The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists

Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family

By: Eleanor Payson

Narrated by: Cathryn Bond Doyle

Length: 7 hrs and 47 mins

Publisher's summary

Every day, headlines are filled with examples of narcissistic individuals in positions of power who are nothing more than impostors plundering and wrecking havoc on the lives of others. From the financial barons of Wall Street to our elected officials, we are confronted daily with narcissists and the self-serving systems that enable them. Helping people reclaim their lives from this sinister exploitative force is the mission behind Eleanor Payson's The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family.

Using simple metaphors from the American classic, The Wizard of Oz, Payson illustrates how Dorothy's journey captures all the seductive illusions and challenges that occur when we encounter the narcissist. Empowering the listener with the ABCs of unhealthy narcissism and the unique problems that occur when a person becomes involved with the narcissist, Payson gives step-by-step practical tools to identify, protect, and heal from these destructive relationships, which are largely un-addressed in the psychology and self-help literature.

This ground-breaking book offers hope and help to those who have been drawn into these devastating relationships. She includes illuminating case studies that identify the problems that occur in the different types of relationships, from co-workers, to friends, to parents, to lovers. Listeners employing these insights and skills will find new abilities to identify and protect against the narcissist's manipulations and take back control of their lives.

©2002 Eleanor D. Payson (P)2012 Eleanor D. Payson

Critic reviews

"For Some Time I have looked for a very readable book on living with narcissism that also had clarity about addiction and codependency. Eleanor Payson has written an easy to understand guide to navigate one's way out of the labyrinth that narcissism makes...Four stars for a readable, useful book therapists can give their patients." (Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. author of Out of the Shadows)

"You will recognize the narcissistic personality disorder so well described by Payson as an all too common affliction among those who wield great political and corporate power in contemporary society. This book is a useful guide to recognizing and confronting the reality, which is a first step toward nullifying the power and influence of the afflicted over our lives." (David C. Korten, Ph.D. author of The Great Turning: From Empire to Earth Community and When Corporations Rule the World)

Excellent

What did you love best about The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists?

This book gave me healing and awakening. I always knew I was working more than my share of some of the relationships in my life. This affirms my decision to stop doing that to myself. Not done with book yet as I keep going back over information that clears things up for me.

What did you like best about this story?

Everything

Which scene was your favorite?

n/a

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

Still evolving from the messages contained in this book.

Any additional comments?

If you feel you are doing all the work in some of your relationships, the reality is you probably are.

Excellent book for dealing with a narcissist

Where does The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

This has been my No.1 audiobook

What was one of the most memorable moments of The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists?

The insight to see what power a narcissist can do to your life but how to live or live without them.

What does Cathryn Bond Doyle bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

She didn't make me go to sleep.

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

A light bulb came on!

Great book to give tools to help.

I found this book very valuable to help explain my situation. It gives good tools and resources to be able to help navigate through having relationships with a narcissistic person. I am very thankful for this book.

My therapist recommended this. I do too!

This book was recommended to me about ten years ago. It took me ten years to listen to it all the way through. (Please don’t take that long to listen to it.)

Each chapter is pretty powerful. It’s not pretty, but it is truthful and pacts many good punches. Each punch, I had to step back from the book and look at all the ways that narcissism has manifested in my life with my relationships with not just men, but also friendships (male and female), relationships with professors and peers, and even my spiritual counselors.

My father had an unusually bad case of NPD and he effectively tore the whole family apart. We have all (six siblings) been on our own isolated journeys into recovering, some better than others. It was startling when I learned early on from this book that someone with NPD will effectively pit family members against each other. It works in politics and military ops to divide and conquer, and it works in families too.

I can’t recommend this book enough to people that are aware or are suspecting that they are in a relationship with someone with NPD. I have never met someone with NPD that has actually been diagnosed because the NPD person will absolutely refuse the diagnosis and often any form of therapy (unless they are of a different sort). So it’s hard to find out if your in a relationship with someone who has it because it’s not an illness that one acknowledges to their partner, let alone themselves. If you suspect it but aren’t sure, the book will let you know.

Over the years that it’s taken me to digest it, I have been on my own journey of understanding the narcissism in me, not exactly an acute case, but it’s so clear once you’ve gotten out of these types of relationships how the “victim” also has a seed of narcissism in them. I’m not victim shaming. I’m just saying that to fully realize the archetypes that are playing out here, I had to look deep into my soul to understand how and why I kept attracting and being attracted to very strong NPD people.

The story of Narcissus and Echo has taken on a whole new life for me. We echo and aim to please the NPD dominant in the relationship because it’s all we can do to gain the acceptance of them.

It’s surreal and painful and tragic, and if you’re on the fence about this book, please choose to listen to it. Everything’s in it is very clear. The tone of the book is somewhat disciplinary. The information in it woke me up from a lifetime of being asleep in a dream I didn’t even realize I had created for myself in order to cope.

It is well worth it and could save your life. If you’re not physically in danger, it could save your life in a way that means you get to live out a life that is yours and that is a peace that you just can not achieve with an NPD person.

Wonderful book. Difficult material.

Very eye opening

Not even through chapter 3 and I had chills on my arms because so many key factors that hit exactly on what I’m going through with a narcissist. Right now I want to cry but I hope by the end of the book I’m smiling and feeling empowered!!

great resource

this book gives a fairly comprehensive view of narcissism how to heal from a narcissistic relationship and how to deal with a narcissist. I would highly recommend this book

EXCELLENT BOOK! REALLY HIT HOME FOR ME.

What did you love best about The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists?

I have read several books on the topic of narcissism and this one spoke to me like no other. The discussions were intelligent yet not technical- very relatable.

What other book might you compare The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists to and why?

another good book on the topic is "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life" written by: Margalis Fjelstad.

What’s an idea from the book that you will remember?

There was a lot of very good advice on coping as well as well as how to approach therapy.

This Book Helped Me Feel Sane

It was easy to follow and I was able to pick up on my own, unrealized narcissist traits. I have been struggling in a professional relationship that makes me question my sanity, but after listening to this book, I realize it isn't all me.

There is a reason this book earns 5 stars!

After being married to what seemed to be a loving charming man for 30 years, it became apparent that he is in fact living a double life and is a narcissist with psychopathy and possibility some Aspergers. (As per a very experienced forensic psychologist who has tried over 2,500 cases.) After filing for a (surprise) divorce on the anniversary of 9-11, a 7 year divorce battle ensued. It is very clear the argument is not about money but rather about his desire to destroy me. The vicious cruelties are too numerous to list; however, of all the many books I have read to try to understand what happened to our children and me, this author nailed it! This is my "go to" manual to help me deal with his truly insane behavior and for the validation I need to sort reality from lies. A must read!
Deb

Interesting book

The information in this book is in great depth and covers many ways a narcissist can impact your life. The book is balanced and reflects a depth of knowledge that I can only imagine has taken years to gather.
I needed to take regular breaks while listening to allow the information to sink in. And I think I'll read this book again at some point to solidify the information