When your home feels tense and you can't quite name why, it's easy to wonder, "What's wrong with me?"

Today we're talking about physician families as ecosystems, and how to rebalance things when your family feels off, for physician spouses who are juggling unpredictable schedules, solo stretches, and the mental load that never seems to turn off.

In this episode, we talk about:

• How to recognize the signs your family ecosystem is out of balance (before things blow up)

• How to observe what's happening before you rush to fix it, and why that matters

• How honest communication creates the feedback loops your family needs to adapt

• How to protect your progress with simple rituals and routines that keep you connected

You'll hear:

• Katie share what it felt like coming off a month of away rotation, and the moment overwhelm hit hard (even with her spouse coming home)

• A real-time reframe from spiraling thoughts ("this will never end") back to what's factual and true

• Practical ways to "rebalance the inputs," like sleep, play, laughter, and connection, plus how to identify the drains that are quietly depleting you

This episode is especially for you if:

• you've been holding everything together while your spouse's training schedule keeps shifting

• you feel overwhelmed, but you struggle to explain what's actually causing it

• you want your home to feel lighter and more connected, but you don't know where to start

Links & resources mentioned:

• Download the Match Survival Guide: Click here!

• Leave some encouragement for those going through Match at (214)810-0468

Stay connected:

• Get email updates + resources: www.itgetsbetternow.com

• Follow us on Instagram: @supportingphysicianspouses and @kendra_itgetsbetternow

What if your struggles aren't a sign that something is wrong with you—but rather a signal that your family ecosystem is out of balance?

Kendra explores what it means to view your physician family as a living ecosystem. Drawing from an idea that stopped her mid-audiobook, Becoming You by Suzy Welch, she unpacks how the interdependence between spouses, children, and the medical environment mirrors the delicate balance found in nature.

Kendra shares how shifts like new jobs, relocations, and call schedules ripple through a family system, and why love, rest, and rituals act like sunlight and water—essential sources of energy for resilience and connection.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• 💡 Why your struggles aren't personal failures, but ecosystem imbalances

• 🌱 How to identify your family's unique energy sources (connection, rest, rituals)

• 🧭 How external factors like hospital culture, relocations, and call schedules shape family life

• 🔄 What it means to build resilience as a system, not just as individuals

• 💬 Reflection questions to help you restore balance in your own family ecosystem

Reflection Questions:

1. What are the sources of energy in your family's ecosystem?

2. What are the stressors currently draining it?

3. What small adaptations could bring more balance right now?

Mentioned in this Episode:

• The 2-2-2 Rule: A rhythm of connection—date night every 2 weeks, overnight every 2 months, vacation every 2 years

• Inspiration from Becoming You by Suzy Welch: "When one member of the family is struggling, it's an ecosystem problem."

Connect with Us:
💌 Email: hello@supportingphysicianspouses.com
📱 Instagram: @supportingphysicianspouses

What if the most realistic path to flexible, meaningful work in this season is becoming a Family Virtual Assistant with a clear roadmap, training, and a fast track to being matched with a family?

In today's episode, I'm joined by Dr. Brittany Bankhead, a double board certified trauma surgeon and the Founder and CEO of Modern Mom Lab. Brittany shares why virtual assistants are not just for business owners, families need them too, and that insight led her to build a clear training path for women who want work that fits real life.

We talk about the Family Virtual Assistant Institute, the training program Modern Mom Lab created to help moms become family virtual assistants, using skills they likely already possess: communication, scheduling, systems, follow-through, and the kind of "make it all happen" competence that already runs a household. If you are a physician spouse who needs truly flexible work, or you know someone who does, this episode is a must listen.

• Why families need virtual assistants too, not just entrepreneurs

• What a family virtual assistant actually does for a household

• The kinds of skills that translate well into this work (and why you may already have them)

• What the Family Virtual Assistant Institute teaches, and the support that comes with training

• How families and FVAs find each other through Modern Mom Lab's ecosystem (including The Grid)

• What it can look like to build flexible income without sacrificing your family's needs

• Modern Mom Lab www.modernmomlab.com
• Instagram @modernmomlab
• Instagram @bbankheadmd

Coupon code mentioned in the episode: BETTERNOW100 for $100 off the FVA Institute or the Grid.

Please share it with a physician spouse who needs flexible work, or a mom who would thrive with training, support, and a clear path into a role that families value. You can also leave a review (it helps other physician spouses find us), and share on social media. Tag us @supportingphysicianspouse on Instagram and Facebook.

In Part 4 of our Fair Play series, Katie sits down with her husband, Dr. Talon Harris, to share what it actually looks like to implement Fair Play during residency. They talk about rotating schedules, invisible labor, and the "default parent" dynamic, plus the systems that helped their household feel calmer and more predictable even in a demanding season.

In This Episode, We Cover

• How they discovered Fair Play, and why it clicked

• Why the cards felt validating, and also overwhelming at first

• The challenge of residency schedules, and "planned unpredictability"

• The shift from "helping" to full ownership (and why it matters)

• Practical systems they built for mornings, meals, laundry, and bedtime

• Encouragement for resident couples who feel too stretched thin to start

Key Takeaways

• Start small: pick a few high-frequency pain points first (morning rush, meals, laundry).

• Ownership reduces resentment: shared responsibility can feel like both people doing everything.

• Systems create relief: predictability lowers stress for partners and kids.

• Residency is not an excuse to disengage, it is a reason to get intentional.

Timestamps (approx.)

• 00:00 Intro and why this conversation is personal

• 02:00 How they found Fair Play

• 04:00 The "visual stack" and the reality check moment

• 06:00 Why rotations break systems, and how to adapt

• 10:00 Moving from "How can I help?" to ownership

• 12:00 Their real-life systems (mornings, meals, laundry)

• 17:00 Katie returning to full-time work and the forced shift in roles

• 20:00 Advice for other resident couples

Connect With Us

• Follow on Instagram: @supportingphysicianspouses

• Email: hello@supportingphysicianspouses.com (send guest ideas, topics, or listener stories)

In Part 3 of our Fair Play series, Kendra sits down with her husband, Dr. Adrian Harvey, to talk candidly about what it looks like for a physician husband to move from "helping" to complete ownership at home. They unpack the provider-role pressure, the mindset shift required to truly value time equally, and how shared ownership can deepen connection with both spouse and kids, even in a demanding medical career.

• Dr. Adrian's first reaction to Fair Play, and what changed over time

• What "peer marriage" looks like in a physician household

• The provider role, earning differential, and why money should not determine who carries the home

• What complete ownership means with call schedules and limited bandwidth

• How shared domestic ownership can shift identity, parenting connection, and partnership

• Prioritizing marriage with five kids, protecting romance, and staying emotionally connected

• What Dr. Adrian would tell other physician husbands who believe they "don't have time"

• Ownership is not "helping," it's taking responsibility from start to finish

• A demanding schedule makes shared ownership harder, but also more necessary

• When both partners value time equally, resentment drops and friendship grows

• Fair Play by Eve Rodsky (book and system)

• Modernizing Marriage: Equality and flexibility make better husbands and wives (Psychology Today) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199409/modernizing-marriage

• Episode 33 (Part 1 of 4): Mental Load, Invisible Labor, and True Partnership

• Episode 34 (Part 2 of 4): Practical Division of Labor with Unpredictable Schedules

• Episode 35 (Part 3 of 4): Time Equality, Provider Pressure, and Being a True Partner at Home

• Episode 36 (Part 4 of 4): Katie and Talon Harris share their Fair Play experience (coming next week)

Follow us on Instagram: @supportingphysicianspouses
Have a topic idea? DM us, we love hearing from you.

Disclaimer: This podcast is educational and supportive, and it is not therapy or medical advice.

Physician families do not need a "perfect" division of labor, they need a realistic one. In Part 2 of our Fair Play conversation, we move from concepts into application and talk about how to make the Fair Play framework work when medicine does not cooperate with routines, predictability, or a normal workweek.

We name the reality that 60, 70, 80-hour weeks are not "flexible hours," and also the important question that follows: when the physician is home, what happens during those hours? We talk about the difference between needing to decompress (human) and becoming consistently unavailable for household participation (a dynamic that slowly breaks trust).

