Summary

In this episode, Grace explores the theme of making mistakes and struggling with balancing accountability and self compassion when you've messed up in big ways. She discusses the complexities of parenting, the nature of self forgiveness and accountability versus shame, and the importance of recognizing that life can be messy. Grace emphasizes that everyone is supposed to mess up and that it's never too late to make changes. She encourages listeners to find joy in the little things and to understand the function of their feelings of guilt and shame.

Takeaways

• You are supposed to mess up in life.
• Messy lives do not define your worth.
• Accountability is different from shame.
• It's never too late to make positive changes.
• Self-forgiveness is a journey, not a destination.
• Understanding the function of guilt can aid healing.
• Life is allowed to be messy and complicated.
• Finding joy in small moments is essential.
• Everyone has the capacity for growth and change.

Sponsored by:

cozy earth. Use the code GUILTY at https://cozyearth.com for 20% off your order.

summary

In this bonus episode, Grace reacts to Season 2 of 'Nobody Wants This,' exploring themes of relationships, love, and the ethical dilemmas faced by therapists. She discusses the realistic portrayal of relationships in the show, the complexities of love and marriage, and the importance of communication and agreement on fundamental issues. She also calls out Dr. Andy for being the worst, and emphasizes the significance of support in friendships, especially in the context of emotional abuse. The episode concludes with reflections on the little things in life that contribute to happiness and fulfillment.

takeaways

• Love alone is not enough to make a marriage work.
• Healthy relationships require good communication.
• Marriage involves practical agreements beyond love.
• Ethics in therapy are crucial for client safety.
• Dr. Andy is the worst
• Morgan is super hot
• Sasha is hotter than Noah
• Supportive friendships are vital during tough times.
• Life is defined by everyday moments, not just milestones.
• Divorce can be necessary for personal happiness.
• Therapists should maintain ethical boundaries with clients.

summary

In this episode, Grace Bithell discusses the complexities of decision-making, particularly in relation to people pleasing and the guilt that often accompanies choices. She emphasizes the importance of separating choices from their consequences and advocates for values-guided decision-making as a way to alleviate guilt. Grace also highlights the necessity of disappointment in life and relationships, encouraging listeners to embrace their values and make choices that align with them, even if it means disappointing others.

takeaways

• People pleasing can lead to guilt and indecision.
• Making choices often involves balancing personal desires with others' expectations.
• Disappointment is a natural part of relationships and decision-making.
• It's important to separate choices from their consequences to reduce guilt.
• Values should guide decision-making rather than fear of disappointing others.
• Understanding that not all hard consequences are bad can help in decision-making.
• Radical acceptance of the imperfection in choices can lead to greater peace.
• Identifying personal values can clarify decision-making processes.
• Disappointing others can sometimes be necessary for personal growth.
• It's essential to trust that loved ones will support you even when you disappoint them.

keywordspeople pleasing, decision making, consequences, values, self-sacrifice, relationships, choices, guilt, acceptance, commitment therapy

In this conversation, Grace Bithell and Betty Flores delve into the complexities of mom guilt and shame, exploring their definitions, impacts, and the cultural pressures that contribute to these feelings. They discuss the importance of self-compassion, community support, and the need for open conversations about motherhood. The episode emphasizes that while guilt can serve as a motivator for improvement, shame often leads to isolation and despair. The speakers encourage mothers to acknowledge their humanity, seek help, and embrace their imperfections as part of the parenting journey.

Sponsored by:

Cozy earth! Use the code GUILTY to get 20% off your next purchase and stack it on top of their black friday sale for up to 40% off https://cozyearth.com/

Takeaways

• Mom guilt is often confused with mom shame, but they are different.
• Guilt can motivate change, while shame leads to isolation.
• Self-compassion is crucial for mothers navigating guilt and shame.
• Cultural expectations contribute significantly to feelings of guilt.
• Community support can help alleviate feelings of isolation in motherhood.
• Acknowledging one's needs is essential for effective parenting.
• Mothers should challenge unrealistic societal 'shoulds'.
• Open conversations about motherhood can reduce feelings of shame.
• It's important to recognize that all parents make mistakes.
• Finding a therapist trained in perinatal mental health can be beneficial.

Keywords

mom guilt, mom shame, perinatal mental health, parenting, self-compassion, motherhood, mental health, support, community, cultural influences

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Mom Guilt and Shame
09:59 Navigating Guilt and Shame in Parenting
19:20 Societal Pressures and Expectations on Moms
22:25 The Illusion of Perfection in Motherhood
25:13 Navigating Guilt and Shame in Parenting
30:30 Embracing Imperfection and Community Support
33:46 Finding Help and Resources for New Moms
35:45 Guilty Pleasures and the Human Experience
39:38 Sunny Day Parade.mp3

In today's episode, Grace Bithell and Melissa Spaulding delve into the complexities of self-esteem, exploring its definitions, societal influences, and the distinction between self-esteem and inherent worth. They discuss the emotional roller coaster that self-esteem can create, particularly for women, and how societal expectations can lead to feelings of inadequacy. The conversation emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's inherent value and offers practical steps for relying on value over self esteem, including reframing negative thoughts and practicing affirmations. The episode concludes with a light-hearted discussion about guilty pleasures, highlighting the importance of self-acceptance and joy in everyday life.

