The Sociopath Next Door

By: Martha Stout

Narrated by: Shelly Frasier

Length: 7 hrs and 26 mins

Publisher's summary

We are accustomed to think of sociopaths as violent criminals, but in The Sociopath Next Door, Harvard psychologist Martha Stout reveals that a shocking 4 percent of ordinary people, one in 25, has an often undetected mental disorder, the chief symptom of which is that that person possesses no conscience. He or she has no ability whatsoever to feel shame, guilt, or remorse. One in 25 everyday Americans, therefore, is secretly a sociopath. They could be your colleague, your neighbor, even family. And they can do literally anything at all and feel absolutely no guilt.

How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them. They're more spontaneous, more intense, more complex, or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced. Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show sham emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others' suffering. They live to dominate and thrill to win.

The fact is, we all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already. Part of the urgency in reading The Sociopath Next Door is the moment when we suddenly recognize that someone we know, someone we worked for, or were involved with, or voted for, is a sociopath. But what do we do with that knowledge? To arm us against the sociopath, Dr. Stout teaches us to question authority, suspect flattery, and beware the pity play. Above all, she writes, when a sociopath is beckoning, do not join the game.

It is the ruthless versus the rest of us, and The Sociopath Next Door will show you how to recognize and defeat the devil you know.

©2005 Martha Stout (P)2005 Tantor Media, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Stout is a good writer and her exploration of sociopaths can be arresting." (Publishers Weekly)
"A remarkable philosophical examination of the phenomenon of sociopathy and its everyday manifestations....Stout's portraits make a striking impact and readers with unpleasant neighbors or colleagues may find themselves paying close attention to her sociopathic-behavior checklist and suggested coping strategies. Deeply thought-provoking and unexpectedly lyrical." (Kirkus)

An eye opener, for certain.

Learning the difference between terminologies and seeing inside the thoughts and feelings (or not!) of these various diagnoses was elucidating and a bit intimidating. Sometimes a bad seed is just a bad seed.

Interesting Read

What did you love best about The Sociopath Next Door?

Good overview with examples that carried the meaning through the book.

What about Shelly Frasier’s performance did you like?

Nice job, felt like attending a comfortable and interesting lecture.

No Neighbors Needed

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

Yes. If they understood psycho-babble.

What other book might you compare The Sociopath Next Door to and why?

None really. It stands on it's own as a good review of the dangers of your next door neighbor.

What three words best describe Shelly Frasier’s performance?

Fairly well done.

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

Any time the client's showed their deep psychosis in an honest fashion.

Any additional comments?

This book will scare the crap out of you. You will not make new friends!

Biased but Well Written & Wise; read at least one more book in addition to this

Sociopaths are well described and there is good advice for dealing with manipulative ones, and the writing is very good, as is the performance, but this book dehumanizes all sociopaths. It gives the firm impression that 100% of the sociopaths who have ever lived are monsters. In contrast, many historians agree that great people like FDR, Churchill, and Lincoln were probably sociopaths. If the fear of God is fully or even partially realized in a sociopath, as it was for them, seemingly impossible traits for them like integrity and selflessness can set in because they are convinced that God will punish them more severely than anything ever could if they refuse and bless them more extravagantly than any thill if they comply. I encourage curious people to listen to David Wood's testimony on CBN/YouTube about his journey with this. It started terribly, but his new life is in direct contrast to what this book says is possible for a sociopath to live. As someone is not a sociopath but who has lived with three sociopaths across three different times who have taken full advantage of me and my family, i can endorse this book's dire warning against the more manipulative carriers of this mindset, and i think her steps for dealing with a sociopath who is being manipulative are spot on. This book is still defiantly worth reading but it should not be your only exploration of the disorder; there are other more objective observations that were left out and that you should seek in additional reading.

Informative and interesting

This book uses a lot of everyday examples to explain the psychology and patterns behind sociopathy and for people interested in the topic but never studied it probably is very interesting. I found it both informative and educational as well as entertaining

interesting

interesting indeed. learned some new things and now better understand other things. it's a good book.

Interesting

Very interesting portrait of a sociopath. The one worry I have about this book is that it encourages people to pathologist their friends family and neighbors

Eye opening

A must read for all humans, even those without a seventh sense, a conscience. Who knew that the lack of this beautiful, carding attribute was so much needed and so ingrained that we take it for granted , until we see someone who lacks it.

Most Helpful for Coping With Dark Entities

I listened once and then again. I dreamed, made lists, remembered. Okay, the book is well-organized, well-written, fascinating and extremely well read. I had been enjoying a print book about Life On The Other Side by Sylvia Browne, who refers to these trouble-makers as Dark Entities. As I understand it, we have planned to meet certain challenges in this life; how we handle them and what we learn from them makes all the difference. One of the worst of them was of course Adolf Hitler. Sylvia describes these people in one pithy paragraph much the same as Ms. Stout describes them. And, yes, God does love them, and eventually they may rejoin the 96% of us who are in this life to love and live our best. . . . I am an old lady with a quite eventful life to look back on. I enjoyed international connections with travel and city life. Coming from a dysfunctional family, I am not the best judge of people -- who will be a loyal friend, who is worth my caring. And when the neighbor or co-worker is from the other side of the world -- how can you tell? Believe me, you can tell. Looking back, I can remember the warm love from some and only the appearance of caring from others. Champagne and flowers do not equate to even a hand on the shoulder at the right time. . . . This book helped me process one so-called best friend who was in my life for three decades. "G" was a co-worker, then a boss, a girlfriend. It took me years to uncover the plots and lies, the recycling of gifts, and the sabotage. G had lost her baby. She urged wine on me when I was in a family crisis and quite distraught, and my baby died inside me. She managed to talk me into giving away to her drug addict friend a beautiful pair of boots and good wool coat! I watched her push people into all kinds of life choices without clear-headed consideration. She had all the trappings of religiosity, but no real love or prayer. She played "sweet Jesus" music and drowned herself in Chanel No. 5 even in the office! I watched the people she supervised either double their weight and fail to thrive or else finally get the hell out. She kept a monstrous Christmas card list and assigned me to type it for her! Years after I asked to be removed from the list, she was still dusting my mailbox. G was shorter than I, and yet in a picture of us taken together, I am hunkered down like her little girl! When I was working for a lawyer who wasn't doing any work, there was nothing on his calendar but "pick up blue suit" and she had known all along how he was getting his coke! If I'd known, I would have found work elsewhere. I watched continual excessive use of alcohol. G was not irresponsible about money. Instead, she used money to push people around. Hand a big bill to youngsters and send them off for pizza! Meet for lunch in a dark restaurant with full bar. No way could I reciprocate -- much less share the snapshots I had to show her! And then we were late getting back! She lived with men, so didn't pay rent. Her boyfriend had a nice car. She was good at her job and well paid. At some point I wished we'd never met. By the time she got a liver transplant and ordered me to visit her in the hospital, I was spitting angry. Tightly budgeted, I spent my last quarters on the parking meter and showed up. And as Ms. Stout describes, G had been burned as a child, so had that all her life to get pity. Now she could be pitiful as a transplant patient! I saw her a few more times, but that was it! I did not miss her long phone calls wasting away my Sunday afternoons with me giving my best and her in a stupor. I decided G had been a true monster, never praying to be shown the best path, never curbing her tendencies, continually lying and sabotaging, manipulating. She is gone now.

Just before I began listening to this wonderful book, an older woman dropped into the local yarn store for our weekly get-together. Visiting from another town. Very upscale, driving a new van. When the others went home, K and I were still chatting. She pushed me hard to drive on a mountain road 10 or 15 miles in the dark. I resisted. We have a 24-hour Denny's, but no, she wanted me to go there. I said no and wondered why the push. We chatted more in the laundromat. She began preaching to me like the wise Earth Mother, and I'm older! She insists that I need an iPad. I can't afford one. I have other priorities. Oh, she was fascinating! She poked her iPad and spouted Bible verses! I have a Bible and a PC at home. And lovely audio books on iRene iPod. I spent some energy telling her about affordable senior housing, which she had no intention of pursuing because she is living under the radar, pursuing even more education in order not ever to have to pay off a fortune in student loans! It was on her second visit that she even mentioned those loans. . . . If/when she shows up again, I will limit contact.

The other people on my list have been a witchy cruel Spanish landlady, a cruel German landlord, two singers involved in unholy church music -- technically excellent, but diabolical and loveless, and others who have moved along. I think if we drop a class or fade out of some group or move to a different job or church, we can find loving people to interact with. I have people in my life at the moment who seem to be under-educated or mentally ill or afflicted somehow, thus asking for sympathy. They have caused me upset and suffering. So the lessons continue. I would look past nationality, gender, mental illness or depression or physical problems -- just look for any kind of love, compassion, real caring! Either it's there or it's not. Either they're normal people doing the best they can, or else they're one of the 4%. Which is it? GET THE BOOK! THANK YOU MARTHA STOUT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!

Good read if you have interest in the topic

Would you consider the audio edition of The Sociopath Next Door to be better than the print version?

A great review of Psych 101 from undergrad, and some interesting ideas to ponder. I wasn't a huge fan of the narrator. Thought she often sounded like a bad tv therapist when most of the time I would have preferred a more normal/real voice.

You don't have to be a specialist or know anything about psychology to get something out of the book.

What aspect of Shelly Frasier’s performance would you have changed?

Didn't really care for the narrative tone most of the time. Would have preferred a more authoritative /lecture style tone.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

No. Listened to it over a week or two while taking walks.