Discovery isn't just an emotional blow; it is a profound shock to the entire nervous system. When infidelity comes to light, your heart rate spikes, cortisol floods your system, and your brain shifts into a survival state that makes clear thinking nearly impossible.

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Monique Thompson, an EMDR-trained therapist and author of the Infidelity Recovery Workbook for Couples. We explore why the "hot kettle" of your nervous system needs time to cool before you make life-altering decisions and why recovery is ultimately about returning to your most authentic self, regardless of whether you stay or leave.

We Talk About:

• Infidelity as Physiological Injury: Why the inability to "think straight" after discovery is a biological reality of the sympathetic nervous system, not a personal failing.

• The "Olympics of Recovery": Reframing recovery as a daily, lifelong practice of self-compassion and amends, similar to the 12-step tradition.

• Process Over Outcome: Why pressuring yourself to decide on reconciliation or divorce too quickly adds excruciating pain, and how to wait for "adaptive thoughts" before choosing a path.

• Redefining Infidelity as Non-Consent: A powerful look at how betrayal is sensed and felt whenever the agreed-upon boundaries of a relationship, regardless of its structure, are violated.

• Internal Parts Work: How to hold a "meeting" for the different parts of yourself, the part that is hurt, the part that is angry, and the part that wants to stay, to find your "living truth".

• You are in the immediate aftermath of "D-Day" and feel an urgent, frantic pressure to make a permanent decision.

• You feel "broken into pieces" and find that your experience defies standard language or explanation.

• You have a high ACE score (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and recognize that your current betrayal is triggering deep-seated survival responses.

• You are struggling with shame and "anti-survival thoughts," feeling that the betrayal has stripped away your sense of worth.

Ultimately, healing isn't about rushing to a socially acceptable conclusion; it's about cooling your biology so you can act from a place of peace rather than panic. As Dr. Thompson reminds us, your oldest and longest companion is yourself, and you deserve a clean, honest relationship with that person first.

About the Guest:

Dr. Monique Thompson is an EMDR-trained therapist and trauma-informed life coach with over 24 years of experience. She specializes in betrayal trauma, PTSD, and couples recovery, helping clients restore nervous system safety to support clarity and accountability. She is the author of the Infidelity Recovery Workbook for Couples and is known for her culturally responsive, parts-based approach to healing.

Dr. Thompson’s Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/drmoniquethompson Dr. Thompson’s Private Counseling Practice - https://www.facebook.com/137813109676722?ref=NONE_xav_ig_profile_page_webInfidelity Recovery Workbook for Couple - https://www.amazon.com/Infidelity-Recovery-Workbook-Couples-Relationship-ebook/dp/B0CYGPRGQS

Rachel’s Booklist - ⁠⁠https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_share⁠⁠

Rachel’s Newsletter - ⁠⁠https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

In Part 1, we established that truth is the foundation of intimacy. But what happens when you get the facts, yet something still feels unsafe?

In this second half of my conversation with Dan Drake, we move beyond the "Content Truth" (the facts on the paper) and explore the critical concept of "Behavioral Truth", how your partner shows up in the process.

We discuss why a disclosure document delivered with resentment feels very different from one delivered with humility, and why consistency over time is the only way to rebuild genuine trust. We also tackle the "hot button" topic of polygraphs and how to prepare your nervous system for the days following a disclosure.

We talk about:

• Content vs. Behavioral Truth: Why "what" is shared matters, but "how" it is shared (emotional maturity vs. defensiveness) matters just as much for your safety.

• Boundaries as a Roadmap: Reframing boundaries not as punishments or control, but as a clear guide you are giving your partner on how to help you feel safe.

• The "Energy" of Recovery: Why "white-knuckling" compliant behavior eventually leads to resentment, and how to trust your gut when the energy feels off.

• Preparation and Aftercare: Treating disclosure like a "birth plan", having a strategy for the best scenarios, the worst scenarios, and the support you will need in the 72 hours after.

• The Polygraph Debate: Understanding the difference between a "fidelity polygraph" (verifying truth) and a forensic interrogation, and why it is a tool for validation rather than a "gotcha" moment.

This episode may be especially supportive if:

• You have received a disclosure, but still feel uneasy because your partner’s attitude feels defensive or unchecked.

• You are debating whether to use a polygraph and want to understand the benefits and limitations (it’s about 90% reliable, not perfect).

• You need permission to set up an "aftercare plan" that includes childcare, time off, or space to grieve.

• Your partner is refusing to disclose, and you are trying to determine what that means for the future of your relationship.

