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  • The Velvet Rage

  • Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World
  • By: Alan Downs Ph. D
  • Narrated by: Alan Downs Ph. D
  • Length: 7 hrs and 14 mins
  • 4.7 out of 5 stars (1,752 ratings)

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The Velvet Rage

By: Alan Downs Ph. D
Narrated by: Alan Downs Ph. D
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Publisher's summary

The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out”, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger - a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.

Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.

©2005, 2006, 2012 Alan Downs (P)2012 HighBridge Company
  • Unabridged Audiobook
  • Categories: LGBTQ+

What listeners say about The Velvet Rage

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Gᴀʏ + Nᴀʀᴄ Aʙᴜsᴇ Sᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴏʀ + CPTSD= A MUST READ!

Profound in coming full circle to understanding one’s inner critic of their homosexuality, the familial and social impacts that hindered ones personal development, this suffering or have endured the invalidation of Narcissistic Abuse, and one’s outter critic in their development of CPTSD.

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life-changing. must read for gay men

I think I need this when I started. boy was I wrong. impactful. I wish I had found this earlier in life.

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All in all a good read

All in all this book offered great insight on growing up gay, internalizing our experiences, personal growth, and finding joy in life. There were some overgeneralizations but I was able to read past them and relate on the parts that I had experienced.

I particularly enjoyed the chapter outlining ways to finding meaning and joy in life, as well as the parts where the author shares his own real life experiences, growth, and vulnerable moments, particularly in the epilogue.

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a must read for any gay man.

Gave me chilling insight into my own life. So many relatable moments and lessons. The last chapter is full of advice to follow to live a more fulfilling authentic life.

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Understanding gay men.

This book should never be packed away, but rather be on display for reading over and over again. It’s that important.

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Highly relatable… even for a lesbian :)

Whether you’re a gay man or not… shame is universal… I think most of us will bump into it over the course of our lives….Loved all the instructions/suggestions for overcoming it. Really enjoyed listening to this book

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This book is everything.

It should be a required reading for all gay men. I’m listening for a second time in a row!

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Incredibly validating

I’ve never encountered such an eloquent and precise articulation of what it’s like to be a gay man. Required reading.

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Love Joy Fulfillment.

"Do what will bring you peace." I can't imagine how my life would have changed had I found this book 4 years ago. Please read it and share it.

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Sensational

I just finished this and am still letting the information sink in. If you are experiencing challenges in your personal life And you are a gay man with an urban lifestyle (or longing), I think this can be tremendously helpful in gaining perspective. I am currently working on overcoming infidelity and quickly realized by reading this book that some of the reasons my marriage derailed have much to do with a lack of focus on authenticity. I believe the skills chapter is tremendously helpful and will recommend this to all my friends and family. Just excellent.

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