ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Tough love. Two words that get thrown around constantly in the addiction world, and yet nobody can quite agree on what they mean. Kick them out. Cut them off. Save yourself. That’s the version I heard early on, and I couldn’t do it. Not because I was too soft, but because something about it felt fundamentally wrong - especially with a teenager.

In this episode, Cathy and I get practical on the topic of this illusive thing called “tough love.” We walk through the nine actual actions we took with our own kids, in order, from the very first steps all the way to the hardest ones (ones we call “strong love”) as a way of demonstrating action, not theories. Just two moms who were figuring it out as we went, without the language, community or support we needed at the time.

YOU’LL LEARN:

• What Dr. Gabor Maté said about tough love that stopped me cold
• Why I stopped using the phrase “tough love” and what I call it instead
• Nine “strong love” actions Cathy and I took with our own kids, and what we wish we had done differently
• The thing every person in recovery has told me about what finally changed things for them
• The two books I recommend to every parent, no matter where you are in this

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Heather Hayes on Hopestream episode 111
• Mary Crocker Cook on Hopestream episode 223
• Jessica Lahey on Hopestream episode 163
• Trish Ruggles on Hopestream episode 313
• Safe Enough To Change course in Hopestream Community’s Limited Membership

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Get our free, 4-video course, Hope Starts Here, and access to our Limited Membership here
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When I first heard about a woodworking apprenticeship as an addiction recovery program, I was skeptical. And then I sat down with Jeremy French, founder of Making Whole in Asheville, North Carolina, and everything I thought I knew about what recovery has to look like got turned on its head.

Jeremy got sober at 17 after stolen cars, drug runs to Florida, and a flop house he describes as straight out of a Netflix series. He's been in recovery nearly 30 years, never finished high school, and built one of the most remarkable programs I've come across. A small group of men of all ages build high-end furniture together, share a daily meal, and are never forced to stay.

Of the 55 men who've graduated from Making Whole since 2018, 30 of them will tell you they are exactly where they want to be today. That is not a number you hear in this space. I was so intrigued.

You'll hear about:

• Why Jeremy credits drugs with solving nine out of ten problems in his life while he was using, and what that might mean for your child
• The two things true in every recovery success story Jeremy has witnessed, without exception
• The decision his parents made that changed his life more than anything else
• Why stepping back sends a different message than you think
• What addiction is actually solving, and why treating it as the problem keeps everyone stuck
• What parents who have lost a child would give anything to do, and what that could mean for you right now

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Making Whole website

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Get our free, 4-video course, Hope Starts Here, and access to our Limited Membership here
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

This solo episode is my attempt to provide answers to the question of why some families see greater change than others when using the CRAFT approach. Drawing on 6+ years of watching hundreds of parents move through this process, some gaining traction, some spinning their wheels, I’m sharing the 10 most common reasons why parents who are 'doing the work' aren't getting the results they want. It's a no-fluff audit of what might be holding you back, and it comes from my heart because there are no more important results to strive for than a healthy family.

If you've been at this for a while and feel like things aren't moving in the right direction, this one is for you.

You'll hear about:

• A foundational piece most parents skip without realizing it
• Why doing more often backfires
• A timing factor that determines whether any skill works
• The fastest path forward when communication has broken down
• Why inconsistency isn't a character flaw

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Hopestream Playlists - Start Here Playlist
• Jennifer Ollis Blomqvist on using Motivational Interviewing, Hopestream episode 306
• Dr. Emily Kline on using Motivational Interviewing for hard conversations, Hopestream episode 160
• Using Motivational Interviewing and CRAFT as a double punch effort to create change in your family, Hopestream episode 256
• CRAFT family resources and providers with Helping Families Help
• Using CRAFT, MI and Acceptance & Commitment Therapy together to help your child, Hopestream episode 260
• Stages of Change workshop
• Stages of Change downloadable cheat-sheet here
• Hopestream podcast episode 66 on the Stages of Change

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Get our free, 4-video course, Hope Starts Here, and access to our Limited Membership here
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When parents hear "wilderness therapy," their minds often race to worst-case scenarios: punishment, boot camps, kids forced to survive in harsh conditions. But Trish Ruggles, who spent over a decade as a field guide and wilderness therapist before becoming an educational consultant, has a different story to tell. After 21 years in the field and working with countless families through Pathfinder Consulting, Trish knows that wilderness therapy has evolved dramatically from its origins.

