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When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? | [George Carlin]

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers.
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Publisher's Summary

Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers.

Ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach; TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty; Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk; Societal Cliches; 13 Sections of Euphemisms) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, Stuff Like That; Zero Tolerance; Tired of the Handi-crap), Carlin's legendary irreverence and iconoclasm are on full display as he vainly scours the American landscape for signs of intelligence.

He also has a silly side:

  • You know what kind of guy you never see anymore? A fop.
  • A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed."
  • I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
  • A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they're interested in fashion.
  • I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we don't talk, he works out alone, and I go home.
  • Here's something you can't do by yourself: practice shaking hands.
  • When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not an agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.
  • Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!
  • O.J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers.

    ©2004 Comedy Concepts, Inc.; (P)2004 Hyperion

  • What the Critics Say

    • Audie Award Finalist, Humor, 2005
    • 2005 Quill Award Nominee
    • Grammy Award Nominee, Best Spoken Word Album, 2005

    "There's no better way to enjoy one of Carlin's books than to hear him read it himself....Carlin has his comic timing down pat. His energetic reading is punctuated by conversational bits and enhanced by his deft vocal variation, making listeners feel as if they've got a front-row seat at one of his comedy shows." (Publishers Weekly)

    What Members Say

    Average Customer Rating

    3.4 (935 )
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    3.8 (193 )
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    4.1 (196 )
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    Performance
    Sort by:
    •  
      Radish Bliss STANSBURY PK, UT, United States 12-06-08
      Radish Bliss STANSBURY PK, UT, United States 12-06-08 Member Since 2008
      HELPFUL VOTES
      89
      ratings
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      "clips"

      this is a book I shoudl have bought and left on my toilet for guests, not to listen to. Though it is cool to hear Carlin read it.

      1 of 5 people found this review helpful
    •  
      jack Marietta, GA, United States 08-24-05
      jack Marietta, GA, United States 08-24-05 Member Since 2003
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "Occasionally funny, mostly depressing."

      Is George really off drugs? I had to wonder. I found this book to be occasionally funny, extremely negative, and mostly depressing. Have your valium handy or listen in small doses. I chose to put it down after a couple of hours.

      1 of 5 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Tim KaIlua Kona, HI, USA 04-01-05
      Tim KaIlua Kona, HI, USA 04-01-05
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "George is the only porkchop here"

      Early on, he was funny---riotous even with his Wonderful WINO schtick. Then came the HBO contract---at times brilliant, always thought-provoking; but this book is trash. I guess it's hard to be funny and pertinent for about 7 hours. It is for him anyway.

      1 of 5 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Rudi aurora, IL, USA 11-29-04
      Rudi aurora, IL, USA 11-29-04 Member Since 2004
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      163
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      Overall
      "Disappointing"

      I have always enjoyed George Carlin's humor, and I'm not particularly concerned about his language. I did find myself wondering how Carlin has transformed from a very intelligent, very funny comedian to a grouchy old man whose complaints sometimes made me uncomfortable. There are still some pearls here; the part about UFO believers versus religious folks is first class, and I found myself (somewhat un-PC, I know) very entertained by his tirade about the handicapped. But much of the material was simply curmudgeonly without being particularly funny. I felt disappointed and almost embarrassed for the once-brilliant author.

      1 of 5 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Jerome United States 03-05-12
      Jerome United States 03-05-12
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      Story
      "Whatever happened to profanity-free humor?"
      Any additional comments?

      I think George Carlin had an excellent take on the English language. But what has happened to comedy over the past several decades? Long gone are the George Burns, the Bob Hopes, and the Johnny Carsons who were very funny without foul language. Very disappointing!

      0 of 2 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Alan Lewis Carlsbad, CA United States 04-24-06
      Alan Lewis Carlsbad, CA United States 04-24-06 Listener Since 2005
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "can you get past f***?"

      very funny stuff, but I had a hard time getting past the extreme use of the "f" word. I should expect this from George. Don't get this if you are easily offened. On the ohter hand, maybe you should, this will give you something to be indignant about.

      0 of 2 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Dr. Jonathan Newman Guelph, Ontario Canada 02-05-06
      Dr. Jonathan Newman Guelph, Ontario Canada 02-05-06 Member Since 2005
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "Stick to standup"

      I enjoy Carlin's anti-establishment, anti-religion rants, but he is at his best as a stand-up comic and should probably leave writing to others.

      0 of 2 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Bob G Poway, Ca USA 04-21-05
      Bob G Poway, Ca USA 04-21-05 Listener Since 2004
      ratings
      REVIEWS
      98
      1
      Overall
      "Expecting irreverent humor I continued to listen"

      Expecting irreverent humor I continued to listen, hoping the book would get better? but it never did.
      The cussing doesn't offend me but it comes across as a desperate attempt to shock people and possibly distract from the fact that the material just isn?t funny.
      George Carlin has degenerated into bitterness and hatred of nearly everything.
      He appears to hold the entire world in contempt and just wants a platform for a diatribe on his disgust with the human race.
      Very disappointing and sad.

      0 of 2 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Thomas Ephrata, PA, USA 03-25-05
      Thomas Ephrata, PA, USA 03-25-05
      ratings
      REVIEWS
      2
      1
      Overall
      "Boring and a Big Waste of Time"

      A 15 minute abridged version would give you all of the worthwhile content of this "book". I suffered though the 7 hours of crap hoping for more..it wasn't there. Save yourself alot of time and find something else.

      0 of 3 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Sam Falls Church, VA, USA 10-21-04
      Sam Falls Church, VA, USA 10-21-04
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "Makes light of other people's religion"

      In this age of religious tension, does this man not understand that a lot of people (including me) take the Christian faith very seriously. This "comedian" should quit stirring the hate filled waters of intolerance!

      6 of 65 people found this review helpful
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