takeaways

• Self-esteem is our ability to esteem ourselves.
• Self-esteem can vary widely based on external factors.
• The concept of 'stuff esteem' can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
• Inherent worth is about recognizing value simply because we exist.
• Societal pressures can heavily influence women's self-esteem.
• Other esteem is the validation we seek from others.
• Wanting and desiring are powerful aspects of self-acceptance.
• Reframing negative thoughts can help improve self-esteem.
• Affirmations should start from where we are, not where we want to be.
• Guilty pleasures can be a source of joy and self-acceptance.

keywords

self-esteem, mental health, inherent worth, emotional well-being, self-acceptance, therapy, personal growth, self-worth, societal expectations, women empowerment

Chapters

00:00
Introduction to Self-Esteem and Personal Background

02:42
Defining Self-Esteem: A Complex Concept

05:13
The Roller Coaster of Self-Esteem

07:57
The Roots of Self-Esteem: Childhood Experiences

10:29
Inherent Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem

13:10
Understanding Inherent Value

16:02
The Impact of Relationships on Self-Worth

18:28
Navigating Self-Esteem in Adulthood

21:15
The Pursuit of Other Esteem

24:12
Understanding Self-Worth and External Validation

27:02
The Balance of Care and Importance

29:52
The Moving Target of Self-Esteem

31:31
Societal Pressures on Women

34:24
Sustainable Change vs. Treat Culture

36:48
Practical Steps for Change

41:15
The Power of Wanting and Desiring

45:46
Sunny Day Parade.mp3

summary

In this episode, Grace Bithell shares her experiences and insights on guilt, choices, and the nature of life. She recounts her participation in a bake-off, discusses her guilty pleasures, and offers ten valuable lessons for those struggling with guilt and shame. The conversation emphasizes the importance of accepting imperfection, understanding judgment, and recognizing that discomfort is a natural part of life. Grace encourages listeners to embrace their flaws and to remember that life is not as serious as it often feels.

takeaways

• Most choices don’t have right or wrong answers and even if it doesn’t turn out well that doesn’t mean you picked wrong
• People are judging you and that’s okay
• People like you flawed
• You’re allowed to be bad at things
• You’re allowed to do bad things
• Whatever perceived failure you think is holding you pack probably isn’t the problem
• You can’t earn love
• Comparing will never help you
• It’s not bad to feel discomfort (aka you can’t pray or function away hard things)
• We’re all just on a floating rock and it’s not that serious

Chapters

00:00
Introduction and Bake-Off Experience

04:21
Guilty Pleasures and Episode Overview

04:48
Lessons for Guiltaholics: Embracing Imperfection

17:53
Understanding Guilt and Mistakes

25:34
Life's Discomforts and the Importance of Perspective

29:59
Sunny Day Parade.mp3

summary

In this episode, Grace Bithell discusses the themes of guilt in shame in calling in sick. She shares her experiences with calling out of work, the pressure to perform, and the societal expectations that contribute to feelings of inadequacy. Grace emphasizes the need to prioritize mental health, recognize burnout, and understand that taking sick days is a valid and necessary part of life. Through humor and relatable anecdotes, she encourages listeners to embrace their humanity and let go of the guilt associated with needing time off.

takeaways

• The podcast creates a community where listeners feel understood.
• Grace shares her dream of winning a bake-off and the unexpected scarecrow competition.
• Guilt about calling out of work is a common experience, especially for women.
• Burnout occurs when input does not equal output in our lives.
• Self-worth should not be tied solely to work performance.
• It's important to recognize that taking sick days is necessary for health.
• You cannot destroy your life as easily as you think you can.
• Work is a transaction, and you owe it only so much.
• Your identity is not solely defined by your job.
• Values alignment is crucial for a fulfilling work-life balance.

Chapters

00:00
Introduction and Giveaway Announcement

04:11
Guilty Pleasures: The Great British Bake Off

08:49
The Guilt of Calling Out of Work

20:30
Understanding Burnout and Self-Worth

27:41
Conclusion: Embracing Sick Days

29:25
Sunny Day Parade.mp3

summary

In this episode, Grace Bithell celebrates her birthday with a giveaway and discusses the roles shame plays in relationships, particularly the expectation to be low maintenance. She explores the impact of shame on expressing needs and the transactional nature of relationships, emphasizing the importance of advocating for oneself and redefining love beyond caregiving and expectations.

takeaways

• It's okay to have needs in a relationship.
• Shame can prevent us from asking for what we need.
• Transactional relationships can lead to resentment.
• Love is not about what you do for someone else.
• Being low maintenance can harm relationships.
• It's important to communicate needs clearly.
• Women often feel guilty for having needs.
• Relationships should be a partnership, not a transaction.
• Self-advocacy is crucial for healthy relationships.
• You are worthy of love and support without conditions.

Giveaway Shirt: Used as an episode artwork

Chapters

00:00
Birthday Celebration and Giveaway

08:47
Transactional Relationships and Unmet Needs

14:21
The Role of Shame in Relationships

19:26
Advocating for Your Needs