Schedule your Discovery Call here

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn dives into one of the most exhausting relationship cycles—when you keep second-guessing your partner, breaking up, getting back together, and wondering if they’re “the one.”

The truth? Your confusion isn’t about your partner. It’s about your pattern.

If you’ve ever caught yourself analyzing every text, tone, or gesture, or if you’re tired of asking “should I stay or should I go?”, this episode will hit home. Shanenn unpacks how fear, self-doubt, and emotional hot potatoes (yep, you read that right) keep us in chaos—and what to do instead.

You’ll learn how to pause the decision, regulate your nervous system, and start building self-trust, so you can finally feel confident in your choices—no matter who you’re with.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• You’re not confused about them—you’re disconnected from you.
• Fear-based decisions aren’t decisions; they’re safety strategies in disguise.
• If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.
• You can’t heal what you keep outsourcing.
• Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one.

💡 Key Moments:

• 2:00 – Why your breakup reflex isn’t about your partner—it’s about escaping discomfort
• 6:45 – The “emotional hot potato” that keeps you stuck in the same patterns
• 10:25 – Why your feelings might be valid… but not about what’s happening right now
• 13:20 – The difference between deciding and reacting
• 17:00 – How to tell the difference between a red flag pattern and a personal trigger
• 22:37 – Why you don’t have to decide today if your partner is “the one”
• 30:00 – The 30-day pause: the simple reset that stabilizes your decision-making
• 33:50 – How to soothe your own nervous system without outsourcing it to your partner
• 38:00 – The question that changes everything: “What would I choose if I trusted myself to handle any outcome?”

❤️ Quote of the Episode:

🧠 Resources Mentioned:

• Free Discovery Call with Shanenn → Schedule Here

✨ Perfect for listeners who:

• Break up and get back together on repeat
• Feel anxious, jealous, or unsafe in relationships
• Want to stop obsessing over every text or tone
• Are ready to make decisions from confidence, not fear
• Are tired of repeating the same emotional patterns

🔥 Call to Action:

If you’re ready to stop spiraling and start trusting yourself again, book a free discovery call with Shanenn. This is the work she does every day—helping you rebuild from the inside out, so you stop changing partners and start changing your pattern.

🎧 Subscrib

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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE 30-Minute Discovery Call here

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn gets real about a silent habit that so many listeners can relate to—but few talk about openly: using alcohol to cope with jealousy, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm in relationships.

From the glass of wine that helps you "take the edge off" before date night… to the third drink that leads to a spiral of shame, regret, and disconnection—this episode breaks down what’s really happening when we reach for a drink to manage our feelings.

Shanenn explores how alcohol not only numbs the bad stuff, but also disconnects you from your intuition, dulls your emotional clarity, and makes jealousy even harder to navigate. You'll learn practical tools to pause, get curious about your emotions, and build real self-trust—without having to escape into a buzz.

This episode isn’t anti-alcohol. It’s pro-you.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• You're likely not drinking because you have a drinking problem—you're drinking because no one taught you how to feel your emotions.
• Alcohol doesn't just numb pain—it numbs joy, intuition, and connection too.
• Every time you reach for a drink instead of feeling your feelings, you’re teaching your brain you can't handle them.
• Shame keeps the cycle going; guilt helps you change.
• Your emotions aren't your enemy. They're your superpower.

🔑 Key Moments:

• 2:10 – Why alcohol is often used to manage anxiety and jealousy
• 6:30 – The emotional pattern behind pre-date drinks (and how it backfires)
• 10:45 – What happens when “buzzed you” says too much
• 14:30 – The brain science: how alcohol blocks emotional processing
• 22:00 – Alcohol, anxiety, and why the fire comes back stronger
• 25:00 – Shame vs. guilt: the emotional cycle that keeps you stuck
• 28:30 – How using alcohol creates self-abandonment and insecurity
• 34:00 – The practice of sitting with emotions without numbing
• 39:20 – 3 questions to ask before you drink
• 43:00 – How to experiment with alcohol-free moments and collect emotional “data”

🧠 Resources & Coaching Mentioned:

• 30-Minute Discovery Call with Shanenn – Learn how to break emotional patterns and build self-trust. Book via TopSelf.com
  
  
• Coaching Program: Feel Free Again – For women ready to stop outsourcing emotional regulation to alcohol, anxiety, or partners.
• Whitehall II Study & Sleep Research – Learn how alcohol disrupts emotional processing during REM sleep.

