How to Be the Love You Seek

Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships

By: Dr. Nicole LePera

Narrated by: Courtney Patterson

Length: 10 hrs and 14 mins

Publisher's summary

INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

"A practical, reader-friendly, and inspiring primer on how to extend true connection and love to others.” —Gabor Maté M.D., New York Times bestselling author of The Myth of Normal

From the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller How to Do the Work comes this paradigm-shifting guide to healing your relationships, beginning with the one you have with yourself.

Relationships have always been essential to human survival. Our bodies and brains are programmed to seek out connection, whether familial, romantic, or platonic. And yet, these vital bonds are often at the root of our deepest suffering. While our hearts are primed for compassionate connection, our nervous systems—which store all our past hurts and disappointments—are wired for threat and negativity.

For decades, leading relationship advice has maintained that successful relationships require a specific compromise—that we must change our authentic expression to better meet the needs of others, and vice versa. It may sound reasonable in theory, but as Dr. LePera explains, this approach is nothing less than a recipe for a lifetime of resentment.

In How to Be the Love You Seek, #1 New York Times bestselling author Dr. LePera—whose integrative, holistic approach to psychology has attracted an international audience of millions—offers a new path to healing our relationships. Harnessing the latest scientific research, she teaches us to recognize how unmet needs from our earliest relationships create our current, dysfunctional relationship patterns, and leave us in a state of constant internal threat, even with those closest to us.

This book, the last in her “How To” trilogy, illuminates the way out of trauma bonds and into relationships rooted in mutual respect and compassion. In it, you will learn how to create safety in your own body and mind; identify your unmet needs; develop emotional resilience; cultivate heart coherence to build deep emotional connections with others; and maintain healthy interdependence in our communities.

Whether you struggle to maintain the kinds of relationships you want, or are facing a specific challenge with a spouse, partner, parent, sibling, child, friend, or colleague—Dr. LePera teaches us how to break painful cycles and reconnect with the wisdom, appreciation, and compassion that lives in each of our hearts. It is our heart’s innate capacity to love that is the true source of all healing. When we tap into that power, we can become the love we seek.

Complete with stories, exercises, journal prompts, and other practical tools, How to Be the Love You Seek offers a healing roadmap for all generations of cycle-breakers.

©2023 Dr. Nicole LePera (P)2023 HarperCollins Publishers

We are the love we seek. Change yourself to attract what you desire.

This book is filled with scientific epiphanies. Excellent tools, references to other works and personal stories that make ….REAL. Thank you!

great book!

incredible book like the two previous but with an emphasis on love and relationships and communication

Wide-ranging and helpful book

This book touched on a lot of themes around getting in touch with ourselves, honoring our needs, coherence, inter-connection, and honoring our hearts. The reading performance was good and well paced. Overall a very worthwhile listen.

Childhood trauma

Being honest with yourself and others learning how to grow and to help guide others

Clear, resonant and helpful

This book felt deeply resonant to me, gave clarity and clear instruction to be more in touch with who I am and to be closer yo the people around me. I’m so glad I read it

Great insights

This book was full of insightful information! Not just how to recognize issues but how to fix them

solid worthwhile read

I would have given the overall rating 5 stars if the audio version of the book had included the sources of the studies mentioned toward the end of the book, regarding collective consciousness.

This was so helpful!

I loved how the stories were so relatable. It helped me to unpack how most of my behavior is linked to a disregulated nervous system.

Knowledgeale and Thought-Provoking

I loooved this audiobook! It's literally life changing! I'm going to share it with as people who will listen.

Great eye opener book for your healing journey

Everything about this book is what people need when it comes to your healing journey. I was reading this book with my partner and both of us agreed that this book opened our eyes. This book helps you see things you do not fully understand and know what are the areas you need to work on. Super grateful to have read this resourceful book!