As Dan shares, disclosure is like resetting a broken bone that healed incorrectly: it is painful to re-break it, but it is the only way to ensure it heals straight and strong.

Listen in for the practical wisdom you need to navigate the complexities of truth, safety, and the days that follow.

Meet the Guest: Dan Drake

Dan Drake is a licensed clinician and the Founder and Clinical Director of Banyan Therapy Group in Los Angeles, California. He is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Supervisor, a Certified Clinical Partner Specialist Supervisor, and a Certified Clinical Disclosure Guide Mentor.

He is the co-author of several books, including Building True Intimacy: Creating a Connection that Stands the Test of Time, and five books in the Full Disclosure series, covering topics like Letters from a Sex Addict, My Life Exposed, Surviving the Holidays, Healthy Boundaries, and Rebuilding Your Foundation.

Dan is a husband and a father to two amazing kids and two fur babies. In his passion to help sex addicts, their partners, and families restore relational, mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wholeness to their lives, Dan strives to provide a safe environment where his clients can grow and heal.

Dan's Website - www.banyantherapy.com

Rachel’s Booklist - https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_share

Rachel’s Newsletter - https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

Discovery is often one of the most traumatizing experiences a partner can go through. But what follows, the painful "trickle truth" or staggered information, can feel just as damaging, leaving you constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

In this episode, I sit down with Dan Drake, a licensed clinician and co-author of the Full Disclosure series, to discuss why getting the whole story isn't just about facts; it is a "Right of Truth."

We explore why truth is the non-negotiable foundation for any future intimacy and why "confessing" in the moment is very different from a therapeutic, well-planned disclosure.

We talk about:

• Confession vs. Disclosure: Why staggered revelations are merely "confessions" that protect the addict, whereas a full disclosure is a carefully constructed process designed to honor your need for safety.

• The Pyramid of Intimacy: Breaking down the hierarchy of connection, Truth, Safety, Trust, Vulnerability, and Intimacy, and why you cannot skip the foundation of Truth to get to Intimacy.

• • The "Why" Behind the Lies: Understanding how compartmentalization and shame often cause the betraying partner to "wall off" memories, not necessarily to hurt you, but to disconnect from their own reality.

• Busting Disclosure Myths: We tackle common misconceptions, such as the "90-day sobriety rule" before disclosure and the fear that "the truth will kill the relationship."

• The Curated Self: Why staying in a relationship without full disclosure means loving a "curated version" of your partner rather than who they really are.

This episode may be especially supportive if:

• You have experienced "staggered disclosure" and feel like you are constantly resetting your recovery clock.

• You are confused by why your partner can't just "tell you the truth" right now.

• You feel pressured to "trust" or be vulnerable before you have established a foundation of honesty.

• You are terrified that hearing the full truth will destroy your relationship, but you know deep down that deception is what is actually eroding it.

Ultimately, disclosure isn't about ending the relationship; it's about clearing the rubble so a real foundation can be built. As Dan shares, your partner cannot be truly loved if they are not truly known.

Listen in for a powerful conversation on why you deserve the dignity of your own reality and the right to make informed choices about your life.

Meet the Guest: Dan Drake

Dan Drake is a licensed clinician and the Founder and Clinical Director of Banyan Therapy Group in Los Angeles, California. He is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Supervisor, a Certified Clinical Partner Specialist Supervisor, and a Certified Clinical Disclosure Guide Mentor.

He is the co-author of several books, including Building True Intimacy: Creating a Connection that Stands the Test of Time, and five books in the Full Disclosure series, covering topics like Letters from a Sex Addict, My Life Exposed, Surviving the Holidays, Healthy Boundaries, and Rebuilding Your Foundation.

Dan is a husband and a father to two amazing kids and two fur babies. In his passion to help sex addicts, their partners, and families restore relational, mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wholeness to their lives, Dan strives to provide a safe environment where his clients can grow and heal.

Dan's Website - www.banyantherapy.com

Rachel’s Booklist - https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_share

Rachel’s Newsletter - https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

In this episode of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Bookshelf, I circle back to Broken to Brave by Tammy Gustafson to share my personal takeaways and review.

For many women, there comes a confusing moment in recovery: You finally feel a sense of safety and stabilization, and then, suddenly and unexpectedly, you are hit with a wave of intense emotion that feels like you are right back at the beginning.

This is what Tammy calls "The Rumble" - Phase 2. It is a counterintuitive, paradoxical space where your nervous system finally feels safe enough to process the deep grief and anger it has been holding.

I dive into this "messy middle" and offer a new perspective on why feeling worse can actually mean you are healing.

