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Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.

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Letting go of guilt after going no contact with a mother begins with understanding that the guilt is not truly yours, it’s rooted in codependency and enmeshment. Often, we feel responsible for someone else’s happiness or think we owe our mothers for what they gave us, even when that “giving” came with emotional harm. True freedom comes when you redefine how you deserve to be treated.

Going no contact is the first step, like stopping the bleeding, but real healing happens when you turn your attention inward. Establish safety with yourself, learn to care for your needs, trust your intuition, and set clear boundaries. As you practice self-respect and autonomy, the guilt fades. It’s not about forgiving or fixing your mother, it’s about reclaiming your life and cultivating a healthy, loving relationship with yourself.

In this episode, I answer your questions about estrangement, guilt, and healing from difficult mother-daughter relationships. We explore how to let go of guilt after going no contact, handle manipulation, and process grief when a mother has passed. Healing your mother wound isn’t about your mom, it’s about reclaiming your autonomy, setting boundaries, and creating a loving, supportive relationship with yourself.

"If you let go of somebody who doesn't treat you well, you're going to have to establish a new baseline of how you're treated." – Jennifer Arnise

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:17) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:04:31) Question 1: Letting go of guilt and worry after going no contact

(00:06:37) No contact isn’t the final step

(00:09:19) Question 2: What to do about a mother who manipulates you

(00:10:29) The desire to keep her happy

(00:12:33) Question 3: Healing after a traumatic relationship with a mother who has passed

(00:14:29) Why healing is about your autonomy

(15:22) The false sense of “debt” in traditional Black parenting

(17:08) Challenging the logic behind abusive dynamics

(19:25) Shifting how you see yourself

(21:00) The truth about going no contact

(23:17) No contact helping establish autonomy

(25:14) How history shaped Black parenting patterns

(27:04) You still have to do the work

Key Takeaways:

"Letting go of guilt and worry, no matter what the reason is, is the same."

"Shame and isolation has taught you that no one has gone through what you've gone through."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

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Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

Join the waitlist for Resolve Live: Evolved — a real-time healing experience built to help you stop repeating the same patterns. We start December 7th. Don’t step into 2026 on the same energy from 2025. Get on the list and get ready for real change.

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1. Grab my free mini-course

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"How can you continue your healing while staying connected to a mother who hurt you, just so your child can know the love of a grandmother?"

Wanting your child to have a relationship with their grandmother is natural, but when that grandmother causes you pain, it becomes complicated. Holding onto the hope that your child can get what you didn’t may feel healing, but it can put them in the middle of adult wounds they cannot handle.

True love for your child is about protecting their emotional safety. It means letting go of fantasies, setting boundaries, and creating a circle of care built on authenticity and respect. Your child doesn’t need a perfect family to feel loved. They need a parent who sees them, values them, and models what healthy love looks like.

By doing this, you break the cycle and give your child something far greater than a relationship with a grandmother. You give them a foundation of real love and self-worth.In this episode, we explore the challenge of keeping a grandmother in your child’s life, even when that relationship has hurt you. I share why holding onto the fantasy of a “perfect family” can keep old wounds open and affect your child. We also discuss setting boundaries, creating emotional safety, and letting go of guilt around “missing grandparents” to break the cycle. Tune in to learn how to protect your children, honor your healing, and redefine what family really means.

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:15) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:03:51) Healing while your child maintains a relationship with grandma

(00:07:04) The fantasy of the “perfect mother

(00:10:04) Hoping your mother will change through your kids

(00:16:06) The cost of the fantasy

(00:20:15) The illusion of “cute phases” with grandparents

(00:22:25) Choosing your child’s family intentionally

(00:24:11) Don’t assign authority to harmful adults

(00:27:16) Letting go of the fantasy of a fairytale family

(00:29:13) Stop projecting your fears onto your children

(00:31:08) Kids don’t necessarily need grandparents

(00:32:00) Come late and leave early

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

Join the waitlist for Resolve Live: Evolved — a real-time healing experience built to help you stop repeating the same patterns. We start December 7th. Don’t step into 2026 on the same energy from 2025. Get on the list and get ready for real change.

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1. Grab my free mini-course

2. Work with me one-on-one

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Growing up with a mother who couldn’t see your potential or value leaves a mark you carry for years. You start believing that the version of yourself she approves of is the only “right” version, abandoning your true self just to feel loved. That early conditioning shapes your self-esteem, your choices, and how you show up in the world.

Healing from this “mother wound” is about giving yourself the love and validation you didn’t get. It’s about creating a safe space for your inner child, embracing who you really are, and building your own foundation of worth. Even if she never saw you, you can see yourself, and that’s enough to start living your life on your own terms.

In this episode of The Black Mother Wound Podcast, we explore what it means to grow up without a mother who truly sees you, and how that shapes your self-worth, choices, and sense of self. I share how re-parenting yourself and creating a safe space for your inner child can help you step into your authentic self, even when that validation wasn’t given to you. We also touch on taking the first steps toward healing, letting yourself be seen, and building the confidence to live life on your own terms.

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:21) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:01:48) Announcement: Resolve Evolved Live Program

(00:03:20) Growing up unseen by your mother

(00:06:14) The inner conflict between who you are and who she wanted you to be

(00:08:16) How conditional love impacts your life choices

(00:11:06) The cracked mirrors passed down

(00:13:05) Re-parenting yourself with care

(00:18:38) Healing is not a sprint

(00:20:30) Create safety for your inner child

(00:23:34) Expand your freedom and break restrictive patterns

(00:25:25) Claiming authentic achievement based on your true self

(00:28:34) Allowing your true self to shine

Key Takeaways:

"When you grow up with a mother who cannot see your innate value, you believe that you don't deserve certain things."

"The mother wound is a generational wound."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.

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1. Grab my free mini-course

2. Work with me one-on-one

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For so many Black women, we were taught, directly or indirectly, that our safety depended on keeping the peace, reading the room, and staying small. Our mothers, often emotionally unavailable and burdened by their own unhealed wounds, became the main characters of our lives. Their moods dictated our choices. Their validation determined our worth. And even as adults, many of us continue to live stories where we play supporting roles in someone else’s narrative.

But it’s time to change the script.

Main character energy isn’t about arrogance or self-absorption, it’s about reclaiming authorship over your own story. It’s remembering that you are not a prop in someone else’s life, nor a sidekick meant to highlight another person’s shine. You are the heroine of your own journey, and that role comes with authority, autonomy, and unapologetic self-trust.

You can’t wait for permission. You can’t wait for the world to hand you the spotlight. You were born with it. So step into the center. It’s your story. It always has been.

In this episode, I’ll talk about what it truly means to step into your main-character energy, especially for those of us who grew up centering everyone but ourselves. When you’ve been conditioned to make your mother, your partner, your friends, or even your job the main character in your story, reclaiming your own spotlight can feel foreign, even wrong. But it’s time to rewrite that script. We’ll unpack how shame, guilt, and the need for approval keep you playing the sidekick in your own life, and how expression, autonomy, and community help you take your rightful place at the center.

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:16) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:01:52) The Main Character Energy

(00:03:15) When your mother is the main character

(00:05:25) The cost of decentering yourself

(00:07:50) How Jennifer used to take on a “sidekick” role

(00:10:13) Defining main female character energy

(00:12:51) Letting go of shame

(00:14:04) Releasing guilt for wanting more

(00:22:41) Finding like-minded community

(00:25:11) Practicing main character energy

(00:27:02) End the Sidekick Energy

Key Takeaways:

“When we decenter ourselves and we’re not the main character in our own life story, it turns us into the victim.”

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.

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1. Grab my free mini-course

2. Work with me one-on-one

3. Join RESOLVE On-Demand Today

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Many of us started wearing masks before we even knew what that meant. We learned to be “the good girl,” “the smart one,” or “the strong one.” We tried to fit in, stay safe, and be who others wanted us to be. But somewhere along the way, we lost touch with who we really are.

Wearing a mask can make us feel protected, but it also keeps us from being seen. It’s tiring to always perform, to hide our real feelings, and to protect peace that was never truly ours.

Taking off the mask is the first step toward freedom. It means being honest about how you feel and allowing yourself to show up fully. It is choosing truth over performance and peace over perfection.

Healing begins when you stop pretending and start remembering who you are.
And who you are has always been enough.

In this episode, I get real about the survival strategy so many of us learned growing up in households where we didn’t always feel safe to be ourselves, MASKING. We’ll explore how masking shows up in your life as overgiving, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and codependency, and how it can keep you disconnected from your authentic self. You’ll learn how to spot your own patterns, understand their impact, and take steps to unmask safely. We talk about reconnecting with hidden parts of yourself, reclaiming your voice, and showing up fully without fear or performance.

“You can’t really maintain happiness, joy, or love if you’re not being your authentic self.” – Jennifer Arnise

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode snippet

(00:00:13) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:02:16) How masking begins as a survival skill

(00:05:35) The fear of being your true self

(00:06:36) The three masks: good girl, smart girl, independent girl

(00:11:07) Unmasking as a lifelong practice

(00:13:27) The emotional toll of hiding yourself

(00:16:32) Reconnecting with your inner little girl

(00:18:20) When masking becomes emotional abuse

(00:20:27) Mistaking assertiveness for authenticity

(00:21:55) The role of community in unmasking

Key Takeaways:

"You can’t really maintain happiness or joy or love if you’re not being your authentic self."

"Your unmasking is going to require you to throw the middle finger up at people."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.

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1. Grab my free mini-course

2. Work with me one-on-one

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Many Black women are taught from an early age to endure pain without flinching. We’re told that strength is survival, that silence is grace, and that independence is our crown. But what if the very thing we were praised for is what’s keeping us from healing?

Every time we swallow our pain, we lose a little more of ourselves. We get so used to showing up for everyone else that we stop showing up for our own hearts. We stay busy, productive, and dependable, all while our bodies whisper that we’re running on empty.

The truth is, endurance isn’t the same as healing. Carrying pain doesn’t make us stronger, it makes us harder, more guarded, and disconnected from our softness. Healing starts when we stop glorifying struggle and begin to ask ourselves, “Why do I believe I have to hurt to prove my worth?”

In this episode, I talk about the hidden cost of having a high emotional pain tolerance and how what we often call strength is actually rooted in survival. From growing up with emotionally unavailable mothers to staying too long in relationships that drain us, I unpack how we’ve been taught to normalize pain and silence our needs. Together, we explore how to stop glorifying endurance, begin honoring our emotions, and rebuild a sense of safety within ourselves through rest, boundaries, and gentle self-compassion.

"You can be tender, you can be soft, you can be yourself and still let somebody know you’re not here to be played with." – Jennifer Arnise

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:11) Welcome to the Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:03:39) High pain tolerance is a trauma response

(00:06:05) Being “the strong one” keeps us from healing

(00:08:04) Self-abandonment starts when we silence our needs

(00:10:10) Believing love must be earned through suffering

(00:13:00) How we ignore emotional pain and call it productivity

(00:16:10) Healing starts with feeling safe

(00:18:30) Real safety begins within

(00:20:30) Honor your emotion

(00:22:40) Pay attention to your physical needs

(00:23:40) Set boundaries and ask for help

(00:25:06) Feeling pain doesn’t mean you’re weak

(00:27:00) New forms of strength: Softness, rest, and self-compassion

Key Takeaways:

"Your high tolerance for pain was created out of survival."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.

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How we can stay connected and work together!

1. Grab my free mini-course

2. Work with me one-on-one

3. Join RESOLVE On-Demand Today

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Somewhere along the way, many of us were taught that being dependable meant never changing. We were celebrated for our steadiness, for keeping things together, for being the ones others could count on.

