The usual advice offered in self-help books and reinforced by our culture advocates a stressful, all-consuming quest for love and approval. We are advised to learn self-marketing and manipulative skills: how to attract, impress, seduce, and often pretend to be something we aren't. This approach doesn't work. It leaves millions of walking wounded, those who, having failed to find love or appreciation, blame themselves and conclude that they are unworthy of love.
I Need Your Love, Is That True? helps you illuminate every area in your life where you seem to lack what you long for most; the love of your spouse, the respect of your child, a lover's tenderness, or the esteem of your boss. Through its penetrating inquiry, you will quickly discover the falseness of the accepted ways of seeking love and approval, and also of the mythology that equates love with need. Using the method in this book, you will inquire into painful beliefs that you've based your whole life on, and be delighted to see them evaporate. Katie shows you how unraveling the knots in the search for love, approval, and appreciation brings real love and puts you in charge of your own happiness.
©2005 Byron Katie; (P)2005 Books on Tape, Inc.
"Katie's chatty style and her use of detailed dialogues and simple exercises will make many readers feel transformation is inevitable." (Publishers Weekly)
Yes. We can all learn from Byron Katie.
The whole recording is great
Very good. Easy to listen to
Repetitively ask my self " Is it true?" Can be applied to any situation.
Some are common sense but good reminders. The difference between self-help books and therapy is that self-help books can raise your consciousness, but they do not apply specifically to you, your situation, and your history - the way therapy would.
MAIN IDEAS IN THIS BOOK.
1. Everyone wants approval and appreciation from others - even strangers. Everyone wants to be loved.
Example: a guy brings a magazine to a doctor’s office. He sets it on the table in the waiting room. When he leaves he picks it up to take with him but he tells the other patients “I brought this with me when I came.” He doesn’t want strangers to think bad of him.
When others are talking and you want to interrupt, it’s because you want to say something to impress them. You want them to think you are smart or attractive or funny or other. But the bottom line is they rarely give you the appreciation you crave. You must give that to yourself. Don’t expect others to pat you on the back and be impressed. Your greatest happiness is from your internal feelings, not from being loved or approved by others. You need to be honest with yourself. Do things that make you proud of yourself and happy with yourself. Don’t do things you don’t want to do. Be comfortable saying no.
2. In relationships, especially with your spouse, be honest. A happy marriage is when she can say I want you to enjoy going to the races without me. I will attend my poetry event. We can meet for dinner later. The goal is to love your spouse and truly want their happiness and not require them to do things they don’t want to do.
3. When your spouse criticizes you, agree with it. Say I hear you. You could be right.
4. Your own fears are due to erroneous thoughts. The author has a set of questions to help you see the truth. These questions are to be used whenever a thought causes you fear, hopelessness, or frustration.
Examples: You waved at a man and he did not wave back. You fear he thinks something negative about you. But maybe he wasn’t wearing his glasses and did not see you. Your husband doesn’t say hello when you walk into the room. You fear he doesn’t love you anymore. Maybe he loves you but was really engrossed in the newspaper.
The author’s questions are the following:
Is it true?
Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
How do I react when I believe that thought?
How do I treat others and myself when I believe that thought?
Who would I be without that thought?
Then, turn around the thought and find three ways in which the opposite is truer or as true as your original statement. For example.
Original statement: He doesn’t like me.
The turn around statement: He does like me.
Three ways the turn around is true: He did not see me because he wasn’t wearing his glasses. He did a favor for me yesterday. He said something nice to me recently.
I’M DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT AS A RESULT OF READING THIS BOOK --- HOW I TREAT OTHERS:
I’m smiling more at others. I’m trying to give approval and appreciation to others. When in doubt I’m quieter, asking questions, and listening more. The point of the book is I should do things that have me appreciating myself. I like that idea because it gives me comfort and justification for being selfish and for doing things that I want to do. But at the moment, the reverse thought of how I treat others is more valuable to me.
Item 1 - another thought. I know one person who does not care what strangers would think if he took a magazine, but he does care about what potential customers think of him. So it’s not exactly everyone in every situation.
Item 3. I don’t think this should be done if one has a verbally abusive spouse. When an abuser criticizes and insults, the recipient needs to refuse to accept it, stand up to it, and fight back (verbally).
Item 4. People who are clinically depressed probably need more help than what is proposed in item 4.
The author’s use of sweetheart and honey to people asking questions was distracting and felt uncomfortable. These words put the author in a Parent role and the rest of us in the Child role.
The narrator Kimberly Farr was excellent.
Genre: self-help psychology.
This is a wonderful compilation - it is read by Kimberly Farr - I do prefer the shortened version read by Byron Katie she is wonderfully animated and I find I get so much from her just in her delivery of the material - Thank you Katie
It was good although I prefer to listen to Byron Katie
An Amazing Gift Not to Be Missed
Insightful, Enlightening, Life-Changing.
It is helpful to experience voice inflection and tone to receive an even more full benefit versus simply reading the book. Listening also lends a sense of inclusion, as if you are at a seminar or a conference in a group. If you feel solitary most of the time, this experience adds a feeling of being not alone.
I idea that there is no blame...that everything I experience as a trigger or as hardship or suffering is simply created by my attachment to my beliefs...which are thoughts I think over and over; whether or not they are true.
This as an awesome book. Check out Byron Katie's other works as well. Well worth the listen.
Someone who doesn't mind being called 'hon' or 'sweetie', she sounded condescending and it didn't sit well with me. I couldn't listen to it.
Talked more about the subject instead of making most of the book be her conversations with others. Unhelpful.
Kimberly Farr did a nice job of narration.
The book could have been about 4 pages long. Instead it is just a long stream of listening to Katie have conversations with others with problems. Not what I thought I was purchasing. And not only that, she uses condescending language when talking to them, at least that is how it sounded in the audio. Couldn't get through this at all.
Freedom, peace, enlightening
I love this book. I've read it three times before. I bought the audio version because I like listening to the dialogues between Katie and people doing The Work. I was disappointed to discover that it is just being read by another person. The dialogues are difficult to understand because it is just someone reading them, with little emotion and no distinction between the voice of Katie and the person she is working with.
A Life-Long Learner!
I honestly couldn't make it through half of this audio. I really don't remember much about the audio besides her life story. TOO BORING!
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