We talk about:

• The Counterintuitive Nature of Phase 2: Why intense emotions often surface after you establish safety, not before.

• The "ECU" (Emotional Care Unit): Why we need to treat emotional injuries with the same intensive care as physical trauma, just because the "truck" has stopped hitting you, doesn't mean the healing is done.

• Healing Hurts: Using the metaphor of my shattered elbow and physical therapy to illustrate how true healing (like grieving) is often a painful process.

• Redefining Anger: Moving away from the belief that anger is dangerous or "bad," and seeing it as a vital, necessary part of the human experience and connection with God.

• Grief as Acceptance: How the "stages" of grief (shock, denial, bargaining, sadness) are actually a process of accepting reality.

This episode may be especially supportive if:

• You feel like you are moving backward in your recovery and are wondering, "What is happening?"

• You are experiencing sudden, visceral anger or deep sadness and feel confused or ashamed by its intensity.

• You find yourself bargaining or minimizing the abuse (e.g., "At least he didn't hit me") to soften the blow.

• You need permission to treat yourself with extreme gentleness, like a patient in the ICU.

Healing is not a linear journey, and it doesn't always feel "good." Sometimes, it feels like the deep ache of physical therapy, stretching, and healing wounds that have been braced for too long.

Listen in for a validating, honest look at the "Rumble Phase" and receive the reminder you need today: You can make it. Hold on. Keep going.

Meet the Author: Tammy Gustafson

Tammy Gustafson is a trauma-informed licensed professional counselor, coach, and speaker with over 15 years of experience. She holds a master’s degree in counseling and is the founder and CEO of Betrayal Healing and LiveFree Counseling. Tammy hosts the annual Betrayal Healing Conference, which provides compassionate, expert guidance to thousands of betrayed partners worldwide.

The Betrayal Healing Conference

January 26-30, 2026

https://010850311--betrayalhealing.thrivecart.com/all-access-pass/

Book link on Amazon (available for preorder): Broken to Brave: Your Courageous Act of Healing After Intimate Betrayal

https://www.amazon.com/Broken-Brave-Courageous-Intimate-Betrayal/dp/0800746554/ref=sr_1_5?crid=1YM58EIZVN5T9&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.6O2P1kd86DCW296OpIUqfFQ_GXVylvGe8TTX7k8z890ZwUrgT55wIkf2iKz5R_vN3oYZRO8y6bVxuO92_9Im3chK-ANA6qeWSZDimFeV-Z8FI8zLkRzE8ZrrDwZq5EyQcVwcPSFQnk6YqLOT8OHiBCb0pK8fep98L01NPf6vYfWzi0ovxtsPXqBYgxdiekG_lZU5F7z3UP9PpWUl_3GadAkA0yZ0aVqhMVy6MEV5t3E.OX-VvvQCIX7WmIXxBNQo2vY4Rg4i3OhoQgwMRJboLOQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=broken+to+brave+book&qid=1764652534&sprefix=broken+to+brave+book%2Caps%2C135&sr=8-5

Tammy’s Website

tammygustafson.com

Rachel’s Booklist

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_share

Rachel’s Newsletter

https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

In this episode, we explore boundaries through a wider, more spacious lens—one that moves beyond rules, ultimatums, or control and into meaning, symbolism, and self-honoring truth.

Inspired by The Great All: A Parable of Hope, New Beginnings, and You by Molly Davis Moon, this conversation invites a zoomed-out perspective on boundaries. Rooted in compassion and dignity, we explore what it means to truly honor yourself and others.

For those navigating betrayal trauma, boundaries often feel confusing, heavy, or weaponized and something you’re told to “set” without ever being taught how to feel your way into them. This episode offers a different entry point.

We talk about:

• Boundaries as symbols of self-respect rather than defenses

• What it means to honor me / honor you without self-abandonment

• How parables and story can bypass shame and speak directly to the nervous system

• Why boundaries are not punishments—but expressions of truth

• The “compassionate revolution”: choosing integrity over control

This is a reflective, meaning-rich conversation—especially for women healing from betrayal who are tired of black-and-white rules and longing for something more humane, spacious, and soul-honoring.

If boundaries have felt rigid, impossible, or unclear… this episode may offer a breath of fresh air—and a new way to see yourself within the story.