🗣️ Quote of the Episode:

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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE Discovery Call

In this solo episode of Top Self, host Shanenn dives deep into one of the most anxiety-triggering scenarios in relationships: witnessing your partner flirt with someone else. Is it a sign they’re unhappy? Are they secretly interested in someone else? Or…could it mean something entirely different?

Drawing from scientific research and her personal journey, Shanenn shares the six core reasons people flirt—and reveals that only one of them is actually about sex. With compassionate insights and a powerful reframe on validation, esteem, and trust, this episode offers a fresh, empowering take on how to handle flirting without spiraling into insecurity.

If you've ever felt the sting of jealousy or wanted to understand what flirting really means in a committed relationship, this episode is a must-listen.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• Flirting does not always equal sexual or romantic interest.
• Only 1 out of 6 reasons for flirting involves a desire for sex.
• Flirting can actually boost relationship satisfaction—not destroy it.
• Feeling attracted ≠ acting on attraction. The nuance matters.
• Jealousy is a signal—not a certainty. Trust your gut, not your fear.
• You can’t be your partner’s only source of validation—and you shouldn’t have to be.

🧠 Key Moments:

• 2:40 – That sinking feeling when your partner flirts: What’s really going on?
• 5:00 – The 6 scientific motivations behind flirting—and only one is sexual
• 10:15 – Why people flirt to boost self-esteem (and why it’s not a threat)
• 14:30 – The “relationship development” vs. “relationship threat” misunderstanding
• 18:00 – Do happy partners still crave external validation? Yes—and here’s why that’s okay
• 23:45 – How jealousy can mislead you into toxic behavior patterns
• 30:00 – The research-backed truth about fantasy, flirting, and fidelity
• 38:00 – Shanenn’s real-life jealousy moment (and what it taught her)
• 42:00 – How to use “The Power of One” to reframe your thoughts around flirting

🧰 Resources & Mentions:

• The Study: Northern Illinois University research on the 6 motivations for flirting
• Power of One Exercise: Practice reframing jealousy with one new explanation

Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.



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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Enroll in the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp starting soon!

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn shares a deeply relatable scenario: it’s 10 p.m., you’re staring at your phone, spiraling over a text that simply says, “Okay, sounds good. Talk to you tomorrow.” If that’s ever sent you into an emotional tailspin, this episode is for you.

We explore why relationship insecurity creates an overwhelming urge to process everything out loud—and why your friends might be reaching their limit. Shanenn dives into the neuroscience of emotional regulation, the critical role of co-regulation, and why being understood by someone who “gets it” can feel like a lifeline.

You’ll learn why exhausting your friendships isn’t the answer—and how group support like Talk It Out Tuesday and the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp can offer real change, practical tools, and deep emotional relief.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• Criticizing yourself for needing support only deepens the wound.
• Relationship insecurity is a nervous system issue, not a character flaw.
• Friends mean well—but they’re not therapists. Group support gets it.
• Shame thrives in secrecy. But when you share your story with people who truly understand, it loses its power.
• You are not "too much." You are not broken. You are human.

⏱ Key Moments:

• 1:30 – That late-night spiral we’ve all had—why your brain won’t let go
• 6:00 – The neuroscience behind why we have to talk things out
• 9:30 – Why your friends can't always be your emotional support system
• 12:00 – How insecurity starts impacting all of your relationships
• 15:50 – The invisible burnout your friends may be feeling
• 17:40 – “You’re not broken”—the power of being truly understood
• 20:00 – Why shame thrives in silence and how to break the cycle
• 24:30 – Group support vs. going it alone: the real difference
• 26:40 – How helping others with their insecurity reinforces your own healing
• 28:30 – Group coaching isn’t exposure—it’s your power move

👩‍🏫 Shanenn Says:

🧰 Resources Mentioned:

• Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp – A six-week guided experience to rewire your nervous system and build relationship security. [Register here]
• Talk It Out Tuesday – Free group coaching calls inside the Jealousy Junkie Facebook Group. Join now to get notified of upcoming sessions.

Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.



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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down one of the most common communication traps in relationships: expecting your partner to read your mind.

Whether you're silently hoping your partner just knows you need a hug—or you're dropping hints that never land—this episode is your guide to getting what you actually need without spiraling, snapping, or shutting down.

From attachment styles to the six human needs, Shanenn explains why asking isn’t needy—it’s necessary—and gives you the exact words to use so your partner can finally show up for you.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• 💬 “Asking isn’t needy—it’s necessary.”
• 🧠 If you don’t say it, your partner is just guessing—and they’ll guess wrong.
• 🔄 Every time you don’t ask, you reinforce the belief that your needs don’t matter.
• 💥 Complaints like “you never text me” are often just unspoken needs for connection.
• 💡 Hint-dropping leads to disappointment. Clear, direct asks lead to connection.

⏰ Key Moments:

• 1:30 – Why “If they loved me, they’d just know” is a romantic myth
• 4:10 – How your partner’s brain is wired differently—and what that means for unmet needs
• 6:45 – What each attachment style sounds like when trying to get their needs met
• 10:15 – 3 hidden costs of not asking for what you want
• 13:50 – Shanenn’s hilarious story about trying to “fix” her mom’s venting session
• 17:10 – The 6 Human Needs and why your priorities may clash with your partner’s
• 23:20 – What your complaint is really about—and how to find the core need
• 26:30 – Simple scripts for clearly communicating your needs without guilt
• 30:00 – Why unmet needs aren’t about being needy—they’re about being unclear

🔗 Resources Mentioned:

• 📝 Take the Attachment Style Quiz
  to better understand how you relate to love

💬 Quote of the Episode:

🎯 Perfect for listeners who:

• Struggle to ask for what they want without guilt
• Drop hints instead of expressing needs clearly
• Get frustrated when their partner doesn’t “just know”
• Want to stop spiraling and start speaking with confidence
• Are working to create more secure, emotionally honest relationships

Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.



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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this powerful episode of Top Self, Shanenn Bryant delivers something your inner child may have never received: acknowledgment, validation, and the words you needed most.

This episode is a gentle but honest space for anyone who grew up feeling unseen, unprotected, or responsible for everyone else’s emotions.

Shanenn talks about how childhood trauma—whether loud or silent—gets stored in the body and shapes adult patterns. Through reflections on her own healing journey and a moving message written as a voice of apology from the caregiver you never had, this episode offers a path to release, reframe, and reclaim your power.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• “You’re not born with trauma—you inherit patterns through what you witnessed, heard, and experienced.”
• “It’s not about blame. It’s about the chain—and you might be the first brave one to break it.”
• “You don’t need their permission to heal. You just needed to be seen.”
• “This isn’t who you are—it’s who you became. And you can become something new.”
• “If you’ve been waiting for an apology, this is it.”

🔑 Key Moments:

• 1:45 – Trigger warning and who this episode is for
• 3:00 – “This is not who you are—it’s who you became”
• 5:20 – What trauma really is: the unseen, unfelt, unprocessed
• 6:40 – It’s not about blame—it’s about breaking the chain
• 9:15 – Generational trauma: how pain becomes parenting
• 11:30 – The ACEs test and its lifelong impact
• 14:00 – “You don’t need an apology to heal—but here’s one anyway”
• 15:00–21:00 – A powerful reading of the apology you never received

🛠️ Resources Mentioned:

• Episode 20: Interview with Candace Alley on the ACEs Test & Trauma
• ACEs Test – Adverse Childhood Experiences
• Learn more about coaching and upcoming programs at Top Self website

📌 Quote of the Episode:

"You don’t need their permission to heal anymore. You just needed to be seen—to finally hear, ‘I’m sorry.’ And now you have." – Shanenn Bryant

🎯 Perfect for Listeners Who:

• Grew up with emotional neglect, instability, or high expectations
• Feel guilt around acknowledging childhood pain
• Want to understand how trauma shows up in adult relationships
• Are learning to reparent themselves and break generational cycles
• Are seeking healing without waiting for an apology that may never come

Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.



