In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most painful and complex layers of betrayal—self-betrayal. While a partner’s betrayal is deeply damaging, many betrayed partners describe an even more devastating wound: the moment they realize they stopped trusting themselves.

We discuss the internal collapse that occurs when you silence your instincts, override your intuition, and ignore what your body and emotions tried to tell you. This creates deep internal chaos, confusion, and shame—because when you can’t trust yourself, where do you turn?

This conversation also explores the importance of reconnecting with your values, intuition, emotional truth, and a personal Bill of Rights. We talk about why so many partners abandon themselves in the name of survival, loyalty, fear, or hope—and most importantly, how to gently rebuild self-trust, re-align with your inner wisdom, and begin living congruently again as you move into stabilization and deeper recovery.

• Book: Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal — Dr. Kevin Skinner

• Concept Guide: Creating a Personal Bill of Rights After Betrayal Examples may include:

  • “I have the right to trust my intuition.”

  • “I have the right to emotional and physical safety.”

  • “I have the right to ask questions and receive truthful answers.”

• Support & Education

  • Rise Podcast & Healing Resources at HumanIntimacy.com

  • Human Intimacy 100-Day Healing Programs & Courses

• Helpful Therapeutic Approaches

  • Trauma-informed therapy / CSAT or CPTT clinicians

  • Somatic and body-based healing approaches

  • Boundary and values clarification work

If you’re looking for deeper healing, education, community, and hope, we invite you to join us at the upcoming Human Intimacy Conference. This powerful event brings together leading experts in betrayal trauma, recovery, and relationship healing—offering tools, insight, and connection to support your journey.

👉 Register here: https://humanintimacy.zohobackstage.com/HumanIntimacy2ndAnnualConference#/

In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore what it truly means to “find your voice” after betrayal. Many betrayed partners struggle to express overwhelming emotions such as anger, grief, confusion, and fear—often because they’ve never had permission, language, or safe places to speak their truth. Others feel they do have a voice, but need support in finding the right words and safe settings to tell their story.

Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn discuss why expressing your story matters both emotionally and physically, highlighting research showing that suppressed emotions can increase depression and weaken the immune system. They talk about grief, trauma integration, and the importance of consolidating your narrative—what life felt like before betrayal, what changed after discovery, and how the experience is shaping your life now.

Listeners will learn about healthy ways to express deep emotions (journaling, burn journals, therapy, group support, safe body-release strategies), the importance of being witnessed, and how finding your internal voice strengthens boundaries, empowerment, and healing. This conversation reminds every betrayed partner that your emotions matter, your story deserves space, and giving voice to your experience is a vital step toward recovery.

• RISE: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal Online Course Guided exercises, assessments, journaling prompts, education, and structured healing tools to support your journey. https://www.humanintimacy.com

• Research on Expressive Writing & Emotional Health James W. Pennebaker – Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions Demonstrates the mental and physical health benefits of expressing emotions and telling your story.

• Healing Requires Witnessing & Storytelling Desmond Tutu & Mpho Tutu – The Book of Forgiving Discusses the importance of sharing your story, being witnessed, and honoring emotional wounds.

• Trauma & Meaning-Making Framework Discussion of narrative processing and trauma consolidation – understanding life before betrayal, the traumatic event itself, and how it changes you going forward.

• Support Through Connection Research highlighted by Wendy Watson Nelson & Dr. Jill Manning emphasizing connection and safe support as a critical factor in betrayal recovery.

• Therapy & Group Support Consider working with a betrayal-informed therapist or joining a betrayal trauma support group to process your experience safely.

In this episode of Rise: Hope & Healing from Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore why boundaries are essential—not optional—for healing. They clarify common misunderstandings about boundaries, emphasizing that boundaries are not punishments, ultimatums, or attempts to control another person. Instead, they are acts of self-care rooted in values, safety, and personal responsibility.

Drawing from clinical experience, real-life examples, and research-based frameworks, the conversation breaks down how boundaries function as “if–then” statements focused on how you will respond to protect yourself. The episode highlights the difference between healthy boundaries and rule-setting, the role of self-trust and follow-through, and why understanding your why is the key to confidence and consistency.