Pre-Order The Great All: A Parable of Hope, New Beginnings, and You by Molly Davis Moon Release date February 24, 2026

⁠https://www.amazon.com/Great-All-Story-Hope-Beginnings/dp/1684818141/ref=sr_1_1?crid=38HYE8XE9HP0V&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.tyAiy4DWj0b246AF5DDyMQnaqdGBJsvj4RstbSJpUEflylKJ2K-068WIyTKJrPeMBO7ZL3G-w6haxNs3R7kpg04uKpXzjDr8O1yTIMDBQ3aPIj1D89SLeO_7R6N69HM6UEs8TTjwDvzqPLYo4qq68QsoALabvlB04v0aPNRzu1C8sQLeP-UOZJHg32MLFojScVGQsXxkug9WJHM54NX6HA.6Xv2C2MFMeU_2_JGuZwBWy-sT6Tn9yKSEveXwZeeS54&dib_tag=se&keywords=the+great+all+molly+davis+moon&qid=1767905014&sprefix=the+great+all+moll%2Caps%2C223&sr=8-1⁠

About Molly

Molly Davis Moon is the author and illustrator of, The Great All: A Parable of

Hope, New Beginnings, and You. Raised in her wild ancestral home of Alaska, Molly is a mother and grandmother, lover of nature, and lifelong creative. A therapist, coach, and leader in the healing space, her popular boundaries cartoons and programs have taken social media by storm, creating loyal followers and changed lives. Now, Molly’s heart for a better world flows through her pen in this empowering parable for personal transformation and collective change.

You can find Molly on social media with her popular boundaries cartoons

Facebook: Becoming Boundaried (159k followers)

Instagram: @boundariedbootcamp (100k followers)

Website (online boundaries class for compassionate people): ⁠www.boundaried.com⁠

Rachel’s Booklist

⁠https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_share⁠

Rachel’s Newsletter

⁠https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

In this episode, we explore boundaries through a wider, more spacious lens—one that moves beyond rules, ultimatums, or control and into meaning, symbolism, and self-honoring truth.

Inspired by The Great All: A Parable of Hope, New Beginnings, and You by Molly Davis Moon, this conversation invites a zoomed-out perspective on boundaries. Rooted in compassion and dignity, we explore what it means to truly honor yourself and others.

For those navigating betrayal trauma, boundaries often feel confusing, heavy, or weaponized and something you’re told to “set” without ever being taught how to feel your way into them. This episode offers a different entry point.

We talk about:

• Boundaries as symbols of self-respect rather than defenses

• What it means to honor me / honor you without self-abandonment

• How parables and story can bypass shame and speak directly to the nervous system

• Why boundaries are not punishments—but expressions of truth

• The “compassionate revolution”: choosing integrity over control

This is a reflective, meaning-rich conversation—especially for women healing from betrayal who are tired of black-and-white rules and longing for something more humane, spacious, and soul-honoring.

If boundaries have felt rigid, impossible, or unclear… this episode may offer a breath of fresh air—and a new way to see yourself within the story.

Pre-Order The Great All: A Parable of Hope, New Beginnings, and You by Molly Davis Moon Release date February 24, 2026

https://www.amazon.com/Great-All-Story-Hope-Beginnings/dp/1684818141/ref=sr_1_1?crid=38HYE8XE9HP0V&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.tyAiy4DWj0b246AF5DDyMQnaqdGBJsvj4RstbSJpUEflylKJ2K-068WIyTKJrPeMBO7ZL3G-w6haxNs3R7kpg04uKpXzjDr8O1yTIMDBQ3aPIj1D89SLeO_7R6N69HM6UEs8TTjwDvzqPLYo4qq68QsoALabvlB04v0aPNRzu1C8sQLeP-UOZJHg32MLFojScVGQsXxkug9WJHM54NX6HA.6Xv2C2MFMeU_2_JGuZwBWy-sT6Tn9yKSEveXwZeeS54&dib_tag=se&keywords=the+great+all+molly+davis+moon&qid=1767905014&sprefix=the+great+all+moll%2Caps%2C223&sr=8-1

About Molly

Molly Davis Moon is the author and illustrator of, The Great All: A Parable of

Hope, New Beginnings, and You. Raised in her wild ancestral home of Alaska, Molly is a mother and grandmother, lover of nature, and lifelong creative. A therapist, coach, and leader in the healing space, her popular boundaries cartoons and programs have taken social media by storm, creating loyal followers and changed lives. Now, Molly’s heart for a better world flows through her pen in this empowering parable for personal transformation and collective change.

You can find Molly on social media with her popular boundaries cartoons

Facebook: Becoming Boundaried (159k followers)

Instagram: @boundariedbootcamp (100k followers)

Website (online boundaries class for compassionate people): www.boundaried.com

Rachel’s Booklist

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_share

Rachel’s Newsletter

https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

Betrayal doesn’t just shatter trust, it forces women to confront questions they never expected to face about boundaries, relationships, and who they are becoming in the aftermath.