What makes wilderness therapy effective isn't the outdoor skills or fresh air - though those certainly help. It's magic lies in the complete removal of 'noise.'

When you take a struggling adolescent out of their always-on life and place them in the wilderness, the volume goes down on everything that keeps them from thriving. No bedroom door to close, no delivery apps to summon food, no distractions to buffer the work of actually facing themselves. And there are immediate, natural consequences their adolescent brain can actually understand.

Trish's approach is refreshingly honest and practical. She'll be the first to tell you wilderness therapy isn't for everyone, but for the kid who's stuck in their room, the one running wild in the streets, or the treatment-experienced individual who knows how to game the residential system, wilderness creates something that can't be replicated indoors: a space where you can't phone it in, where every action impacts your group, and where real-life consequences teach more than any lecture ever could.

You'll learn:

• Key myths and facts about today's outdoor behavioral health offerings
• The critical, natural consequences that wilderness experiences provide in real-time
• How wilderness has evolved from its primitive roots
• Why adopted kids and those with attachment challenges often thrive in wilderness despite parents' fears
• The truth about getting kids to agree to, and actually go to an outdoor, adventure or wilderness program

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Website Trish Ruggles
• Trish on Hopestream episode 202
• Will White’s Hopestream podcast episode 14

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Get our free, 4-video course, Hope Starts Here, and access to our Limited Membership here
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Campbell Manning's middle son entered detox the day before Valentine's Day, she genuinely believed he'd be "fixed" and home within a week. What followed instead was a years-long journey through both of her sons' addiction cycles that would ultimately transform her from a completely naive parent into a trained addiction counselor who now helps hundreds of families navigate the same treacherous terrain.

Campbell brings both the raw authenticity of lived experience and the clinical expertise she's gained through extensive education plus real-world training with Amber Hollingsworth (Put The Shovel Down YouTube Channel) at Hope For Families Recovery Center.

In this potent conversation, she speaks directly to the particular torture of watching your child actively harm themselves while grappling with decisions that feel impossible, like when her 14-year-old daughter confronted her about how much more "time, emotion, money, and energy" she was going to give to addiction.

What I love is that Campbell's wisdom isn't theoretical; it's forged from setting boundaries that ended up with her sons leave home at 17, refusing to enable behavior that was metastasizing through her entire family system, and learning that "over-loving" your child can actually be the most deleterious choice you make. Her message offers genuine hope grounded in reality: both her sons are in long-term recovery, and she's built a thriving coaching practice helping parents understand that their child's willingness to change often arrives in fleeting moments, which means your preparation and readiness matters profoundly.

You'll learn:

• How Campbell navigated the brutal reality of having two sons in active addiction, including the crucial difference between heartbreak (first son) and fury (second son) in her emotional responses
• The concept of "tagging it on" and why your child must truly understand there's no one coming to rescue them before lasting change becomes possible
• Why disenfranchised grief - the kind that receives no casseroles, no sympathy cards, no community support, coagulates within families dealing with addiction and impacts every member, especially siblings
• How Campbell's daughter's confrontation about "how much more are you going to give addiction, Mom?" catalyzed her understanding that setting strong, healthy boundaries isn't abandonment, it's the most loving thing you can do when your child is drowning

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Hope For Families Recovery Center website
• Put The Shovel Down YouTube Channel

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Get our free, 4-video course, Hope Starts Here, and access to our Limited Membership here
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

If you've been waiting for the right moment to bring up the idea of getting your young adult some support, and you're not sure how to do it without blowing up every landmine between you, this episode is for you. Joanna Lilley, therapeutic consultant and host of the podcast Success is Subjective, is back on Hopestream, and she's pulling back the curtain on what it actually looks like to help a young adult move toward help. Joanna works exclusively with the 18 to 29 crowd, and her approach is deceptively simple: meet them where they are, agenda-free, not where your fear wants them to be.

