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Desire & Desirability

Transform the Pursuer/Distancer Dynamic into a Mutual Loving Relationship
Narrated by: Blair Seibert
Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (10 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Whether you are the pursuer desiring more intimacy or the distancer seeking more autonomy, Desire & Desirability gives you insight into the dangers of the pursuer/distancer relationship pattern and the tools to break free of it.

When pursuers seek too much connection or attachment, distancers feel smothered or trapped. When distancers feel too much pressure for togetherness, they become anxious about losing their freedom and their sense of self. Ultimately, when pushed too hard for increased connection, distancers often flee the relationship, leaving the pursuer feeling rejected or heartbroken.  

To sustain a mutually fulfilling relationship, the first step is knowing how to change your own behavior to transform the relationship dynamics. Real-life examples illustrate ways to transform desire based on need into desirability based on fullness. The examples focus primarily on couples in loving relationships, but the principles discussed hold true for all types of relationships including parents and children, coworkers, and friends. The strategies in this audiobook will empower you to achieve a more sustainable and happier relationship based on mutual desire. 

©2017 Alison Poulsen (P)2019 Alison Poulsen

What members say

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Great and practical advice for ANY relationship

Even though the title focuses on the Pursuer and Distancer relationship, I feel like all the advice in the book is extremely valuable for any relationship. The book is well written, simple to follow, yet really good information. It shows that the writer, Alison Poulsen, knows her stuff well. I recognized (my past) myself in many situations in the book, and hoping that my future romantic relationship will be smooth and loving because I plan to apply everything I have learned in the book. As I am single now, I plan to re-listen the book again, when the time comes for me to date again. I highly recommend this book whatever dynamics in your relationship you have because you will for sure learn something that will help you to have an even better relationship.

I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review. I truly enjoyed it.

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Immensely helpful

Desire and Desirability takes you through many of the most common but pervasive modern relationship conflicts. I struggled to get through Desire and Desirability because the content was so relevant to my relationship, that sometimes I had to put down the publication to cry. However, it has helped me gain a better understanding of appropriate reactions for my dynamic as a distancer, and to appreciate the intentions of a pursuer. Read this book, it will help.

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Great for improving relationships

This book is a great collection of comprehensive scenarios and ways to improve your relationships and your interactions with your partner.

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Fantastic Book!

This is a fantastic book on so many levels, because it not only applies to intimate relationships, but has relevance to family and work relationships as well. For me, I appreciate that it is written in simple terms with real life examples, giving me very practical tools to help identify and deal with relationship dynamics. Unless you've made a conscious decision to be a hermit the rest of your life, this book is a must-read for anyone at any age.

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Enlightening, engaging, and fun to listen to!

Listened to this book on a long road trip from AZ to WA. Really fascinating and essential information on how to maintain a fun, long term relationship. A fun read on such a complex topic!

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Superb advice! I wish I had read it years ago.

Superb advice! Not just for improving relationships, but for having a great and loving relationship with a partner and even with your kids. The reader's voice is most is really easy to listen to, and the text is clear and well organized. But most of all, it is immensely useful; it covers all aspects of speech—offensive and endearing—and how to simply rephrase annoying words.

I wish I had read it years ago. It would have saved me so much heartache and made life so much easier. Just about every story reminds me of a certain person or a certain event in my life.

It is amazing how knowledge of human nature—of others as well as of ourselves—can avert or minimize the pain that others can inflict. Our relationships with others are truly at the heart of our well-being and happiness.