In Part 2 of my conversation with author Tammy Gustafson, we move beyond survival and into the tender, complex territory of what comes next.

We talk honestly about boundaries that protect rather than punish, the different relational paths women may choose after betrayal, and how healing can slowly begin to transform into growth.

This conversation honors that there is no single “right” way forward, only the path that supports your safety, truth, and integrity.

• What boundaries actually are after betrayal and why they’re about self-protection, not control

• How to discern relational paths after betrayal without pressure or urgency

• Why healing isn’t about fixing the relationship, but stabilizing and reconnecting with yourself

• How clarity unfolds over time, not through forced decisions

• When healing begins to shift into growth and what that transition really feels like

• How to hold uncertainty with compassion instead of self-judgment
  

Tammy brings a steady, compassionate lens to this conversation — one that respects the depth of betrayal trauma while honoring women’s autonomy, timing, and inner wisdom.

• You’re confused about boundaries and worried you’re “doing them wrong”

• You feel pressure to decide whether to stay or leave before you feel grounded

• You’re noticing growth emerging, but still feel tender and unsure

• You want permission to move slowly and listen to yourself

• You’re ready to explore what healing can become — without rushing the process

Healing after betrayal doesn’t mean erasing the past. It means learning how to live with deeper truth, stronger boundaries, and a more connected relationship with yourself.

🎧 Listen in for a thoughtful, honest conversation about boundaries, choice, and how healing slowly turns into growth one grounded step at a time.

🌟 Meet the Author: Tammy Gustafson

Tammy Gustafson is a trauma-informed licensed professional counselor, coach, and speaker with over 15 years of experience. She holds a master’s degree in counseling and is the founder and CEO of Betrayal Healing and LiveFree Counseling. Tammy hosts the annual Betrayal Healing Conference, which provides compassionate, expert guidance to thousands of betrayed partners worldwide.

The Betrayal Healing Conference

January 26-30, 2026

https://010850311--betrayalhealing.thrivecart.com/all-access-pass/

Book link on Amazon (available for preorder): Broken to Brave: Your Courageous Act of Healing After Intimate Betrayal

Tammy’s Website

tammygustafson.com

Rachel’s Group Support Information

https://risestrongrecovery.my.canva.site/over-the-rainbow

Rachel’s Booklist

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_share

Rachel’s Newsletter

https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

Betrayal has a way of making women feel broken emotionally, relationally, and inside their own sense of self.

In this episode, I’m joined by author Tammy Gustafson for a powerful conversation about what it really means to be broken… and how bravery often emerges in ways we don’t expect after betrayal.

Together, we explore how betrayal trauma impacts the nervous system, identity, and sense of safety—and why healing is rarely a straight line.

• What “broken” actually means after betrayal and why it’s not a personal failure

• How bravery doesn’t look like strength or certainty, but honesty and presence

• The phases of healing after betrayal and why each one matters

• Why the path to healing often feels counterintuitive

• How betrayal creates an invisible injury that deserves real care and time

• What true repair looks like—inside yourself, not just in the relationship
  

Tammy offers a grounded, compassionate lens for understanding betrayal trauma, one that honors the depth of the injury without rushing women toward forgiveness or decisions they’re not ready to make.

This episode is especially supportive if:

• You’ve been told to “be strong” when you feel shattered

• You’re questioning why you’re still struggling long after the betrayal

• You want to true healing from the betrayal you’ve experienced

• You’re looking for validation that you’re on the path.
  

You are not weak because this hurt you.

You are not failing because healing takes time.

And you are not broken beyond repair.

🎧 Listen in for a compassionate, real conversation about betrayal, bravery, and what healing actually looks like after everything falls apart.

🌟 Meet the Author: Tammy Gustafson

Tammy Gustafson is a trauma-informed licensed professional counselor, coach, and speaker with over 15 years of experience. She holds a master’s degree in counseling and is the founder and CEO of Betrayal Healing and LiveFree Counseling. Tammy hosts the annual Betrayal Healing Conference, which provides compassionate, expert guidance to thousands of betrayed partners worldwide.

The Betrayal Healing Conference

January 26-30, 2026

https://010850311--betrayalhealing.thrivecart.com/all-access-pass/

Book link on Amazon (available for preorder): Broken to Brave: Your Courageous Act of Healing After Intimate Betrayal

Tammy’s Website

tammygustafson.com

Rachel's Group Support Information

https://risestrongrecovery.my.canva.site/over-the-rainbow

Rachel’s Booklist

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_share

Rachel’s Newsletter

https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY