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Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.

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1. Grab my free mini-course

2. Work with me one-on-one

3. Join RESOLVE On-Demand Today

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Many Black women are taught from an early age to endure pain without flinching. We’re told that strength is survival, that silence is grace, and that independence is our crown. But what if the very thing we were praised for is what’s keeping us from healing?

Every time we swallow our pain, we lose a little more of ourselves. We get so used to showing up for everyone else that we stop showing up for our own hearts. We stay busy, productive, and dependable, all while our bodies whisper that we’re running on empty.

The truth is, endurance isn’t the same as healing. Carrying pain doesn’t make us stronger, it makes us harder, more guarded, and disconnected from our softness. Healing starts when we stop glorifying struggle and begin to ask ourselves, “Why do I believe I have to hurt to prove my worth?”

In this episode, I talk about the hidden cost of having a high emotional pain tolerance and how what we often call strength is actually rooted in survival. From growing up with emotionally unavailable mothers to staying too long in relationships that drain us, I unpack how we’ve been taught to normalize pain and silence our needs. Together, we explore how to stop glorifying endurance, begin honoring our emotions, and rebuild a sense of safety within ourselves through rest, boundaries, and gentle self-compassion.

"You can be tender, you can be soft, you can be yourself and still let somebody know you’re not here to be played with." – Jennifer Arnise

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:11) Welcome to the Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:03:39) High pain tolerance is a trauma response

(00:06:05) Being “the strong one” keeps us from healing

(00:08:04) Self-abandonment starts when we silence our needs

(00:10:10) Believing love must be earned through suffering

(00:13:00) How we ignore emotional pain and call it productivity

(00:16:10) Healing starts with feeling safe

(00:18:30) Real safety begins within

(00:20:30) Honor your emotion

(00:22:40) Pay attention to your physical needs

(00:23:40) Set boundaries and ask for help

(00:25:06) Feeling pain doesn’t mean you’re weak

(00:27:00) New forms of strength: Softness, rest, and self-compassion

Key Takeaways:

"Your high tolerance for pain was created out of survival."

"You are so hard on yourself. No patience with yourself. You use pain as a motivator. You use it as something to get the job done."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.

***************************************

How we can stay connected and work together!

1. Grab my free mini-course

2. Work with me one-on-one

3. Join RESOLVE On-Demand Today

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Somewhere along the way, many of us were taught that being dependable meant never changing. We were celebrated for our steadiness, for keeping things together, for being the ones others could count on.

But no one told us that sometimes, the version of ourselves that everyone depends on is the one silently falling apart. We were praised for staying the course, even when that course was breaking our spirit. We were told that consistency made us good women, good daughters, and good mothers, even if that “goodness” demanded the quiet sacrifice of our joy.

The courage to change your mind is the courage to reclaim your life. It’s a declaration that you no longer belong to other people’s expectations. It’s the start of a new chapter where peace matters more than appearances, and authenticity weighs more than approval. Because real strength isn’t found in how long you can endure, it’s found in how boldly you can evolve.

In this episode of The Black Mother Wound Podcast, I talk about reclaiming the sacred right to shift, to outgrow, re-evaluate, and choose again without guilt or explanation. Together, we’ll unpack how early conditioning, religious expectations, and fear of punishment taught us to stay small and silent, even when our spirit was begging for something new.

“We get mad when we give our power to someone else and then they mishandle it, when the whole time, it was only ours to hold.” – Jennifer Arnise

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:11) Welcome to the Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:04:09) You have the right to change your mind

(00:07:21) The cost of losing autonomy

(00:10:20) Fear of making mistakes

(00:11:13) Redefining irresponsibility

(00:13:04) Autonomy and the mother wound connection

(00:15:19) Learning to fall gracefully

(00:17:04) Stop seeking approval

(00:18:02) Get clear on what you really want

(00:20:16) Create a safe space within

(00:22:47) What does success look like for you?

(00:24:20) Celebrate yourself

(00:25:53) Train your inner girl

(00:27:30) The power of safe community

(00:28:19) Choose what’s true to you

Key Takeaways:

“You have a right to change your mind. Every woman has a right to change their mind.”

“There’s a difference between knowing what you want and believing what you can have. Stop gaslighting yourself."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram:

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.

***************************************

How we can stay connected and work together!

1. Grab my free mini-course

2. Work with me one-on-one

3. Join RESOLVE On-Demand Today

***************************************

Many of us have learned to explain ourselves because, at some point, it felt like survival. As children, we wanted to avoid rejection, abandonment, or punishment, so we reached for words to soften the blow or gain approval. That habit often follows us into adulthood, where explaining becomes second nature.

But with every explanation, a quiet message slips through: Maybe I need permission to be myself. And over time, that can feel heavy, like you are carrying your life in someone else’s hands.

You don’t have to live that way. You don’t need to justify your choices, your boundaries, or your presence. Your worth is not up for debate. It was never earned through explanations, and it cannot be taken away by silence.

It is safe to pause. It is safe to say less. It is safe to remind your body, “We are okay. We are not in danger anymore.” Each time you do, you build trust with yourself. You show your inner child that she no longer has to hustle for approval.

You are free to live without apology, to stand in your truth without explanation, and to know deep in your bones that you are already enough.

In this episode of the Black Mother Wound podcast, I break down the habit of overexplaining and why it keeps you stuck in self-abandonment. We’ll explore how overexplaining ties back to fear of rejection, abandonment, and punishment, and how it strips you of your autonomy. You’ll learn four practical steps to stop overexplaining, how to set boundaries without apology, and the importance of aftercare so your nervous system feels safe as you step into your authority.

Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:54) Resolve on Demand course is live
(00:05:15) Stop explaining yourself
(00:08:26) Explaining yourself is a form of self-abandonment
(00:11:49) The hard truth: no one is coming to save you
(00:12:14) Explaining as manipulation and bullying
(00:14:43) Step 1: Think before you respond
(00:16:47) Step 2: Decide what is the best way to answer
(00:17:52) Step 3: Don’t volunteer extra information
(00:19:41) Step 4: Stop apologizing for your choices
(00:21:16) Aftercare: regulating your nervous system
(00:23:04) Shake out the energy
(00:25:18) Nobody is the boss of you

Key Takeaways:

"When you spend time overexplaining, you are trying to control how others perceive you."

"Get in alignment with your highest purpose, your highest joy, who you really are so you can have the life that you really want."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experien

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise