Disarming the Narcissist (Third Edition)

Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed

De: Wendy T. Behary LCSW, Jeffrey Young PhD - foreword, Daniel J. Siegel MD - preface

Narrado por: Joana Garcia

Do you know someone who is overly arrogant, shows an extreme lack of empathy, or exhibits an inflated sense of entitlement? Do they exploit others or engage in deluded thinking? These are all traits of narcissistic personality disorder, and when it comes to dealing with narcissists, it can be difficult to get your point across. So, how do you handle the narcissistic people in your life? You might interact with them in social or professional settings, and you might even love one - so ignoring them isn't really a practical solution.

Now a self-help classic, Disarming the Narcissist is a practical, step-by-step communication guide to help you cope with and confront the narcissist in your life. Based on fan feedback, this fully revised and updated third edition features new information on shame, hypersexuality, and infidelity in narcissism; legal information to help you if you are divorcing a narcissist; and the impact of narcissism on children.

With this how-to guide, you'll learn how to separate yourself from a narcissist's traps and gain the respect and validation you deserve - while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe. Finally, you'll learn how to set limits with your narcissist and when it's time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.

©2021 Wendy Behary (P)2021 Tantor

If you only had one book on narcissist conflict resolution and overall understanding? Read this one.

Read this book! You will learn more about the world or narcissists. I was referred this book from a coworker and was shocked to learn how effective the methods were for my patients but even for family members who were actual narcissists. You don’t know what you don’t know. 10/10.

Male reader here

I like that this book talks about strategic methods to empathizing with and correcting your narcissist. But I didn’t know it might expose me as one to myself. I never felt like a narcissist I don’t feel like I’m bad at empathy or self reflection. Being aware of these strategies and hopefully being able to have my partners support we can use this book to Grow past the petty narcissism and into a healthy communicative relationship.

fantastic book. VoiceOver talent not so good.

The authors have done an excellent job with this book. The content is excellent and comes from a place of empathy and understanding rather than taking a coldhearted textbook approach. The book is helpful for those going through the experience of dealing with a narcissist as well as those wanting to better understand the spectrum of the diagnosis. The voice-over talent has much to be desired, however. The pace is extremely slow, and the individual's voice is cold. I put it on 1.5 speed and it became a lot more tolerable.

wisdom

this book was full of knowledge. it broke down so much about behavior and patterns

Authors practical advice and intimate knowledge

Loved the book-her humor shine through, while approaching the topic from a sober perspective. Her years of experience were evidenced throughout. Fantastic and extremely practical book.

Read don't listen

The narrator was very hard to listen to, her cadence and inflection was more off than on through out the book. While a lot of content was useful I found some of the approaches to talking to "your" narcissist to be a bit passive aggressive or even shaming. I wouldn't handle any encounter with anyone that way. There are far more productive ways to set a boundary than to resort to being patronizing or shaming, it made me uncomfortable.

Excellent to understanding yourself and the Narc

Really brought to light the degrees of selfishness that is part of every human and how to deal with it in a compassionate way in your self and others no matter where each human person is located on the selfishness scale.

Not what I expected both as a professional in the field and personally.

As someone currently navigating the emotional devastation of narcissistic behavior within my own family, I picked up this book seeking clarity, validation, and practical tools. While Disarming the Narcissist offers some helpful insights particularly in identifying behavioral patterns and communication pitfalls, I found the overall approach difficult to digest given the reality I’m living through.

The author’s primary lens is that narcissism is rooted in early childhood trauma and emotional wounding and that’s just not the case. That may be for half of them but the other half were born this way and I have witnessed this both personally and professionally as a practicing clinician. While this may be true for some, the book leans so heavily on compassion for the narcissist that it risks minimizing the pain and damage experienced by those on the receiving end. For those of us who have already exhausted ourselves trying to understand, repair, and stay connected to someone who continually violates boundaries, this angle can feel invalidating and even retraumatizing.

That said, a few chapters did offer practical guidance, especially around recognizing manipulation tactics, understanding why we get emotionally “hooked,” and setting limits with less emotional reactivity. These were the moments that helped me the most, especially as a highly sensitive person who tends to over-empathize and over-explain.

In contrast, I found The Highly Sensitive Person’s Guide to Dealing with Toxic People far more aligned with the healing journey I’m on. It centers the needs and boundaries of the person being harmed, rather than spending energy trying to humanize the one doing the harming.

If you’re in an ongoing adult relationship with a narcissist and trying to improve communication while staying in contact, this book may serve you well but you would need to be selective in your chapters (i.e. you don’t need to read the whole book). But if you are trying to reclaim yourself, break trauma bonds, or emotionally detach for your own survival, you may need a more protective and empowering resource.

Learned so much!

It was difficult listening to this because I had no idea I was married to a Covert Narcissist for 13 years. I wish I listened to this before my divorce. I may have been able to avoid much of the abuse, pain, confusion, and constant gaslighting. Please read this for your sanity!

In-depth, refined, excellent.

There are critical reviews stating this book can make a situation worse by encouraging someone not to avoid a narcissist. I don’t believe that is true. This book gives great advice and knowledge about narcissistic traits and disorders. It also draws a line and gives clear instructions for how to recognize a relationship that should end.