From there, we get practical about "cards" and ownership, specifically: what responsibilities can a busy physician genuinely own from start to finish, and how do you choose those in a way that reduces resentment instead of creating more?

• The "reality check" of physician schedules, and why fairness cannot look like a simple 50/50 split

• The nuance of being physically home, but mentally and emotionally tapped out

• Decompression vs chronic unavailability, and why that distinction matters

• How to decide which Fair Play "cards" a physician can truly own

• Practical criteria for picking responsibilities that work in physician life:

  • tasks with flexible timing

  • tasks aligned with the physician's interests/strengths

  • tasks where their unique input really matters

• Examples of "physician-owned" commitments that can work even with changing rotations (like a consistent weekly tradition, kids' activities, or bedtime on specific days)

Next, we'll hear from each of our spouses about the process from their perspective, what was harder than expected, what helped, and what changed.

• Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

• Instagram: @supportingphysicianspouses

• Email: hello@supportingphysicianspouses.com

When one partner is working 60, 70, 80+ hours a week, it is easy to default into, "I'll just handle everything at home." On the surface, it looks supportive. Over time, it often turns into resentment, disconnection, and a physician who feels like a guest in their own home, while the at-home partner feels like they can never step away from being the household CEO.

In Part 1 of our Fair Play series, we break down the core ideas from Fair Play by Eve Rodsky, and translate the framework into the reality of physician family life. This episode is about the concepts and language you need before you can make anything practical.

• Why "I'll do it all" starts as love, and ends as resentment

• How control can quietly become the coping strategy (and why it costs you)

• The invisible work that drains you most: planning, remembering, anticipating

• Why "Can you help with…" keeps one partner as the manager, and the other as the assistant

• The Fair Play card deck concept: making the invisible labor visible

• The game-changing framework: conception to completion

• The conversation most couples skip: defining the minimum standard of care

• A key reframe for physician families: fair does not mean equal, and all time matters

• Resentment is often a signal that a pattern no longer fits, and you do not know how to get out of it yet.

• Doing "everything" at home can unintentionally push the physician partner out of meaningful contribution at home.

• Ownership is different than helping. Ownership means the task is fully yours, without being asked, reminded, or managed.

• "Good enough" has to be defined. Otherwise, everyone is guessing, and conflict is inevitable.

• In physician families, the workload may never be 50/50, but value can still be equal.

Do you believe your time is equal to your physician spouse's time?

• Episode 34: Applying Fair Play to physician family life (how this can work with call, rotations, and unpredictable schedules)

• Then, in epsidoe 35 and 36, we'll bring in both of our spouses to share what the process felt like from their perspective, including the messy parts and what actually helped.

• Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

• Instagram: @supportingphysicianspouses

• Email: hello@supportingphysicianspouses.com

If you're married to a physician, the "New Year, new you" pressure can feel extra exhausting, especially when your life is already running on a high-demand schedule. In this episode, Kendra and Katie offer you something better than resolutions: permission to honor your current season and work with your real energy, not an arbitrary calendar date.

• Why January 1 can be a terrible "starting line" (and why nature is resting when we're told to sprint)

• The seasons framework, using a farming metaphor:

  • Winter: planning, rest, reflection

  • Spring: gentle planting, experimentation

  • Summer: consistent growth and maintenance

  • Fall: harvesting wins, celebrating, completing the cycle

• Why your seasons do not have to match the calendar, and how you can be in different seasons in different areas of life

• The simplest way to identify your current season:

  • What is your energy actually like right now?

  • Does starting something new feel exciting or exhausting?

• Real-life examples from Kendra and Katie about where they are right now, and what they're choosing to say yes to, and no to

• A practical way to answer the "What are your New Year's resolutions?" question without over-explaining

• A reflection prompt to help you align this week with what you truly need

What does my season need from me right now?

Next week, we're talking about what the principles of Fair Play can look like in physician families.

Interested in Coaching with Kendra?

Schedule your interview with Kendra at https://itgetsbetternow.com/work-with-me/

• Follow on Instagram: @supportingphysicianspouses

• Have an episode idea? Email us: hello@supportingphysicianspouses.com

• If this episode resonated, please leave a review. It helps more physician spouses find the show.