been so deeply moved by things so simply stated. He speaks from a vulnerable vantage point and meets you face to face regardless of where you are in your journey to be the type of man that is remembered, respected, and loved.

It's great to hear about the things that you do well repeated back to you. It encourages you to keep up the good fight. More importantly, it's challenging to be given a list of things that you still need to work on... along with simple steps to pull it off starting right now.

The only thing that I did faster than read this book was to suggest it to my son. I enjoyed listening to it. Now I'm going to buy a copy of it because it is certain to give me years worth of thoughts and inspiration for journaling content. #f*ckingfeelings

Here's to you, John. Cheers

1 person found this helpful

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meh...

the book was well written. i will Admit. But since I don't have a girlfriend or wife I could not relate to all of the girl advice (which often felt like half the book). some advice was solid (like learning how not to be a ''yes man'') but other advice seemed like a school lecture. good read, but not great...

1 person found this helpful

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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

Not Perfect but Worth Your Time and Money

This book is an easy listen that accomplishes what it sets out to do. John Kim doesn't do the best job reading his book, BUT I almost always prefer to hear the real author's voice in audio books - so I will give him the benefit of the doubt.

Kim is very believable as someone that used to be a "Miserable F*ck". In fact, he sounds like he used to be quite the A-Hole...and that he still has quite the opinion of himself. But all of that plus his experience as the Angry Therapist makes him very qualified to write this book. I like that each topic is covered in a short section. It actually makes it tempting to purchase the physical book so that I can quickly refer back to some topics. There are some things in the book that I couldn't relate to but many, many items that hit home. In the days since I finished the book I have already caught myself putting in extra effort to be a better person. I plan to re-listen to this book every so often to help keep me on the road to "recovery".

The only thing that could have significantly improved the book for me would be if it had sections that specifically addressed improving my relationship and behavior around my children. It seems pretty obvious to me that Kim isn't a father (obviously not his fault), but specific ideas about improving my overall family life would have been awesome.

I do strongly recommend the book to anyone that feels like they are generally miserable and not getting everything they want out of life. The book isn't perfect, but provides enough guidance and suggestions for improving things that it is well worth your time and money.

Final question that I was left with...who in the world is his mysterious ex-wife? He mentions her quite often and hints that she is a decently well known actress. Oh well - buy the book...you will be glad you did.

1 person found this helpful

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Good book, good listen, good story

I’m a fairly novice “book reader.” But this book has a ton of good good points, a lot of good stories to back it, and the author presents them very well. There’s a lot of things that seem like common sense. However I imagine it isn’t as common as one might expect. Would recommend!