What makes Joanna's process so potent is the way it preserves a young adult's agency at every step. There’s no attempt at maneuvering them into a decision or finding the magic words that finally crack them open. It's about creating the conditions where they feel like the architect of what comes next, and why that buy-in matters more than the program itself. Joanna also gets real about what she's seeing shift in the treatment landscape right now, including why young adults are staying longer in programs, how the complexity of what's showing up has changed dramatically, and what questions parents actually need to be asking before you commit to anything.

When you listen, you'll learn:

• Why some young adults may have a deeply distorted picture of what treatment looks like, and how to gently disrupt that narrative without pushing them further away
• How Joanna structures her first conversation with a young adult so it feels like a genuine exchange rather than a formal ‘intake’ process
• Why giving your young adult the choice of who to work with matters just as much as the choice of where to go
• Why it’s wise to start the ‘what might treatment look like’ process before you think you need to and what it might cost you if you wait

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Joanna Lilley (Lilley Consulting) website
• Joanna on Hopestream podcast episode #208
• Joanna on Hopestream podcast episode #39

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Get our free, 4-video course, Hope Starts Here, and access to our Limited Membership here
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When your child's phone becomes their constant companion, you might dismiss it as typical teenage behavior. But Duane Osterlind, LMFT with nearly two decades specializing in sexual addiction, shares an urgent reality: the average first exposure to online adult material is now 10 years old. This conversation illuminates why younger people are seeking help in their early twenties after years of private struggle that began in childhood.

Duane offers perspective on how behavioral addictions reverberate throughout family systems, addressing both youth struggles and partner betrayal. He shares why most relationships impacted by sexual betrayal stay intact when the person causing harm addresses the shame fueling addictive patterns.

You'll learn:

• Why Duane has seen dramatic demographic shifts in his practice
• How to open conversations with your kids about adult content exposure and impact
• What discovery trauma is and why it can trigger PTSD symptoms
• The distinction between supporting a partner versus taking responsibility for their healing
• How shame operates as both genesis and sustaining force of behavioral addictions

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• The Addicted Mind Podcast
• Shame to Resilience Workshop (for adults)
• Brenda as a guest on The Addicted Mind podcast ep. 360

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Get our free, 4-video course, Hope Starts Here, and access to our Limited Membership here
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

You've been waiting for your child to say they're ready to get help. You've imagined that conversation a thousand times, rehearsed what you'll say, held your breath every time they seem close to opening up. But what happens if that moment arrives and you're under-prepared? What if that precious window closes before you even realize it was open?

In this solo episode, I'm diving into a CRAFT procedure that often gets reduced to logistics when it's actually about something far more potent: the intersection where your child's desperation meets their willingness, and your preparation.

I'm unpacking two elements that I believe parents consistently overlook. The first is understanding that this intersection requires a third component—your readiness. The second challenges who we define as the "identified patient" in this entire scenario, because if your child is the only one getting help while the rest of your family ecosystem stays static, you're essentially working to preserve the exact conditions that contributed to their struggle in the first place.

This isn't easy work, but it's the kind that can reshape not just your relationship with your struggling child, but every relationship in your life. And you don't have to figure it out alone at three in the morning with Google and ChatGPT as your only companion.

You'll learn:

• Why the magical intersection of desperation and willingness requires a third element that many parents miss
• How to prepare in the background so you're not scrambling when your child finally says they're ready for help
• Why your child shouldn't be the only "identified patient" and what your own version of treatment needs to look like
• The difference between rescuing your child from discomfort and allowing natural consequences that can actually motivate change
• Why obsessing over daily minutiae (dishes, grades, laundry) is often a distraction from the deeper internal work you need to be doing

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Get our free, 4-video course, Hope Starts Here, and access to our Limited Membership here
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.