Listeners will learn how boundaries support emotional safety, reduce resentment, and strengthen the inner core—especially after betrayal has shattered trust. The episode also addresses the fear that boundaries will damage relationships and reframes boundaries as a pathway to clarity, dignity, and, when possible, deeper connection.

• Healing rarely occurs without clear, self-honoring boundaries

• Boundaries are about your response, not controlling someone else

• Effective boundaries are rooted in values, needs, and self-awareness

• Boundaries support safety, self-trust, and differentiation

• Letting go of outcomes is essential when setting boundaries

• Practicing boundaries builds confidence and reduces resentment

• Boundaries Course – Creating & Maintaining Healthy Boundaries Available at Boundary Basics

• Rise online Course: HumanIntimacy.com

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer, Boundaries Handbook for Women

• Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend, Boundaries

• Differentiation of Self (Bowen Family Systems Theory)

• Human Intimacy Courses & Educational Resources

In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore what happens inside the body in the shocking moments and months following D-Day. Drawing from clinical research, somatic therapy, and lived experience, they explain why betrayed partners often feel rage, panic, numbness, dissociation, or complete shutdown—and why these reactions are normal, protective, and deeply physiological.

MaryAnn and Dr. Skinner unpack the autonomic nervous system’s three instinctive responses—fight, flight, and freeze—and reframe them not as signs of “going crazy,” but as the body’s attempt to survive an emotional threat. They discuss how trauma is stored in the body, how healing occurs in waves, and how practices like titration, grounding, movement, and body awareness help gently release stored trauma.

Listeners learn why behaviors that feel “out of character” (such as yelling, swearing, shutting down, or being unable to focus) are common after betrayal, and how anger often acts as a protective protest covering the deeper layers of grief and fear underneath.

With compassion and clarity, the hosts offer tools for regulating overwhelming emotions, honoring the body’s pace, and finding glimmers of safety during chaos. They encourage listeners to use supportive relationships, healthy outlets, creativity, and somatic practices to slowly widen their window of tolerance and reconnect with their internal world.

This episode is an essential guide for anyone trying to make sense of their body’s reactions after betrayal—and a reminder that healing requires patience, softness, and learning to listen inward.

• Deb Dana – Anchored and The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy (Understanding the autonomic nervous system, glimmers, and pathways to safety.)

• Dr. Stephen Porges – The Polyvagal Theory (Foundational neuroscience behind fight/flight/freeze responses.)

• Dr. Bessel van der Kolk – The Body Keeps the Score (How trauma is stored and released through the body.)

• Peter Levine – Waking the Tiger and Somatic Experiencing principles (Titration, pendulation, and body-based trauma healing.)

• Tadasana (Mountain Pose) – A grounding posture used to regulate and reset the nervous system.

• Superman/Wonder Woman Pose – Posture-based confidence-building and nervous system shifting (Amy Cuddy research).

• Body scanning – Increasing awareness of where trauma, tension, or emotional energy is stored.

• Bilateral stimulation activities – Walking, swimming, chopping wood, or rhythmic creative movement.

• Human Intimacy Podcast Episode #95 – Expanded discussion on somatic healing after trauma.

• Rise: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal Online Course (In-depth assessments, body-based practices, reflective exercises, and guided healing modules.)

• Journaling prompts for emotional expression

• Safe support systems: friends, therapists, groups

• Creative outlets: cooking, music, art, writing

• Gentle physical practices: walking, yoga, swimming

In this pivotal episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis take listeners into one of the most damaging elements of betrayal trauma: gaslighting. While the term is often used casually in modern culture, Kevin and MaryAnn break it down clinically and relationally, helping listeners understand how gaslighting reshapes a person’s reality and intensifies post-traumatic stress symptoms.

MaryAnn explains the origins of the term and how betrayed partners often experience it as “crazy-making.” When someone senses something is off, but their partner denies, minimizes, or dismisses the concern, the betrayed partner begins to question not only their spouse—but themselves. Dr. Skinner shares the research behind his gaslighting scale and reveals a critical finding: gaslighting is the strongest predictor of PTSD symptoms among betrayed partners, even more influential than adverse childhood experiences.