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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule Your Free Discovery Call Today

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn gets deeply personal, sharing the origin of the podcast and a powerful realization about the hidden shame many people carry from their childhoods. If you’ve ever felt like you had to hide how you grew up—because of addiction, dysfunction, or chaos—this episode is a must-listen.

She shares the moment she realized she wasn’t alone in her struggles with jealousy and insecurity, and how our pasts—when left unspoken—can quietly sabotage our relationships and self-worth.

This isn’t just about healing from jealousy. It’s about learning to release the shame of your story so you can show up as your full, authentic self.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• Shame about your past doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you—it means you’re human.
• You’re not alone in still being affected by how you grew up.
• Confidence begins where the old story ends.
• Letting go of shame starts with being honest—with yourself.
• You don’t owe your story to everyone, but you deserve not to carry it alone.

🔑 Key Moments:

• 1:00 – How the podcast was born from a talk on growing up with an alcoholic parent
• 4:45 – The shift from “Jealousy Junkie” to “Top Self” and why that mattered
• 6:30 – A listener’s message about struggling to make friends as an adult
• 9:50 – Why hiding your past isn’t protecting you—it’s suffocating you
• 13:00 – How your upbringing may still be impacting your self-worth and relationships
• 16:00 – Shanenn’s personal journey of reconnecting with her father
• 21:00 – The surprising story she’s not ashamed to tell—and what that reveals about internalized shame
• 22:50 – A powerful reminder: you don’t owe anyone your story, but you do owe yourself relief

🧠 Perfect for listeners who:

• Grew up in a chaotic, addicted, or dysfunctional environment
• Still carry shame about their upbringing—even as successful adults
• Struggle to be vulnerable or build close friendships
• Want to understand how childhood experiences shape adult relationships
• Are ready to rewrite the story they’ve been carrying

📌 Resources Mentioned:

• Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp – Learn how to break free from insecurity, jealousy, and people-pleasing.
• [Link to register]
• Free Discovery Call with Shanenn – Coaching for women ready to stop hiding and start healing.
• [Link to schedule]

🧭 Quote of the Episode:

Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.



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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Book your FREE Discovery Call

Ever started pulling away just when things got good? If calm, consistent love feels boring—or even threatening—you’re not broken. You’re human.

In this episode, Shanenn explores why “safe” love can trigger your nervous system, especially if you grew up in chaos or experienced emotionally unpredictable relationships. You’ll learn:

• Why peace can feel like a red flag to a dysregulated nervous system
• The hidden link between chaos and connection
• Subtle ways we sabotage healthy love without realizing it
• A powerful affirmation to ground yourself when you’re spiraling
• How to begin rewiring your system to trust calm instead of rejecting it

If you’re ready to stop pushing away the love you crave, this episode is for you.

💎 Golden Nugget: “Peace isn’t the problem. My pattern is.”

Timestamps:

• 1:15 – Why calm triggers fear in a chaos-wired nervous system
• 3:00 – How your past relationships shaped your patterns
• 6:30 – A real-life story (with a German Shepherd!) that explains stored trauma
• 10:40 – Signs of self-sabotage when things feel “too good”
• 12:50 – Tools to rewire your nervous system for trust
• 15:40 – The mantra that can change everything

Resources & Links:

📄 Free Download: 5 Signs You’re Subconsciously Sabotaging

📞 Book a Free Discovery Call with Shanenn

🔗 Follow Shanenn on Instagram: @topselfco

Loved this episode? Leave a 5-star review—it helps others find healing too. 💚

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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.