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Publisher's Summary

As women everywhere will attest, when it comes to understanding female sexuality, most guys know more about what's under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. And while it seems that men have struggled valiantly since the dawn of time to find ways to reliably elicit the female orgasm, rare is the guy who has the modesty to ask: "What do I do?" Ironically, the answer has always been right there on the tip of his tongue.

Welcome to the world of She Comes First, where the mystery of female satisfaction is solved and the tongue is proven mightier than the sword. According to Ian Kerner, clinical sexologist and evangelist of the female orgasm, oral sex has long been deemed an optional aspect of foreplay, but, in fact, it's coreplay: simply the best way for leading a woman through the entire process of sexual response.

Fun, informative, and easy to read, She Comes First is a virtual encyclopedia of female pleasure, detailing dozens of tried-and-true techniques for consistently satisfying a woman and step-by-step instructions to ensure success. These simple methods represent a new era in sexual intimacy, one in which the exchange of pleasure occurs on a level playing field and fulfillment is mutual.

She Comes First exuberantly offers a fresh new sexual philosophy that inspires every man to make a mantra of Rhett Butler's infamous line to Scarlett O'Hara, "You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how."

For Adults Only: You must be 18 years or older to purchase.

Find out what else is on Ian Kerner's mind in this interview with the author.

©2004 Ian Kerner; (P)2005 HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Critic Reviews

"An entire book written strictly for the pleasure of women by a man. Hallelujah!" (Playgirl)

What members say

Average Customer Ratings


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  • Overall

Informative and effective

I was not sure what to expect, but found the book easy to listen to, easy to understand...and, most important, helpful ;-) when it counted. I would have preferred a different narrator as the author does not have the best reading voice...and at moments seems to go a little over the top in trying to make the topic "sexy" (as if it needed any help on that point).

14 of 15 people found this review helpful

  • Overall

Wow-A Must Read for Women & Men

She Comes First should be used as a mandatory sex education class for Freshmen college students. Parents should listen/read this book so they better know how to talk to their children regarding family sex education. This book clearly and calmly walks the reader through old-miss information to what science has confirmed regarding human sexuality. As a woman I now have a "definition of terms" creating a scientifically based frame work to understand my own sexual experiences. I can't thank the author enough for this gift of knowledge. As a woman, I have been embarrassed for how long it takes me to orgasm. Now I understand that myself and my lovers simply lacked a proper understanding of the stages of arousal, climax, and return to a pre-arousal state that most women experience. And understanding the brain chemistry as to why men sleep after sex is liberating for both men & women. Whether or not you enjoy oral sex, reading this book makes you feel more comfortable about your own unique journey to experience bliss through sex. Woman are in the process of reclaiming our unique feminine energy and this book goes a long way to giving women confidence to relax and enjoy themselves and gives men what they have always wanted - terms & explanations to understand What Woman Want (Need). Thank you.

28 of 31 people found this review helpful

  • Overall

Informative w/o pretense

Although this author is long winded and quotes from a lack of his own sense of literary style, he attempts an honest and effective address of a subject he appears confident and competent about. Obviously has an appreciation and respect for the subject matter. This work is a rarity because it lacks pretensive boasting and slong measuring making it a treasure for the library and a important work for us less informed folk.

5 of 5 people found this review helpful

  • Overall

Women are hot for this book

I wondered what my friends would think if I told them I read this book. There are pretty much two answers: First- The men usually tell me they already know ALL about this sort of thing. On the other hand, women are absolutely impressed and want to know more. It's weird because their reactions are WAY more positive than I could have imagined. Not only are they curious about what I now know, they want a copy of the book for themselves. The men; they still don't get it (but I do!).

Once the listener of She Comes First gets past the author's nonchalant tone of speaking about such a difficult subject, there is so much to learn. I think everything is in this book- somewhere, which brings me to my only problem. I've listened to parts of this book 5 times, and I still can't find a great point in the book in which I can quickly review what I've learned (like on my way to my girlfriend's house). It seems that much of the information is spread throughout the book, so it takes time to pick up the finer points.