Together they describe how denial, blame, minimizing, hiding, and lying distort a betrayed partner’s internal compass. Gaslighting becomes a form of psychological abuse, causing confusion, self-doubt, and a loss of trust in one’s own instincts. This erosion of personal reality leaves many partners unsure of what is true and what to believe.

The episode also highlights the path forward—what Gaslighting No More truly means. Dr. Skinner outlines the transformational role of a formal therapeutic disclosure, impact letter, and emotional restitution letter. These structured interventions help restore truth, rebuild safety, and begin repairing the relational damage caused by deception. MaryAnn emphasizes the importance of trained therapists, thoughtful pacing, and emotional support as couples engage in this process.

Listeners are reminded: your reality matters, and reclaiming it is essential to healing. Whether within the relationship or individually, addressing gaslighting is foundational to restoring trust, clarity, and emotional stability.

• Skinner, K. — Internal research on gaslighting, deception, and PTSD correlations.

• Kefer, S. (2018). Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Betrayal.

• Carnes, S. — ITAP foundational work on sex addiction and partner trauma.

• Vaughn, P. (1989). The Monogamy Myth. Research on the healing effects of discussing betrayal details.

• CDC Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study.

• Dr. Kevin Skinner – Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal

• Dr. Kevin Skinner – Rebuild Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal

  • Chapter 13: Gaslighting No More

• Psychological abuse dynamics

• Denial, blame, and deception patterns

• Therapeutic Disclosure Model (FTD)

• PTSD symptoms associated with betrayal trauma

• IITAP.com — Directory of Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSAT) and Certified Partner Trauma Therapists (CPTT)

• HumanIntimacy.com/Rise — Free betrayal trauma assessment including gaslighting and PTSD indicators

• Human Intimacy educational groups, intensives, and therapeutic programs led by Dr. Skinner

In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most painful and often hidden impacts of betrayal: how it reshapes the way you see yourself. After discovering sexual betrayal, many individuals experience a surge of negative self-beliefs — I’m not enough… something must be wrong with me… I should have known… I’m unlovable. Dr. Skinner describes this internal narrative as a “virus” that embeds itself in a person’s belief system, making it difficult to see oneself accurately or compassionately.

MaryAnn explains how, developmentally, our brains are wired to seek approval, interpret social cues, and continually scan for safety. When betrayal shatters the foundation of a relationship, these systems go into overdrive, amplifying old insecurities, childhood patterns, and even generational messages about worth. Together, Kevin and MaryAnn highlight that while these negative cognitions feel overpowering, they are understandable responses to trauma — not reflections of your true value.

Listeners are reminded of a crucial truth: your worth has never changed. Negative self-talk may be loud, but it is not accurate. Healing involves challenging distorted beliefs, surrounding yourself with trustworthy voices, and engaging in therapeutic tools that help reframe your internal narrative. The hosts discuss powerful interventions such as attachment-focused EMDR, cognitive reframing, and guided support from safe attachment figures. This episode offers clarity, validation, and hope for anyone struggling to reclaim their sense of identity after betrayal.

• Brené Brown – Daring Greatly, The Gifts of Imperfection (shame, worthiness, identity)

• Mark Wolynn – It Didn’t Start With You (generational trauma and inherited beliefs)

• Dr. Bessel van der Kolk – The Body Keeps the Score (trauma stored in the body)

• Francine Shapiro – EMDR framework and negative cognitions model

• Attachment-Focused EMDR

• Cognitive reframing and restructuring

• Identifying core negative beliefs (“I’m not enough,” “I’m unlovable”)

• Inner narrative awareness: If I could hear your thoughts 24/7…

• Using secure attachment figures (past or present) for grounding

• Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal https://www.humanintimacy.com/rise

• Human Intimacy Podcast episodes related to identity, shame, and worth

• Reclaim and trauma-focused intensives with Dr. Kevin Skinner

In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most common and confusing experiences after betrayal trauma: triggers. Drawing from clinical research, lived experience, and decades of therapeutic practice, they break down why triggers occur, how the body responds, and what partners can do to navigate them with greater clarity and self-compassion.

