A Beginner's Guide to the End

Practical Advice for Living Life and Facing Death

By: BJ Miller, Shoshana Berger

Narrated by: BJ Miller, Shoshana Berger

“A gentle, knowledgeable guide to a fate we all share” (The Washington Post): the first and only all-encompassing action plan for the end of life.

“There is nothing wrong with you for dying,” hospice physician B.J. Miller and journalist and caregiver Shoshana Berger write in A Beginner’s Guide to the End. “Our ultimate purpose here isn’t so much to help you die as it is to free up as much life as possible until you do.”

Theirs is a clear-eyed and big-hearted action plan for approaching the end of life, written to help readers feel more in control of an experience that so often seems anything but controllable. Their book offers everything from step-by-step instructions for how to do your paperwork and navigate the healthcare system to answers to questions you might be afraid to ask your doctor, like whether or not sex is still okay when you’re sick. Get advice for how to break the news to your employer, whether to share old secrets with your family, how to face friends who might not be as empathetic as you’d hoped, and how to talk to your children about your will. (Don’t worry: if anyone gets snippy, it’ll likely be their spouses, not them.) There are also lessons for survivors, like how to shut down a loved one’s social media accounts, clean out the house, and write a great eulogy.

An honest, surprising, and detail-oriented guide to the most universal of all experiences, A Beginner’s Guide to the End is “a book that every family should have, the equivalent of Dr. Spock but for this other phase of life” (New York Times bestselling author Dr. Abraham Verghese).

Critic reviews

“The combined wisdom of a legendary hospice physician together with a journalist and experienced caregiver makes this book feel like a loving friend who is by our side with practical advice on the medical, legal, logistical, and emotional aspects of an event that awaits us all. This is a book that every family should have, the equivalent of Dr. Spock but for this other phase of life.”
— Abraham Verghese, author of Cutting for Stone

“A Beginner’s Guide to the End is honest, funny, luminous, and essential. Full of real-world advice and hard-won insight, it’s a practical guide to dying that is actually much more about living.”
— Lucy Kalanithi, author of the epilogue to When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

“A gentle, knowledgeable guide to a fate we all share.”
— The Washington Post

“Miller and Berger, through their honesty and deep experience, help us to live the best life possible with a serious illness. This is a beautiful, poignant, expert, and human handbook for all of us.”
— Susan Block, MD, Professor of Psychiatry and Medicine, Harvard Medical School

“I wish I’d had this book when I needed it. Death and dying are not subjects that many people are comfortable talking about, but it’s hugely important to be as prepared as you can be—emotionally, physically, practically, financially, and spiritually. This book may be the most important guide you could have.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Big Magic and Eat Pray Love

“‘You know what would be fun today? Reading a book about death,’ said no one ever. So you can imagine my surprise when I opened these pages and found myself smiling on the first one. BJ Miller and Shoshana Berger have done something impressive: they’re written a book about dying that’s not only moving and practical, but also delightful to read.”
— Adam Grant, co-author of Option B and author of Give and Take and Originals

“When it comes to the final journey, we are all beginners. Navigating the complexities of serious illness requires grace and grit. With elegant simplicity and tender, earthy honesty, this beginner’s guide explains how to prepare, what possible routes you might take, mis-turns to avoid, and the beauty you might see along the way.”
— Ira Byock, MD, Founder & Chief Medical Director, Institute for Human Caring

“There are many times in my personal life and my medical education when I could have used this book. In their clear and compelling guide, Miller and Berger help us understand how to approach one of the most important but least understood phases of our life. Their honest reflections and sharp insights will change lives for the better.”
— Vivek Murthy, MD, former Surgeon General of the United States

I blame Anderson Cooper

After listening to Anderson Cooper’s latest podcast about grief and his interview with BJ Miller, I had to listen to this book. Spot on about so many things. Wish I hadn’t had to learn the hard way but I learn best this way. As a twenty year ICU nurse and losing my own family, I feel I’m almost at expert level. Highly recommend this book to anyone that relies on breathing to live.

Factual, practical & clear

I hope I will dont need this book soon. But its good to organize, simplify and review your stuff, values and legacy often for living a good life, not just before death. Reminding oneself about death can clean out unecessary ruminations and what really matters can stand out. If you cant see it anyway, maybe a good psychotherapy can help you sort your thoughts (and sometimes bringing your consiousness from head to body can do the same). Some practical advice (legal and health insurance) is suited for Americas health system, so its not tell you much if you are from Europe for example (yet it can lead to gratitude for our health system if you are not from USA...). For me, most valuable part is that about fear of death aka mother of all fears. I don't that much fear dyings as I have a problem with being dead since I can't imagine it, maybe I also fear some brain injury or dementia (again because it hard to imagine, hard to grasp with reason). I authors cites Buddhists and stoics: coming close to a truth is always accompanied by fear (that gives me meaning in death) and peace was before your birth and will be after your death - and it's regardless if you're ateist or believer in some sort of way (that gives me comfort) - I am simplyfiyng here, but I gues everyone have some belief more or less.

Everyone needs to read this

so informative with everything you need for in clear chapters. it's a must read for those facing death

Great information. weak audio

I would give it 5 stars if the audio was quite a bit louder.

Preparing

This is a wonderful guide. I wish I had it when my other half passed away.