The usual advice offered in self-help books and reinforced by our culture advocates a stressful, all-consuming quest for love and approval. We are advised to learn self-marketing and manipulative skills: how to attract, impress, seduce, and often pretend to be something we aren't. This approach doesn't work. It leaves millions of walking wounded, those who, having failed to find love or appreciation, blame themselves and conclude that they are unworthy of love.
I Need Your Love, Is That True? helps you illuminate every area in your life where you seem to lack what you long for most; the love of your spouse, the respect of your child, a lover's tenderness, or the esteem of your boss. Through its penetrating inquiry, you will quickly discover the falseness of the accepted ways of seeking love and approval, and also of the mythology that equates love with need. Using the method in this book, you will inquire into painful beliefs that you've based your whole life on, and be delighted to see them evaporate. Katie shows you how unraveling the knots in the search for love, approval, and appreciation brings real love and puts you in charge of your own happiness.
©2005 Byron Katie; (P)2005 Books on Tape, Inc.
"Katie's chatty style and her use of detailed dialogues and simple exercises will make many readers feel transformation is inevitable." (Publishers Weekly)
This book helped me to stop living in fear and hurt and live in peace instead.
I love the part where I realized how much I seek approval for everything I do.
I learned that I don't need to have approval from anyone to live a happy and peaceful life.
That I get to choose how to live my life. I can let people be who they are and I can be who I am.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn how to be happy without placing blame on anyone.
Words cannot describe how life changing this book really is. I cannot thank the Universe enough for bringing it to me...I have since been working on Truth for my thoughts and myself, and I know this could not of come from Katie or anyone else, but a higher understanding So needed for our world.
I enjoyed hearing more about "the work" which I was introduced to in "Loving What Is". I didn't like it quite as much as the "Loving What Is". It does not have actual sessions with Katie like Loving What is does which makes a big difference. None the less, if you are interested in "The Work" it is still a good resource.
I can't get over how enlightening your work is!!! I listened to two of your books in two days. It's helping me deal with the moving away of my daughter and the way I look at my whole life and the whole world. I can change my beliefs. Even change the way I cope with being bipolar. I can now actually say to myself that I'm glad I have mental illness. That's amazing in itself. I don't fear being found out now. Another stress removed. I'm still not going to advertise it but I'm not going to hide and isolate either as much somehow.
This book provides you with a powerful skill of finding those responses you were always looking for outside while you weren't aware that you are the only responsible for your own life.
I have read this book several times. This week I returned to it to help me get through a disturbance I had with my co workers, it gave me the outlook I needed on the situation. What a relief! The mind is often messed up and I just have to question it with Katie's method.
It was so spot on to how we attach to thoughts and run with them and this is what causes us to suffer. So when we stop and question our thoughts and see if they are really true we save ourselves from a lot of hurt and pain. How many times have you gotten all upset over something and later realize you were wrong? It's that kind of egg on your face moment where you see your whole life has been a battle with untrue thoughts that cause us so much upset. Wars have been started because people believe their story and thoughts and stay attached to them no matter what.
This is a self help book so there isn't really a favorite character but Katie would be it. I must say I've read thousands of self help books throughout my lifetime and this book is rare, unique and change my life. I not only wished I'd found out about The Work years ago but I don't feel the need to look for self help books anymore.
Honestly, she gives so many examples in this book but my favorite is her describing a woman who meets a man and she is a librarian and he is into NASCAR. Well the women really isn't but says she is for the benefit of the man as they are newly dating. Time passes and they go to races, she's all into it then one day he wants to go to a race and she doesn't want to go and it starts a fight because she was never really into auto racing.
Question your thoughts...and do it on paper! The mind will try to come up with examples and evidence to drag you into your story. So stay with the four questions. "All war belongs on paper."
I've listened to this book again and again and never tire of it. I've done classes on The Work now and practice it every single day and it all started with this book back in 2010! I am so grateful to Byron Katie and The Work as my life is truly peaceful no matter what happens because I know it's all happening just as it should. Only when I argue with reality and what is do I suffer. When I accept life and everything it has to offer I see life with so much love...when someone dies I know it was supposed to happen cause it did. When my mom got sick with cancer I was able to find the good in it as silly as that sounds but I was so open and okay with everything and that made my mom feel better...I was so present with her in the moment because I didn't have all those death thoughts running through my head...those this should NOT being happening thoughts. So I was able to have true love and peace and clarity with her in such a tough time. Before The Work I would have been angry at life, mad at God, and moaning about how unfair it all was. My mom is cancer free now!
Yes. We can all learn from Byron Katie.
The whole recording is great
Very good. Easy to listen to
Repetitively ask my self " Is it true?" Can be applied to any situation.
Some are common sense but good reminders. The difference between self-help books and therapy is that self-help books can raise your consciousness, but they do not apply specifically to you, your situation, and your history - the way therapy would.
MAIN IDEAS IN THIS BOOK.
1. Everyone wants approval and appreciation from others - even strangers. Everyone wants to be loved.
Example: a guy brings a magazine to a doctor’s office. He sets it on the table in the waiting room. When he leaves he picks it up to take with him but he tells the other patients “I brought this with me when I came.” He doesn’t want strangers to think bad of him.
When others are talking and you want to interrupt, it’s because you want to say something to impress them. You want them to think you are smart or attractive or funny or other. But the bottom line is they rarely give you the appreciation you crave. You must give that to yourself. Don’t expect others to pat you on the back and be impressed. Your greatest happiness is from your internal feelings, not from being loved or approved by others. You need to be honest with yourself. Do things that make you proud of yourself and happy with yourself. Don’t do things you don’t want to do. Be comfortable saying no.
2. In relationships, especially with your spouse, be honest. A happy marriage is when she can say I want you to enjoy going to the races without me. I will attend my poetry event. We can meet for dinner later. The goal is to love your spouse and truly want their happiness and not require them to do things they don’t want to do.
3. When your spouse criticizes you, agree with it. Say I hear you. You could be right.
4. Your own fears are due to erroneous thoughts. The author has a set of questions to help you see the truth. These questions are to be used whenever a thought causes you fear, hopelessness, or frustration.
Examples: You waved at a man and he did not wave back. You fear he thinks something negative about you. But maybe he wasn’t wearing his glasses and did not see you. Your husband doesn’t say hello when you walk into the room. You fear he doesn’t love you anymore. Maybe he loves you but was really engrossed in the newspaper.
The author’s questions are the following:
Is it true?
Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
How do I react when I believe that thought?
How do I treat others and myself when I believe that thought?
Who would I be without that thought?
Then, turn around the thought and find three ways in which the opposite is truer or as true as your original statement. For example.
Original statement: He doesn’t like me.
The turn around statement: He does like me.
Three ways the turn around is true: He did not see me because he wasn’t wearing his glasses. He did a favor for me yesterday. He said something nice to me recently.
I’M DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT AS A RESULT OF READING THIS BOOK --- HOW I TREAT OTHERS:
I’m smiling more at others. I’m trying to give approval and appreciation to others. When in doubt I’m quieter, asking questions, and listening more. The point of the book is I should do things that have me appreciating myself. I like that idea because it gives me comfort and justification for being selfish and for doing things that I want to do. But at the moment, the reverse thought of how I treat others is more valuable to me.
Item 1 - another thought. I know one person who does not care what strangers would think if he took a magazine, but he does care about what potential customers think of him. So it’s not exactly everyone in every situation.
Item 3. I don’t think this should be done if one has a verbally abusive spouse. When an abuser criticizes and insults, the recipient needs to refuse to accept it, stand up to it, and fight back (verbally).
Item 4. People who are clinically depressed probably need more help than what is proposed in item 4.
The author’s use of sweetheart and honey to people asking questions was distracting and felt uncomfortable. These words put the author in a Parent role and the rest of us in the Child role.
The narrator Kimberly Farr was excellent.
Genre: self-help psychology.
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