Triggers often appear suddenly—at church, in a grocery store, during a conversation, while watching TV, or even in sleep. Dr. Skinner shares research showing that 80% of betrayed partners experience significant triggers across multiple settings due to heightened fear responses and hypervigilance. MaryAnn describes how the body becomes acutely attuned to cues of danger, often detecting subtle signals before the conscious mind can make sense of them.

Listeners are guided through the internal experience of a trigger—tight chest, racing heart, sudden emotion—and learn how to identify, name, and regulate these physiological reactions. The episode introduces two powerful tools:

1. “Name It to Tame It” (Dan Siegel) – Using language to bring the prefrontal cortex back online.

2. The COAL Method – Curiosity, Openness/Observation, Acceptance, Loving-Kindness – to slow down reactions and respond intentionally.

The hosts also discuss the difference between seeking external reassurance versus developing internal grounding strategies, the role of self-trust, and how to use tools like conscious breathing (including the “Yamaha breath”) to regulate the autonomic nervous system.

This episode provides validation, practical tools, and hope—reminding listeners that triggers are not signs of weakness, but expressions of the body’s innate protective system. With understanding, support, and practice, betrayed partners can move from reacting in fear to responding with awareness, agency, and self-compassion.

Briere, J., & Scott, C. (2015). Principles of trauma therapy: A guide to symptoms, evaluation, and treatment (2nd ed.). SAGE Publications.

Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead.Gotham Books.

Levine, P. A. (2010). In an unspoken voice: How the body releases trauma and restores goodness. North Atlantic Books.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton.

Scott, S. B., & Briere, J. (2006). “Exposure to interpersonal trauma and risk for posttraumatic stress disorder.” Clinical Psychology Review, 26(6), 615–625.

Siegel, D. J. (2010). The mindful therapist: A clinician's guide to mindsight and neural integration. W. W. Norton.

van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Skinner, K. (2017). Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal. Growth Publishing.

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Additional Resources:

Rise: Hope and Healing Course

In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and Marianne Michaelis, LCSW, bring attention to an often overlooked wound—the betrayed partner’s shame. They unpack how shame takes root after discovery, transforming natural questions like “Why did this happen?” into painful self-blame—“I must not be enough.” Drawing from research showing that more than 70–80% of betrayed partners feel unlovable or stupid after betrayal, Dr. Skinner and Marianne explain how shame becomes internalized, influencing thoughts, relationships, and even the body’s physiology.

Using insights from Brené Brown and Treating Chronic Shame, they reveal that shame is relational—it thrives in silence, secrecy, and judgment, and begins to heal through connection, voice, and support. The hosts explore practical ways to interrupt the “shame virus,” including naming shame’s physical signals, separating your worth from your partner’s choices, and finding safe, trained support to share your story. They remind listeners that shame cannot survive empathy and that every individual—regardless of betrayal, history, or mistakes—is born with infinite worth that cannot be lost.

Listeners are invited to reflect, connect, and take the first step toward reclaiming their true identity beyond the betrayal story.

• Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal Course A guided 12-session journey offering tools to understand trauma, process emotions, and rebuild identity after betrayal. 👉 https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/hope-and-healing-from-sexual-betrayal

• Human Intimacy Online Educational Support Group Join Dr. Skinner and Marianne Michaelis in an upcoming online group offering teaching, Q&A, and community support. Learn how to apply these concepts in real time with others walking the same path.

• Additional Resources

  • Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal — Dr. Kevin Skinner’s book exploring the trauma response and pathways to healing.

  • The Other Side of Infidelity — Dr. Skinner’s TEDx Talk explaining betrayal trauma and its impact.

  • Treating Chronic Shame by Patricia DeYoung — referenced in this episode for understanding shame’s relational nature.

  • Articles, podcasts, and free tools available at HumanIntimacy.com