The Sociopath Next Door

By: Martha Stout

Narrated by: Shelly Frasier

Length: 7 hrs and 26 mins

Publisher's summary

We are accustomed to think of sociopaths as violent criminals, but in The Sociopath Next Door, Harvard psychologist Martha Stout reveals that a shocking 4 percent of ordinary people, one in 25, has an often undetected mental disorder, the chief symptom of which is that that person possesses no conscience. He or she has no ability whatsoever to feel shame, guilt, or remorse. One in 25 everyday Americans, therefore, is secretly a sociopath. They could be your colleague, your neighbor, even family. And they can do literally anything at all and feel absolutely no guilt.

How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them. They're more spontaneous, more intense, more complex, or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced. Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show sham emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others' suffering. They live to dominate and thrill to win.

The fact is, we all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already. Part of the urgency in reading The Sociopath Next Door is the moment when we suddenly recognize that someone we know, someone we worked for, or were involved with, or voted for, is a sociopath. But what do we do with that knowledge? To arm us against the sociopath, Dr. Stout teaches us to question authority, suspect flattery, and beware the pity play. Above all, she writes, when a sociopath is beckoning, do not join the game.

It is the ruthless versus the rest of us, and The Sociopath Next Door will show you how to recognize and defeat the devil you know.

©2005 Martha Stout (P)2005 Tantor Media, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Stout is a good writer and her exploration of sociopaths can be arresting." (Publishers Weekly)
"A remarkable philosophical examination of the phenomenon of sociopathy and its everyday manifestations....Stout's portraits make a striking impact and readers with unpleasant neighbors or colleagues may find themselves paying close attention to her sociopathic-behavior checklist and suggested coping strategies. Deeply thought-provoking and unexpectedly lyrical." (Kirkus)

Sociopaths are more common than you'd think

This was definitely an interesting work. There are a few intriguing facts about sociopathy, and then the rest of the book is passed with anonymized and often composite stories of sociopaths in everyday life. This really helps to illustrate how someone can more or less function in society (or indeed, be your next door neighbor) and still be a sociopath. Still, the book seems a bit light on content when all is said and done. Still, it's very good.

I will note that I did find the stories gripping. Any of them could have easily been extended into a complete work of fiction.

Interesting tidbits:
- sociopathy is not a temporary issue, nor can it be treated. It's ingrained into people's very core
- about 4% of the US consists of sociopaths (more or less in other cultures)
- some aspects of American society encourage sociopathy
- at least 50% of sociopathy is genetic, the rest cultural
- sociopathy can be accurately detected using various psychological tests. For example, a person with a conscience recognizes emotionally meaningful words (like "love") faster than other words. A sociopath does not.
- sociopaths are sometimes very charismatic and can be good at faking emotional behavior when it suits their ends
- one of the best ways to tell a sociopath is that they always try to play the pity angle and make you feel sorry for them, even when they have done something awful
- how to deal with sociopaths? Avoid them
- sociopaths often try to gaslight you. Good people question their judgment. A sociopath will convince them they couldn't possibly think the sociopath did something bad.

everyone should read this

it's not perfect, because the author hasn't met everyone she talks about in this book and speaks with more authority than is usually a good idea, but I still say 5 stars, must read

Brilliant and Relevant

I am a mental health professional and I bought this book because I wanted to learn more of APD/sociopathy.

That said, I felt this book is brilliant. Along with breaking down theory and research, Stout gave several taken-from-real-life examples/vignettes regarding how sociopathy can manifest in people and how it can impact those who surround them.

Aside from Stout's spot-on content, her writing style is spectacular; I wondered if she has written novels (I would buy them). Also, the narration was very agreeable.

Stout had cited that 1 in 25 people meet criteria for APD/sociopathy. In the era of Trump and "corruption gone wild," this book is book is as relevant now as when it was written in 2005 (and maybe even more so).

I can't put it down!

I agree with everyone- Shelly Frasier does an excellent job narrating. This book goes into much more than describing a Sociopath. It goes into their effect on society, raises moral questions around consciousness, war, terror. It's fascinating & eye-opening.

Even better on audible!

A must read! you will recognize these sociopaths from co workers, friends , neighbors, world leaders , or the one sitting right next to you & and right there in your family. This book will help you understand or rationalize the lack of empathy to true evil in every walk of life

Very illuminating!

This book is well worth reading to discover how many people you may have known (or know currently) who could possibly be sociopaths. Although this book may not be the most clinically scientific book on the subject of sociopathy, I was engrossed by the composite cases Dr. Stout presents in the book...even though it was at times difficult, creepy and chilling to read. As another reviewer stated, it is more of a "self defense" book regarding sociopaths vs. one which will assist in how to handle a sociopath with whom it is very difficult, or perhaps impossible, for one to cut all ties (a relative, etc). Nonetheless, there is much is this book which is quite enlightening, informative and may very well assist you by helping you to avoid becoming significantly involved with a sociopath in the future...and also help you to recognize when you may have inadvertently encountered one...such as your neighbor. I definitely recommend it and will probably be buying this book for at least a few friends or family members!

Great insight into sociopaths

Very interesting book that provides a good perspective into what it is like being a sociopath through interesting stories.

Interesting

The stories were definitely interesting that were presented in this book, but I didn't find the book very informative. It was more of a fear-mongering kind of work of its own.... which is ironic given some of the psychology the author is getting across.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm....

What did you love best about The Sociopath Next Door?

I really enjoyed the information in the book. It opened up my eyes to some of the people I have spent a lot of time with in my life, and answered many of those haunting questions that have plagued me over the years. The problem is, I had a lot of trouble listening to the narrator for more than a half hour at a time. Her voice droned on and on and even when there were new sections, it was hard to detect, because she seemed to never pause. This has made me think that to really get the most out of a book such as this one that has a lot of technical information, one should invest in the paper edition of the book. If I had it to do all over again, I would definitely have purchased the print version. I honestly wish I could have given the book five stars, but the narration just ruined it for me.

Would you listen to another book narrated by Shelly Frasier?

NO

What’s the most interesting tidbit you’ve picked up from this book?

Most of all, I enjoyed learning that my relative's bizarre behavior is not sociopathic, and that my ex-husband's behavior definitely was a textbook example, as I had always suspected.

Better Than You Think

If you could sum up The Sociopath Next Door in three words, what would they be?

Ya never know nowadays [yes, its 4 words]

What was one of the most memorable moments of The Sociopath Next Door?

When the description of the sociopath's favorite ploy, the pity play, struck like lightening.

What about Shelly Frasier’s performance did you like?

She sounded like a shrink. Felt like I was in the office.

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

I'd say the prevalence of these people was the most shocking.

Any additional comments?

I know someone who attracts predator types, though not necessarily sociopaths. More like Narcissist types. A friend recommended this book, so I gave it a shot, thinking I'd be bored if it got too technical. It maintained my interest throughout.