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In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn dives into one of the most exhausting relationship cycles—when you keep second-guessing your partner, breaking up, getting back together, and wondering if they’re “the one.”

The truth? Your confusion isn’t about your partner. It’s about your pattern.

If you’ve ever caught yourself analyzing every text, tone, or gesture, or if you’re tired of asking “should I stay or should I go?”, this episode will hit home. Shanenn unpacks how fear, self-doubt, and emotional hot potatoes (yep, you read that right) keep us in chaos—and what to do instead.

You’ll learn how to pause the decision, regulate your nervous system, and start building self-trust, so you can finally feel confident in your choices—no matter who you’re with.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• You’re not confused about them—you’re disconnected from you.
• Fear-based decisions aren’t decisions; they’re safety strategies in disguise.
• If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.
• You can’t heal what you keep outsourcing.
• Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one.

💡 Key Moments:

• 2:00 – Why your breakup reflex isn’t about your partner—it’s about escaping discomfort
• 6:45 – The “emotional hot potato” that keeps you stuck in the same patterns
• 10:25 – Why your feelings might be valid… but not about what’s happening right now
• 13:20 – The difference between deciding and reacting
• 17:00 – How to tell the difference between a red flag pattern and a personal trigger
• 22:37 – Why you don’t have to decide today if your partner is “the one”
• 30:00 – The 30-day pause: the simple reset that stabilizes your decision-making
• 33:50 – How to soothe your own nervous system without outsourcing it to your partner
• 38:00 – The question that changes everything: “What would I choose if I trusted myself to handle any outcome?”

❤️ Quote of the Episode:

🧠 Resources Mentioned:

• Free Discovery Call with Shanenn → Schedule Here

✨ Perfect for listeners who:

• Break up and get back together on repeat
• Feel anxious, jealous, or unsafe in relationships
• Want to stop obsessing over every text or tone
• Are ready to make decisions from confidence, not fear
• Are tired of repeating the same emotional patterns

🔥 Call to Action:

If you’re ready to stop spiraling and start trusting yourself again, book a free discovery call with Shanenn. This is the work she does every day—helping you rebuild from the inside out, so you stop changing partners and start changing your pattern.

🎧 Subscrib

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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE 30-Minute Discovery Call here

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn gets real about a silent habit that so many listeners can relate to—but few talk about openly: using alcohol to cope with jealousy, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm in relationships.

From the glass of wine that helps you "take the edge off" before date night… to the third drink that leads to a spiral of shame, regret, and disconnection—this episode breaks down what’s really happening when we reach for a drink to manage our feelings.

Shanenn explores how alcohol not only numbs the bad stuff, but also disconnects you from your intuition, dulls your emotional clarity, and makes jealousy even harder to navigate. You'll learn practical tools to pause, get curious about your emotions, and build real self-trust—without having to escape into a buzz.

This episode isn’t anti-alcohol. It’s pro-you.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• You're likely not drinking because you have a drinking problem—you're drinking because no one taught you how to feel your emotions.
• Alcohol doesn't just numb pain—it numbs joy, intuition, and connection too.
• Every time you reach for a drink instead of feeling your feelings, you’re teaching your brain you can't handle them.
• Shame keeps the cycle going; guilt helps you change.
• Your emotions aren't your enemy. They're your superpower.

🔑 Key Moments:

• 2:10 – Why alcohol is often used to manage anxiety and jealousy
• 6:30 – The emotional pattern behind pre-date drinks (and how it backfires)
• 10:45 – What happens when “buzzed you” says too much
• 14:30 – The brain science: how alcohol blocks emotional processing
• 22:00 – Alcohol, anxiety, and why the fire comes back stronger
• 25:00 – Shame vs. guilt: the emotional cycle that keeps you stuck
• 28:30 – How using alcohol creates self-abandonment and insecurity
• 34:00 – The practice of sitting with emotions without numbing
• 39:20 – 3 questions to ask before you drink
• 43:00 – How to experiment with alcohol-free moments and collect emotional “data”

🧠 Resources & Coaching Mentioned:

• 30-Minute Discovery Call with Shanenn – Learn how to break emotional patterns and build self-trust. Book via TopSelf.com
  
  
• Coaching Program: Feel Free Again – For women ready to stop outsourcing emotional regulation to alcohol, anxiety, or partners.
• Whitehall II Study & Sleep Research – Learn how alcohol disrupts emotional processing during REM sleep.

🗣️ Quote of the Episode:

Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.



Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy



Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE Discovery Call

In this solo episode of Top Self, host Shanenn dives deep into one of the most anxiety-triggering scenarios in relationships: witnessing your partner flirt with someone else. Is it a sign they’re unhappy? Are they secretly interested in someone else? Or…could it mean something entirely different?

Drawing from scientific research and her personal journey, Shanenn shares the six core reasons people flirt—and reveals that only one of them is actually about sex. With compassionate insights and a powerful reframe on validation, esteem, and trust, this episode offers a fresh, empowering take on how to handle flirting without spiraling into insecurity.

If you've ever felt the sting of jealousy or wanted to understand what flirting really means in a committed relationship, this episode is a must-listen.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• Flirting does not always equal sexual or romantic interest.
• Only 1 out of 6 reasons for flirting involves a desire for sex.
• Flirting can actually boost relationship satisfaction—not destroy it.
• Feeling attracted ≠ acting on attraction. The nuance matters.
• Jealousy is a signal—not a certainty. Trust your gut, not your fear.
• You can’t be your partner’s only source of validation—and you shouldn’t have to be.

🧠 Key Moments:

• 2:40 – That sinking feeling when your partner flirts: What’s really going on?
• 5:00 – The 6 scientific motivations behind flirting—and only one is sexual
• 10:15 – Why people flirt to boost self-esteem (and why it’s not a threat)
• 14:30 – The “relationship development” vs. “relationship threat” misunderstanding
• 18:00 – Do happy partners still crave external validation? Yes—and here’s why that’s okay
• 23:45 – How jealousy can mislead you into toxic behavior patterns
• 30:00 – The research-backed truth about fantasy, flirting, and fidelity
• 38:00 – Shanenn’s real-life jealousy moment (and what it taught her)
• 42:00 – How to use “The Power of One” to reframe your thoughts around flirting

🧰 Resources & Mentions:

• The Study: Northern Illinois University research on the 6 motivations for flirting
• Power of One Exercise: Practice reframing jealousy with one new explanation

Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.



Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy



Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.