Fault Lines

Fractured Families and How to Mend Them

By: Karl Pillemer Ph.D.

Narrated by: Sean Pratt

Real solutions to a hidden epidemic: family estrangement.

Estrangement from a family member is one of the most painful life experiences. It is devastating not only to the individuals directly involved--collateral damage can extend upward, downward, and across generations, More than 65 million Americans suffer such rifts, yet little guidance exists on how to cope with and overcome them. In this book, Karl Pillemer combines the advice of people who have successfully reconciled with powerful insights from social science research. The result is a unique guide to mending fractured families.

Fault Lines shares for the first time findings from Dr. Pillemer's ten-year groundbreaking Cornell Reconciliation Project, based on the first national survey on estrangement; rich, in-depth interviews with hundreds of people who have experienced it; and insights from leading family researchers and therapists. He assures people who are estranged, and those who care about them, that they are not alone and that fissures can be bridged.

Through the wisdom of people who have "been there," Fault Lines shows how healing is possible through clear steps that people can use right away in their own families. It addresses such questions as: How do rifts begin? What makes estrangement so painful? Why is it so often triggered by a single event? Are you ready to reconcile? How can you overcome past hurts to build a new future with a relative?

Tackling a subject that is achingly familiar to almost everyone, especially in an era when powerful outside forces such as technology and mobility are lessening family cohesion, Dr. Pillemer combines dramatic stories, science-based guidance, and practical repair tools to help people find the path to reconciliation.

This program includes a downloadable PDF that contains the Appendix from the book.

Critic reviews

"Rifts and ruptures upend tens of millions of families, leaving a trail of sorrow and despair. But in this wise and moving book, Karl Pillemer combines academic rigor and practical advice to show us how to move toward reconciliation. Fault Lines is a book that will change lives."
—Daniel H. Pink, New York Times bestselling author of When, Drive, and A Whole New Mind

"Chronic, seemingly intractable estrangement blights many families in our stressed and fragmented culture. In this thoughtful, compassionate book Karl Pillemer shows that it need not be permanent and his perceptive, gentle guidance lights the way to reconciliation."
—Gabor Maté M.D., author, In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters With Addiction

"Fault Lines is a masterful study of the causes family estrangements, the reasons to heal, and the ways to make it happen. Don’t waste a minute. Read this book and get back together."
—Jane Isay, author of Walking on Eggshells

"I could not stop reading this wonderful combination of new data, psychological insight, practical advice, and compassion. It will be a terrific personal and professional resource."
—Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D. author of The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples

"Estrangement is the mysterious, intractable and secret pain affecting millions of families (including my own). With Fault Lines, Karl Pillemer courageously rappels into the deep social crevice created by these devastating rifts. Using original research and empathic storytelling, Pillemer doesn't just explore this territory, but he shows us a way out. This is an extremely important and insightful guide for anyone wrestling with the heartbreak of estrangement."
—Amy Dickinson, “Ask Amy” advice columnist

"This is one of the most original contributions to relationship research and literature I have seen in a long time. It is filled with real examples and practical wisdom, but perhaps most of all, every page is filled with hope."
—Matthew Kelly, New York Times bestselling author of The Rhythm of Life

"A fascinating examination of family estrangement, which is far more common that you might think."
–Gretchen Rubin, New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Project

Solid content

The author is clearly interested in helping people resolve family estrangement issues. With a deep body of research on his side, he opens a window into the complicated world of family ties. Note he supports a wide concept of family ties, which include close friends. This book goes along with other ones on negotiation and dealing with difficult situations.

Well worth it

What a wonderful book!

I read this as an estate planning attorney interested in the subject because I see it so much. It really all starts with family. This gives many tools to reconcile and ample reasons why you should, even (especially) in situations that were traumatizing and awful.

If you are thinking about this book, get it.

A wealth of knowledge from first hand experiences

I started this book when my family experienced a rift ending in estrangement of many of its members after both of my formerly healthy parents becoming deathly ill in a matter of weeks of of each other. I turned to this book simply because I didn’t have any answers. Relationships I thought were lifelong suddenly became severed. I felt helpless and isolated. Angry and broken hearted. Hated and unheard. This book helped me understand rifts and the feeling of powerlessness that comes with closing doors and being shut out of the lives of family members. This book helped me understand that there are always two sides to every story but those sides, over time, don’t matter as much as the relationships. I felt less alone reading about others who had gone through almost identical situations if not worse. I think this book gives hope to those experiencing estrangement. If ever my family wants to mend bridges I feel like I’ll be ready on some level. Until then I found a great deal of comfort in these pages. Audible has a really great audio version.

Solid advice and hope for both sides.

I am writing a book for parents who long for restoration with their estranged adult child and have read/listened to quite a few books on the topic as part of my research. This, by far, has been my favorite. It's written from the viewpoint of a sociologist who conducted in-depth interviews with all kinds of people, including those who chose the estrangement and those who long for reconciliation, those who "have no idea what they did that was so wrong" and those who took the estrangement as an opportunity for personal reflection and growth, and those that the author refers to as "the reconcilers." These are the people who decide to try again, often by processing past hurts, realizing they can live without the person in their life, learning how to set healthy boundaries, and, sometimes, by giving "one last chance." If you are estranged from a relative, I hope you'll give Fault Lines a chance, and maybe, just maybe, your relationship will be restored to something better than it ever was.

Read worthy

Very interesting topic and definitely well structured. I found it informative and I would recommend it.

very helpful!

loved it, good narrator,good research on this subject. i recommended it to many people i know.

Relatable & Hopefilled

any estranged parent can find true comfort, honest feedback, and a level of relativity unmatched by other sources

Estrangement can be avoided and healed. There’s hope.

I have a strained relationship with my brother. I am working to avoid an estrangement by all means. I found Fault lines to be a practical handbook to navigate the delicate terrain of family relationships that become toxic. Setting boundaries and sticking to them stood out for me as well as seeing things from the other person’s perspective. Highly recommended.

Everyone should listen to this, whether you are currently in an estrangement or not.

This has given me the most hope of reconciliation with my estranded son and his family.

This is the best estrangement book I have read!

Finally! A book that examines that this phenomenon of cutting family members off is not something new—not specific to the cancel culture. And finally! A book that gives hope with clarity for steps to be taken on both sides of the estranged relationship. Highly recommended!