The information is in depth; from talking about discussions about transmissible diseases, to the female scent, whether cunalingus is okay while she is menstruating, to how sexual tension plays into the bedroom starting before being undressed and etc. I considered myself to be somewhat advanced and I more than quadrupled what I know about a woman; in fact, I would bet I now know more about a woman than she typically knows about herself!

This book is a must buy for any true man. The women in your life will thank you in ways that make you feel as though you were the last man on earth!

If you get this audio book, if you want to skip to the good part, start the book at the 3-hr 2-min mark and get a taste. Then go back from the start and enjoy.

25 of 29 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Bryan
  • Brentwood, NH, USA
  • 12-08-08

The greatest aduio book I have ever listened to

All superlatives aside and not to put too fine a point on it, but the theory and practice learned in She Comes First revitalized sex for my wife and I in such a dramatic way that I still have a hard time believing it. Once a month, routine and hardly satisfactory sex changed entirely overnight into all day exchanges of filthy text messages, difficulty keeping our hands off one another and nights of intense, deeply passionate sex and it's all thanks to this amazing and exceptionally specific manual to master the female orgasm. Other books focused on sexuality make vague suggestions that you could come to on your own. She Comes First lays it all out there and is a path to better sex and a deeper level of intimacy.

30 of 35 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Adam
  • Cambridge, MA, USA
  • 08-23-05

Really Good for What It's For

This book is quite amazingly good at just what it says. You'll get a lot of fact, and be left to develop it how you choose. No more search for the magic buttons, or a ten-step program for orgasm. I'm glad he doesn't insult me by trying to give me a script to follow, and Ian also manages to make the presentation quite fun, if a little eerily motivational speaker-esque at times -- this man needs to be put on a ration plan for exclamation points.

I think perhaps the most ringing endorsement I can make is that I would never, ever listen to this with my girlfriend or spouse. I'm not embarrassed easily, but I spent most of the time listening a brilliant shade of salmon. I think I'm better for the experience, though.

The only thing I regret is that there's an almost negative tone regarding genital sexual intercourse. I know it's not what the book is about, and I accept that, but I don't think he needed to be that negative about what is for many women a fun and viable way to achieve sexual gratification and yes, orgasm. Normally I'm put off by a "whatever works for you" approach in a sex book, so I appreciate the vehemence, but I would have moderated the tone a bit.

Still, all in all, a fascinating read.

17 of 20 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Judith
  • Millbury, MA, United States
  • 02-08-05


I got this book the day it came to my local bookstore. It was worth it! After my husband read it, I got a lot out of it :) So, I have it now on Audibles and will listen with hubby which should lead to great conversations and more... This is really great for those stuck in a rut, or looking for new techniques, or just trying something to add a bit (I mean a great deal) of SPICE to a relationship.

96 of 119 people found this review helpful

  • Overall


I've been married 24 years to an RN and have a Biology degree but still learned ALOT. Not just techniques (although Kathy enjoyed them!) but enlightened me on just how marvelous the female body truly is. A MUST "read" for ANY man ready to take responsility for serving his lover FIRST.

15 of 18 people found this review helpful

  • Overall

Mojomaker vs. Mojobreaker

I bought this a year ago, and I have to say it wrecked my wife's and my rhythm. Not because what he says isn't worthwhile, but because I had internalized the message years ago in highschool and college all on my own. Basically, this is a book about the three tricks to a pleasurable sexual relationship: 1)Cunnilingus. 2)Cunnilingus. 3)Cunnilingus. He goes on and on ad nauseum regarding why a man should do it, about how to do it, and what the best technique is which coincidentally is his own style and technique, and it is always the same. Over and over. The author is a sex therapist, go figure. So, if you are a beginner or you are looking for a better way because what you are doing now is ineffective, this book is for you. Read it, internalize it, and use it in your next encounter. But if you already are in a committed relationship, and 'she comes first' is already your philosophy, and you are great at cunnilingus, don't read this book. It will only mess your mind up as you go down. I started second-guessing, over-analyzing, and losing interest. It's been a year now, and I just realized what the issue has been. My mojo's broke. So now I am trying to forget the contents of this book and approach things in the old way, which my wife, I am sure, will appreciate.

