The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out”, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger - a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.
Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.
©2005, 2006, 2012 Alan Downs (P)2012 HighBridge Company
There was quite a bit of information presented, and I think listening to it again might help me access more of it.
The inclusion of anecdotes really helped me relate my own life to the issues described in the book.
Chapter 14, where he talked about life skills.
An owner's manual for the gay life.
Really help me to see some of my life more clear!
His voice is very steady
Tell us about yourself!
Haven't read the printed version but ordered it so I could highlight specific portions. Having both wouldn't be a bad idea.
How closely it related to me.
YES!!! Although I didn't have the time to I listened as much as possible.
This book offers a clear perspective on the life of gay men and the challenges we face dealing with the way our lives feel need to be and how they should be. The perspective really resonates with me and made me sit back and think about how much the shame and expectations of gay life impacted and continue to impact me. Worth every minute of listening pleasure.
One thing - dont pass up that man who may not be perfect because you pass up the chance to meet an amazing person.
Very easy to listen to very easy to enjoy.
Shame impacts everyone.
Alan's tone and approach is heartwarming with its message of hope. This message is presented without flourish. This made the content less entertaining but far more personal and moving. I am grateful for the wisdom shared and have already begun to share some of it with my friends. I recommend the book to every gay person wishing to understand more about their emotional world and to everyone else for the same reason. A little understanding can only help and this book has much to share.
"Interesting BUT very flawed in presumptuousness"
The demographic Alan Downs celebrates throughout his pages, are very rich A list gay men. He talks about shame, but manages to shame many readers with the 'normality' of their lives that are nothing like his consulting room in Santa Fe! Frustrating generalisations about gay life, no discussion on gender aspects, differences, diversity and though interesting and some good theory, just too insipid and American at times!
For a British audience and worldwide audience and for many in America, the assumption of the 'prevalence' of the Pink Pound and snobbery is hard to bear at points.
No ending, but the model though based on CBT is interesting, but seems to get twisted for an American audience. If based on mindfulness, I've listened to far better CBT/ mindfulness based books. Yes a lot of the stereotypes are true and are brave, but it all seems a little glib and boastful.
Yes, despite it flaws a good listen, but at moments irksome and hard to identify with. Nevertheless an important book to make your mind up over.
"Why didn't I get hold of this years ago"
Narration was soothing, calming and reassuring. The content made a lot of sense to me and to be honest, it would be fairly useful for a lot of people. It was a book that revealed a lot to me about who I am and how I may have been influenced by childhood differences etc. If you are a counselor or therapist, it would be a good read or listen if you have gay or lesbian clients. While the book focuses on gay men, there are interesting parts that could be applied to pretty much anyone struggling with the dymanics of shame, families and relationships.
There are no listener reviews for this title yet.
Report Inappropriate Content