Dear Dealer

A Memoir

By: Nadia Bowers

Narrated by: Nadia Bowers

For readers of Beautiful Boy and The Night of the Gun, this gripping memoir explores addiction, grief, and family trauma as one woman goes in search of her sister’s killer.

In the summer of 2015, Nadia Bowers’s beloved older sister, Sasha—a social worker and Ivy League graduate—was found in her car in a restaurant parking lot in their hometown outside New Haven, Connecticut, dead from a fentanyl overdose. Plunged into grief, equipped with Sasha’s phone, and just weeks from giving birth to her first child, Nadia began to investigate her sister’s shadow life: who sold Sasha the drugs that killed her? Did they know each other well? Did the dealer have any idea who Sasha was, outside of addiction?

Expanding on her viral 2018 This American Life essay of the same name—a letter to this imagined dealer—Bowers’s memoir is a love letter, a diary, and a quest in search of the dealer’s identity, as well as her own. Who is she without her sister? Who is she because of her sister? And what now? Bowers reflects on her shifting roles as sister and mother, examining how loss has reshaped her sense of self. Her letters to the faceless dealer are interwoven with rage, reflection, and even moments of humor as she recounts their intertwined lives alongside memories of charismatic and complex Sasha.

Rooted in unflinching honesty and poetic prose, Dear Dealer is a richly compelling account of one woman’s search for meaning, forgiveness, and hope in the aftermath of tragedy.

A heartfelt journey

I just finished Dead Dealer by Nadia Bowers and couldn’t put it down. I loved following her journey to find answers about her sister’s death and reading about how deeply her sister’s addiction impacted her and their entire family.

Being from the Branford area made it even more special for me. I loved all the Branford mentions and recognizing so many familiar places throughout the book. Heartbreaking, honest, and filled with so much love for her sister. Definitely a book that stays with you.

Haunting, Beautiful and Funny

Honest and raw. Angry. Truthful. This was a work of honoring and understanding. About the terrible cost of losing one’s sister to drugs and putting together what it means to

A beautiful reflective story of healing and family, love and strife

Having known the author and the characters as well as the town and surrounding areas very well, I felt as though I was walking through all of the experiences. The author so eloquently narrates and expresses her emotions and feelings in such a way that triggers a real sense of understanding. It's hard to put into words, but really an amazing book.

Couldn’t turn it off

Dear Dealer was emotionally beautiful, heartfelt, and deeply moving, making me feel connected to the characters throughout their journey.

Powerful, Heartbreaking, Soaringly Beautiful Truth

This book is a generational gift - so genuine, so true, so difficult, heartbreaking while both beautiful and sharing moments of joy. The audible performances by both the author/narrator and the musician, whose full song appears at the opening and conclusion, lift the words from the page into a performance of a series of stunning interconnected one woman shows. Rare in its candor, poetics and tuned into a deep wavelength across traumas tragedies and loves, Bowers has achieved something true and lasting for Generation X - and anyone who has lost a loved one too soon.