38 of 49 people found this review helpful

  • Overall

Needs a total rewrite to be an audiobook

It's not surprising that the author could not find a reader for this book, and so had read it himself. It's a text that would tax the talents of any reader, no matter how skilled.

The many footnotes are out of place in an audio book. They hold up the flow.

Much of the text is about anatomy. For that you need illustrations. Audio books have to do without.

So, to be suitable for audio format, the book needs to be totally recast. As it stands the footnotes hobble the exposition, and the lack of illustrations turns the anatomical discussion into a parade of technical terms that baffle more than they explain.

There's not much wrong with the advice in the book. I consider myself a skilled and experienced lover, but there were still a few useful bits of advice in it that I didn't know.

But it is overlong and repetitive. The author knows what he considers good writing to be. He sets himself "The Elements of Style" by Strunk and White as a model. In printed form, the book may very well come up to that worthy standard.

In the book, E. B. White says "Work from a suitable design." And there lies the problem. The design of the text just isn't suitable for audio format.

25 of 32 people found this review helpful

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  • Overall
  • Bob L
  • 12-16-08

Brownie Points

My wife says this is the best book I've ever read.

9 of 10 people found this review helpful

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  • Jon
  • 03-26-16

Crucial to a guy's (or lesbian's) education

It my my second time going through this book. The school education skips many key learning points. Some i fill with documentaries on Netflix about how to take care of the planet and body. This is a key learning point for how to take care of my lover's body and orgasms. It has many for a more confident self in everything I do not just sex.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • 04-13-13

good book, but the first few capters could be skip

a good book, but with audio books, no pictures or diagrams fail to add value to the instructions. Then again we do have the internet and there's a detailed picture \ diagram for everything. Not a bad book overall. worth a purchase. If it helps keep the spark a live, isn't it worth a purchase

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 11-26-17

great remainder to take your time....

Thank you buddy! this book helped me to understand women's mechanism. ...and remained me to take my time !!!! I'm once again I'm one of the happiest man on earth.... she said "please stop I can't any more"
will recommend this book to any one!!

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  • Des0
  • 07-15-17

Bold approach

Loved it from stary to finish but found it a little odd where he was coming out with silly statements but still maintaining seriousness

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  • AKC
  • 04-15-17

Information is good. Narrator not so much.

The information in the book is interesting and potentially helpful. However, the narrator of the audiobook has quite an annoying voice, and we can hear him swallowing, fidgeting, and even his stomach rumbling! He speaks in quite a monotone and doesn't actually sound particularly enthusiastic about what he is saying. I would recommend the written version over the audiobook.

1 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • Chris
  • 02-11-17

you can get lost in the detail

i know the author advices against going straight to the techniques section but i say go for it, ni big harm done. extremely detailed, at times you feel you will never be able to remember all these when you are down there. still you can enrich your knowledge or learn how to, if you are totally new to this.

1 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • G. Watson
  • 11-23-16

Too much data and statistics in the first 2 hours

Is there anything you would change about this book?

The first 2 hours, (part 1) contained far to many statistics and lacked qualitative information. It was repetitive, constantly trying to assure an older generation that going down on a woman is necessary and socially acceptable! Repetitively defining what will come and what came before, the words "core play" are used far too often.

How could the performance have been better?

The narrators voice is rather shrill and disjointed, I honestly can't believe that he choose this profession. It was off putting from begin to end.

Any additional comments?

I don't know if it would read well as a book but as audiobook it contains far too much useless information and obscure referencing, as if written by a student trying to prove how much research they did to there teacher.

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  • Thabo
  • 04-19-16

Focuses more on clit stimulation

Focuses a lot on clit stimulation, didn't go into Penetrative sex, sex positions to reach orgasm.

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  • David
  • 01-06-16

Blah blah blah

What a long winded philosophical and repetitive book! How many times can one thing be repeated in a single book? How many quotes and references to authors and quotes can one put into a single book?
The entire substance of the book could be condensed into 10 minutes!!

Waste of money! Don't buy it

0 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • Christopher
  • 09-02-16

great book recommended

this is a good book i always make my partner cum while going down on her but there's some great tips here i love to keep learning, and its good to learn the anatomy of her body.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful