Helping Your Husband with ADHD

Supportive Solutions for Adult ADD/ADHD

By: George Sachs PsyD

Narrated by: Dwight Equitz

Length: 3 hrs and 3 mins

Publisher's summary

Do you ever feel like your husband is an overgrown child? Or a really big teenager that needs to be reminded of everything or he'll forget? He's restless. He's jumpy. He's impatient, impulsive, and chronically late! He simply refuses to get organized and puts off everything - and I mean everything - until the last minute.

Is this the guy you married? What the heck happened to him? Was he always this way? Or is it all in your head? More importantly, is there anything you can do to fix it, or do you have to suffer with his atrocious habits for the rest of your life?

It's difficult enough managing your career, the house, and the kids. Who has time to micromanage their husband's life? If you are the wife of a man with ADD/ADHD this may have struck a painful chord, and for good reason. Beyond the daily difficulties of being on the receiving end of ADD/ADHD, your plight is often ignored by therapists and other professionals. Yes, many books and articles have been written describing the challenges of people with ADD/ADHD, but few focus on those who suffer the most from this condition - namely, their partners. This book is an attempt to do just that: to offer solid education and practical tips to help you deal with the daily frustrations of living with someone who has ADD/ADHD.

This book is a helpful guide for women who think their husbands might have ADD/ADHD. Or for women whose husbands have already been diagnosed. George Sachs, PsyD, and Timothy Norman, LCSW, offer advice for wives to help their husbands live a successful life with adult ADD/ADHD. Learn ways to support his growth without enabling him or exhausting yourself.

Dr. Sachs is a licensed child and adult psychologist, specializing in the treatment of ADD/ADHD in children, teens, and adults. He is founder of the Sachs Center on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, serving individuals and families looking for answers to ADD/ADHD.

©2015 George Sachs (P)2016 George Sachs

Introductory. Should edit to not repeat "ADD/ADHD"

The repetition of "ADD/ADHD" was trying. Ok info and suggestions but not new to me.

Wife with Bipolar, Hubby with ADHD

I really liked this book. I realized how many similarities my hubby and I have with our diagnoses. I shared what I learned here and we plan to implement some new things into our lives and communication, which likely help us both! I absolutely feel like I get him more and it helped me not feel so alone or terrible for my feelings. It was a good read!

A very informative read

I read a few reviews that said the gist of this book is basically that you have to accept the issue with no solutions offered which made me hesitant to “read”. However there are multiple chapters that deal with action items. Therapy, medication, diet changes, structuring to do lists, how to present information in less overwhelming ways, etc are all discussed. It’s a great read that even includes recommendations of additional books and resources to assist in tempering the effects of adult ADHD.

Insight into the ADD mind but not how to help.

In a nutshell, don’t be the mom, don’t leave notes or reminders, don’t complain because he can’t help it. Not sure what we ARE to do but live with the ADD.

I gave it 3 stars because it does give you insight into the workings of the ADD mind. But don’t expect helpful advice.

Validation

I learned quite a bit from this book but also realized through the testimony of other women that I’m not alone. How I’ve been feeling doesn’t make me a jerk, it just makes me a human being. That’s priceless.

Functional advice

This was a great read with great tools for the spouse of a husband with ADHD. I like the fact that several different ideas were suggested to get me on the right track to functioning with my husband. It also helped me to better u sweat and why lists don’t work and to keep the todo list short!

Patronizing & playing right into making the work someone else’s

Early on I had to stop and check to see if the book was authored in the 1950s or by an 80 year old, or a traditional religious zealot. While there were a couple of good points that put a few things into a new perspective for me, ultimately it seems like a typical male response to passing the buck and making the situation someone else’s set of tasks to manage. It’s horrible advice when you’re already sitting in the ashes of the destructive side of the disorder. This book only made my perspective on my experience with my husband’s disorder even worse.

Comes across as sexist and contradictory...

What could have made this a 4 or 5-star listening experience for you?

The reader was fine. He was not the reason I gave it one star.

What could George Sachs PsyD have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

The book essentially tells the wife to bend over backwards to help her husband, not get frustrated with him, not let him know she's helping him for fear of him feeling he's being treated like a child, all while taking on a lion share of the household and bread-winning duties because, well, she shouldn't have any expectation that he follow through with anything and expectations of partnership might upset or bruise his fragile ego. Both my husband and I have ADD. Mine is more well managed as I've known longer (since my early 20's, him since his early 30's) and I have just developed more coping skills with the extra time. This book assumes the wife is an organizational wiz, and is just in the marriage to help her husband without any expectation of reciprocation. It also assumes that the man can't handle much by way of confronting and dealing with his ADD/ADHD, which I also find offensive and would think any man would too. I'm left dumbfounded that people liked this book so much.

To make this enjoyable, the author could lay out the impacts of undiagnosed and diagnosed ADD/ADHD in men, while still holding out a consistent expectation that men learn ways to cope and cooperate within a marriage. Give both genders a little more credit for individual responsibility.

Who would you have cast as narrator instead of Dwight Equitz?

Nope.

What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

Nothing.

Mixing up diagnostic criteria

quite surprisingly, the author is combining some of the common symptoms found within personality clusters with some of the criteria met to meet the ADHD diagnosis. From a case formulation perspective this does not make sense. From a personal perspective this will not only confuse spouses but perhaps lead to misunderstandings of their husbands mental health conditions. Some of the marital scenarios where unhealthy patriarchal dynamics and neglectful behavior result in repetitive conflict that threatens intimacy would be better examined through a psychosocial and relational model. Misrepresenting examples of mania / hypomania, anger or even Alexithymia does not serve wives seeking to understand their husband’s ADHD. While some of characterlogical traits and maladaptive behavior may appear to overlap with executive function challenges with self regulation seen in ADHD, it is not their source. Comorbid psychological conditions would be diagnosed and treated in conjunction to best serve couples.