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When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? | [George Carlin]

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers.
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Publisher's Summary

Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers.

Ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach; TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty; Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk; Societal Cliches; 13 Sections of Euphemisms) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, Stuff Like That; Zero Tolerance; Tired of the Handi-crap), Carlin's legendary irreverence and iconoclasm are on full display as he vainly scours the American landscape for signs of intelligence.

He also has a silly side:

  • You know what kind of guy you never see anymore? A fop.
  • A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed."
  • I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
  • A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they're interested in fashion.
  • I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we don't talk, he works out alone, and I go home.
  • Here's something you can't do by yourself: practice shaking hands.
  • When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not an agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.
  • Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!
  • O.J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers.

    ©2004 Comedy Concepts, Inc.; (P)2004 Hyperion

  • What the Critics Say

    • Audie Award Finalist, Humor, 2005
    • 2005 Quill Award Nominee
    • Grammy Award Nominee, Best Spoken Word Album, 2005

    "There's no better way to enjoy one of Carlin's books than to hear him read it himself....Carlin has his comic timing down pat. His energetic reading is punctuated by conversational bits and enhanced by his deft vocal variation, making listeners feel as if they've got a front-row seat at one of his comedy shows." (Publishers Weekly)

    What Members Say

    Average Customer Rating

    3.4 (971 )
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    3.8 (225 )
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    4.2 (229 )
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     (8)
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     (12)
    Performance
    Sort by:
    •  
      Dana Wolfe 07-10-05
      Dana Wolfe 07-10-05 Listener Since 2005
      HELPFUL VOTES
      23
      ratings
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      1
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      "Wonderful!"

      I loved this book, I own it in hardback, cd audio book, and am about to download it in "audible" format for my ipod.

      Like most things I love, it seems people either love or hate this book, with no middle ground. I think a simple "not for practicing Christians, or people of deeply held religious beliefs" label might solve this problem.

      In short, if you are an atheist, or just sick of the religious right, this book is one of the funniest ever. I've listened to it many times and I love it just as much as the first time I heard it. If you are a Christian with strongly held beliefs, or just uncomfortable with jokes at religions expense, especially Christianity, then download something else, and leave the Carlin to us heathens. We will take your share happily.

      I am an atheist, and I laughed nonstop through this book, as it stomped on sacred cows, ranted and poked society in all the places you "are not supposed to make fun of/suppposed to talk about" It leaves no stone unturned digging for moralist hypocracy, and it shows.

      The best review of any book that really shakes people and hits them where they live is its measure of how many people people go out of their way to write slanderous reviews in hopes of discouraging others from hearing the ideas within.

      In the end its a book of ideas, and if you don't like the ideas, you won't like the book. I loved it, I think its his best yet and I really hope he lives to write many more. I can't wait to see how he tops this one!
      Tak a#344

      23 of 28 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Heather Port Orchard, WA, United States 11-19-04
      Heather Port Orchard, WA, United States 11-19-04 Member Since 2014
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "Laugh outloud funny..."

      I think the other people reviewing this book are missing the point. George Carlin is known for his fowl-mouthed inane humor and he certainly delivers in this book. The fact that he is the narrator just adds to the humor.
      Not for the easily offended or persistently PC crowd.
      C'mon everybody - lighten up!

      14 of 17 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Aaron San Antonio, TX, USA 10-19-04
      Aaron San Antonio, TX, USA 10-19-04
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      Overall
      "I nice pragmatic view of life."

      Consisting of recycled material from his rather large catalog of standup material this book is George Carlin at his pragmatic best. Looking at everything from Religion to Airline travel through the eyes of a man looking for the easiest answer to lifes mysteries no matter how much it upsets the average person. Like his previous books there is very little new here that hasn't been in his standup act, however, it is still as entertaining as every to listen to him reading it in this audiobook style.

      Highly Recommended.

      36 of 47 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Meg Beaverton, OR, USA 05-06-05
      Meg Beaverton, OR, USA 05-06-05 Member Since 2014
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "George Does it Again"

      I love George Carlin. It still amazes me to recall him as Mr. Conductor on Shinny Time Station. A witty and gifted spokesman for American Culture. This book is a laugh out loud road trip through all the foibles and fallacies we experience in the every day life of consumerism.

      6 of 8 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Jack 01-30-15
      Jack 01-30-15 Member Since 2014

      Male, late 20s

      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "Dissapointing"
      What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

      This is just a series of rants ranging from daily observations to political/social issues, but it gets really tiresome to listen to it in audiobook form.