But no one told us that sometimes, the version of ourselves that everyone depends on is the one silently falling apart. We were praised for staying the course, even when that course was breaking our spirit. We were told that consistency made us good women, good daughters, and good mothers, even if that “goodness” demanded the quiet sacrifice of our joy.

The courage to change your mind is the courage to reclaim your life. It’s a declaration that you no longer belong to other people’s expectations. It’s the start of a new chapter where peace matters more than appearances, and authenticity weighs more than approval. Because real strength isn’t found in how long you can endure, it’s found in how boldly you can evolve.

In this episode of The Black Mother Wound Podcast, I talk about reclaiming the sacred right to shift, to outgrow, re-evaluate, and choose again without guilt or explanation. Together, we’ll unpack how early conditioning, religious expectations, and fear of punishment taught us to stay small and silent, even when our spirit was begging for something new.

“We get mad when we give our power to someone else and then they mishandle it, when the whole time, it was only ours to hold.” – Jennifer Arnise

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:11) Welcome to the Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:04:09) You have the right to change your mind

(00:07:21) The cost of losing autonomy

(00:10:20) Fear of making mistakes

(00:11:13) Redefining irresponsibility

(00:13:04) Autonomy and the mother wound connection

(00:15:19) Learning to fall gracefully

(00:17:04) Stop seeking approval

(00:18:02) Get clear on what you really want

(00:20:16) Create a safe space within

(00:22:47) What does success look like for you?

(00:24:20) Celebrate yourself

(00:25:53) Train your inner girl

(00:27:30) The power of safe community

(00:28:19) Choose what’s true to you

Key Takeaways:

“You have a right to change your mind. Every woman has a right to change their mind.”

“There’s a difference between knowing what you want and believing what you can have. Stop gaslighting yourself."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram:

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.

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How we can stay connected and work together!

1. Grab my free mini-course

2. Work with me one-on-one

3. Join RESOLVE On-Demand Today

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Many of us have learned to explain ourselves because, at some point, it felt like survival. As children, we wanted to avoid rejection, abandonment, or punishment, so we reached for words to soften the blow or gain approval. That habit often follows us into adulthood, where explaining becomes second nature.

But with every explanation, a quiet message slips through: Maybe I need permission to be myself. And over time, that can feel heavy, like you are carrying your life in someone else’s hands.

You don’t have to live that way. You don’t need to justify your choices, your boundaries, or your presence. Your worth is not up for debate. It was never earned through explanations, and it cannot be taken away by silence.

It is safe to pause. It is safe to say less. It is safe to remind your body, “We are okay. We are not in danger anymore.” Each time you do, you build trust with yourself. You show your inner child that she no longer has to hustle for approval.

You are free to live without apology, to stand in your truth without explanation, and to know deep in your bones that you are already enough.

In this episode of the Black Mother Wound podcast, I break down the habit of overexplaining and why it keeps you stuck in self-abandonment. We’ll explore how overexplaining ties back to fear of rejection, abandonment, and punishment, and how it strips you of your autonomy. You’ll learn four practical steps to stop overexplaining, how to set boundaries without apology, and the importance of aftercare so your nervous system feels safe as you step into your authority.

Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:54) Resolve on Demand course is live
(00:05:15) Stop explaining yourself
(00:08:26) Explaining yourself is a form of self-abandonment
(00:11:49) The hard truth: no one is coming to save you
(00:12:14) Explaining as manipulation and bullying
(00:14:43) Step 1: Think before you respond
(00:16:47) Step 2: Decide what is the best way to answer
(00:17:52) Step 3: Don’t volunteer extra information
(00:19:41) Step 4: Stop apologizing for your choices
(00:21:16) Aftercare: regulating your nervous system
(00:23:04) Shake out the energy
(00:25:18) Nobody is the boss of you

Key Takeaways:

"When you spend time overexplaining, you are trying to control how others perceive you."

"Get in alignment with your highest purpose, your highest joy, who you really are so you can have the life that you really want."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experien

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Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise