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When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? Audiobook

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

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Publisher's Summary

Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers.

Ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach; TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty; Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk; Societal Cliches; 13 Sections of Euphemisms) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, Stuff Like That; Zero Tolerance; Tired of the Handi-crap), Carlin's legendary irreverence and iconoclasm are on full display as he vainly scours the American landscape for signs of intelligence.

He also has a silly side:

  • You know what kind of guy you never see anymore? A fop.
  • A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed."
  • I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
  • A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they're interested in fashion.
  • I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we don't talk, he works out alone, and I go home.
  • Here's something you can't do by yourself: practice shaking hands.
  • When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not an agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.
  • Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!
  • O.J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers.

    ©2004 Comedy Concepts, Inc.; (P)2004 Hyperion

  • What the Critics Say

    • Audie Award Finalist, Humor, 2005
    • 2005 Quill Award Nominee
    • Grammy Award Nominee, Best Spoken Word Album, 2005

    "There's no better way to enjoy one of Carlin's books than to hear him read it himself....Carlin has his comic timing down pat. His energetic reading is punctuated by conversational bits and enhanced by his deft vocal variation, making listeners feel as if they've got a front-row seat at one of his comedy shows." (Publishers Weekly)

    What Members Say

    Average Customer Rating

    3.5 (1101 )
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    4.0 (340 )
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    4.3 (345 )
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    Performance
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    •  
      Delani Gloucester, MA, USA 08-18-06
      Delani Gloucester, MA, USA 08-18-06
      ratings
      REVIEWS
      2
      1
      Overall
      "Horrible...Wish I Could Return It"

      The first section of this was a rambling collection of "witty" words that I got sick of listening to, followed by a bunch of disjointed "observations" that were either depressing or annoying. I skipped through a couple more sections and finally got fed up with it. I recommend Live at Carnegie Hall by David Sedaris instead.

      0 of 1 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Jessica Laguna Niguel, CA, USA 11-12-04
      Jessica Laguna Niguel, CA, USA 11-12-04
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "Classic Carlin"

      Not as laugh-out-loud funny as I had expected, but amusing nonetheless. Some material does repeat from other Carlin books. Much of the humor emphasizes language and euphemisms. Though not the strongest or silliest Carlin stuff, definitely worth a listen. Hearing him read it is an added bonus as you feel like you are watching a live comedy concert.

      0 of 1 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Ryan Lake Worth, FL, USA 11-03-04
      Ryan Lake Worth, FL, USA 11-03-04 Member Since 2004
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      "BORING!"

      I am a big George Carlin fan and have loved his stand up comedy for years. This new book of his delivered everything you would expect from George, except for a funny punch line. There's endless rambling about the same old stale topics and after the first few hours you'll feel as though you've been stuck in a room with an angry New York senior citizen who's forgotten where they left their sense of humor. Sorry George, but your new book stinks!

      1 of 4 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Stephen west pymble, Australia 01-24-09
      Stephen west pymble, Australia 01-24-09 Member Since 2016
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      "Terrible"

      What can I say I was blown away at how average ..... it was simple mindless ranting. thought he was smart with the very regular use of the c and f word… I don’t mind smart swearing but it was just terrible

      3 of 11 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Pedro I Silverthorne, CO, USA 10-25-04
      Pedro I Silverthorne, CO, USA 10-25-04 Member Since 2003
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      "Sad"

      There is good humor, bad humor, and material that is neither; George Carlin book falls in the later. As I listen, I kept on wondering when it was going to get funny, then I wonder how this material had made it to print, finally, I despaired.

      With so many talented individuals seeking a chance to show their work, it is a shame that this mediocre work has found its way into the bookstores.

      10 of 34 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Radish Bliss Holdenville, OK 12-06-08
      Radish Bliss Holdenville, OK 12-06-08 Member Since 2008
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "clips"

      this is a book I shoudl have bought and left on my toilet for guests, not to listen to. Though it is cool to hear Carlin read it.

      1 of 5 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Vincent Baltimore, MD, USA 06-20-07
      Vincent Baltimore, MD, USA 06-20-07
      HELPFUL VOTES
      3
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      "One mean, angry jerk."

      Jeez! George sure has changed over the years! Always funny and sometimes cynical, he's just hateful now. What happened? Doesn't he know that 96 percent of the US believes in God? He arrogantly suggests that those of faith are morons.

      Not funny anymore. All he does is rant about how he's smarter than everyone else.

      3 of 12 people found this review helpful
    •  
      jack 08-24-05
      jack 08-24-05
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      "Occasionally funny, mostly depressing."

      Is George really off drugs? I had to wonder. I found this book to be occasionally funny, extremely negative, and mostly depressing. Have your valium handy or listen in small doses. I chose to put it down after a couple of hours.

      1 of 5 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Tim KaIlua Kona, HI, USA 04-01-05
      Tim KaIlua Kona, HI, USA 04-01-05
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      "George is the only porkchop here"

      Early on, he was funny---riotous even with his Wonderful WINO schtick. Then came the HBO contract---at times brilliant, always thought-provoking; but this book is trash. I guess it's hard to be funny and pertinent for about 7 hours. It is for him anyway.

      1 of 5 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Rudi aurora, IL, USA 11-29-04
      Rudi aurora, IL, USA 11-29-04 Member Since 2008
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      Overall
      "Disappointing"

      I have always enjoyed George Carlin's humor, and I'm not particularly concerned about his language. I did find myself wondering how Carlin has transformed from a very intelligent, very funny comedian to a grouchy old man whose complaints sometimes made me uncomfortable. There are still some pearls here; the part about UFO believers versus religious folks is first class, and I found myself (somewhat un-PC, I know) very entertained by his tirade about the handicapped. But much of the material was simply curmudgeonly without being particularly funny. I felt disappointed and almost embarrassed for the once-brilliant author.

      1 of 5 people found this review helpful

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