      Any additional comments?

      The continuous theme of euphemisms and the general weirdness of the American dialects is interesting.

      1 of 1 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Nan 08-10-14
      Nan 08-10-14

      Listening, allows the mind to enter the magical realm ......

      HELPFUL VOTES
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      ratings
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      "Not for me"
      This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

      No one that I hang with!


      What could George Carlin have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

      Like someone could tell George Carlin how to write or speak?


      1 of 1 people found this review helpful
    •  
      bruce Hobart, Indiana, United States 06-12-13
      bruce Hobart, Indiana, United States 06-12-13 Member Since 2012
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "a huge fan of GC but this book sucks!"
      This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

      the def


      What could George Carlin have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

      not write it


      Have you listened to any of George Carlin’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

      not good at all


      What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

      it is tired and not funny, sorry GC god rest your soul.......or not. (depending on you veiw)


      Any additional comments?

      this book sux, save your money.

      1 of 1 people found this review helpful
    •  
      akhil Ridgefield, WA, United States 10-28-10
      akhil Ridgefield, WA, United States 10-28-10
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      "A bit too MUCH"

      Has its moments; however, you have to look past many vulgar comments. Funny stuff if you are twelve. Save your credit and get something else.

      1 of 1 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Michael Hollywood, FL, USA 01-30-05
      Michael Hollywood, FL, USA 01-30-05
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "Not Perfect, But Very Entertaining"

      While parts of the book get lost in abstract principles, the overall experience is entertaining. The jokes are not always funny (at least not to me), but very few books with a lighter side are going to hit every time. As for the read, I can't imagine reading the book in hardcover or having somebody else read Carlin but himself. If you enjoy him and his delivery, give this book a shot.

      5 of 7 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Bambi Wailuku, HI, USA 11-20-04
      Bambi Wailuku, HI, USA 11-20-04
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "Very Brave, the truth about life today........"

      I love to laugh instead of getting angry about the latest things that Some very "bigoted people" think is majority thinking.... Mr. Carlin is great for placing in ones mind visual truths about everyday living. He says it like it is and is very entertaining while sharing his thoughts..Loved the book and recomend reading it before passing judgement....It is not about politics or religion .. SEEMS TO ME LIKE IT IS ABOUT LAUGHING, .. INSTEAD OF CRYING, ABOUT Life today...

      7 of 10 people found this review helpful
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    • Robert
      Southampton, United Kingdom
      7/28/12
      Overall
      "The American Victor Meldrew ?"

      I haven't even heard this yet, bar the sample preview, but knowing George Carlin's stand-up work, I know I'm going to enjoy it. He makes hard-hitting comments and detailed observations about life's ironies. And very funny it is, too.
      He swears a lot. Eddie Murphy uses expletives constantly, but with him it does seem gratuitous. By contrast, Carlin uses swearing only for comedic impact at strategic moments, and it works very effectively.

      1 of 5 people found this review helpful
    • Mark
      Onchan, Isle of Man
      1/9/14
      Overall
      Performance
      Story
      "As George Might Have Said:What the F*ck was That?!"
      If this book wasn’t for you, who do you think might enjoy it more?

      Perhaps thirteen year old boys and bitter, grumpy old men.


      What was most disappointing about George Carlin’s story?

      George was always vulgar and "in your face" but this book, if you can call it that, goes way beyond. You can't actually tell whether he's trying to be ironically funny or if he actually believes the stuff he's spouting, there are blatantly obvious satires but very little classic Carlin wit, he often comes off as boorish and crude . Most of it is just repetitious ramble. There is very little quintessential Carlin here.


      How did the narrator detract from the book?

      Carlin sounded as defeated and deflated as the topics he schizophrenically jumps back and forth between. One of the primary messages of the book seems to be, "Don't worry about them coming to get you, they're here and they've got you already"... Ironic really, that the apathy in his voice fits with it's overall message of hopelessness in a artsy sort of way.


      What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

      Disappointment. Carlin's stand-up comedy was controversial and FUNNY with a delivery that suggested that he genuinely believed the vast majority of what he spoke about, that he wasn't just saying things for a laugh. The only anger and sadness... make that vitriol and depression, come from Carlin himself.


      Any additional comments?

      I sorry to have used a membership credit on this book. If you enjoy George Carlin's stand-up, you will not find more of the same here.

      0 of 2 people found this review helpful
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